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  • i want to be free!

    I've lurked around MDA for 2 years now. One of the things I like about PB is the focus on all aspects of life and not just food. I learned a lot from these forums and the journals especially have been inspiring. I admire the openness and honesty in other journals, and the support from the community.

    So I thought I'd start a journal to keep myself accountable. I've struggled 10+ years with food and body image issues, now my main struggles are with stress.

    Some things I want to work on:
    1. Better sleep. I sleep about 6 hours (10am-5am), quality no good.

    2. Improving digestion. I get constipated and gassy a lot. It's better when I don't eat fibrous veggies.

    3. Decreasing stress. Right now life is a juggling act between running a business, relationship issues with husband, taking care of our kid. Any little thing that goes out of balance, and I react strongly and get very anxious, heart pounds, get all shaky, feel like crying, etc.

    4. Building strength. I have a weak core and get lower back pain easily.

    5. Resuming fertility. Our daughter is 25 months old and breastfeeds few times a day, and no sign of period yet. For some strange reason I really hope to conceive another soon (so I don't need to run after babies when I'm 40...?)

    6. Improving eyesight. There's a thread on myopia here on MDA that discusses how to improve eyesight naturally by exercises. I haven't kept with it. My eyes are around 4.00 so there's hope I can somebody stop wearing glasses??

    7. Becoming more active. Since we moved, I've been driving a lot more, and thus sitting a lot more. I miss my long walks. (Kind of hard with a kid who wants to 'walk' but stops every second)

    8. Deal with caffeine addiction. I've gone on and off caffeine for years. I stopped when trying to conceive our dd and drank tea during her first year. Since becoming more stressed, now I'm back to 16oz coffee a day, and feel crabby without it.

    9. Figure out the best diet for me. I have tried vegetarian, vegan, low-fat, low-carb... What bothers me most was this unnatural attitude towards food.. Recently I decided to just eat whatever I feel like (but minimal processed stuff). Some days I just want to eat a lot of rice (and I hadn't eaten rice in forever). Some days I just want to eat a ton of chocolate. Some days, I just want to gorge on meat. We moved to a place where there's lots of fresh tropical fruit available. I hardly ate fruit before (low carb, LOL), now I eat whatever fruit our neighbors pass to us. Actually I have to thank many of the thoughtful discussions on these forums not to fear carbohydrates. Surprisingly, since upping carbs from 50g to 200g or more on 3-4 days a week, my pants actually seem to fit better.

    10. Cut down on smartphone & computer use. When I get a chance to rest, I 'relax' by reading news or blogs or forums, etc. Then my eyes feel strained.

    Well, I'll stop rambling now. My family (parents and sister-in-law) is visiting and helping us take care of our kiddo so I can take a break. The downside is that my mother drives me nuts!

  • #2
    Good on you for having clear-cut goals.

    I'm improving my eyesight too. The plus lenses method has been very helpful, I recommend it.

    Good luck!

    T.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Traveller View Post
      Good on you for having clear-cut goals.

      I'm improving my eyesight too. The plus lenses method has been very helpful, I recommend it.

      Good luck!

      T.
      Hi Traveller,

      How was your eyesight improved?

      Comment


      • #4
        Life is busy with family visiting.

        I offered to cook for my mom to avoid eating out, but she doesn't like my food, lol. Anyway, I'm tired of her criticism. We got a supply of deer meat, and I made deer curry. My sister-in-law, uncle, and husband liked it. My mother said eating deer meat would make our noses bleed because deer meat is heating. Asian people are all about heating and cooling foods... do you think there's anything behind it??

        I feel like I eat too much and move too little these days. Almost like food doesn't really digest completely. Maybe the food is too heavy? Last night, we went to a dinner party, and everyone was served steak and lobster (unless you don't eat beef, in which case they had chicken and fish). So I had 6oz of rare steak, plus lobster and tuna sashimi. All was good but I felt pretty heavy afterwards.

