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Journey To Happiness - A Magical Land Where I'm Finally Content

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  • #91
    Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
    I don't dislike anything about myself, I think I'm the greatest, and I'm really beautiful; yet it doesn't stop me from being completely depressed. I think I just dislike everything else.
    Show us pics so we can see how beautiful you are!

    What do you mean by, I just dislike everything else? Do you mean about yourself? I hope not!

    Comment


    • #92
      Originally posted by Driedmango View Post

      It's also starting to dawn on me that other people really don't see me how I see myself. She was saying something about how she's one of the "chubby" people, and I asked her what constitutes being a "chubby" person. Her response was "anything from me and bigger". I told her I had a very messed up perception of my own body, so I didn't know if I was in that category. Her response was "well, I'm size 12 in pants...what are you, like, a size 2?". So although I'm not a size two, at least not in pants, thanks to my butt, it just kinda made me see that it's possible that I'm not the elephant I think I am.


      It's also coming to my attention that my relationship with food is even more messed up than I figured. I probably spent most of today and yesterday panicking and obsessing over what I was going to eat while I was travelling, and dreading the fact that I might end up eating too much, and just anticipating. It's like I'm setting myself up for failure in my head. And why is something like "omg what am I gonna eat" the first thing on my mind, when I should be excited about the trip? Need to get my shit togetherrrr.
      Body image... It's a hard thing to deal with. I feel like a fat cow most of the time and I'm not much bigger than I was last year... I'm just up one clothing size.

      I'm the same way. I spend too much time planning the food I'm going to eat. Partly bc I need some balance bc of having type 1 diabetes. I can't just fly by the seat of my pants, unfortunately. Anytime I'm planning to go out if town, my first thought is about how to get a healthy breakfast.

      Btw... Your workouts look awesome! With doing the 4 reps, is best to gain strength? Right now, I'm just trying to focus on losing a bit of fat and keeping the muscle I have.

      Comment


      • #93
        Originally posted by brookesam View Post
        Body image... It's a hard thing to deal with. I feel like a fat cow most of the time and I'm not much bigger than I was last year... I'm just up one clothing size.

        I'm the same way. I spend too much time planning the food I'm going to eat. Partly bc I need some balance bc of having type 1 diabetes. I can't just fly by the seat of my pants, unfortunately. Anytime I'm planning to go out if town, my first thought is about how to get a healthy breakfast.

        Btw... Your workouts look awesome! With doing the 4 reps, is best to gain strength? Right now, I'm just trying to focus on losing a bit of fat and keeping the muscle I have.
        It's crazy how we're always our own harshest critics, isn't it?

        And at least you have a legitimate health reason, you aren't just off your rocker like I am, lol.

        I did 4 sets of 6 today (or 5 sets on some). It's mostly to reinforce the strength I already have, and for endurance/form. My goal is to lean out and keep my muscle too. But i really enjoy lifting, which is why I do it. I figure that's better for me than forcing me to do something i hate to lose weight and then completely giving up because i'm sick of it.
        My maxes are actually a fair bit heavier than todays workout. They arreee:
        deadlift: 195, squat: 165 and bench: 95 (yeahhh i'm super proud so i wanted to brag a bit haha)
        Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

        Comment


        • #94
          Originally posted by Driedmango View Post
          My maxes are actually a fair bit heavier than todays workout. They arreee:
          deadlift: 195, squat: 165 and bench: 95 (yeahhh i'm super proud so i wanted to brag a bit haha)
          I'd be bragging too!

          Comment


          • #95
            Originally posted by brookesam View Post
            Show us pics so we can see how beautiful you are!

            What do you mean by, I just dislike everything else? Do you mean about yourself? I hope not!
            Haha, I just have a high opinion of myself. I don't take selfies, and usually am not placed in the situation with a camera taking pictures of me. Being a creature of the night and all. I have a picture of myself on these forums somewhere though, maybe you can dig it out!

            Nah, not myself, just bored.
            Make America Great Again

            Comment


            • #96
              Monday, 24th June 2013

              Day Nine of Willpower Challenge

              Sleep

              ~2.30 - I honestly can't remember when I woke up. Even though I always look at the time when I wake up.

              Exercise
              I was pretty sore today. Which confuses me, because I didn't really do anything new. Does PMS make your recovery worse?
              So I didn't go to the gym, but I did end up doing some Fitness Blender videos.

