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  • Originally posted by Ribbons View Post
    And I don't know when to go either because I don't want my parents to know.
    Now would be quite a good time to talk to whichever of your parents you are most happy about discussing something like this. If you insist on not telling them, you can always go at lunchtime tomorrow. Tell a few people you feel unwell then skip the rest of the day, saying you want to go to the doctor's. It's not untrue. You must have a family doctor too, how about going to see him or her?

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    • Originally posted by billp View Post
      Now would be quite a good time to talk to whichever of your parents you are most happy about discussing something like this. If you insist on not telling them, you can always go at lunchtime tomorrow. Tell a few people you feel unwell then skip the rest of the day, saying you want to go to the doctor's. It's not untrue. You must have a family doctor too, how about going to see him or her?
      If I tell my parents they'll freak out and think i'm going to die any second and they'll force me to eat. Even now my mum asks me everyday what I've eaten. I guess it would be pretty easy to say I'm going to the library or something but I'd need to find out where to go and how to use the healthcare system so I'll do that if things get worse or don't improve. It's funny because we were recently learning about this at school but I wasn't paying attention because I was too focused on calorie counting.

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      • Well, I don't know you parents, but if you really think they are going to be like that you can always say you are going to the library, as you say. I really wouldn't worry about how the healthcare system works. They will tell you when yo get there, anyway, and they can sort it out themselves. I think it would be a good idea to go on Monday.

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        • Originally posted by billp View Post
          Well, I don't know you parents, but if you really think they are going to be like that you can always say you are going to the library, as you say. I really wouldn't worry about how the healthcare system works. They will tell you when yo get there, anyway, and they can sort it out themselves. I think it would be a good idea to go on Monday.
          I think I'll wait a bit longer in case this is just a phase or something. But thanks I'll do what you said if I don't start thinking normally again soon.

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          • Originally posted by Ribbons View Post
            If I tell my parents they'll freak out and think i'm going to die any second and they'll force me to eat. Even now my mum asks me everyday what I've eaten. I guess it would be pretty easy to say I'm going to the library or something but I'd need to find out where to go and how to use the healthcare system so I'll do that if things get worse or don't improve. It's funny because we were recently learning about this at school but I wasn't paying attention because I was too focused on calorie counting.
            I know at 17 it is hard to believe your parents would have anything but an irrational reaction. However, I would imagine, if you sat one of them down and stated, "I need to talk to you.... blah blah blah" you would find that maybe you are selling them short. Your mom obviously realizes there is an issue. I think if you give her some credit and be honest, she'll probaby really step it up for you. Also, you clearly have a real issue, would it be so awful if your parents are upset? My guess is your parents are rational enough to realize you aren't going to die and force you to eat a pecan pie (sorry, my own personal craving right now) in one sitting. I say all this as I can look back at times when I knew my parents were going to kill me (not quickly or painlessly either) and it turns out they were quite rational. This isn't a car you wrecked or a boy you got caught in bed with, this is an illness and you need to ask your parents to be on your side to get well.

            Obviously, I don't know your parents, so I could be completely wrong...but from years of being a daughter and a mom myself. I know parents, usually aren't all that off base.
            Primal since 4/7/2012

            Starting weight 140
            Current weigh 126

            www.jenniferglobensky.blogspot.com

            Jennifer

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            • Originally posted by JennGlob View Post
              I know at 17 it is hard to believe your parents would have anything but an irrational reaction. However, I would imagine, if you sat one of them down and stated, "I need to talk to you.... blah blah blah" you would find that maybe you are selling them short. Your mom obviously realizes there is an issue. I think if you give her some credit and be honest, she'll probaby really step it up for you. Also, you clearly have a real issue, would it be so awful if your parents are upset? My guess is your parents are rational enough to realize you aren't going to die and force you to eat a pecan pie (sorry, my own personal craving right now) in one sitting. I say all this as I can look back at times when I knew my parents were going to kill me (not quickly or painlessly either) and it turns out they were quite rational. This isn't a car you wrecked or a boy you got caught in bed with, this is an illness and you need to ask your parents to be on your side to get well.

