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Jac's back - the next 10 years

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  • OK, getting back to normal here!!

    Food: protein shake first thing. Have a pork shoulder roast for dinner, which I'll have kumara and greens with.
    Cravings: none
    Energy:
    fluctuates. I'm getting really tired still, especially when I push myself to do things like stand at an A & P show with the dogs all day, with over an hours drive both ways.
    Movement:
    this is my main area to work on now. It's too infrequent, not effective, and I don't have planned recovery
    Play:
    I'm tempted to take this damn category out!! What is play, anyway? I started making my blanket which is great and a much better use of my evenings. But I tend to associate play with physical activity, and I'm not doing that. Maybe if I rename it relaxation and fun??
    Sleep:
    my circadian rhythm gets all out of whack at this time of year. It takes no time at all to shift to staying up til midnight and sleeping til 10!! However, I've been sleeping well, and I've been up just after 7am for the last few days
    Bloat:
    still after eating, but not too much otherwise
    Pain:
    my left hip and groin hurt!! I thought it was groin strain, but I have no trouble moving my leg. I got Tony to prod about yesterday to find the source of the pain (I'm feeling it across the front of the inguinal crease and down my leg) - I'm incredibly tender across my lower back with sharp pain around the piriformis muscle area. I've emailed a local guy who does acupunture, acupressure, and massage - will try someone else if he doesn't get back to me (our phones are out, so I can't call anyone!! However, I also think this is something that I can deal with through getting stronger and more flexible.
    Other:
    I'm planning my tattoo . . . a friend has just had 2 on her forearms to celebrate her 60th birthday, and they look stunning! One is a quill made from a really colourful feather. I've looked at sites that have done fantails, but none of them really pop for me.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

    Journalling here

    Comment


    • A good artist will make a custom drawing for you. Find inspiration and meet with an artist whose work you like. For a deposit, they'll make drawings for you until you are happy with the design
      Depression Lies

      Comment


      • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
        A good artist will make a custom drawing for you. Find inspiration and meet with an artist whose work you like. For a deposit, they'll make drawings for you until you are happy with the design
        Good advice, thanks!! I'm nervous about it - want to get it right, and also I have my mother's voice in my head saying 'imagine what that'll look like when you're old' - lol, not so relevant these days, but it's a well worn track in my head.
        Started Feb 18 2011

        Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

        Journalling here

        Comment


        • it is so good it is socially acceptable to have tattoos now. i would suggest go see some tattoo artists. look at their portfolio. some will have certain styles they are better at so try to choose one who matches what you are after. look at pics on the net to get ideas of what you will like and think big coz you can. and remember too. the human body is a living, breathing, 3d object. not a flat 2d canvas.

          Comment


          • This is a thought dump .

            I'm trying to talk myself out of the kind of driven-ness that, well, drove me for the last few years. I've got a really good job, and I know I'm really good at it. I've had to be focused on the next step to get here, and here I am. BUT there are lots more steps I could take. I've spent the last couple of years focusing on getting to Associate Professor, and maybe ultimately Professor. It's a long road, and seems to consist of working with assholes and writing boring shit that no-one reads. And I know I'm capable of doing it. I've got a lot of support and pressure to do it, too.

            On the other hand, I could let myself relax a bit and start doing the kind of writing and research that calls to me. I'm a good teacher when I'm in that mental and emotional space - and I'm a bitch when I'm feeling pushed. Nothing bad is going to happen if I stop playing the game.

            Then I get an email from a colleague who finished her PhD just after me. She's younger than me, has a baby the same age as my second granddaughter, and is applying for an award. She just might get it, too. And she deserves it - I'm not jealous or envious. But I did immediately get that stressed out, competitive feeling and start to compare her career with mine. If I do chillax, she will race past me and get promoted. Do I care?? Well, yes. And no. I don't want her life, I want a better version of MY life. The consequences of not playing the game will involve being able to genuinely applaud her from the sidelines. Can I do that????
            Started Feb 18 2011

            Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

            Journalling here

            Comment


            • I've been sitting with the work stuff, and am closer to accepting a quiet career that feels satisfying. After all, the stress has really done a number on me and it's only been in the last few months that I'm close to coming right physically. I could easily ignore the mental stuff and get back on the treadmill, but that will mean that I'm in this same place at the end of next year. I'm so over this place, lol.

