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  • Disappointed

    Well, again, tried to have the discussion with the wife about PB lifestyle vs CW dieting (she is doing a form of weight watchers and has lost 10 lbs). And I went nowhere. She refuses to see any logic or hear any of my arguments. Basically, the more I try...the worse it gets.

    I give up. We are resigned to her continuing on her "diet" and me enjoying my new lifestyle.

    And, according to her, PB is a "cult".


    Any other members out there with similar situations?
    If you can just get your....mind together....then come on across to me.....
    James Marshall (Jimi)Hendrix

  • #2
    Get her to go in for a body fat dunk test with you. in 90 days go back and see how much of the weight you each lose is fat and how much is muscle. CW will lose that battle every time.


    • #3
      Yes. I'm so exhausted from it I don't even have the heart to commiserate with a full story .

      My Mum freaked out after seeing my stomach and watching me work out today. Says I've never looked better. So that's one compliment for every million times she's commented on me "starving myself" via IF.

      Just stay strong. Avoid the cravings. The more she sees your success and how happy you are the stronger your standpoint becomes.

      PS - about that - don't even bother arguing after a while. You're doing what you want to do with your body. It's a bitch to cook separate meals and be reminded of your "weird new lifestyle", but take a deep breath and take the comments and roadblocks with a smile

      "The Way We Do Anything Is the Way We Do Everything"
      ~ Kancho Cameron Shayne

      Blog - The Primal Pantry
      My Leangains/Primal Lifestyle Challenge to begin 2/7/11!
      Check out the Blog for Daily Progress


      • #4
        Is there anything you can do to reassure her that you're not killing yourself? She is your wife, so (presumably) she loves you and wants what's best for you.

        As it happens, you also love yourself and want what's best for yourself. You might be able to meet her halfway on that one.


        • #5
          Pick your battles. At this point, this is not one you can win. Let her do her Weight Watchers. The only thing you can do is steer her more towards "filling foods" if they still use that term in WW. They are somewhat healthier than the frankenfoods WW puts out under their brand!

          She will probably come around when you keep dropping weight and feeling healthier...all while eating BACON!!!



          • #6
            I've been Primal for three weeks and my husband just now noticed that I'm not eating rice, potatoes, sugar, etc. I told him what I was doing and showed him The Unconquerable Dave page. He was really impressed (how could you NOT be!) and said he'd try it too except that he couldn't give up bread, tortillas, chips, Pepsi or sugar.

            Ooooookay ...

            He won't drink water, not a drop. It has to be soda or fruit juice or hot chocolate. A little coffee with his sugar in the morning and he puts sugar on Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. He's always tired, has daily headaches and IMO is clinically depressed. (Won't go to the Dr. to find out) So I'm just doing my thing, losing weight and feeling better than I have in 30 years and crossing my fingers that maybe, just maybe, he might get something resembling a clue.


            • #7
              Thanks all for the advice.But let me add the rest of the story. A few weeks after I started PB I was researching everything online and I sent her some articles describing how refined sugar carbs, grains, processed foods etc are horrible for us. And I really tried to tell her I was worried about her eating that food for the rest of her life (i.e. I used my mother in law as an example of what that lifestyle leads to...she is ~250lbs and in extremely poor physical health with high blood pressure and nearly diabetic). I realize now this was a BIG all she hears from me now, no matter how much progress I make and how easy things are for me comparatively, is that she is stupid and her "diet" is wrong.

              So, now, when the subject comes it does periodically as she sees me typing away on the laptop...she says Im in a cult and she will never quit her way of dieting. I even showed her some pics of people on here who have completely reshaped themselves...and still no impact.

              The thing that bothers me the most is as I get more and more involved in PB and get closer to my goal...I cant share any of it with her. We have agreed to not talk to or about it to each other.

              If you can just get your....mind together....then come on across to me.....
              James Marshall (Jimi)Hendrix


              • #8
                My standard advice
                Ancestral Health Info

                I design websites and blogs for a living. If you would like a blog or website designed by someone who understands Primal, see my web page.

                Primal Blueprint Explorer My blog for people who are not into the Grok thing. Since starting the blog, I have moved close to being Archevore instead of Primal. But Mark's Daily Apple is still the best source of information about living an ancestral lifestyle.


                • #9
                  My gf is receptive to the message and doesn't fight it but still won't drop cereals lol.
                  I used to seriously post here, now I prefer to troll.


                  • #10
                    Discussing one's nutrition intake, diet, lifestyle or whatever they call it rarely works. I can show you this study you can show me that study. The news says. The doctor says. The diet book or magazine says. The excellent health and bloodwork say.

                    I visited family but didn't eat any of their food. Ewww... They said I ate too much but I was lean and fit. They hardly eat and mostly what they eat is processed crap and are well chubby. So dad watched, listened and slowly learned. Now a couple of years later he has his wife reading food labels thus drastically reducing sugar and flour, gave up diet soda forcing him shortly there after to drink water due to excessive thirst and nothing else to drink! He is using a little coconut oil. Still a long way to go. Tried but couldn't get him to do the Whole30 with me. Too many excuses to not eat real food. I think is other half is the real problem. Ah a work in progress.


