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  • I think I'll take advantage of having no set schedule anymore and start really listening to my body's hunger cues and what I really need to eat that day. If that means crab (and crab is cheap enough) for breakfast, then I'm hauling my carcass to HEB for crab. If that means just berries that day, that's fine.
    I also need to start working out more often. I'll only be in OK for less than 24 hrs, so I should be ok then. (heh, pun) This should be interesting.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • Sounds like you have a good plan for what you need to do. Not having a set schedule is a good idea and it will keep your body guessing continually! Way to go!
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      • HUZZAH for new students!

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        • The link Batty posted has been making me really think. I blame my past for how fucked up I am, how much I seek perfection. Shoot for the moon, land among the stars, yadayadabullshit. Truth be told, that past is a persona that no longer fits. How can it, when I'm 7 years out of that life? How can it, when I've released my burden to my mother and forgiven my father? Sure, I still try to wear it every once in a while, but it doesn't fit, too tight in some places and worn out in others. Kinda like the kid trying to wear a favorite shirt she outgrew 3 years ago. But the reach for perfection is something I've carried forward into every new persona, stitched it on like a favored patch. I try to be the cold hearted bitch most people expect from a woman in such a male dominated field. I try to be personable, even when inside I'm looking for the nearest dark corner to crawl into. I was alw.... no. I've been trying to unlearn not to show the "bad emotions," unlearn internalizing all my stress. That's a hard one to break. I consider this journal a safe haven, but even here, I put up the occasional facade and keep some secrets. I've been aiming for perfection for so long that there are places in my head where I'm not even sure if it's part of me or part of the facade. I'd like to say "I'm done with being perfect, I'm human too," but it just doesn't happen like that. It's a slow process, one that I work on everyday. When you control the head, you control the body. That's my mantra for that right now. Just trying to wrap my head around it, then I can follow it.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
          My Latest Journal

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          • Naiad..... sounds likes like you have a lot going on inside..... I agree, trying to be "perfect" or worse yet, trying to meet what others call "perfect" in all aspects of life is just unreal and causes too much internal stress.... which can and will eventually leech out externally. I tried to live up to my father's expectation of perfect... hell, he was a Major General in the Air Force and it was "expected" of me to be perfect.... and when i didn't I was a disappointment or disappointed in myself..... I felt that same thing at times when I was in the military for 8 1/2 years, different jobs, relationships.... etc. What I found what works for me is.... I define what I deem perfect for myself and tell everyone else to piss off. I set attainable and realistic goals for myself. When I reach them great! Bonus! When I don't, I decide there and then if that goal is worth having and if it is worth the effort to negotiate through that obstacle.

            Sometimes putting up the facade and holding some secrets is what keeps you safe and you know what? That is ok..... you don;t owe ANYONE any sort of explanation.... nadda, zilch.... You will eventually find the peace of self (mind, body & spirit) to that there is NO doubt.... and remember, a forged blade is strong.... but it must be heated and hammered to become even stronger and take shape. As the steel is folded upon itself it begins to find its true self and it takes on a spirit of its own.... ever look at a forged & folded steel blade? It is unique... there are NONE exactly like it.... it is a one of a kind..... just as YOU are!

            Keep your head up!
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            • Naiad-----you ARE perfect. You are the perfect reflection of the stars who gave birth to you.
              Please don't forget that?

              You don't have to be any particular "way" for anyone else. You are, as TFG so eloquently put it---
              an exquisitely formed blade, gleaming in the moonlight.

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              • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                I'd like to say "I'm done with being perfect, I'm human too," but it just doesn't happen like that. It's a slow process, one that I work on everyday. When you control the head, you control the body. That's my mantra for that right now. Just trying to wrap my head around it, then I can follow it.
                ain't that the god dang truth. it's difficult, overwhelming, and uncomfortable. at least we recognize it, that's a huge step, i guess.

                hugs, lady.
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                HANDS OFF MY BACON :: my primal journal

