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A Work in Progress: Finding the Right Balance (firetiger)

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  • A Work in Progress: Finding the Right Balance (firetiger)

    So apparently my other journal got attacked by some sort of malware so I am starting a new one. Here's my old intro copy & pasted:

    Hey everyone! I'm a 26 year old graduate student in New Orleans and have been primal for about a month now. I have seen great results already. I feel and look a lot leaner. I am not overweight but would like to tone up my lower ab area a bit. The constant bloated feeling has left. It wasn't that difficult to make the transition as I was eating pretty clean and low carb. The difficult part for me is when I go out with my friends. I try to stick to a cider or red wine but sometimes I end up with a vodka soda. I think life is about balance and since this is a lifestyle I try to be flexible. I'm also struggling when my friends want to grab dinner somewhere. Sometimes the food will now 1) make me feel sick or 2) I don't want anything on the menu or what would be the best choice is not on my grad school budget. I've been pretty good at avoiding eating out.

    Before I always ate about 5-6 small meals. I like the idea of eating when I'm hungry but old habits die hard. I tend to plan when I am home to eat because I know that when I leave my home I will get hungry and make not-the-best decisions. I used to eat a lot of protein bars/nut bars but they were processed and still contained gluten products. So I have now made up baggies of cashews, almonds, a few dried cherries & a few dark chocolate chips. I eat one of these a day usually between classes.

    For exercise I try to get some good walking in out in the Louisiana sunshine if I have time and a WOD usually a HIIT style workout (Bodyrock style or DailyHiit as it's called now) a few times a week. Lately I have found a yoga studio that I really enjoy and I need it more mentally/spiritually than physically. I feel taller (which is not necessary seeing as that I'm 5'11), more flexible and more balanced in general. I am focusing on beating or at least coming to terms with my struggle with long-term depression/anxiety. Yoga is part of my (self-imposed) treatment. I also have recently been prescribed Wellbutrin & am giving cognitive behavioral therapy a go.
    Aren't we all just works in progress?

    Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

  • #2
    GOT Party & Bacon-ish Question

    Today:

    9:30 10 min HIIT workout including burpees, pushups, etc

    10:15
    B: 2 eggs fried in pasture butter & a green smoothie (1/3 can lite coco milk, handful of spinach, a few strawberries, few frozen blueberries, amazing grass choc greens powder)

    12:30
    S: coffee with a bit of almond milk

    3:30
    L: 5 oz baked lemon dill salmon with pasture butter, asparagus & some yellow bell pepper

    6-7:30 serenity yoga

    8:00
    D: 2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 avocado of guacamole with celery & cucumber (as chips actually quite delicious), 1 cup of beef chilli made with onions, tomatoes, ground beef, yellow pepper, spinach salad with some shredded cheese & balsamic, piece of fried plantain

    My friends and I have a weekly Game of Thrones watching party with food and drinks. I have an exam tomorrow so easily turned down the beer. I made guacamole and cut up celery & cucumber slices. I grabbed 2 hard boiled eggs as I was famished after yoga & not sure what they would have there. They had a giant assortment of SAD foods like taco pizza, cheese dip, jalapeno poppers etc. I am not even tempted anymore because I know it will make me feel ill. One girl made chilli and I ate that & picked out the beans. Funny after the meal they were all complaining how much their stomachs hurt. Mine feels great. Success!

    Question: I bought this super thick cut bacon (like too thick to fry) thinking I could slice it myself...haha nope. Now I don't know what to do with it. I think it's for adding flavor to things not eating like regular bacon. Any ideas?
    Aren't we all just works in progress?

    Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

    Comment


    • #3
      Please Don't Feed German Chocolate to the Sugar Addict

      I'll admit it: I am a sugar addict. I have no trouble saying no to savory SAD items but desserts especially of the chocolate persuasion, no willpower. My roommate has a lovely German girl staying with us & to thank me for the hospitality she gave me authentic German beer & a Ritter Sport coconut chocolate bar. I was happy to accept the beer but the chocolate (it's milk) shiiiiiiiiiiiiit! So as soon as I was alone I ripped open the chocolate to taste it. OMG it was heavenly. After that I couldn't stay away from it & ended up eating the whole bar. Now I feel 1)shitty upset stomach 2) headache 3) super guilty/failure. I hope to mitigate the effects by not beating myself up about it. Nothing I can do now.

      The question is: what do I do about the rest of the day? I am still technically under on my carbohydrates (at 45ish). I feel silly cutting out healthy veggies to save carbs so I probably won't. I have been really good up until now but I know that this won't be the only other time that someone offers me a dessert. I need to learn how to exercise willpower with sugar. I've even turned down beers. I'm seriously addicted to sugar. Ughhhh...

