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My Newbie Journal

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  • My Newbie Journal

    Decided I will start a journal. I am pretty new to this, so I figured it would be best to track progress and maybe get some encouragement along the way! I will start by typing my story, I'll try to keep it short, but I doubt it will be haha.

    I've actually had always been skinny, from baby to about 23 years old. I am 29 now, ( holy that's weird to say out loud) In fact, my WHOLE family is small. My mom weighs under 100 lbs, and the rest of my siblings ( 4 all together ) probably range from 100-120 lbs or so. My weight often fluctuated growing up, but I never exceeded 140 pounds. ( I am 5'6 btw)

    I got pregnant with my first at 23 years old. That's when things started to change. Being my first baby, I didn't know much about anything, so I just ate whatever, gave into every single one of my cravings and just ballooned from there, when I gave birth to my daughter, I was 180+ lbs. I wanted to lose it, but I didn't care as much at that point, I was too busy staring at my baby or taking care of her, and trying to catch Z's whenever I could. Things started to get worse when I became depressed after she was born. My body just wouldn't produce the milk I needed to nourish her, despite my efforts, and I tried everything, including some prescribed pills the doc gave me to help me produce. After a while I did produce a bit more, but by that point my daughter was so used to the bottle, and formula, she refused. During this depression I ate, more junk, and more junk. Then I got pregnant again, not even a year after Trinity was born. This time I tried a bit more to eat better, but I'd already become so addicted that I just couldn't stop myself. I had no will power. I had my son, and fell into that depression again ( no one really knew ) I was again, devastated that I couldn't produce enough milk. This was always very important to me when I started having children.

    I continued to eat crappy and gain more, it severely damaged my self esteem, so much so, that being intimate with my SO almost never happened. Which, caused strain on our relationship so of course this made me stressed, and negative most of the time, and I continued to eat crap. I was always very lethargic, barely wanting to do anything.

    I finally wanted to do something about it and dabbled in different diets, counted calories, low carb all that stuff close to the primal, but not with the great results. I would get cravings so hard, that I just binged and fell of the wagon. This went on and off for a couple years, I'd actually lost some weight by counting calories once, but it quickly came back. I think some part in my failings was that I stopped caring to buy the better quality foods, it became easier to purchase processed foods, and fast food because I was too tired and had no energy to do anything. Let alone cook decent meals.

    I finally decided to get serious and figure something out, when a very good friend of mine mentioned Primal Blueprint to me, and had told me about the website. He said he was going to do it, and even though we don't live close, I could to it too ( he knew all about my insecurities and struggles) and that we would support each other by talking daily.

    After pouring all over the site, I wanted to try it. Everything made sense to me! I dove straight in and started 2 to 3 weeks ago. The first four days for me were terrible, I felt worse then ever felt, but after that, things completely cleared for me. I felt more energy then ever before, I wasn't nearly as cranky, and I didn't crave sugar OR wheat, what-so-ever. My SO was cranky with me though, because I said NO to a lot of foods, he couldn't or maybe just wouldn't understand. Especially the grain parts, he went to school for three years to become a red seal chef, so naturally he thinks he knows a lot about nutrition and would argue. It made this really hard for me, but I prevailed and pushed through it and continued to do what I thought was right. My SO then started noticing the changes in me, more specifically that I was WAY less "bitchy" I smiled when I woke up out of bed, and I wasn't falling asleep like him mid afternoon, even though we both went to bed at the same time the night before and woke up at the same time.
    He decided to do this with me a few days ago, he saw there was something to this. He told me yesterday how terrible he feels. I told him it would pass. But he has always been a sugar and wheat addict, he constantly is eating sugar, wheat-y things. It might take him a little longer before he starts to feel clear.

    WOW - this is long...I am going to add more later! ( on how I am doing today ) and record what I've been eating and changes I have been noticing. Sorry for the book
    Last edited by JenLiana; 06-23-2013, 09:48 AM.
    There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

  • #2
    Alright, so to start my log! I am going to say this is day 1 ( even though its really not )

    Breakfast - I am working today, so something quick. A granola bar. Made myself with cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds with dried cranberries - yum! Cup of coffee with a little milk.
    I also brought a salad with spinach, and kale with mushrooms and an olive oil and lemon dressing made by yours truly.

