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i need help with my teen daughter!

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  • #16
    She's 12 years old - can't just say to her grow up regarding the weight gain. She is still a kid. A 12 year old is still developing and growing. All she should be doing is eating as primal as she can. If she has extra carbs at school that's fine as at home shell be eating what you cook her. If she is really overweight then it's good starting primal now.

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    • #17
      Anyone who thinks teens take parents as "models" should take a specific activity, behavior, or preference they want their teenage child to adopt and then start to "model" it. The parent will quickly find out just how much the teenager models himself on the parent. Predicted influence: 0% to -95% (in other words, the parent's "modeling" will, if anything, produce the opposite tendency in the teen).

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      • #18
        Originally posted by bookstorecowboy View Post
        Anyone who thinks teens take parents as "models" should take a specific activity, behavior, or preference they want their teenage child to adopt and then start to "model" it. The parent will quickly find out just how much the teenager models himself on the parent. Predicted influence: 0% to -95% (in other words, the parent's "modeling" will, if anything, produce the opposite tendency in the teen).
        You can't speak for every family.

        It was my mum who taught me that being over 9 stone was a serious crisis, long before my friends and I were even old enough to be concerned about that for ourselves.

        As for my own family, my teen daughter (14) is very impressionable. Believe it or not she has a high opinion of me and is influenced by my opinions and choices, whilst maintaining a healthy level of rebelliousness at the same time lol! I threw out our scale recently partly for that reason.

        I would be very concerned if my 12 yr old was upset that she'd gained 2lbs. She is still growing and developing, surely? Heck, I'd be concerned if I had a 18 yr old daughter who freaked out over 2lbs! I asked my 12 yr old what she thinks, and she was very surprised a 12 yr old would be concerned about a 2lb gain.
        Gluten intolerance and hypermobility syndrome http://www.cfids.org/pdf/joint-hypermobility-guide.pdf

        Eat food. Mostly real. Enjoy life.

        Health, energy, wellbeing, vitality, joy, LIFE! Health At Every Size

        "Do not ask what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
        Harold Whitman

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        • #19
          Please understand that I am an assistant principal at a high school and do VERY much understand the need to model a healthy image. I am celebrating my daughter's choice to become primal. I tell her often that she is beautiful and as a matter of fact she is stunning. But as it goes, if you have brown hair you want blond. If you are tall you wish you were shorter. I believe that the image issue comes from the fact that my daughter is athletic, strong, tall, and does not look like her friends. Actually she is 5'6" and 135lbs. Hardly overweight. My true aim was to get ways to tell her that she needs to relax and trust the PB process. All of you have provided exceptional thoughts and I am having her read every post. I truly appreciate the comments from women alike as that has the most validity to her. I value everyone's input and thank you greatly for it.

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          • #20
            At 12 years old, she's gonna be gaining a lot more than a couple of pounds in the years to come...

            Speaking from experience of raising 3 daughters (2 are adults now and the 3rd is 16) and a boy...

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            • #21
              My friends teenager grew 9 inches last year, think he put on some weight as well? WTF is a 12yo doing on a scale anyway? Get rid of it.
              Wheat is the new tobacco. Spread the word.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by JenCat View Post
                I'd take away the scale. I know I don't want my daughter to ever get focuses on a number on the scale, especially when she's still growing and developing. She should be focused on her game, her energy levels, and how she feels. Make sure she sees pictures of strong, athletic women, so she understands what "healthy" looks like. Let her know why you eat the way you do, but don't make it about weight. It should be about health, strength, being able to play hard and enjoying life. She needs to understand that this is not a diet.
                +eleventy million. I wish my mother had taken the scale away from me when I was 12... might have saved me a lifetime of ED and a farked up relationship with food and exercise

                One thing I wouldn't do, is minimize or invalidate her concerns. This is very REAL to her. I don't envy your position

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Galeldor View Post
                  Please understand that I am an assistant principal at a high school and do VERY much understand the need to model a healthy image. I am celebrating my daughter's choice to become primal. I tell her often that she is beautiful and as a matter of fact she is stunning. But as it goes, if you have brown hair you want blond. If you are tall you wish you were shorter. I believe that the image issue comes from the fact that my daughter is athletic, strong, tall, and does not look like her friends. Actually she is 5'6" and 135lbs. Hardly overweight. My true aim was to get ways to tell her that she needs to relax and trust the PB process. All of you have provided exceptional thoughts and I am having her read every post. I truly appreciate the comments from women alike as that has the most validity to her. I value everyone's input and thank you greatly for it.
                  Kudos to your daughter for her choice to follow in your footsteps and get the junk out of her life. Not only will it help her now it will help her when she has her own family and she`s responsible for their thought processes. You are absolutely right, most of us want what we don`t have whether it be looks, monetary possessions, the perfect job/spouse. At the height and weight you described above and her athletic body it sounds like she`s one lean mean soccer queen!! lol Good for her! Keep putting the great foods in, the kind she was designed to eat and her athletic abilities will progress even more! Great job Mom and daughter!
                  "Anxiety is a sign of spiritual insecurity"
                  www.beachbodycoach.com/fatbusters

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                  • #24
                    Probably what happened is her body went "holy crap! Nutrients! Let's grab that!" She's 12. Her body is ramping up for puberty. She's going from "stick, pre-pubescent boy body" to "curvy, vital, woman" body. She likely would have been gaining that regardless of her food choices. It's good she's gaining weight. She needs to be gaining weight. Her body is getting ready for a life of healthy reproduction.

