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What vegans REALLY eat… (tatertots taste better!)

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  • What vegans REALLY eat… (tatertots taste better!)

    I have a facebook friend who is constantly posting up videos from PETA, recipes, and other goodies for me to read. Needless to say he’s just become a RAW vegan. (I know, I know, I should delete the poor fool!) But, he’s a nice guy, and really I don’t give a damn about what he eats… (I don’t know why he thinks everyone does!) I just wish he’d keep it to himself.

    Today, I almost… almost… hit the reply button too quickly. I was ready to give him a rollocking. Instead, in the name of friendship, I took the moral high ground (yes vegans, we can do it too) and I held back from saying what I really thought. Instead, I thought I’d share with you guys some fine postings.

    Poor, poor vegans…

    Today’s facebook offering was a recipe for Onion Cheese Bread… it sounds…erm… yummy…?

    Ingredients:
    • 2 cups raw almonds, soaked, rinsed, drained
    • 2 cups onion (peeled, quartered)
    • 2 cloves garlic
    • 1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes (I used sun-dried tomatoes soaked in oil)
    • 1/4 cup water
    • 1½ tsp sea salt
    • 1/2 cup flax meal
    • 1/2 cup psyllium husks
    • 1 cup nutritional yeast (I prefer Red Star brand)

    Eating psyllium husk? LOL As a meal!

    AND they forgot to add the cheese!

    Perhaps they could add some ‘Mozzarella Soy-Cheese Slices’ into the recipe I thought, I mean, to REALLY make it proper Onion Cheese Bread.

    Mozarella Soy-cheese Slices (made by Tofutti). Ingredients (from the website):

    Water, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, tofu, soy protein, carrageenan, maltodextrin, vinegar, calcium phosphate, potato flakes, salt, guar and carob bean gums, nondairy lactic acid, adipic acid, dairy free mozzarella cheese flavor (derived from vegetable source), natural color, and potassium sorbate.

    What the...! That's a seriously nuts ingredients list!

    So I looked into some more allowed foods and found another bunch of processed crap...

    ‘Doritos’ are vegan, and ‘Unfrosted Blueberry Pop Tarts’ are vegan!

    (I guess they don’t mind eating any old artificial crap, so long as it doesn’t contain animal.)

    Fantastic faux franks, chicken-free chicken patties, flavored soy, chips, dips, cookies, candies... this list is endless:

    Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch – vegan
    Snyder’s of Hanover Pretzel Pieces – vegan
    Krispy Kreme Glazed Fruit Pie – vegan.
    Pepperidge Farm Turnovers, Murray Butter Cookies, and Cracker Jacks - all vegan!

    It seems that vegans are a mainstream food manufacturers and marketers wet dream, with their vast array of mouth-watering goodies. Yum!

    Maybe their home cooking is better? I thought. Eh, then again, maybe not...

    One day he linked to tribe.net, and their vegetarian/vegan recipe exchange page.

    Taking a look around the site I had to laugh, as I found this old post. It basically sums up vegan food! LOL (No wonder they eat so much processed rubbish!)

    topic posted Tue, January 23, 2007 - 11:05 PM by Badger

    OK, Your WORST receipe idea.
    C'mon, ya know you did it.
    It sucked.
    You buried the remains rather than leaving a hint to your garbage pick-up that you actually thought it was a GOOD IDEA TO COOK THAT!
    Seriously...
    What's the worst recipe you evah had???


    DENSE:
    My recent attempt to make a boiled chickpea powder dumpling.
    Dense, and oh so horrid.

    PLASMA GACK:
    Yellow split pea soup. I guess I didn't cook them quite long enough and it was terrible and gritty. My guests, quitely smiled and ate it anyway.

    oh gawd me too with the yellow pea soup >>
    it separated into 2 unblendable layers
    plasma on top, and naRsty gack on the bottom!

    CREAMY CAT FOOD CASSEROLE:
    About 6 or 7 years ago I tried to veganize a recipe for chilaquiles. I'm going to guess my first mistake was starting with a recipe on the back of a bag of tortilla chips...
    It was so fantastically bad that it remains to this day my family's measure of how bad food can really be. It's the only thing I've ever cooked that was so inedible it had to be thrown away. Think creamy cat food casserole. YUCK!