    Lunch - Baked Chicken Breast with a mix of spices/lemon marinade, carrots and Bacon and Mushroom "Risotto" ( Thanks for the recipe Mark ) I love it! ( this was also my dinner last night! )

    Dinner - Will be doing a roast beef, with roasted beets, and likely mashed potatoes ( cauliflower style hah) I may even attempt to make gravy with coconut flour for the first time. I need a recipe for yorkshire pudding. I love it, and so do my kids, I bet my daughter will ask if I am making some.

    Reflections: I know I've already lost weight, I checked on the scale. It ranges from 10-15 lbs ( I think it's about that time of the month) I try really hard not to use the scale, I don't want its numbers to discourage me. But I can't stop myself. Either way, I FEEL skinnier. Today my towel fit all the way around, usually there is a gap. Not today. YAY.

    Sleep I slept for 7 hours or so, had to wake up early for work. I still have trouble actually getting out of bed. I keep hitting that snooze 3 or 4 times before I have to force myself to get out of bed. But after doing so, it only takes me about 10 minutes to feel fully awake. Before, I would take me at least 2 hours sometimes longer before I felt awake. Some days I was just plain tired all day long.

    Exercise I have been a pretty big failure on this I think. I did walk to work yesterday, but I have to make sure I am out of bed to allow me enough time to get ready and walk. It's a 45 min walk to work. Today, I didn't make it out of bed in time. I am trying to work in walking more. My puppy, Leonidas, needs to walk more too. I'd like to go for walks with him, but I can't find the time. My SO leaves for work as soon as I get home, so that doesn't make it easy. Taking a puppy for a walk that isn't quite leash trained with two kids ( 4 and 3 ) NOoooo thanks! I also am really unsure on WHAT I should do for exercise other than walking. I have browsed the forums, but still not sure where to start. Plus, I am kind of weird in the fact that I don't want to be doing it in front of anyone. Excuses, I know. Need to get over that.

    Aliens? The other night, I cleaned my house top to bottom, it was long over due. I hate cleaning. I never clean that much, I just started doing it. NEVER happens. I was singing and dancing doing it too, like I was somehow happy to clean. WHAT?? I wasn't even tired after I was done. And to boot, I had a long stressful day at work....woah.
    Last edited by JenLiana; 06-23-2013, 10:55 AM.
    There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


    • #3
      Great start Jen. I am just beginning this lifestyle also so I can really relate to your story. I am trying to stay off the scale too, it is hard !! I wish you the best and will plan to stop by your journal and offer some support and encouragement.

      It is great that you are getting healthy now. I sure wish I would have started this many years ago.


      • #4
        Welcome JenLiana. Great start. I read your whole story and smiled at the cleaning part Isn't it amazing how much difference this way of eating makes to our energy and mood levels, who would have thought? Keep up the good work, I'm glad your SO is doing it too, that will help a lot. He will probably have success even if he does cheat a bit, it's not fair but don't worry, you just stick to your guns and keep going. Your babies are lucky to be getting primal food in their early years too. Best wishes.
        Annie Ups the Ante


        • #5
          Thank you Annie and Jeapa, you guys here are so amazing. Your comments keep me motivated to go harder! Its so nice to have such an encouraging community!
          There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


          • #6
            Okay, I have some thoughts I want to get down before I forget. I also need to talk about my failure of a dinner

            Dinner I did make exactly what I said, except for the yorkshire, I found a recipe but didn't have ENOUGH ingredients. And I was right, my daughter did ask. She also asked for bread, and real mashed potatoes, do you think my 4 year old is having cravings? haha
            Anyway, my roast turned out perfect, as always. But I can't say the same for coconut flour gravy and my beets. I will start with the beets. Unfortunately, my kids were outside as I was salting them ( I don't generally use a lot, just a bit to add some flavor) I heard a scream and looked out the window, as more salt then I wanted dumped in. So I thought what the heck, cant be too bad right. WRONG - too salty to eat, I was very sad. I love my beets. LOVE.

            Gravy - first time ever making the gravy with coconut flour, and really didn't like the grainy texture ( picky much? haha) The broth itself was delicious of course, with all the drippings from the roast, which was slow cooked with some carrot, onion, mushrooms and garlic. I couldn't bring myself not to eat the gravy, so of course I put some on my meat and mashed cauliflower, hoping the other foods would make it OK. WRONG. sigh. Ended up not wanting to eat and just ate a bit as I was hungry. I am thinking I might make the kids a nice watermelon ice slushi for being such sports in eating my epic failure dinner. Was disappointing because everything I made up to this point was fantastic.

