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A problem I never expected

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  • A problem I never expected

    I have been sick almost all of my adult life. For years before I even had a diagnosis of autoimmune disease, I felt terrible almost every day. I found PB and for the first time that I can remember since my teen years I feel almost human.

    This is an amazing blessing, but it has brought up some uncomfortable issues for me. I am 37 years old and single. I almost never date - mostly because I have never had the energy and have felt pretty bad about myself. Suddenly I find myself grieving the fact that I never married and that I don't have children. I love kids and am so sad that I won't have my own. I know I could theoretically still have a baby - but I don't think I can manage as a single mother. It seems overwhelming (and impossible) to think of trying to find the right man and crank out a baby in a year.

    Has anyone else found themselves faced with unexpected issues as a result of re-gaining your health?

    Any words of wisdom for coping?
    Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

    http://www.krispin.com/lectin.html

  • #2
    Why in a year? Although there are no guarantees, it's very likely you have more like 5 years (particularly now you're in such good health) , and that's plenty of time for hunting, trapping, and multiplying

    I work at a birth center where we often have first time moms over 40.

    Get out there, have fun, and maybe the right guy will get all wrapped up in you....

    Good luck!
    Liz.

    Zone diet on and off for several years....worked, but too much focus on exact meal composition
    Primal since July 2010...skinniest I've ever been and the least stressed about food

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    • #3
      There's always fostering. Or even just working with less fortunate kids. A few single women I know have decided to foster older children (early to late teens) because they couldn't handle being a single mother to a baby or small child, but they still had motherly instincts that they wanted to give.

      Plus, there's nothing saying you can't adopt a baby when you're too old to biologically have a baby, when you've found the right person and can settle down.

      You're never to old to be a mother. There are lots of ways to be a mother that don't include physically pushing a baby out of you. Take heart, you'll find the path you were meant to be on!
      Last edited by CoyoteVick; 05-11-2011, 11:48 AM.


      Crap! I'm An Adult!

      My Primal Journal

      http://badquaker.com <--- podcast I'm a part of. Check it out if you like anarchy, geekiness and random ramblings.

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      • #4
        Ah yes.

        First, there are some things to KNOW just KNOW.

        Everything happened in your life for a GREAT reason. It is up to you to figure out why it is great. Strive and never give up until you can see one reason for the greatness and never ever let that reason go

        You are Perfect Just as you ARE. Sounds like trite BS, but go over your life and think about all the people you have impacted that you woudl not have if you were not you. As much as i would prefer to be Vin Diesel or Dwayne Johnson, I also know there are several people who may have died if i was not me, and i am serious DIED. You might not know who you saved or impacted, but you did and will. Ask around and find out some extraordinary stories

        You have a desire now, it must be the right time, but dont push it so hard you push it away. To many times we focus on drawing the bow and we forget to release the arrow. We will never hit the target if we dont let go of our desires. Focus, hone, and release..... this is a truth of life

        Finally find one thing about you or your life you woudl not trade for the whole wide world and think about why that is true, then see how adding your new desire woudl have impacted or altered that thing , most of the time i find that NOW is the right time for it not then and not later.

        Namaste

        themysticshaman.wordpress.com/
        Optimum Health powered by Actualized Self-Knowledge.

        Predator not Prey
        Paleo Ketogenic Lifestyle

        CW 315 | SW 506
        Current Jeans 46 | Starting Jeans 66


        Contact me: quelsen@gmail.com

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        • #5
          don't sweat it. I had a female friend who got married when she was 35 or 36 in the mid nineties, she now has like 8 to 10 kids.

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          • #6
            Wow, there is some great advice here. I just wanted to send {{Hugs}}. I too am dealing with some very strong and uncomfortable feelings after losing 50 pounds.
            Primal since 9/24/2010
            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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            • #7
              I ditto what people say about things happening for a reason. I met my husband at 39. We thought, hey, we probably won't have kids and that's okay. We love each other and have a great life. Well, I just turned 42 and I'm pregnant!

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              • #8
                Go for it!

                My sister (single) had a heathy child at age 42, and that 'child' is just completing her first year of college.

                You're still young!

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                • #9
                  My sister got pregnant at 38 by accident. She was using birth control pills and still managed to get knocked up.

                  I remember reading once that 80% of women at age 40 can get get pregnant within one year of trying with no medical intervention at all. 20% is still a significant number, but considering you're in great health there's a good chance you're in the 80%.

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                  • #10
                    Five years, jammies! Both my maternal grandmother and great-grandmother had their final baby at 43. I work with a woman who didn't have her first until she was 40.... and now she has two girls! One of my closest friends didn't have her first until she was 37. Now she has two lil ankle biters and, at 41, is trying for another.

                    Anyway, I am commiserating with you on a lot of levels here. I'm a few years older than you, and have also never married.
                    "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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                    • #11
                      Why in a year? Although there are no guarantees, it's very likely you have more like 5 years (particularly now you're in such good health) , and that's plenty of time for hunting, trapping, and multiplying
                      Agreed. Most of the first time moms I work with are 38+.
                      Ancestral Nutrition Coaching
                      Pregnancy Nutrition Coaching
                      Primal Pregnancy Nutrition Article

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                      • #12
                        If you happen to fall in love with someone who wants to get married, it's possible he would already have children. And I agree, you might well have a baby yet in the next several years.

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                        • #13
                          Wow. I am all teared up reading these responses. Thanks so much.

                          Of course you guys are right. I have 38 in my head as a cut-off for some reason....I don't know why! The majority of my friends and family have long since started their families, so I just feel so behind the curve now that it seemed impossible, but you are all right. My path may be different, but it is still mine.

                          Also fostering and adopting are both options that are probably what I am meant to do. I have learned true patience and acceptance as a result of being sick, and I think those would be great qualities for a foster parent. quelsen - you are right, my path may have been for a reason. I just need a little more patience to figure it out.

                          Sometimes I get a little sick of some of the fighting that goes on here, then I see responses like these and am reminded of how grateful I am for the amazing people on this forum.

                          Thank you
                          Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

                          http://www.krispin.com/lectin.html

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                          • #14
                            I got married for the second time at 36, and had 2 kids at 38 and 40. I am now 46 and have a 22 year old, a 7 year old and a 5 year old. It is by NO means too late for you.
                            Karin

                            A joyful heart is good medicine

                            He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot

                            Mmmmm. Real food is good.

                            My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread29685.html

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by quelsen View Post
                              You have a desire now, it must be the right time, but dont push it so hard you push it away. To many times we focus on drawing the bow and we forget to release the arrow. We will never hit the target if we dont let go of our desires. Focus, hone, and release..... this is a truth of life
                              Hey, I want to thank you for this. Last night as I read it I was sweating over a job I was up for. I composed several emails to the person who might hire me, in hopes of influencing his decision, saved them as drafts, thought about what you said, and stopped myself from hitting send. This morning I really let it go, thought about precisely what I was going to accomplish with the time if I didn't get the job. And, just then I got a call and I did get it. But I truly would have been happy either way. So thanks.

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