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Hard as a Grok. Evolutionary Primal Sexting.

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  • Hard as a Grok. Evolutionary Primal Sexting.

    Surely you jest, this is a Christian cavehold.

    There's been some pretty skeevy threads out there the past few days. Now it's time to put those behind us and move onto something I feel has been scientifically neglected for far too long. Recently, there has been a trend among technologically inclined peoples to participate in an activity called "Sexting". While Fox News may be portraying "Sexting" as the end times of our children's lives, I feel that this activity has existed ever since the days of cavemen. I have made it my mission to explore this possibility and present the results of our fact finding mission. The question is, how can we warp the facts to meet our hypothesis? Let's find out.

    Cave Drawings

    Ancient man often decorated their homes with paintings and art that scientists have believed have depicted interesting times or events that affected the cave man's life. However, by examining the protein cultures found around such paintings, we have determined that this was in fact the most early form of sexting. Cave Man and Cave Woman stood side by side for hours slowly and painstakingly painting out their most erotic of fantasies which mostly included antelopes and buffalo for some unknown reason that we have yet to determine.

    Unfortunately, due to the massive amount of time such erotic acts required most cave men lost interest and went to sleep.

    Mankind has only advanced through history because of sex. We invented cars to go find booty calls, planes to go get strange in another country, computers so we could find porn quicker, medicine to keep the privates protected, and etc. Things were no different for cave man either.

    Presenting the I-Stone
    It's an evolution revolution.

    My team and I travelled all the way to the ancient land of Cupertino where we discovered the most amazing device buried underneath a pile of cave man skeletons found to be wearing black turtlenecks and blue jeans. We call it the I-Stone. By carefully examining the device we have been able to determine that the I-Stone was designed purely for long distance communication, primarily for the purpose of talking dirty to the missus back at the cave.

    We have been able to directly copy some of the data off of the I-Stone, but have as of yet been unable to translate it. We will provide our copies here for you in the hopes that through the great amounts of intelligence found in this community we can at long last decipher these ancient relics.

    Your Turn

    Have any of you ever stumbled across ancient caveman sexting relics? If so, please provide them to this thread so that we can add them to our lexicon and once and for all determine if cavemen did in fact sext each other!

  • #2
    You. Are. Hilarious.


    • #3
      Nicely Done Rivvin!
      Primal since 9/24/2010
      "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

      Created by - Free Weight Loss Tools
      MFP username: MDAPebbles67


      • #4
        Made my morning!
        MTA: because it is rare I dont have more to say

        "When I got too tired to run anymore I just pretended I wasnt tired and kept running anyway" - my daughter Age 7


        • #5
          Now that is comedy.


          • #6
            Are you a college student, trying to navigate college while being Primal? Do you know any other PB college students on a tight budget? Heck, for that matter, are YOU trying to live Primal on a budget? Enroll at Primal University!

            For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either.
            -- Blaise Pascal


            • #7
              Oh my goodness...
              "It is not what you are that holds you back, it is what you think you're not."
              Denis Waitley


              • #8
                Nothing new under the sun.

                People are still having sex.

                And nothing seems to stop them.

                (The horrors!)

                Because if you didn't know, of that is life made: only of moments; Don't lose the now.


                • #9
                  Well done, sir.
                  The Primal Holla! Eating fat. Getting lean. Being awesome.

                  You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. - Kilgore Trout


                  • #10
                    The best thing about my iStone is that I can just smash someone over the head if they try to steal it from me. <3 iStone!
                    August 2010: 207 lb, 37" waist, 25+% BF | Currently: 177 lb, 33" waist, ~15% BF

                    I have a new site up and will soon be blogging at The Wayward Mind. (My journal is semi-retired at this point)


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Patrick View Post
                      The best thing about my iStone is that I can just smash someone over the head if they try to steal it from me. <3 iStone!
                      It was the first Apple product to finally come with multi-tasking.

                      wakka wakka wakka


                      • #12
                        I have no words for the beauty I have just witnessed


                        • #13
                          Thanks for the laugh, I needed it! hehehehe


                          • #14

                            Rivvin = <3
                            "The mountains are calling and I must go."
                            --John Muir

                            "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I love this shit."
                            --Tommy Caldwell

                            ‎"Think like a geek. Eat like a hunter. Train like a fighter. Look like a model. Live beyond."


                            • #15
                              That was a beautiful thing. With the i-stone coming from Apple however, I won't buy one. I get a severe rash and twitching from their products.