              I did this one in the morning:
              60 Minute HIIT Cardio and Abs Workout - Fitness Blender Tabata HIIT, Abs and Obliques Workout - YouTube

              And then I got restless later on and did quite a few kickboxing ones:
              Kelli's Cardio Kickboxing Workout - Max Calorie Burn Workout with no Equipment - YouTube
              Cardio Kickboxing Workout with Ab Exercises - 37 Minute Fat Melting Routine with Fitness Blender - YouTube
              Cardio Kickboxing plus Abs and Obliques Workout - At Home Bodyweight Workout - YouTube
              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYGHc9mdH6
              Atleast I think those were the kickboxing ones. I did them from my phone, and I'm pretty tired now so I can't remember.

              Food
              Breakfast: 3 sunny-side up eggs (cooked in coconut oil)
              Lunch: Smoked salmon
              Dinner: Grilled chicken
              Post-dinner meal - I got really hungry: Leftover Lebanese food (mixed grill stuff)
              Snacks: Almond butter and dark chocolate
              Drinks: Coffee + coconut milk + stevia
              Calories: ~1500

              Thoughts and Stuff
              This might sound a bit silly, but I'm currently trying to really tire myself out. I'll be travelling for around 24 hours total after tomorrow, and one of the flights is 14 hours long. I have never been able to casually fall asleep on a plane. I always stay up the night before in hopes of exhausting myself, but I'm just always so uncomfortably warm and restless on planes. So I'm trying to exercise myself to exhaustion so that when Wednesday rolls around, and I'm on that 14 hour flight, and everyone else is snoozing, I can snooze too! Otherwise I end up just eating a bunch of candy/chocolate/junk, and I don't think I can handle that stress. I would've kept on doing more of the kickboxing videos today, just because all I needed was to stop for 5 minutes and I was all pumped again. I almost did another 40+ mins of kickboxing. But I didn't want to over-do it, lol.

              I've noticed that my skin's clearing up since I started eating mostly clean again! I've never had crazy difficult skin, but because of my recent crazy eating habits, my skin was starting to break out. And now it's calm and stuff .

              Well, not much happening today. I'm super excited to be travelling (and dreading the process of travelling, but oh well).

              Day nine done

              Question Of The Day
              What do you do when you have to go on super long trips and you know you'll be bored? And what do you do when you're tired and you just can't fall asleep?

              She’s a beast in disguise of a sweet song siren, that feasts on admirers so keep on driving
              Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

              Comment


              • #97
                Originally posted by CiKi90
                Whoooa! You worked out SO much today! I can't believe that. Girly, if you think you're sore now, get back to me tomorrow on how you're feeling, lol!! Those videos aaaalways make me sore, usually in my butt. I can't even believe you did all that! I am shooocked! haha.

                AOTD: When I have to go on super long trips, and I know I'll be bored, I bring tons of things with me: a portable video game console, a sketch pad, colored pens, a writing tablet, and trashy magazines. I even have a couple of movies on my PSP, and I can download some before I leave for my trip so that I won't be bored. Between having plenty of movies to watch, catching up on celebrity gossip, being able to write, and draw, and play video games, I'm usually not too crazy lol. But, I usually end up falling asleep pretty quickly, unless I'm excited.
                When I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep, it's usually because my body is all twitchy, and my mind is going a mile a minute. I don't know if this would work on a plane, but this is what I do: I make my body completely centered and symmetrical -- like lying on your back with hands on either side in the bed. Then, I take a lot of very slow, deep breaths, and I focus on each body part, starting from my toes and working my way all the way up to my head. I focus on the body part and relax it as much as possible, letting go of all the tension. By the time I get to my ribs/chest or arms, I can drift off fairly easily. Doesn't always work though, not if I'm hungry, or excited, or angry, or very sad... emotions get in the way of sleep.
                Haha only my calves are really sore, and I guess that's cause you have to stay on the balls of your feet so much of the time when you're doing the Kickboxing stuff. I've alwaaays wanted to do Kickboxing, so I got really into it, lol. I was even considering doing some more of it later tonight if my calf soreness goes away. If not, I'll probably end up doing a video that would be nicer to my legs. Fitnessblender videos are soooooooooooo good. Thank you so much for showing me them, haha.

                I'm actually the same, I've already packed my nintendo DS and a notebook to write/drawn in (and the pens ). I always buy the magazines at the airport right before the flight, haha.
                I think I'll try that, or picture myself on a huge icy mountain to cool myself down, I don't know. Yeah, my feelings are always my sleeps number one enemy, lol.

