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  • Primal follower severely frustrated

    Hello All,

    I've been following this site for a while, but have never posted until now. Recently my fiancee and I have moved back into her parents place for 3 months while I take the bar (no rent and finding a place to rent for just 3 months made this a prime choice). Her mother has been battling her weight for a while and finally is on another 'low fat, calorie counting' died, which her and her father are following. Just moving in, I have prepped for the last two weeks all our food for dinner following the Primal plan. Supposidly, the mother has stopped losing weight and the father has been putting on weight, and it is because of my cooking (they now wish to change it). My fiancee, who has half-heartidly been following the plan for the last two years has decided to now go on the Mom's diet, since she has 'put on weight'. I'm extremely frustrated because:
    1) They all are thinking my cooking makes them fat
    2) For breakfest they have cereal and sandwiches for lunch, which then makes them starving and eat more when I provide them a healthy, calorie-full meal at dinner time, AND
    3) They actually believe this diet is the right way to go while my finaccee has been 'championing' this diet with me for the last two years.

    I've treated the topic of dieting like I would treat politics in this household since it is a sensative topic; has anyone else run into a situation like this? I find this situation extremely annoying since the mother has been obese for about 20 years, and has not had results with her other diet, while I was 260 in high school, now down to a slim 200 and am constantly mistaken for being 22 while actually 29 (since I am very fit and not overweight). Does anyone have any point-of-views or suggestions that will keep me biting my tongue and not being annoyed by this whole situation? Thank you.

  • #2
    Ask them to follow your meal plan for the day.
    Get them on the ride for 2 weeks and see if they go for that scenario?
    Other than that keep plugging away,bit by bit!!

    Comment


    • #3
      I suggest that you have your meals separate. They follow their meal plan, you follow your meal plan, and don't talk about it at all.

      you have to let people be. all of these people are adults. it's ok if they want to do something different. why should it bother you?

      honestly, it's ok to be different. let them do their thing, you do your thing. and when you move out and in with your fiancée into your own digs, then she can decide how she wants to eat from there.

      Comment


      • #4
        I don't think the Primal Blueprint works unless you remove grains, sugar, vegetable oils, soy and processed/packaged foods. My mother gave it a try but couldn't give up toast and jam and whatever else so it didn't work for her. I imagine the same failure will happen to your fiancee and future mother in law.

        What I would do is when you make dinner, make low-fat primal food like salad and chicken breast or other lean meat and vegetables. Use breakfast and lunch for yourself to get in your primal whatever else. That's pretty much what I do. If I want liver or fatty pork, I have it for breakfast.
        Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by zoebird View Post
          I suggest that you have your meals separate. They follow their meal plan, you follow your meal plan, and don't talk about it at all.

          you have to let people be. all of these people are adults. it's ok if they want to do something different. why should it bother you?

          honestly, it's ok to be different. let them do their thing, you do your thing. and when you move out and in with your fiancée into your own digs, then she can decide how she wants to eat from there.
          I do agree. Demand respect for your weird ways (since you are the one eating in a manner that is highly unusual and possibly socialist), and then give complete respect for their ways. Don't ever bring it up, and work to defuse any tensions that may arise. If they see your changes and don't want to follow you, it's on them, not you.
          If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

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          • #6
            Thanks zoebird and tfarny I was thinking the same thing helps to hear.

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            • #7
              You have to let it go. Just keep doing what's right for you and let them eat however they want. If they don't want to eat your cooking, won't that make your life easier? It should reduce your cooking time and give you more time to study. Living with inlaws (or soon-to-be inlaws) is stressful all on its own. You'll have to choose your battles wisely, and this probably shouldn't be one of them. Maybe even try to be a little understanding.. offer to keep your food out of sight or whatever. It is their house, and if you plan to have a long-term relationship with these folks, it'd be best to set the stage right and be as accommodating and friendly as possible while still doing what you need to do for your own health.