                    All that having been said, it will be hard to tell her, "hey, you're about to be a woman, and your body is trying to become that. You're going to gain weight in your hips, your upper legs, and your chest. Continue to stay active, and eat food that promotes a healthy endocrine system and you'll be well set for the rest of your life. We'll tweak your diet if it becomes a problem, but right now it isn't. You can expect weight fluctuations on a daily basis. You might notice your body weighs more near your periods. These are normal. Let's keep an eye on your body, and if you notice that you're beginning to gain weight that is visible, then we'll take steps to correct that, but right now I'm going to ask that you only weigh yourself once a month."

                    Also, it might be a good idea to get her to agree to have a fat % test done one or twice a year. And ditch the scale in favor of that. It will tell her much more than the scale, which will not differentiate between bone mass, muscle mass, and fat.


                    Crap! I'm An Adult!

                    My Primal Journal

                    http://badquaker.com <--- podcast I'm a part of. Check it out if you like anarchy, geekiness and random ramblings.

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                    • #25
                      Get rid of the scales! Pretty sure she's just growing like a normal girl her age. Great to maintain a healthy relationship with food by following PB, but get her away from an unhealthy relationship with the set of scales.

                      If she wants to start worrying about weight tell her she can get on the scales when she's 18 and probably fully grown.

                      If she feels good that's all the matters.
                      My Primal Journal

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                      • #26
                        If I may be crude, you have to gain weight to get boobs.
                        See what I'm up to: The Primal Gardener

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                        • #27
                          Wow, how sad. My 12 year old doesn't even know what she weighs. She cares a lot more about whether she's strong enough to climb a tree, jump rope for 20 minutes straight with her friends, or clean a squirrel, if her brother should ever get lucky enough to get her one. It's so sad how dependent our children are now on their peers, instead of their parents, for what's important.

                          In your shoes, I'd personally spend a lot more time talking with my daughter about everything, in general, building relationship, and specifically about the history of eating & health (hey, my kids are fascinated by it; no one has told them they shouldn't be) and what happens when you feed yourself crap. And I'd especially emphasize how important it is to feeding a frame that is in the midst of rapid growth, to create a beautiful, feminine frame.

                          Or just wait till she breaks out in acne, then tell her to go a month primal. When the zits go away, I bet she jumps on board, lol.

                          ETA I don't mean to sound like I'm judging what you've done as a parent as bad. I'm just feeling sad, sitting in my shoes, b/c I see my daugher at 12 as fully able to be herself, and I see so many other posts on this thread sharing that their teens are not at all modeling what their parents do, b/c it's not "cool." This is a large part of why we chose to homeschool, and so this particular problem is averted, but of course, we have our own share of our own types of problems, as all parents do. Many good wishes for a growing & lasting beautiful relationship wit hyour daughter!
                          Last edited by MamaGrok; 05-15-2011, 12:25 PM.
                          5'4" 39yo mother to five sweeties & married to their AMAZING DaddyGrok
                          Current Weight: 175lb__________________________________Goal: 135lb
                          Deadlift: 240lb________________________________________Back Squat: 165lb
                          Bench: 130lb__________________________________________Pre ss: 85lb
                          ***Winning a 20-year war against binge eating disorder***

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                          • #28
                            Its cool that your daughter has gone primal. I wish I had done so at that age. I would imagine that her body is finding its ideal balance at that age. I would not bother using scales at all. I have kind of given up on them as it gets disheartening when you feel you weigh more than you look like you do.

                            I'm F504 and 9stone 6 the last time I looked and I think scales are a bit of a con cos they don't account for how your body looks. There are people my height who are the same dress size (UK 8-10) but are 8 stone something and I am like what the hell - am I imagining things?!! Then I look in the mirror and think well I am a bit muscly and have broad shoulders and they have thin little arms. Thats probably why. BMI is a load of pants cos a rugby player would prob be obese on BMI but they are really fit. Scales just make things worse so I try to use dress size and how I look and feel. If my clothes fit I am happy. Maybe show her some of our posts, does she use this site?

                            Hoping it works out for her as I really regret all the bl**dy carbs I ate back when I was that age. I am still trying to shift the evidence and the carb addiction now!

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                            • #29
                              Hey I just found this thread. I wrote a related article you may find interesting.

                              Issues Facing Healthy Teenagers
                              www.beatingorthorexia.co.uk

                              No more diets. No more stress. Health made easy. Living made incredible.

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                              • #30
                                My two daughters, 14 and 16, have had totally different outlooks on their weight as they've grown. The scale sits in my bathroom, I'm not sure they've ever seen me use it, but they've also been weighed at the doctor and in PE class, so they know that numbers exist.
                                My youngest is just starting puberty and is thrilled to gain weight as it means she is growing and will some day have curves, something that is important when you're 5'2" and 95 pounds. She is small for her age so she's never thought of weight as a bad thing.
                                My 16-year old, on the other hand, is 5'10" and about 140 pounds. She has always been tall for her age and weighed more than her friends until they hit puberty. It bothered her when she was age 11-14 but then she realized two things: her friends were changing shape and that she needed the height and muscles to be successful in volleyball and softball.
                                Just continue to talk to your daughter about the positives of gaining weight/growing up. Although lots of posters mentioned peers and media, my daughters think I'm perfection about 50% of the time so you still have some influence on how she thinks.
                                In the end, it's great that she's trying primal but she shouldn't be doing it to control her weight. Make sure she is focusing on the healthy results, like less acne (my oldest has the best skin of anyone she knows!), fewer illnesses and increased energy for sports.

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