              I've emailed a personal trainer who works in Te Awamutu - he seems to have the creds. I looked at some websites and made judgements about the trainers - the ones who say that every workout is personalised and includes cardio, strength and stretches (personalised?? or cookie cutter??), the ones who say they tell all their clients to make their diets based on grains and vegetables, and to be sparing in their consumption of lean chicken (makes my stomach ache just to think about it!), and the ones who have a happy group photo that looks more like a school photo of 3rd formers. God, I'm old .

              Anyway, I need to see if this man has the mindset to work with someone who wants to push moderately and have a really solid recovery before doing it again. Balancing the adrenal recovery will not be easy.

              I felt awful yesterday - I think it may have been a bug. Tony had a tummy upset on Tuesday night, and I had pains and nausea yesterday so it seems likely. Better today though.
              Started Feb 18 2011

              Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

              Journalling here

              Comment


              • It's raining and cold here, after a stunning hot weekend. I'm wearing trousers and a cardigan! Ridiculous.

                We did the Tauranga A & P show with the dogs, which was lots of fun. I was so exhausted afterwards, but it was a good kind of tired. I have sore muscles from putting up the huge marquee - but I could do it, including pulling on the legs and pushing up the roof . I have sore shoulders now, though. But I actually had the energy to do it. Yesterday we unpacked the trailer, had a swim, and generally lazed about.

                One thing that's really noticeable is that whenever I have a physically demanding time - whether it's a day or an hour - I get really hungry for about 24 hours. Longer if I try to ignore it. That's also happening when I try and fast. Much as I want to lose weight, the things I try all contribute to the adrenal problems and put my healing back a step or two. If I don't eat like a horse (frequent meals, lots of carbs) in the day or so after stress, I end up feeling like I've been run over by a bus and can barely drag myself around for days. Frustrating!! I just have to learn to take things one step at a time. I love the energy I've had, and the extra strength. If I have to eat more, including lots more carbs, to keep that then so be it. I'm also heaps happier and laugh a lot more. So maybe that's what I need to really focus on - energy, strength and happiness. (It's just that I'd like to have that at 70kg - or even 80kg )

                So, breakfast today was a mince brew leftover from last night, about a cup of rice, topped off with cheese and accompanied by coffee. I'm full and feeling good. It'll be interesting to see when the hunger hits again - I'm hoping it'll be several hours.

                I didn't hear back from the personal trainer. Maybe today??

                Started Feb 18 2011

                Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                Journalling here

                Comment


                • one of the things I find is I do not do well starving myself. I cant do any of that IF stuff as it just triggers me to eat way too much of the wrong things a short way down the track. what I do now is eat consistently and exercise and hope for the best. usually if I get breakfast in within 30 mins of waking up. get lots of protein. remember my vit B and vit C and dodge as much stress as poss. I am on the winning side.

                  Comment


                  • Yep, you've been saying that to me consistently for a really long time - apparently I'm pretty crap at listening
                    Started Feb 18 2011

                    Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                    Journalling here

                    Comment


                    • So I went out and got coke and chocolate. God I'm dumb.

                      I had pork loin, tomato, kumara, butter and applesauce for dinner and I'm full again. I just don't seem to be able to hold a moderate kind of space at all, and it's driving me crazy. I'm bloated and uncomfortable from the rice this morning, which I think contributed to my lapse - it was like I had nothing to lose.

                      I didn't hear back from the personal trainer, which isn't doing my confidence any good. Then I read the gym thread and saw the comment from Mr Anthony about seeing trainers working with fat old people in ways that won't get them results, and I wonder what the hell I'm thinking. Grrr - I don't seem to be able to get out of my own way.

                      How do you manage stress?? I tend to do it the same way I'm doing the eating and exercise - all or nothing. So right now I'm doing practically no work, but feeling bored and a bit guilty. Soon I'll be back in the thick of things and will be overworked, wired and exhausted again - I do this pretty much every year.