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              • #8
                We live with our inlaws at the moment. When we moved in there was stirrings of the 'lets cook together' nature and i had to stand up for myself at the start, and i'm so pleased i did. We shop and cook separately and it works. I enjoy cooking and really didn't want someone else cooking for me.

                Perhaps leave a copy of PB lying around? Then they might get a better understanding of what you do

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                • #9
                  It was put to me this way: If a building is on fire and you run in to help save people and you knock on the first door to tell the person to leave and they don't believe you that the building is on fire, what do you do?

                  You move onto the next door.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by hulahoop View Post
                    Perhaps leave a copy of PB lying around? Then they might get a better understanding of what you do
                    Don't do that! It's likely to start a family war, which the OP can NOT afford since the in-laws are generously allowing him to live with them. Reading PB will not convince people unless they are already open to believing, and these folks are clearly not open to believing. It just looks like you're shoving it on them. Maybe concentrate on trying to find out why your fiancé gained weight on Primal?
                    Last edited by oxide; 05-31-2012, 04:29 PM.
                    5'0" female, 45 years old. Started Primal October 31, 2011, at a skinny fat 111.5 lbs. Low weight: 99.5 lb on a fast. Gained back to 115(!) on SAD chocolate, potato chips, and stress. Currently 111.

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                    • #11
                      Someone who is continuing to eat SAD food and adds in primal food (calorie dense/high fat) will likely gain weight as they already have the grain/sugar/vegetable oils/trans fat issues going on. It's only once you pull out the bad stuff that the higher fat eating works and DOESN'T make you gain weight.
                      Teacher and Homeschooler
                      One husband of 9 years,
                      Two kids (6 & 3)
                      Pregnant with #3, due this summer

                      Going primal resolved my anxiety symptoms!!!

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                      • #12
                        I disagree. If something really, really works, then it "kinda" works when you "kinda" do it. If instead of quitting, you smoke 1/2 as much, your risk of lung cancer still goes down significantly. Etc.
                        It's only the magic voodoo stuff that requires 100% adherence in order to see any benefit.
                        If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

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                        • #13
                          They don't understand and are either uneducated, brainwashed or both. It will be an uphill battle, good luck.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by tfarny View Post
                            I disagree. If something really, really works, then it "kinda" works when you "kinda" do it. If instead of quitting, you smoke 1/2 as much, your risk of lung cancer still goes down significantly. Etc.
                            It's only the magic voodoo stuff that requires 100% adherence in order to see any benefit.
                            I definitely disagree with you. As a female who has struggled with weight despite being very active, I have done extensive research into this. Continuing to eat the wrong foods whilst eating food high in fat:
                            1. Does now allow the body to become a 'fat burner' and the body is still using the carbs/sugars as fuel.
                            2. The carbs/sugars etc are spiking the insulin which will make the weight more likely to stay
                            3. The body will be getting an insane amount of calories per day (I know calories aren't the main thing but consuming huge amounts whilst not on a primal/paleo diet is a BAD idea)
                            On a side note, she may have hormonal imbalances preventing her from losing weight and these imbalances should be looked at. Women also find it harder to lose weight due to our bodies natural desire to conserve the weight for child bearing (I know people might disagree with this).
                            I do not think the Primal diet requires 100% adherence to it to see any benefit. But if the benefit you're looking for is weight loss then I believe it needs at least 90% adherence, PARTICULARLY since we are talking about somone who has trouble shedding weight.
                            The minute I eat and carbs/sugars (including sweet potato, fruit etc) I gain weight on the Primal diet.

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                            • #15
                              That hasn't been my experience at all. If you eat a primal dinner, you are getting fewer carbs (for what it's worth) and fewer processed foods, and there is no reason it should be any higher in calories than the alternative. That should have an independent benefit regardless of what you eat for breakfast. You may not see the benefit as quickly and it may not be very noticeable, but I have not found the need for a certain % adherence to see a benefit, or anything like that. YMMV.
                              If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

                              Comment

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