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  • Not sure where to go from here

    I just need to express that I'm seriously struggling right now. I'm a mess as far as what/how I've been eating. I have great day and I have terrible days. Lately, there have been more terrible day. I feel like I'm losing a battle with bulimia and I don't know what to do. Is this how I'm going to live for the rest of my life? Primal started out so easy. It makes sense. I feel great when I stick to it. But there's this other "thing" that's out to ruin me. This is all so dramatic, I know, but I'm feeling so terrible.

  • #2
    Do you or have you sought some professional help with the bulimia? I would think that this would need to be under control before you can be truly successful with Primal.
    Karin


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    What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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    • #3
      Yes, I'm in therapy and implementing the Diet Cure supplement program. Doesn't seem to be working.

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      • #4
        how long have you been in process? because -- it can take a long time for things to work.

        this is not about food. food is just the instrument for you. get deep into the heart of it, and you'll work your way through to recovery. food will help, but what you eat isn't the whole picture.

        and yes, you can recover. it's not forever. in this phase, it's just one minute or one hour or one day at a time.

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        • #5
          I find that urges to purge come from extremely self depreciating feelings after binging. The desire to binge should fade if you're following a primal diet. I realize the sugar/carb/junk cravings still come at first, but do your best to eat some fat (a spoonful of coconut oil will be your best friend in this case) and breathe and hang on; it does get easier.

          L-Tyrosine and 5-HTP supplementation may help to even out the neurochemistry behind cravings, if your therapist doesn't already have you on some sort of reuptake inhibitor. Check with them, if you are taking something.

          Just realize that you don't have to indulge the urges. Even in the case that you break down and binge, realize that you are healing JUST BY deciding not to purge. That mess of sugar and carbs and junk is going to make your ass fatter tomorrow, and you need to own up to that. Once you do, you've passed the first step. Beyond that, you need to slowly whittle down your binging, and trust me - it will happen much quicker than you expect, as long as you are following the diet.

          It all gets so much easier with time, do your best to slowly lessen the indulgences. Tell yourself that you are going to give every ounce of strength you have to healing this for one month; you'd be amazed where you will be in 30 days.

          This is an extremely personal time, recognize the time that you are spending with yourself, the dialogues you are having regarding these conflicts, the cognitive dissonance created by the urges that are not in line with your conscious desires. Now is the time to learn to love and appreciate yourself.

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          • #6
            Amino acid therapy for the brain chemistry part and Overeaters Anonymous for the peer support part = an unbeatable combination.

            Get yourself a sponsor. You need to be accountable to someone for your food on a daily basis. OA is for anybody who has food issues of any sort who wants to get off the crazy train and stop hurting him/herself with food.

            How long have you been doing the Diet Cure protocol? It takes a while to kick in; it's not instantaneous.
            "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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            • #7
              Also, al09: I've no idea if this even applies to you, but if you have any sort of trauma in your past, you have got to do some sort of body work to get it released.

              Also, are you exercising outside? I can't emphasize this enough.
              "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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              • #8
                The diet cure (ESP 5htp) has been so helpful for me. Good luck.

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                • #9
                  do you squat?

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                  • #10
                    Also, are you going to Kundalini Yoga classes as I recommend in that other thread?

                    The reason I said this form particularly is because it balances the left hemisphere of the brain with the right, and does so quickly.

                    How is your journaling coming? I see that you started an online journal here, but I wanted to clarify that I meant writing on paper. There is something about the act of putting pencil to paper (I prefer pencil because I find the rhymthic scratch so soothing and comforting--a meditation in its own right) that is powerful in a way I can't really describe. I believe a study has been done about its emotional impact versus typing on a screen, but I've never investigated it. If I had to pick ONE thing that has surprised me in its effectiveness in dealing with my ED, it would be this.

                    (ETA: And talk therapy has been the least effective.)
                    Last edited by TigerLily; 11-27-2011, 10:00 AM.
                    "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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                    • #11
                      I have no advice, but wanted to say 'good luck' with your journey and I'm glad you are getting help.
                      Best wishes

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                      • #12
                        I was bulimic for at least 20 years. And then after that I just would refuse to eat all day and eat a large dinner that lasted until I went to sleep. That was the only way I could control my weight and also a way of dealing with the "full" feeling I hated so much. I do wish I knew what I know now much sooner : )

                        I first started to eat meat and fat after I did some research on the Weston Price site. But I found that I still had no "full" signal. Everyone says you can't binge on protein and fat so I thought I must have some serious psychological work to do! I didn't know why I seemed to be so different from everyone else in the world.

