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Just need a place to vent.

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  • Just need a place to vent.

    This won't be much about primal eating or living. It's about my stress, frustration, and maybe even depression.

    I've always thought I was too strong to get depressed. And I wasn't until I had my son, over 3 years ago. That was postpartum depression, but I didn't know I had it until fairly recently. I probably still have it. Things went south with my husband and I after the birth of our son. Our son was a surprise and we weren't prepared for how our lives were going to change. He still wanted to play video games and I was taking on the full load of caring for a newborn, keeping the house in order, and working a stressful part time job. We've had discussions here and there about how I feel and he'll change for a while, but slides back to not helping around the house and whatnot. I am a stay at home mom right now, but not by choice. He doesn't understand that it's hard to get things done around the house with a toddler home. I didn't understand it before I had a kid either.

    We had a decent emergency fund/savings account, but then I lost my job and we bought a house. Long story short, the house is up the street from my parents and it was a good deal. However, it did/does need some work. Major things are taken care of at the moment, but our money situation is bleak. We still have a little left, but it gets eaten away at every month for unexpected things that come up. He makes okay money, but really not enough to support eating well, ridiculous health insurance costs through his employer (my insurance was only about half of what it is now), and having a little fun every blue moon.

    The part I'm really wrestling with is going back to work or not.

    Pros: More money and adult interaction
    Cons: Having to pay a babysitter because my dad works and my mom is dealing with some health problems so she can't watch him full time. Being away from my kid, even though he drives me batshit crazy some days and I end up in a pool of tears. Still having to do all the housework and work a job.

    My last job I was working evenings and not getting home and in bed until about 1am. I can't do that now since we transitioned the crib to a toddler bed and he gets out and wakes me up between 7-8am. I am not a person who can function on little sleep. Plus, it stressed me out having to get all the house work/errands done before I had to be home, cook dinner, and then go to work. I also don't want to work during normal working hours because then I actually wouldn't see my kid hardly at all during the day. So my other option is an early morning job, which is going to be very hard for me to adjust to.

    Neither of us have a 4 year degree, so we're stuck not really making much. We have 2 year degrees, but in Criminal Justice. Not gonna get very far with that. I love the field, just don't want to be a cop.

    I did get hired by a local fire department, but found out I had a heart condition. It doesn't bother me too bad, but the week I was at the fire department, we were training and the physical exertion was just too much on my heart. I chose to resign. It was a really hard decision. I want to get my heart fixed. There's a procedure for it. Ablation. It's not too complicated and should fix the problem immediately. BUT, we have a high deductible plan, so, we can't even afford to pay for it, even with insurance. Fucked up.