    NOT EVEN RACCOON’S WOULD EAT IT:
    So many screw ups from which to choose, the upside being I inevitably learn something from each mistake. My WORST, most inedible ~ like I wouldn't even feed it to the raccoons ~ gross recipe gone awry experience had to have been the pumpkin fudge brownies I *tried* to make for Christmas. That was how I learned you can *NOT* substitute baking chocolate for cocoa powder in a recipe. OMGAWD! It was sooo nasty ;-)~

    TATERTOTS TASTE BETTER:
    Before I went vegan I attempted to vegetarianize my friend's recipe for tater tot casserole. The original recipe contained ground beef mixed with onions and a can of cream of mushroom soup topped with tater tots and cheddar cheese. I started the tots in the oven, then mixed cream of mushroom with some cut up boca burgers and I was gagging so bad that I tossed the whole thing and just had tater tots for dinner... okay so at least it had a happy ending

    SCRAPE THE REMNANTS:
    I bake all the time, and I also move all the time...which means I'm constantly getting used to new oven temperatures and adjusting my cooking times/temps accordingly. In my most recent house, I FINALLY figured my oven out, set it 25 degrees lower, and put the baking dish o' brownie goodness in the oven. You see, I live with chocolate freaks, who, regardless of monthly cycle, ravenously devour every bit of chocolate they see (and somehow remain stick thin!!). Anyway, I completely forgot about them and they waaay overcooked. The top was still delicious, but there was about a centimeter of brownie brick just stuck in the pan. So, I brought out the dish and a load of spoons and we all just scraped the deliciousness off the top. The baking dish seriously had to soak for 3 days in warm, soapy water before I could scrape the remnants out.

    TATER TOTS AGAIN:
    I have a tater tot casserole that I think is just yummy (no burger of any kind boca or otherwise). Put the tots in a casserole dish, mix the mushroom soup with some sour cream & pour that over the tots, then top with the cheese. Add a little salt and pepper if you like. It's yummy and totally a comfort food!

    BLACK SAND:
    Black Quinoa. no recipe. I love quinoa so much I decided to try this black variety which is much more expensive. I have no idea what I did wrong but instead of coming out fluffy, like it's cousin, it was the consistency of sand. I tried to eat it with my dinner but eventually gave up and threw it away. It was very disappointing.

    RAMEN-BURGER CAKE SOMETHING:
    When I was in college I was super, super poor. So poor that I joined every club imaginable for the free snacks at meetings and I stole condiment packets from the cafeteria. If I got there early enough when the staff was setting up I could snag handfuls of saltine packets and peanut butter and jelly tubs. Anyway, I was hungry one night and was sick of top ramen and sick of condiment cracker sandwiches so this idea was born... something of a ramen-burger cake something. I cooked up the ramen but didnt use the flavor pack. When it was done I mixed in ketchup, mustard and pickle relish and then formed it into patties and rolled it in a crushed saltine and mayo mixture and pan fried it. I did eat it, mainly because I'd used up all my other ingredients, but I never made it again. Other top ramen experiments turned out better, including ramen mixed with flavor packet and peanut butter and ramen and Taco Bell sauce.

    BLUE GLUE CHOWDER:
    my brother once tried to make a chowder.
    sweet jeebus. it was like flavorless glue. so very sad. He asked me if I knew any tricks that would maybe salvage it.
    when his back was turned, I added a few drops of blue food coloring and quickly stirred it.
    When he saw it, he laughed and it made him feel ok about throwing it out.

    Taken from: OK, Your WORST receipe idea. - Vegetarian & Vegan Recipe Exchange - tribe.net

    LOL. Seriously vegans! SERIOUSLY!
    Last edited by thaijinx; 03-19-2012, 11:00 PM.
    SW: 68 kg. * CW: 61.5 kg. * GW: 60 kg or less...
    “Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” ~ Buddha

  • #2
    the nutritional yeast was the 'cheese'
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
    lol

    Comment


    • #3
      I've seen similar cracker/bread recipes on Paleo sites actually. The nutritional yeast is the cheezy part; it's delicious and pretty nutritious.
      | My (food) Blog | Follow me on Facebook | Pinterest | Twitter |

      “It does not take a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.” - Samuel Adams

      Comment


      • #4
        I admit I miss nooch sometimes.