                      I fucking surrender, alright?? I can't get anything right, can't sustain anything I start, and right now I feel doomed to getting fatter and stiffer and more and more tense.
                      Started Feb 18 2011

                      Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                      Journalling here

                      Comment


                      • Yep, you've been saying that to me consistently for a really long time - apparently I'm pretty crap at listening
                        It took me almost 50 years to work this one out and i still stuff up lots so i am more also reminding myself. if i say it enough, i will remember too!! and trust me i struggle heaps and heaps and heaps. i self medicate the crap outta myself in all sorts of ways to deal with stress. your mind would boggle. my ultimate being the scarlett, just don't think about it till tomorrow or the next day which makes some of my relationships train wrecks. when i originally went to study personal training, my aim was to work with women our age as i reckon we get the bum deal. sold so short. we put up with minimal results when we truly are capable of so much. bit of rower, bit of exercycle, low fat muffin recipes and yay high five you got down to size 14 sorta deal. this is also why i go see my personal trainer. we don't ever really discuss the granny thing unless i take the piss out of myself. he makes no allowances but i also don't get injured training and he knows how to work around all my other ( many ) injuries. he does all the figure athletes so regardless of all the "lifting heavy" thing, it is aesthetic and i would rather rock the bikini than the 100kg deadlift any day. persist with the trainer. he may well be on holiday.

                        Comment


                        • I agree Jac. 2014 is the year of the granny - so that means its our year. Keep at the guy, and if you end up dooing 10 weeks just to get the feel of the place............DO IT. Then you can decide if the PT is crap or not, and adjust accordingly
                          Weve got your back girl
                          X
                          "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                          ...small steps....

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                          • Aww, that literally made me cry.

                            Deep breath, chin firm (well, maybe a bit wobbly, lol). I know in my head that this is the result of the really major day I had on Saturday. I KNOW that it takes almost a week of taking it easy to recover from a mentally and physically exhausting day. And I KNOW that I'm getting better all the time, and that the week is a huge improvement over the total collapse I used to experience. I forget about the adrenal fatigue most of the time, and expect that I'll have no after effects at all. Instead I need to focus on the huge energy I had on Saturday - I haven't felt that for ages. I literally didn't sit down or stop talking to people from 8.30 until 4.30. I'll keep an eye on the journal to see when the energy and cravings settle back to my new normal.

                            This, though, is what scares me about the trainer. I thought about joining a gym, but realistically I'll use it once a week for now and it's a lot of money when you bring it down to $$ for usage. So I'll be voluntarily exhausting myself about once a week, then I get to experience this kind of horrible for the rest of the week before I do it again. I don't know that I'm strong enough for that. Shit, there go the tears again.

                            Changing the subject . . . it's Anniversary Day here on Monday - a long weekend yay. The only things we have planned at this stage are a greyhound walk around the lake in town, and dinner with my family in Tauranga on Monday night.
                            Started Feb 18 2011

                            Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                            Journalling here

                            Comment


                            • i got my gym membership for $10/week off trademe. we don't have fancy showers or GHD straightners in the changing rooms but we have loads and loads of free weights so i don't care. it costs me conservatively $20 in diesel to go to town. plus obviously diesel ks, wear and tear on the truck, hours of missed work i have to make up later and assorted incidentally spending as i am in town. so i go once a week and see the pt instead of 2 or 3x a week on my own which i can sorta rationalise as being cheaper. in theory you shouldn't exhaust yourself. training shouldn't be mentally exhausting and it is the mentally draining and exhausting stuff is what nails me every time. i would even go so far as to say that i am able to keep it all together and function as i do train. it deals with all that excess stress in a positive way. i do do mainly weights tho. it is very rare we do those high intensity circuits.

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                              • My gym costs me $8 as a casual, and i get to do whatever i like in there, and then $20 for a half hour session with the PT. I haven't factored in the fuel, 20 minute drive to Rangiora, however i do a food shop on my way home, so its a justifiable trip.
                                I think you have work out what you need Jac. I needed someone to kick my butt, and also learn a few correct postures etc.... for weights at home. If the PT is a goodie, you might like to learn how to do bodyweight stuff at home, and then you can do what i am doing two more days per week.
                                But at the end of the day it has to fit in with your routine, and be an achievable goal. I wasnt sure where i was at, so i made a start. It was so much cheaper to buy a 10 concession card, and i make sure the PT is booked, so if i have to ring with an excuse to not go, I will feel bad !!!!!
                                Yesterday after i finished with the PT i rowed 2000 mtrs. It was a great warmdown!!!!!
                                "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                                ...small steps....

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