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Australian mum, 112kg

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  • Australian mum, 112kg

    Here goes.

    Started Primal after reading PBP at the end of 2013. So far have lost 8kg.

    My battle is alcohol, and unsupportive husband, and self esteem.

    I do not think I will be able to lose the weight I want - about 40kg. I think my husband thinks that if I do and become attractive, I will leave him. I don't think I will. He's a pain, but he's him.

    I think he is unedcuated about health and unwilling to learn - maybe because he likes to be smarter than everyone and not be taught things, especially by a girl - just an idea. He is old school, and often sexist. Its not in your face sexism, just an underlying thing that sooo many his age group have (37)

    Anyway, my journal.

    I drank a lot last weekend, and am in damage control so my motivation is sky high. I am trying to lose achink of weight in a short time, just initially, to get my mojo back.

    I have embarked on a plan to cut calories by window eating
    bp coffee 8.30am
    3 x boiled eggs at 10am
    homemade veg soup with cream at 12
    dinner at 4.30, usual meat and veg combo
    dessert coconut pannacotta

    this comes to about 1600 cals, 80-15-5 macros
    Exercise is limited, I started jogging last week and just got super hungry.

    Things like a few weight exercises and some long walks, maybe some HIIT on the bike for 20 mins.

    Today is day 2. Feeling good but scared to think alcohol will ruin everything
    Last edited by Badgerfaced; 05-26-2014, 10:47 PM.
    "I reserve the right to say stupid things"

  • #2
    heya just cruising past. I cant comment on alcohol as I don't really ever have the desire to drink. I have the desire to do other things I shouldn't. what I found was what I really had was an underlying desire to take it all away and not think. Hence why exercise is such a good positive thing to keep that tendency under control. but you need to find something you love and look forward to doing.

    I'm useless at eating windows and low carb made me ill. bp coffee I always reckoned was way too many calories and not enough nutrition. What works for me is carbs ( and I so hate that word as it makes me visualise bread and pasta ) from fruit and tubers. I do keep my fat low but I also have normal full fat milk in my coffee and sugar when I drink it without eating food at the same time. I have low fat dairy such as cottage cheese and edam. I eat mainly lean red meats eg venison. fish. shell fish. I cook in butter or coconut oil. I do eat veges too. and lots of gelatin and broths and stews. I have no idea macrowise but I work on the principle stress makes me binge eat. Sugars blunt the action of cortisol. so I try to get enough sleep and stop myself from stressing by eating fruit etc. exercisewise, I walk an average of 6k a day. the getting away from it all somewhere beautiful is very good for keeping stress down. I do heavy weight training 1x per week for an hour. and various miscellaneous other activities. currently pole dancing once per week ( 5 week course off grabone ). I also swim and hydroslide with the kids every now and then. hula hoop. throw weights around at home. just random keep moving and away from the kitchen.

    after all that, what I really wanted to say was the unsupportive man thing. my ex husband used to hassle me constantly about my weight. he also expected me to sit on my ass eating junk food and drinking. Like how can you stay skinny doing that? I also wasn't allowed wrinkles or any facial blemishes. notably he wasn't brad pitt LOL this sort of abuse grinds you down. It gets hard to keep going and keep motivated but you know. Living a happy life is the best revenge. so keep at it. you cant educate or save him either. that is his responsibility. I just let everyone put it down to me being a girl and always not eating or whatever they want to believe. flick the blonde hair and smile.


    • #3
      Hey Badgerfaced, this is a great place for primal support if you are not getting it at home. Seas has some great advice above, I hope it helps and I just want to encourage you to keep doing this and do it for YOU not for someone else. Hopefully getting healthier will make you happier with yourself but it won't necessarily make anyone else happier with or for you. If it does, that's a bonus. If they don't like it, just keep doing it for you and they will at least get used to it. Best wishes.
      Annie Ups the Ante


      • #4
        Hey Badgerfaced,

        There are great tips here, a place to vent anon when needed, a place to ask questions.

        I cook at home, so my partner eats what I make (I have to work on portion control, he grow up having to eat the entire plate).

        I still make sandwiches and pasta (not for me) and rice (sometimes for me).

        The whole household can be primal for a couple of days without anyone noticing 😃

        Sent from my HTC_PN071 using Tapatalk


        • #5
          thank you all.

          I am definitely happier being primal, I am not tired and cranky all the time, and I also feel like I am getting control of my life back, that I am doing something.

          I have a 2 year old as well, and I regret the amount of *crap* thaht she eats. Biscuits, bread, lollies etc.

          I try and give her good food as much as I can, she loves meat and avocado, but hates eggs. She gets vitamin C drops in her drinks and cod liver oil every few days.

          I made cottage pie last night, and slipped some beef liver in! Didn't tell anyone and used lots of garlic. He he

          I am back on track with my eating it feels, I have been food lgging again just to make sure. !600 cals a day. I'm a bit hungry but its totally manageable. I am at 111.9kg this morning. I am excited to break 110kg, it has been a huge mental wall for me as I have been hovering around it for months now.

          HUsband has been largely unsupportive of the idealogy of PBP, but is appreciative of the food it invloves. I just add a potato or two or some rice/pasta for him and we eat almost the same most nights. WE spoke last night abnout my drinking problem and he agreed to help me stop. THis sounds obvious but I guess I havent been honest with him and told him before how much it worries me. He thought I was just happy with my drinking level.

          Feeling positive
          Last edited by Badgerfaced; 05-27-2014, 06:36 PM.
          "I reserve the right to say stupid things"


          • #6
            That's awesome!