            Some musings I thought of while eating - or should I say picking - at my food.
            Any of you find yourself loving fat on cooked meat BEFORE primal? I know I always did. The little line of fat on pork chops when it gets crispy in the oven - yum. The fat on steak when cooked on the grill - yum! Fat on roasts - yum. Or ever made a nice ham, with skin still on and got the skin part all crispy? My mom used to score it and bake the ham, then broil for the last few minutes so she could get the skin nice and black ( not burnt tasting ) and crispy. ( ham was usually dry but those "crunchies" made up for it) ANYWAY - my favorite part of that was eat the bottom of the crunchy where all the fat was - YUM. I also loved to eat turkey skin whenever thanksgiving came around. My brother actually pulled it out of my hands last thanksgiving, saying that shit is terrible for you, don't eat that crap. IS it crap? Is all that fat crap. I don't really know for sure? Maybe it was my body telling me that I need to eat it?
            There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


            • #7
              Jen, you are making me HUNgry lol. You sound like an amazing cook.

              It's a pity the gravy didn't work out, maybe you could try thickening with arrowroot/tapioca starch instead, that should at least be smoother than coconut. But here is another idea - reduction. This works when you have lots of liquid left in the slowcooker, it's tasty but far too runny for gravy. Just pour it into another pot and bring to the boil, keep boiling until the liquid evaporates off, what remains will be both thicker and tastier, it's not quite the same as gravy but can be even better.

              Maybe your daughter is having cravings, but maybe she is just hungry. I would think it safe to give her potatoes to fill up on as long as it doesn't take the place of her meat and veges. It's also a good carrier for extra nutrition in the form of butter or gravy for example. Don't give in on the bread though - it is addictive for her as well as tempting to you and doesn't really have anything of value to offer.

              As for loving the crispy fatty skin, that is one of the great benefits of primal - realising that not only does it taste good it is also good for you. And since most people don't believe this, all the more for YOU.
              Annie Ups the Ante


              • #8
                I got hungry reading about eating the grilled crispy fat.... I have always loved it and would eat with guilt before, primal is great cause no more guilt.

                I second what Annie said, sounds like you are a great cook. I am learning a lot of cooking techniques reading through the journals. I am embarrassed to admit that I have never tried to make my own gravy. I am gonna give it a try.


                • #9
                  Thanks ladies! I've always been a good cook, well at least I think. Growing up with a family of 5 and two working parents, I got to cook at an early age! Plus it helped that I have a cook for a SO. He taught me a lot of techniques! ( I think I am much more creative though

                  I actually have some arrowroot, and used it once for a gravy. I might try it again, with a little less then the last time I made it. Turned out kind of slimy. Maybe I was just too spoiled with learning to make a perfect gravy with a roue! I will try the reduction route as well, when I have more time. Kids were already hungry, and asked every 2 minutes when dinner would be ready. I understand a reduction sauce could take a while. Plus I really didn't get a lot of excess juices this time around.

                  I won't give in on the bread, I really don't think its necessary for kids to eat. As far as potatoes go, I may give in on that per your advice, but it IS a pain to make two separate side dishes, especially when I work the mornings. Also, I think I might be a bit afraid of eating them too, if they are in front of me.

                  So glad to be reassured that fats from meat are perfectly okay to eat, as its my favorite part!
                  Last edited by JenLiana; 06-23-2013, 08:26 PM.
                  There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


                  • #10
                    Today has been a rough day. I love the rain, I love the smell, but it makes my mood dark. I am much more lethargic when it rains. So maybe its more of a love / hate thing. It wasn't just that, been cranky and tired all day too. Mostly frustrated though. So frustrated at looking in my closet and seeing thousands of dollars worth of crap I have no use for, rather then my fridge being full of nice yummies, so I don't have to be so repetitive. But that's a whole other gripe I wont get into. This isn't a forum to bitch about your spouse.

                    Really wanted to eat a big bowl of Cereal today, because of all this stuff going on in my life today. Also, I got to work and what do I see in the back office, a big box of a dozen donuts, AND 4 muffins....nice. I am resisting though, and munching on my pepperoni instead.

