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  • Hunger: Not very hungry, but decided to eat anyway. It kind of backfired on me
    LOL i always eat even if i am not hungry. i worked out a long long time ago, if you starve your metabolism slows. plus i then find i get randomly hungry when i am not supposed to be and over eat big time.

    awesome you are getting your new dog! on the subject of cat safety my dog actually went my cat last night. he did scare himself a bit doing it but he still had a good growl and a bark. incredibly brave of him as she is nasty. he was trying to steal her food and he had already had her rabbit she'd stashed while she was napping. i will need to keep an eye on him as i reckon he is quite aggro for a V. he also got the food off her by sneaking back when i was in between her and him brushing my teeth.

    It gave me about 10 minutes of total self soothing, of switching off my brain. Afterwards I felt more settled. I could have done something else instead - but I'm not sure what.
    this i have worked out is the crux of the issue. the million dollar question is the something else. needing to find and do it before it is too late and the sugar chasm has opened. that bit is what my new years resolution is to find. i also think the food thing is part of the paralysis of being trapped. everything i can replace it with needs me going out.

    Comment


    • About the dogs - we get ones that have a low prey drive, but that doesn't change the nature of dogs and cats! I know that choosing to have dogs, especially ones that can run faster than cats, is a risk. If anything happens to the cats, I just have to live with it - it won't be the dogs' fault. I'll be introducing the new one very carefully, including muzzle and squirt bottle until I'm sure of her. Any cats that are stupid enough to come onto our property are probably history - they're not part of our pack.

      Originally posted by seaweed View Post
      this i have worked out is the crux of the issue. the million dollar question is the something else. needing to find and do it before it is too late and the sugar chasm has opened. that bit is what my new years resolution is to find. i also think the food thing is part of the paralysis of being trapped. everything i can replace it with needs me going out.
      Another part of the trap is that the soothing feeling started while I was planning the icecream - so unless the 'something else' is proven to work, it probably won't.
      Started Feb 18 2011

      Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

      Journalling here

      Comment


      • my eating is almost part of the being trapped feeling. so if i can get out and say, check out by going to the beach, i am fine. till i get home and get trapped again anyways. have you noticed btw we both have not only matching cats but those leggy athletic dogs? i dont really have mine to hunt with at all. plus where we go, i can do quite fine without him as it is more open hilly country. but that feeling of walking down a deserted beach or thru a patch of wilderness with this unreal graceful dog running in front of you. i can just watch and follow him for hours. when he hunts he is even more greaceful. and then occasionally he will just look like a gangly oversized ginger spider or he will do silly things like walk into me when we have 5 ks of beach to move on. today the ocean was making this weird noise almost like there was a noisy fishing boat way out. so i was looking out to sea not where i am going and who did i walk right into and nearly trip over LOL

        Comment


        • What do you mean about the eating being part of the trapped feeling? Like you eat because you feel trapped? I can understand that. It's also funny about the animals - and I totally get the feeling about the elegance of the dogs. We go out regularly just to get them to run. It's gorgeous.

          Hunger:
          not very hungry, and had those belly pains, so it seemed right to not eat

          Cravings: none
          Food: coffee with cream x 2, dinner = 3 sausages and a tomato
          Energy: great
          Movement: short walk, pole assisted squats x 11 and 13, ring pullups x 11 & 11, knee pushups x 5 but ended up with the dogs trying to get under me so gave up in a fit of giggles
          Play: picked raspberries, listened to music, played with the dogs

          Sleep: OK - a bit restless

          Bloat: ​minimal with the fasting
          Pain: settled during the day, but my feet are sore. I wonder if it's an autoimmune thing?? I thought it came on with eggs, but my big egg overdose was on Monday and now it's Thursday - that's a long time
          Other: going to the doc today so will see what that brings. Weight is 91.6, which is pretty good. Molly came through her op OK, so it won't be long now
          Started Feb 18 2011

          Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

          Journalling here

          Comment


          • What do you mean about the eating being part of the trapped feeling? Like you eat because you feel trapped? I can understand that
            yes exactly that. i dont know why yet. that is the bit i am trying to fathom. like i can eat myself into a coma and not notice what is really going on but none of it makes sense to my logical mind at all. prob some shadow behaviourof what i really should be doing. eating less so i can run faster!!! except the situations which make me eat, i can never run from.

            pole assisted squats still sounds like you should have huge heels on and little tiny shorts. and LOL at the dogs. mine tries to stand on top of me but then wont keep still so i cant even use him as added resistance. he is incredibly deceptively heavy so he more squashes me at the best of times.

            the cat btw threw a huge sulk after the dog tried to go her and he stole her rabbit. i went to brush my teeth on the way to bed last night and there was a mouse, 2 small headless rabbits and a gold finch stashed in various corners of the bathroom. it looked like the ripper had paid me a visit. the cat was still white and immaculately clean with not a piece of fluff out of place in amongst the carnage. she was up and guarding the rabbits the moment i appeared tho. just in case you know who was skulking around behind me lol

            Comment


            • I am generally the author of my own misfortune these days - being and feeling trapped are two different things, but apparently my brain hasn't figured that out yet.

              I'm ignoring all comments about pole dancing - it's not at all pretty to see an overweight woman hanging onto a pole, I can tell you that much! Dressed in trackies and t-shirt it's even worse .

              Hunger: not very hungry again, until tea time when I was starving
              Cravings:none - to the point where I was wandering around a farmers market and there was fresh blueberry icecream and I didn't want it
              Food: ​coffee with cream, protein shake
              & 2 leftover sausages @ 12.30, about 250g steak and a tomato with salsa and aoli @ 7pm, nectarine @ 9pm
              Energy: OK

              Movement: raced around a lot, but nothing really useful
              Play: meh

              Sleep: limited - about 7 hours, probably less. Brain racing

              Bloat: ​minimal
              Pain: feet are sore, but that's all
              Other: another doctor's visit, and more progress.
              • potassium is low, so I'm now increasing that via food - bananas, seafood etc
              • most things have settled down, so the focus is now on adrenals. He's started me on a full-on adrenal protocol that has herbal drops (which I've already been taking), a vit C (plus other things) formula, another one that has lots of B vitamins with some others vits and minerals, and another one that is actually made of pig adrenals (blech).
              • I am definitely intolerant and not digesting eggs, so they're off the menu


              One of the things I'm finding really challenging about seeing this guy is that he has a physical health answer to everything that ails me. He asked about stress levels, and I told him (again) that my job isn't that stressful and nor is my life in general - but I react as though it is. I said it's more about my anxiety levels than any external stressors. His response?? That's adrenal fatigue and it's fixable. Hence the big focus on adrenals now.

              That's why he's not talking to me about a long term eating and exercise plan - he considers that those are just quality of life things that are the icing on the cake once physical health is restored, and that a truly healthy person will be able to cope with just about anything that comes along. I don't know what to think about that!! It's so firmly medical - and I'm not!
              Started Feb 18 2011

              Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

              Journalling here

              Comment


              • I am generally the author of my own misfortune these days - being and feeling trapped are two different things, but apparently my brain hasn't figured that out yet.
                i think a lot of my issues stem from my childhood when i didnt have the power to change anything. schools and so on too. as i had said before, it does my head in that i can see destructive behaviour x is a direct reaction to incident y. and yet i then still do behaviour x. maybe i could get to the stage where incident y occurs and i go meh. water off a duck's back. but i cant personally see how that could be a physical thing. i do know there is a huge mind brain body connection and alot of everything can be nutritional. and that is also where i get lost.

                LOL at you ignoring the stripper comments. squatting can be very hard if you cant just do it. anything is really that you have to train to do.