                By the way! What's your favorite fitness blender video?
                Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                Comment


                • #98
                  Originally posted by CiKi90
                  That's great that you do the same stuff as me on flights! We kind of have a lot in common, I think we'd make great friends in real life.
                  I agree! If you're ever in Montreal, or Canada in general, you should definitely let me know .

                  Originally posted by CiKi90
                  Besides, I think that my favorite video and your favorite video would probably be different since I want to improve my butt and you already got it goin' on :P haha!
                  Hahah I was sat here concentrating quietly, and I read that and burst out laughing. My dad was roaming around next to me and just stopped and stared. My favorites are probably the kickboxing ones, just because I've wanted to do kickboxing or a martial art for ages. They're all great though!
                  Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    Tuesday, 25th June 2013

                    Day Ten of Willpower Challenge


                    Sleep:
                    2.00 - 10.00

                    Exercise:
                    Couldn't make it to the gym again today, lots of packing and last minute stuff before I travel tomorrow . Buuut I did do another FB video. I wanted to do a really intense one, sooo:
                    Fitness Blender's 1000 Calorie Workout at Home-HIIT Cardio, Total Body Strength Training + Stretch - YouTube
                    That was the one I did! I definitely didn't do it 100% though. I couldn't do the walking planks very well, and I had to pause it here and there. I also only had 5lbs dumbbells at home, so the strength training part probably wasn't as difficult for me as it should've been. I hope I get to a fitness level where I can do that whole video without stopping, like the instructor!

                    Food:
                    Breakfast: 3 sunny-side up eggs (cooked in coconut oil)
                    Lunch: A bowl of cherries
                    Dinner: Grilled Sea bass and mussels. I also tried octopus, and it turns out I have a slight allergy to it (also to shellfish, but I already knew that). It kind of tasted like chicken, though.
                    Snack: Dark chocolate and more cherrieees
                    Calories: ~1350 - 1400

                    Thoughts and Stuff:
                    I'm getting into that super excited "YAAY TRAVEL" mode. I can't wait . I already know I'll be super grumpy while I'm actually travelling, but who cares, I'm just going to revel in the happy feeling for now. Nothing too exciting today. I'm probably going to still stay up all night, if I have something to do. I don't know why I keep doing it, it's not like it actually helps me sleep on the plane. Maybe I'll do another FB video later if I feel up to it (I doubt it right now, but I tend to get ridiculous rushes of energy late at night).

                    I'm also wondering if I should let myself take a break from my challenge while I'm in the process of travelling. That doesn't mean I'd go crazy on non-primal stuff, but maybe not be so strict. Just so that I don't keep thinking "omg omg omg this isn't allowed, I really really really want it" and end up binging. Not sure yet. I guess we'll see!

                    Question Of The Day
                    This was actually meant to be yesterday's question, but I forgot
                    What's one activity/hobby/thing you've always wanted to do, but never got round to it?
                    Like I said to Ci, mine would be taking up kickboxing and/or a martial art.

                    Day ten of the willpower challenge done

                    It's empty in the valley of your heart, the sun, it rises slowly as you walk, away from all the fears, and all the faults you've left behind
                    Last edited by Driedmango; 06-25-2013, 04:10 PM.
                    Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                    Comment


                    • QOTD answer has to be snowshoeing. I WILL make it happen soon. Life isn't getting any longer, you know.
                      Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by CiKi90
                        Hey, I'm really happy that you're excited to travel, buuuuut I'm slightly worried, if I can be honest. You've done so so so much exercise lately and you are definitely NOT eating enough! I am being really hypocritical, because I know I do it, too, but I just want you to be totally aware of it!

                        So, saying that, I really think you should take it easy on vacation, really! You should eat what you want, and whenever you want. You should realize that sticking to Primal foods all the time in sacrifice of relaxing and having a good time. Being concerned with your health, wanting to exercise to stay fit and look great, and making sure that you're not overindulging are all great things to be aware of, but it is a slippery slope toward orthorexia. All of these things can snowball into obsessions that I know of all too well. Understand that keeping stress down to a minimum, having adequate fun play time, and getting good amounts of rest are aaallll part being a well-rounded, healthy person! I don't wanna lecture you, but I caaaaare about you lol. Not in a creepy way. Did you ever skim through the Your Eatopia website that I showed you a while back? It might motivate you to let go a little bit on your vacation, so that you can just have fun, relax, and enjoy.