                    Breaky Well maybe more like brunch
                    3 deviled eggs - I did use store bought mayo, which some of the ingredients you might be upset to hear. But I figured I am only using a tablespoon, how bad can it be.
                    8 prawns cooked with garlic and butter, and then tossed some kale and spinach in and sauteed it all up. Was yumm-O
                    handful of grapes.
                    Coffee with a bit of cream

                    Snack One of my home made granola bars
                    some cheese
                    4 pepperoni sticks
                    coffee with a bit of cream

                    Edit - I never ended up eating dinner, I just wasn't hungry at all.

                    Sleep I went to bed at midnight, I was so tired because I was up at 5am that morning, not sure why I stayed up. But I did sleep until 8 so I still got my 8 hours. But, was feeling tired all day, as previously stated. Hate being a woman.

                    Reflections I am finding doing this harder and harder, I think my resolve is starting to break a bit. Not because I am having all sorts of mad cravings, but because its HARD on the pocket book. I think I'd be okay if I was doing this on my own, with no one to tell me we can't go out and get new stuff, I need all the money....( oops veering close to bitching about my SO problems) I find I am going through A LOT more food. Its not because I eat way more, I probably eat the same amount. I just don't eat all the cheap stuff. I always had "good" stuff, for my kids. Wouldn't ever eat it though, because it was for them. Now all 4 of us eat the good stuff so it goes really fast. I still have lots of meat, but I am having a hard time figuring what to do with sides. Maybe I don't have to, but growing up, we always had three things on our plate. (Protien, starch, veggie) So I feel empty and like its not enough if I don't have three sections on the plate now.

                    Exercise .....As to what I said earlier, was tired, feeling lethargic, didn't really want to go out in the rain. So I layed around. I am at work tonight though, and so far have had to go deal with quite a few guests. So instead of the elevator I took 3 flights of stairs a few times...does that count? Or when I got to work, I had to go to the store across the street, and I sprinted about 5 secs each way to beat the traffic, does that count? hah.

                    Aliens? They ate all my eggs, and bacon. MY BACON!!
                    Last edited by JenLiana; 06-25-2013, 03:16 PM.
                    There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


                    • #11
                      Sorry you to hear you had a rough day, but you resisted temptations so that is a plus. I think it will take a while before this lifestyle becomes 2nd nature so we need to be kind to ourselves when we hit the bumps and focus on the positive changes.

                      Your kids are adorable. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.


                      • #12
                        Thank you Jaepa, they are adorable! And thank you for your words of encouragement. I hope my day goes better tomorrow as well. My daughter has a big dental appointment, so I've a little anxiety about that. But she is tough. I might spurge and get her a nice "healthy" treat afterwards.
                        There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


                        • #13
                          Today was/is a better day. The sun is coming out ( now that I am at work though /sadface ) But that means my pretty plants will get some much needed sunshine! I don't feel as tired as I did yesterday, even though I was up earlier and got less sleep. Had to get to a dentist appointment for my daughter, she had a couple fillings. My daughter has me in awe of how brave she is, I was literally holding back tears watching the dentist freeze her mouth with that big needle and my beautiful baby girl took it like a champ. 40 minutes of mouth open wide and poking and prodding and not one tear or complaint. I love her! The dentist even told her she did so amazing for a 5 year old, and Trinity shook her head and said "No, I am four!" lol. Anyway, back to it...

                          Breaky I didn't eat until around 11 but I had a delicious omelet with bacon, avocado and some cheese inside. Also some bacon on the side, and half an apple.

                          Nothing for lunch, as I had a late breakfast.

                          Dinner I probably shouldn't write this prematurely just in case but I plan on having what I was supposed to last night. ( My roast and cauliflower mashed "potatoes"

                          3 coffees with a bit of milk
                          5 glasses of water so far

                          I decided I am going to include what I make my kids, in case people need ideas, as sometimes they get different food then my SO and I.
                          B Cheerios
                          L Pepperoni slices, cheese slices, cucumber slices ( which they loved making little sandwiches with) and avocado.
                          I am at work tonight, so I am not on dinner duty, but my SO is making them chicken breast with some veggies on the side.
                          S I actually bought them some frozen yogurt, after how awesome my kid did today I wanted to buy her a treat. I found Open Nature Greek frozen yogurt at Safeway today. I got the strawberry kind because its what Trinity asked for. I thought it's probably a whole lot better then regular ice-cream, but its still really not THAT great for you.

