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  • What to Do with Hubby?

    Hubby teases me that I've joined a cult, yet he's also intrigued by seeing the changes in me.

    Here's the problem. The man does not like vegetables!! Give him meat and potatoes (or rice or pasta) and he is happy happy! The only vegetables I have ever seen him eat is salad (only with romaine or iceberg, and only with Wishbone Italian dressing), fresh salsa, onions, peppers, spinach, and green beans (but only if canned). He won't even try anything to see if he might perhaps like it! He does like curries, so I can usually sneak some veggies in there. He also likes black beans and considers those a vegetable. A typical day of eating for him goes something like this: No Breakfast or a bowl of Cheerios or Raisin bran with 2% milk and LOTs of sugar, Chicken Sandwich for lunch or a Chipotle Burrito Bowl (with lettuce, tomatoes, blackbeans, chicken and salsa), and whatever I make for dinner (but he will always have rice, potatoes or pasta with it). He only likes lean meat and will always take every bit of fat off. On the weekends, he drinks at least a 2-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper, but during the week drinks only water.

    Any suggestions, anyone? The more I learn about nutrition, the more concerned I am for his health. He will be 49 this year, is 5'11" and weighs about 235. He carries his weight well and so far has been healthy (or at least seems to be). He does go on workout binges and diets and will lose 30 pounds or so and then quit and gain it all back. His dieting consists of giving up the Dr. Pepper, and pasta and then eating Tuna Salad on wheat bread, boiled eggs and supplementing with MetRx shakes.

    Like I said he is intrigued by PB, but he is put off by all the vegetables. He always frowns at what I am making (and if it's cabbage or brussel sprouts he has to go outside for a while).

    My other concern is that I'm feeding him higher fat foods cooked in saturated fat and he's adding the carbs and sugar on top of that, so my diet could be making things worse for him.

    How can I get him on board? Anyone else here struggle with a spouse or family member like this?

  • #2
    Originally posted by HTownGirl View Post
    How can I get him on board?
    You can't. I started eating primal in January. I continued to buy bread and cereal for my hubby. He ate what I cooked for supper. I told him about PB and showed him the before and after pics. Suddenly one day he decided to stop with the bread and cereal. He hasn't read the book and he won't. If someone offers him pizza, he will eat it, but at least he's primal here at home. I'm lucky though, he eats mostly everything I cook and likes all kinds of veggies.

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    • #3
      I eat very few veggies. Usually 1-2 cups a day of spinach, kaiso (seaweed salad), celery and/or carrot sticks.

      Really, it's much more important that he eliminates gluten, PUFAs and excess fructose--in the scheme of things they are more essential in reducing inflammation in the body than eating vegetables. And if you eat organ meats and gelatin or bone broth, you can live without veggies just fine.
      Ancestral Nutrition Coaching
      Pregnancy Nutrition Coaching
      Primal Pregnancy Nutrition Article

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      • #4
        Here's my world:

        My wife is slim and tone. Yet, her eating habits are horrendous.

        I am not kidding you. Those who are easily triggered might want to stop reading.

        After eating a big meal of pasta, she will go forward and have a dessert of four (4) twinkies.

        Her favorite beverage is a large Mocha from Starbucks with... Sigh... 3 extra pumps carmel... 3 extra pumps toffee nut AND 2 extra pumps of vanilia

        I tested her blood sugar once after her meal, (she's not diabetic, but I am T2), and she was at 258! (But it was quickly down to normal). Honestly, I was a little disapointed. I thought I may have finally found a hook to get her to some reasonable eating.

        To make matters more difficult, she has extreme Cerebral Palsy, unable to control the movements in her arms and legs. (One reason why she is so slim and tone: She is in CONSTANT involuntary movement).

        So... Not only do I have to have all of this stuff in the house. But I also have to cook it for her... AND feed it to her.

        I've come to the conclusion that there really isn't anything I can do, except perhaps lead by example. Obesity, diebetes, etc... Those are my problems. As much as I would like to encourage her to eat better, I cannot expect her to adopt my solutions to my problems, any more than she can expect me to start tooling around in a wheelchair.

