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Calling any recovered EDs - I need som help with binge-fast-binge cycle

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  • #91
    Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post
    It's fairly lousy at the moment -- still beating myself up, you know? But I'm doing my best to take a deep breath and focus on being healthy today, not lamenting over how I wasn't yesterday. I'm committing to going to CrossFit at noon, so that's something to look forward to. And I promised my sons pizza for dinner tonight, so this afternoon I'm going to be making a cauliflower-crust pizza for me while my family has the store-bought wheat variety. And I have fresh strawberries for a tasty treat.

    How does it go? Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance!
    It normally takes me a full 24 hours to get out of Binge Shame. Usually with insane fasting and rigorous excercise. I think I prefer your strawberry approach.

    Cauliflower crust pizza? How? Did you get that idea on here? Must try, I even think my kids would eat that, they like 'white trees'.

    I hope your day is the best it can be. And I do PPP even with PP.

    Comment


    • #92
      Originally posted by Dexy View Post
      It normally takes me a full 24 hours to get out of Binge Shame. Usually with insane fasting and rigorous excercise. I think I prefer your strawberry approach.

      Cauliflower crust pizza? How? Did you get that idea on here? Must try, I even think my kids would eat that, they like 'white trees'.

      I hope your day is the best it can be. And I do PPP even with PP.
      Well, CF is probably going to be part of the "rigorous exercise" -- but it will be controlled, so it won't be an over-exercising purge. (That's my story, and I'm sticking with it!) And hey: strawberries.

      Here's the cauliflower-crust recipe that I'll be using today. I'm just going for a standard pizza, not something with lots of toppings...but I may add some of the pork chorizo that I have leftover from Mark's grilled eggs and chorizo recipe (DELISH -- highly recommended!): Cauliflower Crust Pizza | RecipeGirl.com

      Thanks for the best day thoughts. I hope yours was terrific, and that tomorrow is even better.
      F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

      **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

      **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

      Comment


      • #93
        Originally posted by Dexy View Post
        It normally takes me a full 24 hours to get out of Binge Shame. Usually with insane fasting and rigorous excercise.
        I know this feeling...I can instantly summon it within seconds, and it amazes me how as humans we are sometimes so desperate to punish ourselves. There have been times before some binges that I recognized that I didn't even care about eating whatever naughty thing was in front of me, I just wanted to punish myself for something, and my punishment was going to be the awful stomachache and shame that went along with the binge. Even though fasting and exercising might not seem like punishment, it's functioning that way, and I think that as long as that is your reaction to binging, you'll be suffering with this cycle for a long, long time.

        I know that everyone is different, but for me to stop that binge/restrict cycle and spend some time accepting and thinking about my behavior and how to do things differently the next time I had the urge to binge, rather than continue trying to mop up the aftereffects and minimize the damage through fasting...somehow that functioned to justify the process in my mind. The brain can find any number of devious ways to justify bad stuff, and as long as my brain could whisper, 'go ahead and binge, you can just fast tomorrow and make up for it in the gym...' the cycle continued. Even if it meant that I'd gain a little weight in the short term (which I did gain, and have subsequently lost.)

        Comment


        • #94
          Originally posted by Dexy View Post
          YogaBare - oh wow, thanks so much. So many helpful suggestions from all of you I'm so grateful, all of this has been just what I needed.

          I have had about 10 years of therapy! Lol. I come from a background of significant and chronic abuse, PTSD, alcoholism, self-harm, major depression blah blah blah. I know my issues and I thought my anorexia had left me years ago, so at almost 40 and married with two kids I've been horrified to have it impede and take over my life again.

          YogaBare - I LOVE your idea of primal as a means to lifeling health. I'm going to write down bits of what everyone has said. I struggle with the difference between restricting trigger foods (nuts and sweetness) and not sure I can have little bits. I love Jackie Kessler's fistful of nuts. I end up taking the biggest fistful with the other fust for support. I think I can have nuts if I plan them into my day. I relate so much to your need to be skeletal and the sense of failure that comes with it, and always looking to the next thing as a means. When I first stumbled across MDA I knew at my gut level that this was something had the potential to help heal me. For me there is nothing unsafe or faddish about it. And you're right, my stress level, lack of sleep and hormones are way out of whack and have been for years (I have 3 and 4 year old boys and live several thosuand miles from my family, we have no family support and all, not complaining exactly, but it's tough).