        And WTH? You can totally make vegan chilaquiles. Sure, you can't make them with chicken, but you could sub in some sauteed mushrooms and strained coconut yogurt.

        And goddammit, I can still come up with ways to veganize things. QUICK, THROW SOME BUTTER ON ME.
        Steph
        My Primal Meanderings

        Comment


        • #5
          i'm makin it RAIN butter sticks
          beautiful
          yeah you are

          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
          lol

          Comment


          • #6
            I knew a vegetarian whose diet consisted primarily of chocolate chip cookies.
            Vegetarian =/= healthy
            Btw, after numerous health issues, and several doctors later, he was finally convinced to begin eating meat. Once he did, his health issues resolved.

            Comment


            • #7
              I was in TJs the other day and for lulz I decided to read the ingredients in the meat-free sausages and hotdogs and stuff. One of the very first ingredients is "vital wheat gluten" ... now, does this mean whoever is marketing this is saying this wheat gluten is VITAL as in: we need it? or vital in some other way? vital for the product? I was just very confused by the wording, does anybody know if this is simply a marketing ploy?
              I used to seriously post here, now I prefer to troll.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think the tatertot cheese burger recipe sounds pretty tasty actually. Primal use it or heck just use the cream of mushroom soup for my 20% and devour with ketchup.
                Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

                Comment


                • #9
                  *cringes*

                  I haven't met a vegetarian or vegan who wasn't overweight and/or extremely unhealthy. And severely self-righteous.
                  A Post-Primal PrimalPat

                  Do not allow yourself to become wrapped up in a food 'lifestyle'. That is ego, and you are not that.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    To be fair saying all vegans eat this way is like saying all of us omnivores eat hot dogs and twinkies all time. I know of a few vegans that pretty bad-ass. What i will say about them is that their vegan diet is a close to a primal/paleo diet as you can get without the meat(high fat/moderate protein and carbs). In my opinion their protein sources are less than optimal, but they are making it work. They have their ethical reasons for not eating meat. I disagree with those reasons, but we have to do what we think is right and I don't knock them for it.

                    This guy(Mike Mahler) is a vegan. He has some of the best info out there when it comes to strength training and hormone optimization.
                    My blog: My Primal Adventure

                    "I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      psst..... white sugar is not vegan. It's bleached with bone meal. Poptarts are not vegan.... nor are most processed sweets.

                      http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                      Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        oh god i hate those raw bread recipes.

                        ONION BREAD! SUNFLOWER SEEDS, FLAX AND ONIONS! IT'S SOOOO DELICIOUS! yah, or it tastes like moldy barf

                        and psylium husks for all....BARFFFF

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by patski View Post
                          And severely self-righteous.
                          OMG, yes! What is with them!? And why does everyone cater to them? If we invite a vegetarian over for dinner we have to make a vegetarian meal and everyone else has to eat vegetarian. This is so stupid to me. If they don't want to eat meat they can eat the potato, veggies, desserts, and whatever other side dishes there are. Not sure why we're always making meals to please them. I guarantee if they invite us to dinner they aren't going to serve us meat!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by thaijinx View Post
                            I have a facebook friend who is constantly posting up videos from PETA, recipes, and other goodies for me to read. Needless to say he’s just become a RAW vegan. (I know, I know, I should delete the poor fool!) But, he’s a nice guy, and really I don’t give a damn about what he eats… (I don’t know why he thinks everyone does!) I just wish he’d keep it to himself.

                            Today, I almost… almost… hit the reply button too quickly. I was ready to give him a rollocking. Instead, in the name of friendship, I took the moral high ground (yes vegans, we can do it too) and I held back from saying what I really thought. Instead, I thought I’d share with you guys some fine postings.

                            Poor, poor vegans…

                            Today’s facebook offering was a recipe for Onion Cheese Bread… it sounds…erm… yummy…?