                Comment


                • Yeah, everything I'm going through now started with a bit of a traumatising childhood - that's why I became a reader because I could always escape that way. My brother can go off into his head and has done since he was tiny, and my sister used drugs.

                  The weekend:
                  Hunger: weird hunger patterns of feeling starving then being full after a few bites
                  Cravings: some sugar cravings, which resulted in lots of strawberries on Saturday and a coke zero at the movies on Sunday. My auntie brought a massive tin of liquorice allsorts over on Saturday - the size of a biscuit sampler. Luckily it's sellotaped closed, and I'm not stupid enough to break the seal. Trying to work out who would appreciate them so I can give them away but not sabotage anyone!
                  Food:
                  Oh yeah . . . just putting 1 + 1 together here - Friday I started with the banana in my morning shake. Maybe that's the sugar trigger. Anyway, I used to love bananas but I'm not feeling great on them at all. I'll find another way to increase my potassium. Otherwise it's been meat, tomatoes etc. No coffee.
                  Energy:
                  not good. I slept for a couple of hours on Saturday afternoon, and have generally felt like I'm forcing myself to keep going
                  Movement:
                  too much walking around shops yesterday, and a bit of housework
                  Play:
                  not really. Life was kind of serious this weekend. Oh, except we had the first swim of the year yesterday. We have a concrete pool, and I've been a bit horrified by how cold it stays. Finally we put one of those bubble-wrap covers on it and it's actually warm enough to swim in without turning blue!
                  Sleep:
                  my patterns are all screwed up, and today I'm up early because of the new dog - it's a priority to fix this in the next 2 days. I might need a very early night
                  Bloat:
                  still there
                  Pain:
                  swollen and burning feet, indigestion after eating - it's all a bit of a mess right now
                  Other:
                  got Molly yesterday. She's OK with the other dogs, is ignoring the cats, but she is growling and barking quite a bit - she is quite nervous, and I'm trying not to react to her but it's hard when she makes me jump, lol. Like a couple of minutes ago she did it and I realised I was tapping my finger on the mouse while I was thinking. She did well in her crate overnight, and didn't bark at all until 6am - I suspect the birds in the eaves startled her. Right now she's stretched out on the floor. She's confined to the kitchen and dining room so far, and the yard - she's never had freedom in her life, so it's all freaking her out a bit.
                  Started Feb 18 2011

                  Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                  Journalling here

                  Comment


                  • we found some liquorice in the supermarket which was gluten free in the normal lolly section. i will look for the brand next time i go. the other stuff has gluten in. hey i wanted to ask you. how do you crate train a dog who is not a puppy? mine keeps peeing on the floor at night and i am getting very annoyed about it. why he does it at night i dont know as he doesnt during the day if i go out all day.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by seaweed View Post
                      we found some liquorice in the supermarket which was gluten free in the normal lolly section. i will look for the brand next time i go. the other stuff has gluten in. hey i wanted to ask you. how do you crate train a dog who is not a puppy? mine keeps peeing on the floor at night and i am getting very annoyed about it. why he does it at night i dont know as he doesnt during the day if i go out all day.
                      I hadn't even thought about the gluten! It was just about not wanting to fall face first into a humungous tin of sugar .

                      As far as crates go - we generally drape them in something dark so it's like a cave, and give treats in there. I've had a couple of dogs that just panicked in there, so we stopped with them. Most of them seem to like it.
                      Started Feb 18 2011

                      Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                      Journalling here

                      Comment


                      • mine's a vizsla. they dont like being far away from people at all but then he is fine on his own in the house and the living room at night so i will get a crate and try. it will be cheaper than a new carpet! and yes. gluten in liquorice i reckon doesnt help the falling face first into the sugar tin or the after effects. i did discover i could make gummy molasses liquorice out of gelatin, molasses and aniseed oil which is nice. except now i cant get the nice molasses anymore. still prob dont need it tho.