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                • guys-
                  Thanks for your support.
                  Kuno, I'm not perfect, I won't ever be perfect. I catch your drift, but to claim I'm perfect means I've learned every lesson I'm supposed to learn this go-round, which obviously I haven't. I'm aiming to be ME, but first I have to dig through all the layers of armor to figure out what that is and what's perfection fluff.
                  TFG, I still have many lessons left to learn (hey, I'm only 25) but there was one lesson I learned fairly early on: the people that matter, don't mind and the people that mind, don't matter. I learned that one back when I was first trying to figure out MY spirituality and people would freak out if I told them it wasn't any organized faith. That facade has helped me through the years, but if I'm going to be the old bitch who takes no shit, then I gotta work on being a younger woman that takes no shit. And that means hacking away the pieces of that facade and removing that damned patch and burning it so I can't try to sew it back on. As to your steel analogy, there was something my paca once said to me: "People that lead a safe, boring life are safe, boring people. All the interesting people have learned things the hard way." I keep telling myself that all the shit I've endured makes up who I am, and I wouldn't be ME without it.
                  Batty- Watch that first step, it's doozy. Thanks for the hugs.
                  Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                  My Latest Journal

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                  • the people that matter, don't mind and the people that mind, don't matter.
                    That is so very true. I love your quote about safe, boring people. <3 Don't be one of those.

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                    • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                      That facade has helped me through the years, but if I'm going to be the old bitch who takes no shit, then I gotta work on being a younger woman that takes no shit.
                      Some of that happens by what you're doing... figuring out who you REALLY are, and becoming comfortable with that, accepting it. You still work on stuff, keep growing, but you become comfortable with WHO you are because you've had so many experiences that have helped you figure that out.

                      And some of it is just age. After a while it's too tiring to give a flying F*&$ what other people think, unless they're people you respect and usually then they have some good info for you. Random folks, though... they're comments or criticisms or whatever... becomes meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It's actually a very nice thing about getting to be an old broad. I'm liking it a lot.
                      sigpic "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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                      • Well put, Minxxa! And hugs Naiadknight!
                        Sometimes you need to be told the truth in order to be able to see it.

                        My journal

                        I see grain people...

                        Exist in shadow, drifting away.

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                        • IF: 23 hrs
                          Dinner: stir fry ( chuck steak, frozen stir fry veggie mix, carrot, onion, green bell, celery, frozen green beans, sauce (fish sauce, ground gingr, garlic, lime juice, onion), coconut and toasted sesame oils)
                          Dessert: pumpkin pudding
                          1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.
                          yep.
                          Carbs: 59g
                          O3: 0 6:: 1: 4, w/ 1 tsp. fish oil

                          2. Move around a lot at a slow pace.
                          Went to the mall trying to find a little black dress suitable for a funeral, work, etc. Found a $140 dress for $25.

                          3. Lift heavy things.
                          Crap. I meant to do that.

                          4. Run really fast every once in a while.
                          Sprinted a couple times to avoid getting hit.

                          5. Get lots of sleep.
                          4.75 hrs. Woke up at my previous weekday hour (0545) and couldn't get back to sleep, mostly due to pain from digestive stress. Problem has been solved.

                          6. Play.

                          Borderlands

                          7. Get some sunlight every day.
                          7k IU Vit D

                          8. Avoid trauma.
                          Yep

                          9. Avoid poisonous things.
                          yep

                          10. Use your mind.
                          helped Shrinking Violet figure out what what needed to happen for her to be able to follow PB. Don't tell an engineer it's impossible. That just presents a challenge that must be solved. Helped her with the eats part, we'll work on the work out part when she's feeling better.
                          Slid into a size 0 dress that fit everywhere except the hips (par for the course) and bought a size dress that fit perfectly.
                          Last edited by naiadknight; 09-30-2010, 06:35 PM.
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                          My Latest Journal

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                          • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                            Went to the mall trying to find a little black dress suitable for a funeral, work, etc. Found a $140 dress for $25.
                            Here's to you feeling happy and loved by your Grandma every time you wear that dress, after her funeral.
                            Never eat anything bigger than your own head.

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                            • Oh, I went to the doc today. TSH, Free T3, Free T4, and VAP tests are being run. Found out that I actually HAVE hashimoto's thyroiditis. Still doing research on what that means to my life. Asked for the CRP test, she basically said that if it came back high, we wouldn't be able to do anything anyways, so why bother. Knowing that, I kinda agree. She tried to talk me out of the VAP, but I basically steam rollered her, so I got it. Means I'll know my lipids as well.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • :x *fingers and toes crossed*
                                "The penis is the male animal-flower, a soft-firm dildo, a warm dream."
                                -Raymond Peat, PhD

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