        Woke up and swam 20 minutes this morning. It's the only exercise I've been able to get in these days.

        It's 10am now and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee. Head is buzzing. Not hungry at all.

        An interesting thing happened yesterday. My SIL and I visited a Buddhist temple, and the master there sat us down and read our signs based on our birthdays. Everything she said about me conflicts with what I thought I wanted in life. But the things she said matched what another astrologist said. I'm still digesting what she said.

        I've been drinking kombucha the last 2 weeks and eating kimchi daily the last week. BMs have been more frequently lately too, almost daily instead of every other day. Wonder if it's related.

        Chocolate cravings are gone. Last week I had homemade chocolate for breakfast, eat chocolate after lunch and sometimes dinner. I haven't thought of it the last few days..

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        • #5
          Journalling takes quite a bit of discipline.

          Kind of depressed lately. We moved to a new country in April. I spent my childhood here so I love it. My husband doesn't care for it. We were supposed to run a business together, but he doesn't do anything except complain. Lately our daughter has been a bit difficult (terrible 2s, lol), and he complains more. I cook, clean, work... actually I'm starting to find him a burden (or maybe I am finally admitting to myself I can go thru life just fine without a husband).

          So he decided he wants to start up his old work again where we used to live. The prospect puts him in a good mood, so I'm helping him plan it. I kind of hope he would move back permanently and put at end to this. But where would that leave our daughter?

          Anyway. Sleep has been improving a lot. I nap every day for an hour, and after adopting a 'screw it' attitude to problems at business and marriage, have been sleeping soundly every night. Even got up early for some yoga the last few days.

          Obsession on food is far lesser than ever. I am tired of caring. Been enjoying fruits lately. Fruits are so delicious here. Fresh mangos, pineapples, soursop, watermelon...

          Had wild deer meat today. Had that deer's liver and brains yesterday. So good! Even better, our daughter loves it too.

          My pants are tighter than before. That means portion control is in order. When we first moved here, I was so stressed with work I skipped lunch almost every day. Now I have good appetite and eat whenever I feel like. On days I feel depressed, it can be every few hours.

          Daughter still nursing 3-5x daily. My last period was in August 2010. Since having these negative thoughts about our marriage, I'm less enthusiastic about another baby.

          Goal: be able to relax and do nothing and feel fine about it. I always feel this need to be productive. Want to change that!

          Comment


          • #6
            Sorry, didn't see your question!

            I improved my eyesight through daily eye exercises, and relaxation techniques.
            Lately I've been using normal reading glasses (I'm myopic, not hyperopic) to stretch my eyes during reading. If you do an internet search on 'plus lenses method', you'll get the full explanation and method.

            T.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Traveller View Post
              Sorry, didn't see your question!

              I improved my eyesight through daily eye exercises, and relaxation techniques.
              Lately I've been using normal reading glasses (I'm myopic, not hyperopic) to stretch my eyes during reading. If you do an internet search on 'plus lenses method', you'll get the full explanation and method.

              T.
              Thanks for this. It's nice to know there's hope.

              Comment


              • #8
                Slept deeply last night. Woke up at 5:30am like I usually do. Didn't feel like exercising though.

                Cooked lentils and yam in a slow cooker, then mixed with leftover rice and shredded coconut. I generally don't care for lentils, but cook it occasionally as my husband believes they are great for protein. Anyway, after yesterday's huge deer feast, the thought of more meat was not appealing. Had 2 bowls of this lentils/rice meal for lunch. Then lots of homemade chocolate.

                Daughter is asleep and I feel that I should be exercising. But I feel kind of tired today. Lots of drama at work. The other day I played with my daughter for an hour in the playground, and I wished I was more fit to keep up with her. Exercises I do 2-3x/week-- wall push-ups, squats, holding plank pose, 5 rounds sun salutations, double left lifts, cobra and locust poses to strengthen lower back. 1-2x a week about 10 minutes of jumping jacks.