                        AOTD: I always want to do all kinds of crazy things, lol. The most recent thing that I've been thinking about doing is going through the obstacle course at a state park near my house. It has a zipline and takes like 3 hours to get through the whole deal. Seems interesting!
                        I totally fell asleep while thinking how to reply to this, lol. Then my sister and brother decided to roleplay 'the voice' outside my door and i woke up super annoyed.

                        I thought of what you said about eating more and taking it easy and i might've really let loose haha. But i don't feel bad about it, which is weird. Maybe it's because i know i've done like 7+ hours of exercise in the past 5 days. Buut basically i consumed almost 1000 calories of junk. And i feel sooo satisfied. I'm going to post about it in a sec if you wanna read it there

                        I know you care and i appreciate it lots and lots! Lecture me if you want, haha. I only read the one article you showed me, but i'll take a look!
                        Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                        Comment


                        • Wednesday, 26th June 2013

                          Sugar splurge!

                          I think since it's past midnight, i can still say i got ten days done in the willpower challenge! And i'll probably get it back up the day after i land in Dubai.

                          Soooo i woke up and saw some left over pocky that i'd been absolutely craving for days. And i thought 'oh what the heck, it's wednesday, you're travelling today anyway.'
                          And i kept thinking and thinking and honestly i'm not gonna spend the rest of my life as 100% primal. Im satisfied if most of my food choices are clean.

                          And this is basically the breakdown of what i had:
                          Shit tonne of pocky
                          Hershey's chocolate
                          A bit of a leftover frozen waffle
                          Some jalapeno chips
                          Calories : ~1250

                          Wow that's what i eat in a whole day on most days, lol. A little bit of panic kicking in now!

                          I dont think i would call this a binge, because i wasn't in that 'out of control eat at the speed of light' type state of mind. I ate it slowly and i reallyyy enjoyed it.

                          Of course my obsessive tendencies meant i had to calculate the weeks calories and see if i'd done major damage (i dont feel bad about it, but i dont want to gain weight either!). And i still end up having like 3600 - 5000 calories left for the next two days of travel (depending on how i calculate it). I just need to focus on not panicking over whether or not i calculated it right, lol. And although my weigh-ins are usually friday, im skipping this weeks, just because i know it'll be high, and i dont want to ruin my holiday.

                          I feel a bit guilty posting about happily eating sugar and processed stuff on a primal forum, lol. But this is my journey, and that's how it went.
                          Last edited by Driedmango; 06-25-2013, 11:01 PM.
                          Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                          Comment


                          • Yes, you should not worry while you're traveling. Traveling can already be stressful on your body and you don't need to add emotional stress. While I was staying with my friend for the past 5 days I pretty much went with the flow. I didn't eat things I knew caused problems (wheat, vegetables, etc.) but I didn't care about ingredients. I ate way more than I usually do, drank soda and alcohol daily, snacked on Hershey's kisses and jelly bellies between meals, and I think I actually leaned out a bit (not a concern of mine to begin with, but interesting to note nonetheless)
                            Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                              Yes, you should not worry while you're traveling. Traveling can already be stressful on your body and you don't need to add emotional stress. While I was staying with my friend for the past 5 days I pretty much went with the flow. I didn't eat things I knew caused problems (wheat, vegetables, etc.) but I didn't care about ingredients. I ate way more than I usually do, drank soda and alcohol daily, snacked on Hershey's kisses and jelly bellies between meals, and I think I actually leaned out a bit (not a concern of mine to begin with, but interesting to note nonetheless)
                              As far as I can tell, there are no specific foods that have any horrible affects on me. But i've definitely decided not to be so militant about what i'm eating on this holiday. I seem to forget that being so obsessive about what I ate was how i got my ED to begin with.

                              It's interesting you'd say that, because I was just thinking how i would always lose weight when I wasn't stressing out about food or my weight. I want to try to just listen to what my body wants, because the only reason I end up bingeing is because I deprive it of so much. Does that actually make any sense, lol?

                              I was also thinking of trying to rev up my metabolism. I found Zach's journal really interesting. I want to read both his and Yoga's journals from start to finish. Kind of want to make my body a test subject, and just experiment and take my mind off of just blatant restricting.
                              Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by honeybuns View Post
                                QOTD answer has to be snowshoeing. I WILL make it happen soon. Life isn't getting any longer, you know.
                                Haha is that when you wear those racket like shoes and skip around in the snow? You should definitely do it!
                                Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

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