                        Comment


                        • Why do I have cats?? If it wasn't for one of them having absolutely no sense of self-preservation, the new dog would have settled in really well. As it it, I'm spending my days controlling her so she doesn't run at the stupid cat!

                          My patterns are all screwed up again - I seem to find my equilibrium for a short while, then it all changes again. I'm left feeling like I have no idea what to do next. This time it started with overeating eggs about 10 days ago (days of belly pain), then introducing coffee with cream, and then cutting out eggs altogether and having to reintroduce that protein powder, eating bananas again, and possibly the use of yoghurt in the smoothie.

                          Trying a 'write it down to figure it out' approach . . .

                          I wanted to increase protein, which I was doing with additional eggs and dairy. Apart from some bloating and these persistently sore feet, I had better energy and felt good. I still want to prioritise protein.

                          I feel better in my gut if I eat twice a day - it lets me get hungry and empty. Eating three times a day led to feeling full and griping pains. BUT it's supposed to stress the adrenals and thyroid to get hungry - I don't know how much I believe that, and anyway it seems to be mostly in the context of hypoglycemia, which I don't get any more.

                          I definitely need to get more fluids in during the day - getting dehydrated adds to lethargy and cravings.

                          I should carry on with the protein powder - it's loaded with nutritional goodies, as well as protein and is, in theory, more bioavailable to people with messed up digestion. That would be my breakfast.

                          Low carb (no starchy veges, but a bit of fruit) helps me lose weight, but I have doubts about it in every other way. I'm ditching the bananas - they didn't make me feel better, in fact I've felt more tired and lethargic since I ate them.

                          How important is weight loss?? Actually it's very important, but more so when I feel bloated, which is nothing to do with fat. It's also not important enough to sacrifice energy for. So to lose weight I need to keep my energy levels up and bloating down, then have a calorie deficit.


                          I could do the mod-carb, mod-protein approach, eating breakfast and dinner every day, but fast for one or two days a week. I could have coffee and fizzy water and herbal teas during the day to improve hydration and deal to any hunger pangs until I get used to it. That might meet all the goals above.

                          I also plan to join the gym in the new year. Hopefully money will sort itself out a bit by then, and I really want to try building strength that way. As energy levels increase, my daily movement does as well - it's nice to feel like I need to move around, instead of feeling like I really need to stay still.

                          Food: protein shake @ 10am with tinned peaches instead of banana. It worked better - less gluggy. I used the last of the honey-sweetened yoghurt (Bush Road) so next I'll try the unsweetened kind. I think the sweetness increases hunger later on, and gets me thinking about sugary things. 3 pieces of fudge at the hairdressers - homemade. Coffee with cream, lemon flavoured fizzy water, apple, handful of sultanas, steak and kumara w butter @ 6pm. 2 rice crackers with almond butter later in the evening.
                          Hu
                          nger: More normal today. But slightly messed up by being really tired.
                          Cravings: bearable. I went all the way into town, and home again, and didn't go to a dairy or supermarket in spite of having happy thoughts about coke, chocolate and icecream. I'm calling that a win!!
                          Energy:
                          low.
                          Movement:
                          was managing Molly most of the day, so up and down from my chair a lot! Assisted squats (note there is NO mention of the pole in there ) 2 x 15, ring pullups 16 & 13. Improvements in both.
                          Play:
                          well, not so much. I'm feeling kind of serious and probably there's a fairly high level of checking out going on
                          Sleep:
                          really crappy over several nights. A mixture of late nights, wrong food, nightmares, heat, and my bed-mate having hayfever.
                          Bloat:
                          ongoing - hence my novel here today!
                          Pain:
                          pain relief last night. I'm so over it!
                          Other:
                          ​as above
                          Started Feb 18 2011

                          Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                          Journalling here

                          Comment


                          • Food: apple, protein shake with peaches and unsweetened yoghurt, snack coffee with cream, dinner 'lamb' shoulder chops (bloody big lamb if you ask me), kumara, then blueberries and cream with a handful of sultanas
                            Cravings: none
                            Energy: low in the morning, but got better as the day went on

                            Movement: bits and pieces only
                            Play: none. I realised I've been checked out for most of this week so far. Aimless but frantic use of the computer, very little contact with people, staying still.