                    • #11
                      Ouch. That is a tough one, nacho. I know from experience how unhealthy WW is, but you are likely right that she thinks you are criticising her choices. It does seem as though your best action now is to keep eating Primal and not say much. I've been eating well for over two years and the naysayers stopped pointing out the errors of my ways awhile ago and started asking questions. Results speak. There is an excellent chance that she will stop eating the WW way (because it is unsustainable) and she'll gain the weight back. Then maybe she'll see the wisdom of your choice.
                      Starting Weight: 197.5
                      Current Weight: 123
                      Far healthier!


                      • #12
                        It only took a few weeks to get my husband on board. He pretty much eats whatever I cook so he didn't have much of a choice. He liked the food and discovered that he didn't have gas anymore (he was always having this issue before) and thats all it took. He is already in very good shape as it is so it wasn't about that. He even started fixing his own primal meals. I didn't realize that one of the benefits of eating primal was virtually no gas until about a week in. We eat very large amounts of cabbage and cauliflower and still don't get gas often. I know itís gross to bring this up but itís one of the good things about the Primal lifestyle.

                        Now, if I could only keep him from eating us out of house and home...


                        • #13
                          you might try to let her know that you understand her hurt. "Honey, I think I may have really hurt your feelings by criticizing the way you eat. I feel like I have found a way of eating that works very well for me, and I can't help but want to share it. However, I understand that you are cautious about this "weird diet." So, I will agree not to bring it up to you, or to criticize your food choices. On the other hand, I will not be cooking food for you that I don't want to eat myself. I support you in your goals, however you decide to get there, but I cannot ethically cook foods for you that I feel contribute to debilitating illnesses. I'm sorry if my stridency turned you off to my ideas. I love you, no matter what you eat." *kiss kiss hug hug etc*

                          Even if you don't really believe all of that, it may soften her heart towards you, and make her more receptive to "giving" on her end as well


                          • #14
                            It's hard when people don't want to open their minds a teeny bit. My mom does have an open mind about it, but she maintains she's too old to make a change. *eyeroll* I've started saying "don't you want to feel better?" now because she's having terrible digestion issues and and "attacks" when she eats at the wrong time, or the wrong food. She also has blood sugar issues. She's slowly starting to drop the bread and tonight I was telling her about fats. She was actually reading MDA earlier today because I gave her a link about why grains are unhealthy, and she spent the afternoon reading some of the articles. She's still stubborn that it's too hard for someone her age to change...she's 58. I say "pah" - anyone can change.

                            My fiancť is quite open minded about it - we're long distance at the moment, so I am not cooking for him. He had some success with the GI diet several years back, so there are some things he argues about, like oatmeal; he was astonished by The Unconquerable Dave story and I think when he moves here he'll eat what he's given without much argument. I'll just tell him that if he wants rice or potatoes that he has to cook them himself...that'll be enough of a deterrent!

                            I'm sorry you're struggling with your wife though - it must be very hard to have to hold yourself back, since presumably you're excited about your success and just want to share and celebrate it with her. I agree with the others though - just keep doing what you're doing and let the results speak for themselves. I really hope she'll come around - if not to change to PB herself, but to at least be happy that you're doing something good for yourself.


                            • #15
                              Again, all, thanks and that is some very sound advice. I think I agree that I need to stop any criticism of her food choices altogether. Typically, I don't even say anything but today was different. It all started with her telling me how badly she ate today at work.Because it was right in front of her ,she had chips, soda, cookies and more etc. And when she told me this...I couldn't help it but I belted out that I don't crave those foods anymore and so I dont have trouble not eating them.Even when they are right in front of me. She didn't believe me and told me so. How could I not crave that stuff? Even after I explained that those foods really aren't viewed as food by me anymore and even if I did eat them they wouldnt taste "good"...she claimed to believe me even less (despite the fact that our pantry is filled with junk and candy for our four children that she NEVER sees me eat). So, you see, the "fire" had been started and I continued down that road. But how can you explain to someone that is addicted to carbs and refuses to EVER see the logic in not eating them...that they are bad for you??? Now I know you cant. It is a hopeless, win-less argument. Anyway, so I preceded to point out what was wrong with her CW diet and why I don't do it and wont EVER eat that crap again... and how much better I feel since making this lifestyle change. And all it amounted to was her thinking that I am smug and "superior" in my "lifestyle" (which she continually called a diet-even though I objected each time), and now she refuses to consider any change to her DIET.

                              Anyway, I've learned a valuable lesson with all of this. My gains will be kept to myself and/or posted on here....and I will not have this discussion anymore. Even if she initiates it. And we agreed to each follow our own lifestyle/diet and leave the other alone. I'm saddened that she refuses to see any light at all in what I'm trying to share with her....but I don't know what else to do. The more I try the worse it gets. So, I'm done trying.
                              If you can just get your....mind together....then come on across to me.....
                              James Marshall (Jimi)Hendrix