                            Ingredients:
                            • 2 cups raw almonds, soaked, rinsed, drained
                            • 2 cups onion (peeled, quartered)
                            • 2 cloves garlic
                            • 1/4 cup sun-dried tomatoes (I used sun-dried tomatoes soaked in oil)
                            • 1/4 cup water
                            • 1½ tsp sea salt
                            • 1/2 cup flax meal
                            • 1/2 cup psyllium husks
                            • 1 cup nutritional yeast (I prefer Red Star brand)

                            Eating psyllium husk? LOL As a meal!

                            AND they forgot to add the cheese!

                            Perhaps they could add some ‘Mozzarella Soy-Cheese Slices’ into the recipe I thought, I mean, to REALLY make it proper Onion Cheese Bread.

                            Mozarella Soy-cheese Slices (made by Tofutti). Ingredients (from the website):

                            Water, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, tofu, soy protein, carrageenan, maltodextrin, vinegar, calcium phosphate, potato flakes, salt, guar and carob bean gums, nondairy lactic acid, adipic acid, dairy free mozzarella cheese flavor (derived from vegetable source), natural color, and potassium sorbate.

                            What the...! That's a seriously nuts ingredients list!

                            So I looked into some more allowed foods and found another bunch of processed crap...

                            ‘Doritos’ are vegan, and ‘Unfrosted Blueberry Pop Tarts’ are vegan!

                            (I guess they don’t mind eating any old artificial crap, so long as it doesn’t contain animal.)

                            Fantastic faux franks, chicken-free chicken patties, flavored soy, chips, dips, cookies, candies... this list is endless:

                            Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch – vegan
                            Snyder’s of Hanover Pretzel Pieces – vegan
                            Krispy Kreme Glazed Fruit Pie – vegan.
                            Pepperidge Farm Turnovers, Murray Butter Cookies, and Cracker Jacks - all vegan!

                            It seems that vegans are a mainstream food manufacturers and marketers wet dream, with their vast array of mouth-watering goodies. Yum!

                            Maybe their home cooking is better? I thought. Eh, then again, maybe not...

                            One day he linked to tribe.net, and their vegetarian/vegan recipe exchange page.

                            Taking a look around the site I had to laugh, as I found this old post. It basically sums up vegan food! LOL (No wonder they eat so much processed rubbish!)

                            topic posted Tue, January 23, 2007 - 11:05 PM by Badger

                            OK, Your WORST receipe idea.
                            C'mon, ya know you did it.
                            It sucked.
                            You buried the remains rather than leaving a hint to your garbage pick-up that you actually thought it was a GOOD IDEA TO COOK THAT!
                            Seriously...
                            What's the worst recipe you evah had???


                            DENSE:
                            My recent attempt to make a boiled chickpea powder dumpling.
                            Dense, and oh so horrid.

                            PLASMA GACK:
                            Yellow split pea soup. I guess I didn't cook them quite long enough and it was terrible and gritty. My guests, quitely smiled and ate it anyway.

                            oh gawd me too with the yellow pea soup >>
                            it separated into 2 unblendable layers
                            plasma on top, and naRsty gack on the bottom!

                            CREAMY CAT FOOD CASSEROLE:
                            About 6 or 7 years ago I tried to veganize a recipe for chilaquiles. I'm going to guess my first mistake was starting with a recipe on the back of a bag of tortilla chips...
                            It was so fantastically bad that it remains to this day my family's measure of how bad food can really be. It's the only thing I've ever cooked that was so inedible it had to be thrown away. Think creamy cat food casserole. YUCK!