                          Today's happenings : I am including this instead of reflections today, as something else (other then my daughter) surprised me today. My SO, is now 100% on board, is no longer argumentative, and thinks we should give this our 100% Including with the kids. They still have grainy cereal in the mornings. He also says we really shouldn't have dairy. But I think its still important for my kids , and I like to make them primal friendly pizza's once in a while since they love it so much. I also think cheese is just easy to munch on. Anyway, getting off track...Reason for my SO's switch. I deviously had him rent "In search of the perfect diet" on itunes last night. We watched half last night and the rest today. I say deviously because I know what kind of influence documentaries have on him. I had a major suspicion that if he watched it, he would be a lot more receptive of what I am trying to do with our lifestyle change. And he was, and went further then that, which is why I was surprised. He even went so far as too cross off items on a menu being served on a paintball trip he is doing this weekend. Its a buffet lunch that he pays 10 dollars a meal for, and we went through it and decided what he can and can't eat, and we will be going out to purchase fruits and other items he can eat, when he CAN'T eat what the caterer's are serving.

                          Exercise I suck at this part. Maybe I need more time to feel more motivated? But it was a busy day anyway. I did a lot of slow walking with grocery shopping and what not. I actually have an xbox with kinect at home. We just got a new TV a while back and don't have the proper mount for the kinect, I have been thinking about getting the proper mount, and using it to do some of my exercise since I can do it right at home, in privacy, and still watch my kids. I do have a few work out games. What do you guys think?

                          Aliens? They replaced my bacon and eggs today!
                          Last edited by JenLiana; 06-25-2013, 03:42 PM.
                          There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


                          • #14
                            I also had to add this, because It as another shock that came to me today. My SO has always been very anti - GMO and pro organic, and since he's been a professional cook for years, its only natural for him to want to own his own little "cafe". It is our dream to open one in a few years time after major saving. I was to do the growing end of it, so I would grow fruits and veggies organically, we'd raise chickens for eggs ext, to serve in the cafe. He'd do the business end of it and cook obviously. Well after today, he now thinks we should do a Paleo/Primal style cafe. He even had ideas for all the paintings and pictures ( caveman drawings ) lol. It makes me SO happy. We went from wouldn't it be awesome to bake our own breads and serve it ext, to lets not serve ANY gluten, grains, ext....

                            Never underestimate the power of documentaries!
                            There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


                            • #15
                              Day off today, yay! Feeling good, not tired. That is always awesome! Last night was kind of terrible though, I got real tired, and felt super bloated. It was shortly after I ate my dinner, which I wasn't all that hungry anyway, but figured I should eat so I don't end up wanting to eat at 11 at night.

                              Breaky today : A few slices of pepperoni and half an apple, coffee
                              Lunch Spinach salad with some mushrooms and celery with olive oil/white wine vinegar dressing and crumbled bacon, and a nice piece of sole fish served on top
                              Dinner: Steak with garlic fried mushrooms on top, eggplant pizza rounds, cauliflower and broccoli

                              B A banana and cup of yogurt
                              L Sigh, they saw crackers in the cupboard, so my daughter wanted that with peanut butter, I gave in. Then promptly got rid of the rest of my crackers by giving them to my sister.
                              D Same as me, minus the steak. I let them add the toppings themselves to the eggplant rounds, which made them pretty enthusiastic about eating. Their plates were clean =)

                              Today's Happenings Clean out my cupboards. My sister ended up with a bunch of goodies. My pastry flour, my bread flour, crackers, pasta, food coloring, and a few other things. I was going to give her my popcorn. Is popcorn OK? I am not sure? Its not microwave ( yuck ) just whole kernels I pop myself. My SO said we should keep it anyway so I did. I also felt pretty guilty giving her the bag knowing she shouldn't eat any of this crap either, but I couldn't just throw it out. And I know my sister wouldn't ever consider adopting this lifestyle.
                              I also plan to make the blueberry muffin recipe I found today, so my kids can have an easy go to snack. We shall see. Right now I just feel like watching a bit of TV.

                              Exercise Did some walking today, went to the store, got some groceries. I spent to much...60 bucks on only a few items. Ouch. Played outside with the kids, and the dog. Then the thunderstorm hit and we went inside. Did a bunch of laundry too, which requires up and down stairs. I hope I get the energy OR drive rather, to get serious about doing more for exercise.
                              There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears, get over your hill and see what you'll find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.