          There is a lot of work for me to do, but I see more clearly than ever before that today is just a day in my primal journey and wanting everthing now and to be fixed isn't going to happen. I like learning about the science of my body, it's a revalation. I'ms struck by how widespread binge eating, restricting and body issues are. My fear of weight gain is totally irrational. I'm so thin that I have lost nearly all my breast tissue and my ribs stick out way further than my boobs do. Yet all I can see is the muffin top that has appeared from having two children within 18 months - its's so messed up. My body composition has changed since I've been primal and I'm not convinced I like it. I have put on 2 kg and I feel more solid and chunkier, this is at my waist which has always been very lean, but I think I've lost fat from my thighs and bottom.

          I will keep going. I know it will work. What a journey. It's great that so many can share their expereinces here, there is a lot of hope.
          Dexy, sorry for the late reply - I lost this thread for a few days!

          Ugh God - the muffin top... it's the only thing I see too!! One thing that always helps me is to wear slightly looser clothes. Tight stuff pinches me and makes any body fat I have seem way more significant than it is.

          I think you're definitely on the right path - because this is a food plan that changes your attitude to food. Well, I think that's what's happening with me.

          I'm trying to override the obsessive part of myself that thinks I'm never lean enough, and just eat healthy (even if I eat too much sometimes), and do exercise when I want to (which is more frequently cos I have more energy). If I do this - if I feed my body and my blood, I have a feeling that my body will gradually fall into it's natural weight range.

          I'm learning to trust in the process... it's done in baby steps
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by BestBetter View Post
            I know this feeling...I can instantly summon it within seconds, and it amazes me how as humans we are sometimes so desperate to punish ourselves. There have been times before some binges that I recognized that I didn't even care about eating whatever naughty thing was in front of me, I just wanted to punish myself for something, and my punishment was going to be the awful stomachache and shame that went along with the binge. Even though fasting and exercising might not seem like punishment, it's functioning that way, and I think that as long as that is your reaction to binging, you'll be suffering with this cycle for a long, long time.
            I can really relate to all this...

            This may sound like a strange question, but have any of you tried switching your binges to primal foods? I haven't stopped the pattern yet (it's probably like being an alcoholic...!), but if I binge it's only on primal foods, and it makes a huge difference. I get the weight gain (though definitely not as much), but don't get the sugar crash the next day, and as a result I don't get the guilt, depression and loathing that comes with it. I can justify the binge because at least I know I'm not harming my body by putting good food (like macadamia nuts) into it.
            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

            - Ray Peat

            Comment


            • #96
              Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
              I can really relate to all this...

              This may sound like a strange question, but have any of you tried switching your binges to primal foods? I haven't stopped the pattern yet (it's probably like being an alcoholic...!), but if I binge it's only on primal foods, and it makes a huge difference. I get the weight gain (though definitely not as much), but don't get the sugar crash the next day, and as a result I don't get the guilt, depression and loathing that comes with it. I can justify the binge because at least I know I'm not harming my body by putting good food (like macadamia nuts) into it.
              It's kinda funny reading this right after eating like 150g macadamia nuts I didn't consider it a binge though
              well then

              Comment


              • #97
                Originally posted by Gadsie View Post
                It's kinda funny reading this right after eating like 150g macadamia nuts I didn't consider it a binge though
                Nope, 150g is lunch Eating them to the point of pain is a binge.
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • #98
                  Originally posted by Dexy View Post
                  It normally takes me a full 24 hours to get out of Binge Shame. Usually with insane fasting and rigorous excercise. I think I prefer your strawberry approach.

                  Cauliflower crust pizza? How? Did you get that idea on here? Must try, I even think my kids would eat that, they like 'white trees'.

                  I hope your day is the best it can be. And I do PPP even with PP.
                  I almost question if I had shame associated with my bingeing if it would have been better. I probably wouldn't have gotten so heavy. Maybe some purging might have been good for me in the long run. Then again, maybe it is easier for me to stop if I don't have those big mental issues revolving around the bingeing.

                  Almost a month without bingeing.

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Originally posted by BestBetter View Post

                    I know that everyone is different, but for me to stop that binge/restrict cycle and spend some time accepting and thinking about my behavior and how to do things differently the next time
                    That is it, acceptance. I have to change my attitude towards myself and the way I eat. If my mindset is self-punishing then I'll use food to punish myself. And I'm learning from PB that food is about nutrition and health, not punishment and shame.

                    Comment


                    • The strangest thing. Or maybe not so strange if Mark Sisson, Gary Taubes and a lot of people on this forum are right - I have eaten three, large, primal meals a day with a much larger caloric and fat intake than usual, no snacks or binges....and I've lost weight. A kilo, but I am astounded. I had myself weighing as gargantuan this week.