              Obviously, I don't know your parents, so I could be completely wrong...but from years of being a daughter and a mom myself. I know parents, usually aren't all that off base.
              Haha no I'm sure they won't make me eat pecan pie but there have been a few times that I've fasted all day and tried to skip dinner but my parents asked me what I'd eaten that day and I didn't have an answer prepared so they made me sit there with them and eat in front of them. Also my mum thinks the solution to anorexia is just to eat, so I don't think she'd understand this anxiety.

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              • Honestly, I think it might be just fine if your parents got you to eat. It's what you really really need right now. It's what everyone has been telling you to do. It's what we humans DO. I realize it's scary for you, but if your parents can help, then tell them!
                I'm a parent myself, and I hope to god my kids would tell me this and let me help them, or get another adult to help them.
                Most of all, hugs and love to you. You have gotten some great advice here. I want to urge you to tell your parents, because believe me, they already know enough. Your friends know something's up. There is really no down side to telling them, other than it's hard. But you are killing yourself and not living, and that's harder.

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                • Originally posted by Ribbons View Post
                  [...]there have been a few times that I've fasted all day and tried to skip dinner but my parents asked me what I'd eaten that day and I didn't have an answer prepared so they made me sit there with them and eat in front of them.
                  They are on to you. They have worked out what people here have worked out - that even if you have not become visibly wasted yet you are going though an anorexic period. They are obviously very worried about you. Seeing as they have worked things out for themselves, there isn't really an reason not to talk to them about it. It will help them to tailor meals so they are more appetising for you and earn you a break from the studying pressure. In fact, you are probably going to have to study less and get outside more, as it sounds like it is making you ill.
                  Also my mum thinks the solution to anorexia is just to eat, so I don't think she'd understand this anxiety.
                  Heh. You mother is right of course. The reason why anorexia is a mental illness and such a dangerous one is because anorexics believe otherwise. You will find the anxiety abates once are eating more animal fats and are better nourished. Remember the brain is basically made out of fat. When you eat more of it the brain works better.

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                  • Originally posted by billp View Post
                    Sounds all right. I wouldn't worry about eating rice though. It is harmless enough, The way this type of diet works is that you are trying to nourish yourself as completely as possible, then the body can shed excess fat it no longer needs to store (because it is getting animal fat to eat regularly, so no worries) and build better muscles from all the meat, and nutrients and carbohydrate from the veg and starch. If you don't eat carbs at all or have too little the body makes its own sugar from meat, so there is no real point in totally doing without them except for certain medical circumstances - being very overweight indeed (i.e. not you), or having a disease that can respond well to ketosis, like epilepsy or cancer.

                    As you are healthy and actually not very overweight there is no harm in eating things like rice. I eat potatoes and sweet potatoes, always in chip form and deep fried in tallow.
                    That's obsessing. If you eat a diet rich in good quality meat, animal fat, green and coloured veg and some starchy food like rice and root veg you will just slim down naturally. No planning needed. I think you do need some sort of hobby to get you out of the house and add variety. How about something like Parkour? Outdoors, fun, meet new people and run and jump about over stuff.

                    In Melbourne:
                    MELBOURNE | AUSTRALIAN PARKOUR ASSOCIATION - Developing and Teaching Parkour in Melbourne
                    Elsewhere:
                    AUSTRALIAN PARKOUR ASSOCIATION - Developing and Teaching Parkour in Australia



                    Pah. There is nothing to be confused about. Just eat real food until you are full, and avoid wheat, soy, HFCS and vegetable oils as they are all bad for you, plus don't eat sugary things unless you have been working out in the last few days. And stay away from anything with artificial sweeteners in, as giving your body a taste of sweetness with no follow up to digest is a very good way to make yourself extremely hungry for sugar.

                    Also, something to bear in mind: Not eating enough as you have been doing has effects on the brain and leads to that type of anxiety and indecisiveness, as well as racing thoughts. That'll most like vanish one you start eating big juicy steaks with the fat on, and liver, heart, kidney and all those good things.
                    Excellent post Bill!