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        • #5
          You know, it doesn't really sound like his eating habits are that incompatible with the PB; just that he doesn't like trying new things. That might be an issue of its own, but it doesn't mean he can't eat primally. Maybe you could try shifting him onto eating more primal foods (that he already likes) and work on the new foods later. If he likes lean meat, boiled eggs, salad, onions, peppers, spinach, and canned green beans... that's not bad. I could eat just those foods for a week, easy, and it'd be totally primal! A little rice or potato isn't terrible, either; way better than the pasta.

          He clearly knows the Dr. Pepper is bad, and that's honestly probably the worst thing he's putting into his body. That might be a place to start, since he'll at least agree that it's unhealthy. If you can get him to eliminate (or at least drastically cut back on) the soda and eat moderate amounts of rice and potato instead of pasta at dinner... Then I wouldn't sweat the fact that he's not eating lots of different veggies.

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          • #6
            If your hubby is eating those amounts of veggies, he's light years ahead of my guy. my guy won't eat... anything green. No onions. No peppers. No salsa. no lettuce. no carrots. he'll eat corn, but corn isn't a veggie now is it? *sigh* and he's got T2 diabetes. And high blood pressure. and yet he'll sit down and eat a whole package of cookies, or two or three ice cream cones.

            and then complains when he wakes up with a headache. Um hello. duh.

            BUT! here's the thing: you can't change people. You can't force people to change. If they want to change, they need to do it themselves. If your man wants to cut out grains and highly processed foods, great! Keep on hand foods that he likes. If he is not into the roasted brussel sprouts you're making as a side dish to the night's steak, then make sure he's got salad fixings on hand to have a "good" side dish. After that, it's up to him to stop yo-yo dieting and take control of his life. Be supportive, but you can't make those changes for him.


            Crap! I'm An Adult!

            My Primal Journal

            http://badquaker.com <--- podcast I'm a part of. Check it out if you like anarchy, geekiness and random ramblings.

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            • #7
              I went PB in March, and although my husband still eats CW, he thinks he's down about 10 lbs just from cutting back on the amount of pasta and noodles we were eating before.
              Newcomers: If you haven't read the book, at least read this thread ... and all the links!
              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread17722.html

              F/49/5'4"
              Jan. 1, 2011: 186.6 lbs PBSW Mar. 1, 2011: 175.8 lbs
              CW: 146.8 lbs
              GW 140 lbs
              A proud member of PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

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              • #8
                Originally posted by HTownGirl View Post

                ..

                How can I get him on board? Anyone else here struggle with a spouse or family member like this?
                It's too hard to try and change people. They change when they are ready. All you can do is set a good example and never lecture, or they will push back.

                People around me saw me lose 120 lb and go from a huge, unhealthy wreck to normal and healthy...But I can't say that among my closest friends and family that any of them picked up on any of it, and they still complain about health and weight like they always did.

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                • #9
                  I don't even try anymore. My husband would honestly rather die (or be wretchedly unhealthy and miserable) than give up sugar. And he eats tons of sugar both in his foods and poured on top of stuff. And breads/chips/tortillas/Ramen noodles, mac & cheese. You can only control your own life and health.

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                  • #10
                    My husband got MAD when I even suggested he look at this guy's before and after pictures that does primal. And you know what I realized? His journey is not mine. He has to find what works for him on his own time. I have had to work on my life my own way and in my own time. We are committed to being with each other along the journey, but it is still our own.
                    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Kymma View Post
                      My husband got MAD when I even suggested he look at this guy's before and after pictures that does primal. And you know what I realized? His journey is not mine. He has to find what works for him on his own time. I have had to work on my life my own way and in my own time. We are committed to being with each other along the journey, but it is still our own.
                      I have to admit that if my husband wanted to show me a picture of some other woman's awesome body to show me how mine could be so much better, I'd be a wee bit miffed.