                      So this really does work. My body is energetic, I don't feel starving or deprived and I know I'm nourished. As for the binges, day 8, still using OA program as my way out of this illness.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Dexy View Post
                        The strangest thing. Or maybe not so strange if Mark Sisson, Gary Taubes and a lot of people on this forum are right - I have eaten three, large, primal meals a day with a much larger caloric and fat intake than usual, no snacks or binges....and I've lost weight. A kilo, but I am astounded. I had myself weighing as gargantuan this week.

                        So this really does work. My body is energetic, I don't feel starving or deprived and I know I'm nourished. As for the binges, day 8, still using OA program as my way out of this illness.
                        I have a feeling that you might have underestimated your snacking and are actually eating less calories now.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                          I can really relate to all this...

                          This may sound like a strange question, but have any of you tried switching your binges to primal foods? I haven't stopped the pattern yet (it's probably like being an alcoholic...!), but if I binge it's only on primal foods, and it makes a huge difference. I get the weight gain (though definitely not as much), but don't get the sugar crash the next day, and as a result I don't get the guilt, depression and loathing that comes with it. I can justify the binge because at least I know I'm not harming my body by putting good food (like macadamia nuts) into it.
                          It's not a strange question at all - In fact, in the times when I'm tempted to binge and can't redirect, I make sure it's something like fruit (used to be dried fruit, but eating too much of that gives m terrible abdominal pain), or something I can make with good ingredients like coconut oil, raw honey, and raw cocoa powder (makes a really great chocolate 'icing'). I find those binges less emotionally satisfying, and ultimately I don't want binges to be satisfying, so I see this as a positive thing.

                          I have actually recently realized that one reason why I binge is my desire to do something forbidden and secretive; it's not always about punishment or food cravings. I'm now trying to figure out how to feed this need to do secretive things in a healthy, non-food way, like going to new places on my own. I think that unhealthy behavior is always filling some kind of need. For me, it's both a need to feel instant stress/depression relief, and a need to feed my rebellious side. If I can figure out how to fill those needs in healthier ways, then binging isn't necessary (add in some of my reprogramming, and then my brain doesn't keep wanting to do it on autopilot, either.)

                          For me, binging has never been about blood sugar levels - it's all psychological.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Dexy View Post
                            The strangest thing. Or maybe not so strange if Mark Sisson, Gary Taubes and a lot of people on this forum are right - I have eaten three, large, primal meals a day with a much larger caloric and fat intake than usual, no snacks or binges....and I've lost weight. A kilo, but I am astounded. I had myself weighing as gargantuan this week.

                            So this really does work. My body is energetic, I don't feel starving or deprived and I know I'm nourished. As for the binges, day 8, still using OA program as my way out of this illness.
                            Hmm. Maybe next week I'll give the three large meals/no snacking a shot. (This is a tough week - one son's birthday is tomorrow; the other son's is Sunday. I sense some non-primal indulgences coming up...)
                            F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                            **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                            **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

                            Comment


                            • Hey guys,

                              I think I've stumbled upon something...

                              I felt myself going on another downward spiral. I keep hearing that I should eat more fat when I feel like this, so I usually go for nuts (big mistake lol), but today I tried eating avocado, greek yogurt... but the craving was still there. I feel disgusted to say it, but in desperation, I decided to eat butter by itself. I ate two small pieces, and my urge to binge totally disappeared. I'm completely shocked.

                              Every time I binge is like an itch I can't scratch. No food will satiate the craving, but I keep going until I feel sick... and even then, the craving is still there.

                              This is literally the first time ever that I have eaten something mid-binge and it has knocked me out of the feeding frenzy.
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                                Hey guys,

                                I think I've stumbled upon something...

                                I felt myself going on another downward spiral. I keep hearing that I should eat more fat when I feel like this, so I usually go for nuts (big mistake lol), but today I tried eating avocado, greek yogurt... but the craving was still there. I feel disgusted to say it, but in desperation, I decided to eat butter by itself. I ate two small pieces, and my urge to binge totally disappeared. I'm completely shocked.

                                Every time I binge is like an itch I can't scratch. No food will satiate the craving, but I keep going until I feel sick... and even then, the craving is still there.

                                This is literally the first time ever that I have eaten something mid-binge and it has knocked me out of the feeding frenzy.
                                You know what stopped a binge in its tracks for me? 2 scoops of whey protein and some water. I had already eaten a meal and was about to start picking at everything around (and I did a little, on my way to a binge) and then I had protein and water and I got full...almost uncomfortably full. It was like the whey somehow made everything else that I ate register in my brain.

                                Comment

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