                            Sleep: great!

                            Bloat: still there, but not such an issue
                            Pain: had pain relief before bed on Monday night, last night decided to go without and ended up awake and taking it at 2.30am
                            Other: My weight is going up again - 92.6kg today. I have no idea whether it's fat or fluid. I really need to find a better way to measure progress . Waist measurements don't work because of the fluctuating bloat - if I believed the tape measure there I'd be exactly the same as I was at 100kgs. Maybe hips?? Or hips and chest??

                            I have some DOMS from the exercises - most noticeably forearms and inner thighs. Mild though. Another measure is my recovery time. I used to do something like the squats and I'd be sore for a week. Now I can feel it, but I'm willing to bet it'll be gone tomorrow
                            Last edited by Jac; 12-17-2013, 12:14 PM.
                            Started Feb 18 2011

                            Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                            Journalling here

                            Comment


                            • A quick note to remind myself - I listened to an Underground Wellness podcast yesterday about adrenal fatigue. This homeopathic doctor reckons it doesn't exist except in Addisons disease because unless the adrenals fail completely then they're simply responding to signals from the limbic system and hypothalamus. He described exactly my fear/freeze response as a hyper reaction of the limbic system, and said that would start a lengthy hormonal stress response. Another source I found said that the stress response would last about 3 days IF there was no additional stress. I have to laugh a bit, since I teach a version of that to the baby nurses - when you get a stress reaction (good or bad stress) on the 4th day you'll have a stress-release reaction, like being clumsy or crying or getting irritable. It's out of the short term memory range, so generally the dots don't get connected and it feels like a random bad hair day.

                              But the thing that really made me sit up and pay attention was that he links the limbic system alarm thing to keeping a safe personal space. Shit - that's my whole checking out thing explained, and the freeze response that happens to me. I'm not super reactive to sudden loud noises or anything typical like that - I get those responses to the sound of email coming in, the phone ringing, too much contact from people having dramas, or being asked to respond too fast to personal requests. When I'm in the grip of it I start having too much eye contact with strangers in the street, and get completely overwhelmed and want to go home and sleep.

                              I could live as a hermit. There's a definite risk that if I ended up living alone, I'd do just that.

                              Edited to add that of course the next thing I read was that social withdrawal is a symptom of adrenal fatigue. Chicken-egg, egg-chicken
                              Last edited by Jac; 12-17-2013, 03:50 PM.
                              Started Feb 18 2011

                              Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                              Journalling here

                              Comment


                              • i must stop reading this stuff!!! i could definitely do the greta garbo thing and i am really really funny about people getting in my personal space. if i am ok with the person, i dont give a stuff. but if i am not ok, they had better not get within arm's reach. the other bizzare thing i noticed, sharing food. the men i am safe with give me bits of their food, share my drinks and i dont bat an eyelid. i wouldnt do that with anyone else. and it's not a germ phobic thing. i also get those random bad hair days prob about 4 days after i've had something i am not overly happy with happen. what did he reckon "we" should do to fix it? i'm going to really work on making sure i take my vit B and vit C. i just hate popping pills so much. i forever find myself thinking i will start tomorrow LOL i am a bit scarlett o'hara ish there. i was thinking too about your 2 meals a day. i met a nurse from a bowel clinic when i was prob about 30ish at the gym. one of those random chats on the exercycle sorta thing. she told me if you skipped breakfast you were way more likely to get diverticulosis. that freaked me right out as i never ate breakfast to stop getting fat. i started eating breakfast and it never made me gain weight.i also am relatively metabolically unscarred under the circumstances and for my age so i often wonder if there is a correlation there.

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