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                      • #12
                        I can't get my husband on board, but he does enjoy all the grass fed beef I've bought, which I feel is at least a step in the right direction. If I can feed him more beef he'll eat less other crap. I watched Sugar: The Bitter Truth on youtube on my computer while he was randomly surfing on his computer (both computers are in the same room) so he second-handily listened to it and we had a discussion (that he brought up!) later about it. This is when I asked if he could try and cut sugar for a month and see what happens, he wouldn't tell me how much weight he lost but since his shirts fit much looser now he decided to continue it after the month was over (later I found out it was 10 lbs!). Slowly but surly I nudge him into the primal direction.

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                        • #13
                          Thanks for the replies. This has been a big help--I see many of us have this problem with our spouses and family members.

                          I guess looking at it, he doesn't eat as badly as many do, unless he gets hold of sweets. Now, if he gets dessert he will eat the entire thing in a day or two, but I'm not bringing any of that around. If he buys ice cream, he will eat the whole half gallon. Portion control is not in his vocabulary. However, these binges are few and far between. I did forget to mention he will make a big bowl of salsa and sit down with it and a bag of tortilla chips and finish the entire bowl. Of course, the salsa is good for him, but the chips (not so much). He reasons that they are made of corn and corn is GOOD. And I totally forgot that he loves Fennel! Go figure. I put it in my Chili Blanco (an old Atkins recipe) and he loves it. One time I couldn't get fennel and used celery. He noticed right away and said it was much better with fennel. So I guess there is hope. :-)

                          Luckily, he does not have a family history of Diabetes or much heart disease. Hopefully that will help him. He is not adverse to exercise at all, and only needs a little encouragement in that regard. He is much better at exercising than I am.

                          So, I'll back off. No sense making him miserable. If he decides to do it on his own, then of course, I will encourage him. However, I am going to make him buy his own Dr. Pepper and sweets. I'll continue to buy rice and potatoes for him, but will probably not make anything that requires pasta.

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                          • #14
                            I agree with what everyone said about not being able to control the actions of others...

                            BUT....if your husband is intrigued, he can make some easy changes. No, he won't be 100%, but he will be eating better: For example, he could have hard boiled eggs for breakfast (I'm assuming he likes them if he eats them when he diets), swap out the Chipotle Burrito Bowl for a Chipotle salad bowl (the rice is replaced with romaine lettuce, and black beans are far from the worst thing he could be eating) or have some homemade tuna or chicken salad with cut up peppers and dip, and limit his dinner carbs to potatoes. He could even replace his weekend bottle of Dr. Pepper with a homemade fruit juice & seltzer spritzer. He'll reduce his overall carb intake, and more importantly, eliminate gluten, reduce fructose, and reduce vegetable oils.

                            My husband is eating maybe 15 primal and 5 non-primal meals a week, and even that limited compliance has really helped him lean out and feel good. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

                            Good luck!
                            The Primal Holla! Eating fat. Getting lean. Being awesome.

                            You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. - Kilgore Trout

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by theholla View Post
                              I agree with what everyone said about not being able to control the actions of others...

                              BUT....if your husband is intrigued, he can make some easy changes. No, he won't be 100%, but he will be eating better: For example, he could have hard boiled eggs for breakfast (I'm assuming he likes them if he eats them when he diets), swap out the Chipotle Burrito Bowl for a Chipotle salad bowl (the rice is replaced with romaine lettuce, and black beans are far from the worst thing he could be eating) or have some homemade tuna or chicken salad with cut up peppers and dip, and limit his dinner carbs to potatoes. He could even replace his weekend bottle of Dr. Pepper with a homemade fruit juice & seltzer spritzer. He'll reduce his overall carb intake, and more importantly, eliminate gluten, reduce fructose, and reduce vegetable oils.

                              My husband is eating maybe 15 primal and 5 non-primal meals a week, and even that limited compliance has really helped him lean out and feel good. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

                              Good luck!
                              Great advice!! I will try that. And I'm sorry, he does get the Chipotle SALAD Bowl, and no rice. He has made some progress. I mentioned that he might try the beef or pork next time instead of chicken breast and he was open to that. He was eating the chicken just because he thought it was healthier. And, he is at least aware that he's eating too many carbs.

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