                I am wondering how extreme to go with avoiding vegetable oil. No doubt it's in all dishes here. If we don't eat out, it's no problem, but we are invited to dine out maybe 3 times a week. What does one do in this case? My husband is health conscious, but doesn't really understand about veg oils, he likes to feed our daughter baked goods and fried stuff in restaurants (he takes his breakfast out usually).

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                • #9
                  Hiya Girlhk,

                  I really think you should try hard to avoid all vegetable oils. The omega 3/6 ratios are terrible, which messes up your body's ability to heal itself, keep itself healthy, etc.
                  I'm not really sure how to avoid it if you eat out quite often; I hope someone else chimes in with some advice.

                  T.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Traveller View Post
                    Hiya Girlhk,

                    I really think you should try hard to avoid all vegetable oils. The omega 3/6 ratios are terrible, which messes up your body's ability to heal itself, keep itself healthy, etc.
                    I'm not really sure how to avoid it if you eat out quite often; I hope someone else chimes in with some advice.

                    T.
                    It's pretty hard.

                    Last night we were invited to a buffet dinner birthday party. I had a huge craving for seafood, which I don't cook at home because I'm too lazy to clean fish. So I ate tuna sashimi, a ton of oysters and grilled salmon. Lots of fish skin, though Fish head and fish skin are my favorite parts of fish.

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                    • #11
                      DD had 3 vaccinations the day before and was feverish at night. My boobs are so sore from the constant nursing.

                      On the bright side, today she told me she needed to pee and led me to the bathroom. Sat on her seat insert and peed. Yay!

                      Strong chocolate cravings again this week. Instead of feeling guilty about eating chocolate, I just eat as much as I want for now. Usually self-limiting at 1/4 to 1/2 bar a day (luckily, not every day). My daughter loves chocolate and coffee too... she's only 2...

                      Cut down a bit on coffee, around 20oz cold-brewed coffee a day, all before noon (my excuse is I wake at 5am).

                      Very gassy the last 2 days, I think from the lentils. Going to tell my husband I want to stop cooking them (he's Indian and everyone eats dal in India).

                      Kind of burnt out from cooking. If it were just me, I'd be happy with the same pumpkin dish or meat stew everyday. My husband just told me he's sick of pumpkin and everything I make. Sigh. But I dislike eating out more than feeling burnt from cooking, so, I keep cooking 2 meals a day.

                      Went grocery shopping at the fancy grocery store and bought some cheese and sour cream for days I'm tired of meat. I know I don't tolerate pasturized milk, hoping cheese would be okay.

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                      • #12
                        Out of curiosity, began tracking food yesterday.

                        Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 8.03.47 AM.jpgScreen Shot 2013-08-05 at 8.03.19 AM.jpg

                        The macro targets were set to paleo 6 months ago... gotta change it.

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                        • #13
                          I tracked what I ate for about 4 months from March-June of this year. Ranged from 1950-2400 calories, on average 2000 calories. Carbs were 50-80g on most days, except towards the end when I started to eat more rice to get rid of the sluggishness.

                          Didn't track the past month, but ate 2-3 cups of rice daily. Also a lot more relaxed about having sugar in my coffee whenever I felt like it.

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                          • #14
                            Find myself eating too much rice lately. It's just so easy to make meals with, especially these days since work has been hectic. I make curries, enjoy them much more with rice. But I want to replace the rice with more eggs and fruit.

                            Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 9.37.18 PM.jpgScreen Shot 2013-08-05 at 9.37.04 PM.jpg

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                            • #15
                              I find rice ever so boring! Curries are ok on their own, IMO

                              Anyway, good on you for keeping up the cooking even in the face of not much appreciation and enjoyment. I hope that you will be able to branch out a bit and find it a bit more fun.
                              Annie Ups the Ante
                              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

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