                            NOT EVEN RACCOON’S WOULD EAT IT:
                            So many screw ups from which to choose, the upside being I inevitably learn something from each mistake. My WORST, most inedible ~ like I wouldn't even feed it to the raccoons ~ gross recipe gone awry experience had to have been the pumpkin fudge brownies I *tried* to make for Christmas. That was how I learned you can *NOT* substitute baking chocolate for cocoa powder in a recipe. OMGAWD! It was sooo nasty ;-)~

                            TATERTOTS TASTE BETTER:
                            Before I went vegan I attempted to vegetarianize my friend's recipe for tater tot casserole. The original recipe contained ground beef mixed with onions and a can of cream of mushroom soup topped with tater tots and cheddar cheese. I started the tots in the oven, then mixed cream of mushroom with some cut up boca burgers and I was gagging so bad that I tossed the whole thing and just had tater tots for dinner... okay so at least it had a happy ending

                            SCRAPE THE REMNANTS:
                            I bake all the time, and I also move all the time...which means I'm constantly getting used to new oven temperatures and adjusting my cooking times/temps accordingly. In my most recent house, I FINALLY figured my oven out, set it 25 degrees lower, and put the baking dish o' brownie goodness in the oven. You see, I live with chocolate freaks, who, regardless of monthly cycle, ravenously devour every bit of chocolate they see (and somehow remain stick thin!!). Anyway, I completely forgot about them and they waaay overcooked. The top was still delicious, but there was about a centimeter of brownie brick just stuck in the pan. So, I brought out the dish and a load of spoons and we all just scraped the deliciousness off the top. The baking dish seriously had to soak for 3 days in warm, soapy water before I could scrape the remnants out.

                            TATER TOTS AGAIN:
                            I have a tater tot casserole that I think is just yummy (no burger of any kind boca or otherwise). Put the tots in a casserole dish, mix the mushroom soup with some sour cream & pour that over the tots, then top with the cheese. Add a little salt and pepper if you like. It's yummy and totally a comfort food!

                            BLACK SAND:
                            Black Quinoa. no recipe. I love quinoa so much I decided to try this black variety which is much more expensive. I have no idea what I did wrong but instead of coming out fluffy, like it's cousin, it was the consistency of sand. I tried to eat it with my dinner but eventually gave up and threw it away. It was very disappointing.

                            RAMEN-BURGER CAKE SOMETHING:
                            When I was in college I was super, super poor. So poor that I joined every club imaginable for the free snacks at meetings and I stole condiment packets from the cafeteria. If I got there early enough when the staff was setting up I could snag handfuls of saltine packets and peanut butter and jelly tubs. Anyway, I was hungry one night and was sick of top ramen and sick of condiment cracker sandwiches so this idea was born... something of a ramen-burger cake something. I cooked up the ramen but didnt use the flavor pack. When it was done I mixed in ketchup, mustard and pickle relish and then formed it into patties and rolled it in a crushed saltine and mayo mixture and pan fried it. I did eat it, mainly because I'd used up all my other ingredients, but I never made it again. Other top ramen experiments turned out better, including ramen mixed with flavor packet and peanut butter and ramen and Taco Bell sauce.

                            BLUE GLUE CHOWDER:
                            my brother once tried to make a chowder.
                            sweet jeebus. it was like flavorless glue. so very sad. He asked me if I knew any tricks that would maybe salvage it.
                            when his back was turned, I added a few drops of blue food coloring and quickly stirred it.
                            When he saw it, he laughed and it made him feel ok about throwing it out.

                            Taken from: OK, Your WORST receipe idea. - Vegetarian & Vegan Recipe Exchange - tribe.net

                            LOL. Seriously vegans! SERIOUSLY!
                            May I steal this?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                              psst..... white sugar is not vegan. It's bleached with bone meal. Poptarts are not vegan.... nor are most processed sweets.
                              Exactly. Here are the ingredients in a fudge flavored poptart:

                              ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), SUGAR, DEXTROSE, VEGETABLE OIL (SOYBEAN, PALM, COTTONSEED AND/OR HYDROGENATED COTTONSEED OIL† WITH TBHQ AND CITRIC ACID FOR FRESHNESS), CORN SYRUP, WHEY, CRACKER MEAL, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, COCOA, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF CORNSTARCH, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, SALT, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), MODIFIED CORN STARCH, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE, GELATIN, DRIED EGG WHITES, DATEM, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL†, MODIFIED WHEAT STARCH, XANTHAN GUM, NATURAL VANILLA FLAVOR, CARAMEL COLOR, SOY LECITHIN, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, COLOR ADDED, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID.

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