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                    • Originally posted by zoebird View Post
                      Ok, slow down a second.

                      No one is diagnosing anyone. we don't have enough information to do so, nor do most of us have any training.

                      But, both you, Gadsie, and you, Ribbons, have sent out enough *red flags* for people here to be concerned that you have an unhealthy relationship with food that could be, or could lead to, an eating disorder.

                      And thus, we have recommended that you get help. Ultimately, we cannot help you, because we are not trained to help you, only a person who is trained to help you can help you.

                      The therapy that you will be getting will not involve nutritional counseling from the therapist. That is not their area of expertise. When a person goes for in-patient care for eating disorders, then there are doctors and nutritionists who manage the health side of things, and the therapists manage the anxiety and mental health issues side of things.

                      For the two of you, the most you will be receiving at this point from a therapist is the mental-health side of things. You will be uncovering why you are anxious and how it works and manifests in your life, and how to overcome that anxiety. This may involve all manner of therapeutic methodology -- it depends entirely on the therapist and what you require.

                      And, it does work. My husband -- who struggled with anxiety and disordered eating (but was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, though ortherxia may have been very close to how he behaved) -- received about 2-3 years of solid, deep counseling that did him a world of good. I had neither anxiety nor depression, but I was struggling a great deal, and by getting therapy, I was able to work through codependency and other related behavioral issues that were causing me all manner of emotional hardship and difficulty. I was in therapy for about a year, year and a half.

                      Over the years, my husband and I have returned to therapy for certain amounts of time (several months) both individually and together -- to help work through specific issues where we felt we lacked the tools and felt that therapy could help us.

                      I cannot recommend therapy enough, even to seemingly normal, healthy people. Even now, I feel that if I could afford to go to therapy, I would -- just because I find it to be *that* beneficial. As it is, I do get "supervision" which is sort of therapeutic-light, but based on my work, and not much outside of that (it's designed to facilitate appropriate boundaries between my work and my own therapeutic self-work, if you know what I mean). I go to a very talented supervisor, and I value him -- and the process -- very highly.

                      While I understand that the vulnerability of going to counseling is scary, it is wholly confidential -- even for teens. The only time the confidentiality *may be* broken is *if* the therapist feels that you will harm yourself or someone else. In most cases, this would be managed by the appropriate emergency teams (such as calling an ambulance to your house, or calling the police to get protection for the person whom the person in therapy may harm). Since it is unlikely that you would come to these extremes, you have nothing to fear about your confidentiality.

                      Please, stay dedicated to getting help. It is very helpful, and so very worth it.
                      +1.

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                      • Originally posted by Ribbons View Post
                        Aw thank you

                        I know that we have Medicare but I don't know if it would come up on my parents bills or something. But maybe I'll do some research if I don't get any better in the next few days/weeks.
                        If I'm not mistaken, Australia and Canada have a similar medical system. If I would go to the emergency room for something, such as seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor at the hospital, I'm am almost 100% positive that it would be 100% covered here in Canada. I have never gotten anything in the mail about my attending the hospital. It doesn't hurt to go and ask the person at the admissions desk about the policies involving this kind of help and the confidentiality policy. If you don't like the answer, then at least you know their policies and can decide from there. They may have an absolute strict policy about discussing such issues. My husband and I share a file at the hospital, but he cannot find out anything about my medical history due to privacy legislation. It may very well be the same in Australia.
                        Last edited by Metric; 06-03-2012, 10:03 AM.

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                        • I didn't post any advice before because honestly I really think you need to get outside help and I don't know if you will really manifest changes on your own at the point. But it's been eating away at me and I thought I'd share my thoughts. If they help, awesome. Either way, I still think you need to tell someone whats going on and reach out.

                          OK, you know with aa and na, addicts don't really stop being addicts by going off alcohol or drugs, they start by substituting one addiction for another. being addicted to group meetings won't kill them or harm their family, so it's where you start.
                          You are suffering many issues, but think of it as an addiction to control over food. If you can't "just stop" or "get better" over night (which lets face it, you won't. It takes time, work and help) then at least use your obsession to get you on the road to health while you get to the point where you can get help.

