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  • Depression strikes today. Mostly despair, despondence, and dread over having to go to work at hell tom. I am scared for my job and my work record. This place smells funny, metaphorically.
    Had caldo de mer yesterday. And eggs with bacon. And a tasty try at a pumpkin chocolate loaf. Today was sugarfree starbucks, green tea, pizza sauce with turkeyroni, and 3/4 of 6" calzone, homemade by mother in law. (Thin crust.) Feeling nauseous, but I think its worry over work.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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    • Didn't sleep for shit. Got maybe a solid 3 hrs, and very broken after that. Again, worry over work. I need to clear my head of this. I'm so damned worried after Friday for the sake of my job. I can't afford to be fired, both financially and resumewise. With Boss's mood swings, and what seem to amount to mercurial firings, I'm twitchy. I have anxiety issues as it is, and I just made huge progress on the perfectionist thing, and Boss seems more than willing to break me on both of those. Seems like one of those asshats who makes themselves look and feel better by firing people and going on power trips, kinda like Boss's Boss once did at the city. A PHB. Too much power and not enough brain or sense. The idea of going into work fills me with all kinds of dread. I want to cry my eyes out already today; and I'm not even at work yet. I'm so sick of being a pawn and someone to bitchslap around at work. But in this climate, I take what I can get, especially with my checkered resume. Both jobs I've gotten that I liked, some powertripping clown decided I didn't need to be there. After all I've done for this damn company, I fucking DARE Boss to fire me. I know he would, though, if I happen to make another less than perfect program. No pressure.
      I applied for another job Sunday, an engr firm in Midland Sunday. We'll see. It seemed too perfectly written to match my skills and abilities to be real. they prob want me to move to the Houston office or something, even if I get a callback.
      I just want to say "FTS. find another whipping child."
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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      • Anyways, enough bitching and moaning.
        TMI: my body appears to be in "fire sale" mode, purging everything it can as fast as it can, in every mode but vomiting. It does this every once in a blue moon, and it gets really old, really quick. I mean, my weight's not really even dropping, so I can't for the life of me figure out what it purging or where it's getting it from.
        OH! For the first time in my adult life, I had a "normal" body temperature of 98.6 without a fever a couple days ago. I haven't checked it again, because I'm afraid it may've gone back down. I probably should. I wonder if that means my thyroid is finally being corrected for by the medications. I hope so. I hope it means I can lower my dose or go off my thyroid meds. (Granted, it's a BC that's theoretically doing this, so getting pregnant and having spawn eventually will be interesting. I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.)
        My father's trying to convince me I need to dress up as a skanky anime character (Sailor Moon skanky.) My own father. He's also angling for vampire hunter, but I've already done that one. They're trying to get me to drive 7 hrs for a Halloween party my uncle (well, kinda) is throwing. Even with free room and board, it's still likely not to happen.
        I'm still not sure on Halloween. I need something I can wear to give candy out to small kids, so nothing overly scary or skanky. Even my vampire killer costume scared some of the smaller ones. Last year I did Poison Ivy and got confused for Mother Nature a lot. I'm blond again this year, so that's factoring into my decision as well.I thought about the Greek thing, but that's likely to get a bunch of blank stares, esp if I go to a costume party full of folks my parents age. I don't want to do one of the normal ones, either, like Marilyn Monroe or Dr. Skankyho. OOOOHHH!!! Nobody except maybe a handful of people that've read the books would get it, but the idea of going as Abby Normal (From Christopher Moore's Bite Me: A Love Story) and getting Geek to go as Foo Dog would be absolutely AWESOME. Probably not though, finding thigh high skankenstein boots'd be a bitch. I've read entirely too many obscure books to pull ideas from that nobody else'd get. Going as a confused time traveler would be fun. REALLY fun. Pull together a bunch of things from a bunch of different eras, keep it really disheveled looking, and wander around with a dazed smile on my face. That one sounds like a plan, if I can pull it off. If not, I can fall back on mercy angel (cheap scrubs, a fake hypo, a demonic expression, and some random smears of "blood".)
        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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        • Lunch: 3 eggs over easy in coconut oil, 2 oz cheddar cheese off the block.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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          • I got an official verbal warning for not being absolutely perfect within 2 weeks of learning the program today. There's more to the rant, but that's the gist of it.
            Had ribeye, shrimp, baked tater, and iceberg salad for dinner.
            I cried my eyes out before I made it halfway across the living room when I got home. I wasn't strong enough not to. This job is not worth it, but I need it to pay bills until they fire me or I find something better. With my luck, it'll be the former.
            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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            • Sending you hugs. Hoping things turn better for you.
              Georgette

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              • This work crap totally sucks. Sorry.
                Primal since 9/24/2010
                "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

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                • It does suck. Were it just me, I would've left this town a LONG time ago. As a family, though we have good reason to be here, and Geek has a good job with a possibility to go work for the client and get a better paying job. I found a few other jobs in TX, so far. The more I look, the more I'm convinced this countrywide bust is getting shittier not because of politics, but because the people with exp are aging out of the workforce and no one's willing to give the next generation a chance to GET exp.
                  Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                  • A friend of mine who graduated from nursing school in April told me that most of the nurses around retirement age are refusing to retire due to the fear of losing their pensions. I think that fear is spilling over to all industries. I understand your wanting to move but why you are staying. I am so there with you on that.
                    Georgette

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                    • In engineering, it's not that the older engineers are refusing to retire. It's that many have and few companies are willing to accept young blood. Everyone wants bare minimum 10 years exp as a PE (meaning 14 years total), with 20 years as a PE preferred.
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                      • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                        In engineering, it's not that the older engineers are refusing to retire. It's that many have and few companies are willing to accept young blood. Everyone wants bare minimum 10 years exp as a PE (meaning 14 years total), with 20 years as a PE preferred.
                        Kind of makes engineering seem like its not such a great field IMO. I can really see your frustration. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't in a sense.
                        Georgette

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                        • I'm searching throughout all of TX on careerbuilder for civil engineering jobs. I'm on page 6 of 15 and I've come up with 7 jobs that would accept me and maybe 3 I'd want to do.
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                          • Yuck. That isn't fun at all period. Sending you good vibes and hope that something will work out for you.
                            Georgette

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                            • You know the problems we are all encountering here started so many years ago and just don't seem to be getting better. We've got to wake up the public and stop staring at our TVs, computers and cell phones. They changed the laws (many of them tax laws) and when you send our manufatcuring over seas and have very wealthy people not paying the taxes they should, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. The people making the laws have huge salaries compared to most and no idea of what their living conditions are becoming. Not getting all political here, it just sucks. We need to get all the idiots out of Washington and start over with lower salaries and no lobbyists. People have gotten so greedy. They've sold out our great country and we are headed for a crash like no other. The problem is quite complex, but if we made a few changes (like making out sourcing jobs prohibitively expensive in most cases and got people to buy USA made goods ONLY - hard to do as many things are hardly made here), we could head back in the right direction. Best of luck to you! Sending "a new awesome job" vibes your way!

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                              • Hey, cry if you need to. You were home, you were safe, that is absolutely the best place to unleash some salt water. Nothing weak about recognizing a need to let off a weight on your system.

                                Also sending good vibes!
                                Depression Lies

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