                        I found out if I ate real fermented kimchi and cortido and took digestive enzymes before I ate meat, I could stop after eating my meat and fat and I would start feeling better. Sometimes it took a couple of hours before I could get over the "I want to eat more" AND "I'm so full I need to get this stuff out of my stomach NOW" even after digestive enzymes and a healthy meal.

                        I also started the GAPS diet because I was having severe anxiety and depression and maybe even bipolar disorder. I prayed long and hard about this because it was such a restrictive way of eating and I was so addicted to starches. I found out that I was having a binge reaction to eggs (which I was able to add back in after about 9 months) and nuts. I have to say after the initial horrible die off I was feeling much better, less anxious and depressed, and didn't even crave the starches and sugar. Very weird.

                        Then I found primal, which is very similar to GAPS, but with awesome recipes. Then I found the Leptin Reset protocol. I had to pray a lot before starting that because I was so used to going to bed stuffed, it was my comfort by then. It was hard to get used to eating my big meat breakfast (50 grams of protein!) and I hated not having my big binge at night. I had a few nights of not having a lot of sleep while my adrenal glands readjusted. I am doing a million times better than I was from when I started the reset in July. Weird things I notice: not needing so much control over things, less ocd tendencies when putting things away, less thinking about food, a definite "full signal" (unless I eat nuts or coconut manna), almost no anxiety while driving (a big problem for me!), I can think MUCH more clearly. I really am SO thankful I've found out what was really going on with my body.

                        I had so many years of thinking my food problem was all mental, and after all of these years I found out that my body was not getting the nutrition it needed because of my bad digestion and food intolerances. I definitely was addicted to those foods, just as anyone who has tried to quit drugs or smoking!

                        I also want to make it very clear that there have been many times I've messed up in the past few years I've been doing all of this. I've had to learn to forgive myself and just start over at the next meal.

                        PM me if you want to talk : ).
                        Last edited by Kimchiqueen; 11-27-2011, 10:51 AM.
                        If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

                        http://thesourpathisthesweetest.com/

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by raney View Post
                          This is an extremely personal time, recognize the time that you are spending with yourself, the dialogues you are having regarding these conflicts, the cognitive dissonance created by the urges that are not in line with your conscious desires. Now is the time to learn to love and appreciate yourself.
                          Really well put. I feel like the cognitive dissonance is what makes me feel like a crazy person.

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                          • #14
                            Tiger Lily- I have been doing the Diet Cure protocol for about a week. I don't have all the supps yet, but I do have the omega 3, tryptophan, and the l-glutamine. I'm feeling discouraged because in the book she keeps talking about how her clients have had "instantaneous results" and I definitely did not have that experience.

                            Also, I have had a trauma in my past, and I love to take walks outside so I do that as much as possible.

                            I have been doing more yoga, but more of the Hot Power Vinyasa kind. I love the hot room, and I feel like the intensity helps me release some of the pent up feelings I experience.

                            I haven't been journaling. I started the one one here but stopped shortly after because I wasn't in to it. I'm going to try actually writing. Usually I feel silly/embarrassed when I read what I've written in the past, but I'm willing to try anything. Plus, I know what you mean about the therapeutic effect of pencil to paper.

                            Dado- squat as in, the exercise?

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                            • #15
                              Kimchiqueen- Thank you for sharing your story. There's a lot I can relate to, especially about not being able to recognize the "full" signal, being able to binge on protein and carbs, and hating that full feeling/wanting to eat more. Nuts and coconut manna are also no good for me...they totally spark that "crazy brain" feeling in me and lead to binges. It's too bad because I know they can be part of a healthy diet....not for me I guess. I've also thought about the leptin reset, but I think I have some healing to do before even thinking about that because too many "rules" make my situation worse. Again, thanks for sharing, I appreciate your experiences.


                              Also, I haven't figured out how to quote multiple people in the same post which is why I've replied 3 times.

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