                          You need to count calories? Use that. Make it a goal to get a certain amount in. This will be hard hard work at firs,t but make a commitment to do it. For your organs. Your brain. Your skin. Your muscles. Your happiness. Your ability to excel at homework.
                          Start by, for one week, eating 250-300 calories 3 times a day. 3 meals. itty bitty meals. This is still keeping you in starvation, but you are retraining your body to freaking eat. do it every day.
                          Week 2- add 100 calories to each meal.
                          week 3 or 4- add 100 calories more to each meal.
                          When you do this, you will be at 1500 calories approx per day. Which STILL ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU. But will be much better than starving while you get help.

                          I'd challenge you to do the previous, and also

                          ~Connect with your mom. If she cooks dinner, go offer to help. If she doesn't let you cook meat, offer to make a salad. If she doesn't let you cook at all, make a pot of tea and ask her about her day. You are totally cut off from your parents and friends right now and, frankly, you need a support system. Don't let food and body image drive a wedge between family. It's so not worth it.
                          At dinner (when you are going to eat, right? 300 calories. that's a portion of meat, some veg, cooked in a little fat. I'd contend that you could be fine eating some rice or bread right now, but if you need to control it, baby steps. Eat your meat and veg)-sit with your family. Talk to your parents. Not about food or eating, but about your day. Their day. Tell them thank you for making dinner.

                          ~Be good and nice to YOU! Every time you eat, tell yourself you are nourishing your body, mind and spirit. You aren't religious and I get. So don't thank God or anything, but thank YOURSELF for making good choice. Every time you have a negative thought about food, eating, body, fat, self control- stop. see that thought in your mind, label it as self destructive thinking, and allow it to leave your mind. It's going to happen over and over at first. replace it with good things about you, about life.
                          "I am healthy. I am happy. I am whole. I nourish my body." etc.

                          ~Try to find a new hobby. I am serious. Try reading novels, or playing outside, or knitting, or yoga, or anything, just get out their and start living, hon. You are way to young to not have any interest except for killing yourself, which is what you a currently doing. <3

                          Please take this all knowing I am trying to help and that you are most definitely in my thoughts and heart right now. I've suffered body dysmorphia and some obsessions with food and body and it's no way to live.

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                          • It's essential that you get help. I started with depression and anxiety in childhood, an ED at 15, then escalated into behaviours and addictions in my late teens and twenties which I'm not going to post about here. I was a breathing train wreck and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I ought to be long dead, that's how serious these insidious illnesess are. You won't beat it because it has you already by the short and curlies. Life is good, I wish I'd lived my twenties instead of losing them. I'm 38 now and in ED relapse. It's not pretty. Save yourself darling girl, nobody else can do it for you.

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                            • Best of luck to you, too, Dexy.

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                              • Originally posted by shelleyldale View Post
                                You need to count calories? Use that. Make it a goal to get a certain amount in. This will be hard hard work at firs,t but make a commitment to do it. For your organs. Your brain. Your skin. Your muscles. Your happiness. Your ability to excel at homework.
                                Start by, for one week, eating 250-300 calories 3 times a day. 3 meals. itty bitty meals. This is still keeping you in starvation, but you are retraining your body to freaking eat. do it every day.
                                Week 2- add 100 calories to each meal.
                                week 3 or 4- add 100 calories more to each meal.
                                When you do this, you will be at 1500 calories approx per day. Which STILL ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU. But will be much better than starving while you get help.

                                .
                                Counting calories could be detrimental and further fixation on food. I'm in danger zone when I count calories, my freedom from food comes with letting go of the calories. Also, when I'm restricting and anyone suggests that I simply eat more I ignore them. It's like telling an alcoholic they can only have one or two drinks. That ain't gonna happen either because the addiction come from the first drink. With food it comes from the calorie counting with the first mouthful.

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