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Calling any recovered EDs - I need som help with binge-fast-binge cycle

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  • #76
    It's amazing how much I still connect food with control. Or success. Or something. This morning, I got on the scale to find that I gained 0.3 pounds since yesterday. It doesn't matter that A) daily fluctuation of about two pounds is common, not to mention no big deal or B) I've been eating healthfully and mindfully in terms of portions and quality of food -- I saw that gain, and the first thing I thought was "I guess I should just have a doughnut." It's alarming and stupid. (I wound up having a large banana instead. And part of me is kicking myself for having the starchy fruit all by itself first thing in the morning, because THEREIN LIES DISASTER so I should just have some ice cream. Again, it's all DOOM, you know? The rest of me is telling myself to take a deep breath and go have a cup of coffee and stop panicking.)

    Speaking of coffee...off I go...
    F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

    **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

    **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

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    • #77
      Great news Dexy! Being binge free is just stringing together a lot of those days in a row

      Comment


      • #78
        Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post
        It's amazing how much I still connect food with control. Or success. Or something. This morning, I got on the scale to find that I gained 0.3 pounds since yesterday. It doesn't matter that A) daily fluctuation of about two pounds is common, not to mention no big deal or B) I've been eating healthfully and mindfully in terms of portions and quality of food -- I saw that gain, and the first thing I thought was "I guess I should just have a doughnut." It's alarming and stupid. (I wound up having a large banana instead. And part of me is kicking myself for having the starchy fruit all by itself first thing in the morning, because THEREIN LIES DISASTER so I should just have some ice cream. Again, it's all DOOM, you know? The rest of me is telling myself to take a deep breath and go have a cup of coffee and stop panicking.)

        Speaking of coffee...off I go...
        I hear you. The scales can never be helpful, weight gain means failure, the same means I'm not doing enough and a loss means I've more work to do. My immediate response when I saw my 1kg gain was that I need to stop breakfast again IMMEDIATELY. And then I'd start binging again from hunger. It's scary.

        Hmmmm....coffee....I'm off too. I'm having breakfast in your yesterday.

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        • #79
          Originally posted by lorichka6 View Post
          Great news Dexy! Being binge free is just stringing together a lot of those days in a row
          It is isn't it! Thanks.

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          • #80
            Dexy, it's exciting reading how you're eating real food & good portions and that it's working for you. It's SO nice to read!
            SW: 243
            CW: 177
            Goal: Health

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            • #81
              Originally posted by Dexy View Post
              I hear you. The scales can never be helpful, weight gain means failure, the same means I'm not doing enough and a loss means I've more work to do. My immediate response when I saw my 1kg gain was that I need to stop breakfast again IMMEDIATELY. And then I'd start binging again from hunger. It's scary.

              Hmmmm....coffee....I'm off too. I'm having breakfast in your yesterday.
              Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...
              F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

              **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

              **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

              Comment


              • #82
                Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post
                Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...
                Now I need a coffee to work that one out.

                Comment


                • #83
                  Hee.

                  One of the most difficult things I'm finding is this: after eating certain foods -- usually, those that are sweeter -- when I'm done with a serving, my immediate reaction is MORE PLEASE. I've been careful not to act on that MORE PLEASE this week; instead, I've been noting it (and then ignoring it). I wonder if part of binging can be attributed to certain addictive foods? Maybe it's not 100% in our heads, but part of it really can come down to how our bodies process certain foods?
                  F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                  **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                  **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post
                    Hee.

                    One of the most difficult things I'm finding is this: after eating certain foods -- usually, those that are sweeter -- when I'm done with a serving, my immediate reaction is MORE PLEASE. I've been careful not to act on that MORE PLEASE this week; instead, I've been noting it (and then ignoring it). I wonder if part of binging can be attributed to certain addictive foods? Maybe it's not 100% in our heads, but part of it really can come down to how our bodies process certain foods?
                    I've had this my entire life. No matter how much I eat, when I'm done I'm automatically walking to the fridge again. What helps me is to eat a smaller amount first, so I can go to the fridge again to get more food without calling it "binging"
                    well then

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by Gadsie View Post
                      I've had this my entire life. No matter how much I eat, when I'm done I'm automatically walking to the fridge again. What helps me is to eat a smaller amount first, so I can go to the fridge again to get more food without calling it "binging"
                      **nods** That's a good tactic. This week, I've been distracting myself, so once I get that MORE PLEASE feeling, I start doing something else. That helps me ignore the impulse to gorge.
                      F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                      **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                      **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Gadsie View Post
                        I've had this my entire life. No matter how much I eat, when I'm done I'm automatically walking to the fridge again. What helps me is to eat a smaller amount first, so I can go to the fridge again to get more food without calling it "binging"
                        Last night I was struck by The Hunger. All down to not eating any red meat yesterday (an accident of household mismanagement!) and waited and waited for it to go. I made a snack in a bowl of some chicken breast, capsicum and mayonaise. And guess what...? It stopped me being hungry. Amazing. If I take something from the fridge outside a designated meat time I need to put it in a bowl or on a plate and treat is as nourishment rather than comfort.

                        I did however go into a craving for porridge (a binge food) and was almost in tears over it. But I didn't succumb, and that is progress.

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                        • #87
                          Originally posted by Dexy View Post
                          I did however go into a craving for porridge (a binge food) and was almost in tears over it. But I didn't succumb, and that is progress.
                          You rock, Dexy.

                          Today was a bad day. Apparently, ice cream is a trigger food. I'm going to have to lay down the law: we can't have ice cream in the house that I eat. Flavors I don't eat? No worries. Hopefully, my family will be cool about it. Hey, they have all their cookies and doughnuts and pretzels and chips here in the house, and I can handle it, so they should be fine about no ice cream.

                          Man, I really fucked up today. But that's okay. One day of binging doesn't define me. Tomorrow will be a better day.
                          F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                          **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                          **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post

                            Man, I really fucked up today. But that's okay. One day of binging doesn't define me. Tomorrow will be a better day.
                            That's the spirit!

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by JackieKessler View Post
                              You rock, Dexy.

                              Today was a bad day. Apparently, ice cream is a trigger food. I'm going to have to lay down the law: we can't have ice cream in the house that I eat. Flavors I don't eat? No worries. Hopefully, my family will be cool about it. Hey, they have all their cookies and doughnuts and pretzels and chips here in the house, and I can handle it, so they should be fine about no ice cream.

                              Man, I really fucked up today. But that's okay. One day of binging doesn't define me. Tomorrow will be a better day.
                              So that's another trigger food identified! I'm grateful for small mercies, I don't like icecream. Yeah, get rid of it from the house.

                              Tell me, how is your mindset after a bad binge day? I admire your mindset, it doesn't define you at all, but so hard to get past self-flagellation zone.

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Originally posted by Dexy View Post
                                Tell me, how is your mindset after a bad binge day? I admire your mindset, it doesn't define you at all, but so hard to get past self-flagellation zone.
                                It's fairly lousy at the moment -- still beating myself up, you know? But I'm doing my best to take a deep breath and focus on being healthy today, not lamenting over how I wasn't yesterday. I'm committing to going to CrossFit at noon, so that's something to look forward to. And I promised my sons pizza for dinner tonight, so this afternoon I'm going to be making a cauliflower-crust pizza for me while my family has the store-bought wheat variety. And I have fresh strawberries for a tasty treat.

                                How does it go? Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance!
                                F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

                                **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

                                **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

                                Comment

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