            Sent from my HTC_PN071 using Tapatalk


            • #7
              Keep it at 1600 calories until you stall for 3-4 weeks and then adjust either macros or total energy intake. 80% of fat seem a bit too high, remember that proteins will give more satiety per calorie than fat, so 60 – 70 % of fat and 25 – 30 % of proteins would be a better combo imo…
              "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

              - Schopenhauer


              • #8
                thanks Gorbag, I think so too, 80% is quite alot! Its a revelation to me how much food (how little) 1600 is. I have clearly been overeating for weeks, hence the miniscule or no weight loss. Too much animal fat in the form of roasted meat + skin, and cheese.

                I am going to cut out the coconut dessert and maybe have a tin of sardines or something. I love BP coffee, the taste, the satiety, the simplicity - and the fact that it grosses out and confuses my work mates no end.
                "I reserve the right to say stupid things"


                • #9
                  went for my bushwalk yesterday, and had just downloaded runkeeper app. It was 4km, including walking there. Pretty happy with that, I was worried it was only 2 or 3 and I was overestimating everything.

                  So last time I jogged the whole way, but the day after I was hungrier than I'd been in ages so this time I did run as far as I can then walk until I get my breath back. Not running very fast, paranoid of hurting knees and ankles, and ofcourse the ole bewbs make running quite painful.

                  Burned 347 cals according to the app. Added it to my food log, which deducts it from your net calories. So I had half a roast chicken for tea with assorted non-startchies, and still came in under 1500 cals. Even with an error of + 300 thats fine

                  Not overly hungry this morning, I contemplated stopping at the local lunchbar to get some boiled aggs and a cheese sausage, but I realised this was purely from habit and the idea that you 'need' to eat breakfast, regardless of hunger. I wasnt hungry so I kept driving past. HUge achievement for me!~

                  So its BP coffee now, then spinach soup with some left over roast chicken for lunch. Somone at work is making a huge batch of sausage rolls for staff morning tea today, so that will be a challenge they are really good ones.

                  Savoury pastries are my achilles.

                  Planning a really awesome dinner tonight though, slow cooked teriyaki beef ribs with asian greens sauteed in coconut oil.

                  nom nom nom
                  "I reserve the right to say stupid things"


                  • #10
                    savoury pastries won. I had 3 meat filled curry puffs made by an indian lady they were pretty good but at a total of 50g carbs has pretty much ruined any chance of keto.

                    I did go for a brisk 30 min walk at lunch today, and did some wall push ups in the ladies loo! My theory is if I can burn up those carbs quickly and get back on track without too much harm done.
                    "I reserve the right to say stupid things"


                    • #11
                      Chin up, there's always tomorrow 😊

                      Sent from my HTC_PN071 using Tapatalk


                      • #12
                        Wow Marks blog post today about self negotiation couldnt have been more relvant to me right now. Its always comforting too to know you are not the only one dealing with things.

                        Well my pastry dalliance yesterday caused me to overeat all afternoon, and then be up at 1am on the loo with stomach cramps and emergency evacuation. Pretty clear message from my body there.

                        I overate mostly meat and veg though, so my carb limit was not breached any further, that is one small grace. Just calories.

                        I had planned to go for a walk or do some weights but kept finding excuses not to.

                        My daughter was unwell & didnt want to go for a walk (but I couldve jumped on the bike while she watched a movie)
                        I felt too full to do weights (do I lift with my stomach??)


                        Today after work I will go for my 4km walk/ run, then pick up my daughter from daycare and meet a friend at the play park. I'm going to go for my walk because it feels good to get out, the bush is beautiful especially after all this rain we've had. The dogs will love it, and I feel great afterwards.

                        I constantly battle with mummy guilt about leaving my daughter in daycare when I dont have to, but its only an hour and it will make a happier healthier mummy for her.

                        I wish I could have a motivation board at home, but I would not want anyone else to see it. It's a very private thing, what goes through my head with regards to my struggle with food, weight, self esteem and alcohol. (apart from here, I feel safe here)

                        While I do talk to my wonderful sister about al things food & health related, I often leave the emotional side of it unsaid. I guess it makes me feel too vulnerable. I think I give off a pretty 'thick skinned' person vibe, but actually I cry at the slightest insult or perceived slight.

                        One of my favourite quotes, from Minnie Drivers character from Circle of Friends - 'I might look like a rhinocerous but I'm actually pretty thin skinned'
                        Last edited by Badgerfaced; 05-29-2014, 07:55 PM.
                        "I reserve the right to say stupid things"


                        • #13
                          Delurking to say hello - one badger to another - don't see many of us in the southern hemisphere, but then I am a transplant. Don't feel guilty about daycare, ever. Retaining sanity is more important than spending every second with them, especially if/when it sends you insane.
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.


                          • #14
                            Hi Badgerfaced, I admire your honesty in your journal. I'm rooting for you!
                            “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”

                            ― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own


                            • #15
                              I have lied for so long about myslef, to myself and to others. I started a secret facebook group and invited all my friends who I knew who having weight / health issues, to try and make myslef more accountable, but I just omitted stuff that didnt fit with what I thought they thought of me... what ridiculous thinking! But its because I didnt feel safe there, none are primal and are confused as to why I would try to eat more fat etc. They keep inviting me to cake shops, & San churro's chocolate house of sugar.... A friend invited me over for dionner and served me pasta. I had to say no and go hungry, offending and confusing her. Just have a little?

                              They don't know the extent of my drinking, (due to my ommission) so keep saying things like oh just have one drink you've earned it! THey don't know that one drink = 30 drinks, unbearable carb cravings and half a week of self hatred. And then its the weekend again...

                              They mean well but because are doing more harm than good. But that is my doing, by not being honest.
                              "I reserve the right to say stupid things"