      My day so far:

      7:00
      B: 2 eggs fried in butter, 2 tbsp homemade guacamole, 1/3 can lt coco milk with coffee

      11:30
      S: chocolate bar

      12:30
      L: 6 oz chicken cooked in EVOO with lemon garlic & parsley

      I did however perfect pan-frying chicken breast & de-glazing (?) it. I can't wait to get some fattier cuts. I love the skin...it's my fave.
      Aren't we all just works in progress?

      Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

      Comment


      • #4
        Sugar makes my skin crawl

        It's official: I am a recovering sugar addict. I feel absolutely miserable after consuming that chocolate bar. My skin is crawling & I plummeted into an awful depression...I know my triggers now are higher sugar foods. Additionally I did not plan out my meals well. I keep trying to cook extra but then end up eating it all in one sitting, forgetting that I am not starving myself anymore haha. Also meat that was frozen solid does not de-thaw in one day...poor planning.

        Takeaways:

        1) Someone told me "don't let perfect be the enemy of good." This is quite a departure from my depressed brain's thinking that the opposite of perfect is failure. Gone. It's not black & white. Re-wiring my brain's thinking, baby step by baby step in all aspects of my life.

        2) No sugary things. Not even a bite. It makes me want MORE MORE MORE...like crack.

        3) Plan. Plan. Plan.

        Last exam tomorrow & job interview...wish me luck
        Aren't we all just works in progress?

        Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

        Comment


        • #5
          Violent Reaction to Cider?

          I am all done with exams & have spent most of my day catching up on sleep. The semester went well though & I felt good about the research assistant job interview. Crossing my fingers...Here's what I've consumed so far:

          7:00
          B: coffee with almond milk & hard boiled egg

          9:30
          S: coffee with almond milk & some yellow bell pepper

          1:30
          L: 6 oz ground chuck burger cooked in bacon grease, some natural ground mustard, salad with baby romaine, balsamic & olive oil, Ace Pear Cider

          Immediately after lunch I felt sick, really sick. My face was on fire. I thought I was going to throw-up. I was scared my meat had gone bad. I slept it off & it's 7:20 now & I feel fine. I'm pretty sure it was the cider. It's a low-sugar natural gluten free cider so the reaction really surprised me. I guess I will stick to red wine since I don't have a reaction to that. We will see in the coming days as celebrations of end-of-the-semester abound.
          Aren't we all just works in progress?

          Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

          Comment


          • #6
            Feeling kind of sick still

            I made a shrimp stir-fry for dinner but could barely eat it. I still feel ill. I think I might be getting sick...so it wasn't the cider. I also ate some 88% dark chocolate with a tsp almond butter. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow. Getting back to yoga tomorrow as well.
            Aren't we all just works in progress?

            Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

            Comment


            • #7
              Feeling Mehhhh

              I'm already super restless & classes just ended yesterday. The depression is sneaking back in & taking over. At least I ate fairly well.

              9:30
              B: 2 eggs fried in pasture butter & green smoothie (1/2 banana, spinach, green powder, 1/3 can coco milk)

              12-1:30 medium flow yoga (lots of chair pose)

              2:00
              L: 8 oz perfect crispy skin pan fried salmon (so yummy) & a salad with yellow bell peppers, a few blackberries, pumpkin seeds, balsamic & olive oil

              5:00
              S: 1/2 avocado

              7:45
              D: 5 oz ground chuck burger & zucchini & yellow squash fried in bacon grease. followed by a glass of red wine & small amount of 88% dark chocolate.

              Here's to tomorrow being a better day...
              Aren't we all just works in progress?

              Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

              Comment


              • #8
                Exciting news!

                I knew today was going to be a better day. I got the research assistant job I really wanted. Now I won't feel guilty about my healthy lifestyle purchases of good grass-fed meat, unlimited yoga & other things. I am so excited! Here's how my day has gone:

                9:30: Kind of pathetic attempt at a AMRAP workout. Got hungry & wanted to eat breakfast instead

                10:00
                B: 3 eggs fried in pasture butter & 1/2 avocado

                12:45
                L: 5 oz ground chuck burger fried in bacon grease & salad (baby romaine, yellow pepper, cucumber, EVOO & balsamic)

                I am going out tonight to celebrate the end of the semester/some friends' bdays. We are going to a Mexican restaurant & I think the only thing that sounds healthy-ish would be the steak fajitas, just eating the meat, veggies & guacamole. I also will indulge in several glasses of red wine or cider if we go to a beer bar. No guilt. This is meant to be a fun night!
                Aren't we all just works in progress?

                Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                Comment


                • #9
                  Cheating & not feeling bad about it & 10 lbs down

                  I celebrated the end of the semester and some friends' birthdays along with my own personal employment accomplishment. We went to a typical Mexican restaurant. I bypassed the chips & salsa & started with a glass of red wine. I finished that I really wanted a double margarita so I had one. It tasted good, not strange like some other things have since switching to primal. I ordered fajitas & ditched the rice, beans, flour tortillas and ate the steak, veggies, guacamole, lettuce & sour cream. Then came dessert for the birthday celebration of cupcakes. I tried a baby bite & they were gross. Then the party continued elsewhere & I had a Woodchuck cider (9 g sugar) & a few shots of tequila. The damage certainly could have been worse.

                  Additionally I noticed a scale in the girls apartment we were at & hopped on. It said 148 lbs (I'm 5'11"). WHAT? Last time I weighed myself I was at 158. 10 lbs down thanks to primal/yoga combo. I really do need some better fitting clothes.

                  Today I am going to venture to WF because I heard there are sales there Fridays. We shall see. It's nice that I can spend money on my wellbeing & not feel guilty about it.
                  Aren't we all just works in progress?

                  Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by firetiger View Post
                    It's official: I am a recovering sugar addict. I feel absolutely miserable after consuming that chocolate bar. My skin is crawling & I plummeted into an awful depression...I know my triggers now are higher sugar foods. Additionally I did not plan out my meals well. I keep trying to cook extra but then end up eating it all in one sitting, forgetting that I am not starving myself anymore haha. Also meat that was frozen solid does not de-thaw in one day...poor planning.

                    Takeaways:

                    1) Someone told me "don't let perfect be the enemy of good." This is quite a departure from my depressed brain's thinking that the opposite of perfect is failure. Gone. It's not black & white. Re-wiring my brain's thinking, baby step by baby step in all aspects of my life.

                    2) No sugary things. Not even a bite. It makes me want MORE MORE MORE...like crack.

                    3) Plan. Plan. Plan.

                    Last exam tomorrow & job interview...wish me luck
                    I don't know what it is about sugar and depression, but they are inextricably linked. I found a lot of improvement with trying to "avoid" sugar by accepting more fruit and starches into my diet. It doesn't work for everyone, but the idea of "restriction" really makes it worse, IMO.

                    I so so so understand the black & white thoughts. It's a tough thing to get around and great that you are seeing it takes some small steps. You can't tackle every chocolate bar at once (well, you could, but you'd be pretty sick). One square at a time

                    I would strongly suggest you check out the book "Primal Body, Primal Mind" and "The Mood Cure". The second book is what I base my supplements off of for depression. I've taken Wellbutrin, though not for quite a while, and I prefer amino acids to any SSRI I've ever tried (which has been several).
                    Depression Lies

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                      I so so so understand the black & white thoughts. It's a tough thing to get around and great that you are seeing it takes some small steps. You can't tackle every chocolate bar at once (well, you could, but you'd be pretty sick). One square at a time

                      I would strongly suggest you check out the book "Primal Body, Primal Mind" and "The Mood Cure". The second book is what I base my supplements off of for depression. I've taken Wellbutrin, though not for quite a while, and I prefer amino acids to any SSRI I've ever tried (which has been several).
                      To be honest, chocolate/sugar are not my problems right now. I have been doing really well. I have fallen in love with cooking delicious natural food. I definitely notice less violent mood swings induced by the large amount of sugars. I don't even want to eat out anymore. I love eating primal. I do get tempted by alcohol though living in New Orleans...

                      I have had a combo of depression/anxiety (more so the former) since I can remember. I lived in Perú for 2 years about a year ago. I got a taste of peace, happiness, simple joy & I loved it. When I came back stateside things slowly slid back to how they were before. I have been sliding down that terrible rabbit hole since September. I hit bottom when a guy crushed me (always causes me to hit bottom) and have minimally recovered since.

                      I put my foot down & said okay I have had a brief glimpse of happiness/normalcy & I want it back. I saw a psychiatrist (put me on minimal dose of Wellbutrin), changed to primal (from CW relatively clean diet), took up yoga, started taking Omega3 & now have entered cognitive behavioral therapy. The thing is that my brain is so damaged, I worry it's not fixable. I essentially want to learn how to not be depressed. I always describe it as drowning & knowing you need help but not wanting to call out. This is the first time I've invested myself in the process & I really want it to work so badly; something clicked. I don't want to/hate the idea of being on a drug (makes me feel weak) but if it helps me in combination with other things then I guess I can suck up my pride.

                      I'll add those books to my poolside reading list. Thanks!
                      Aren't we all just works in progress?

                      Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Discovering G&B 85% dark chocolate, smoked salmon & yoga progress

                        I went to WF yesterday & bought a lot of meat. Thinking about it I probably spend the same amount of money on food (& booze) that I did before, maybe even less. I have really started enjoying cooking my own food; it sparks my creativity & experimentation & seems to be a bit therapeutic. I realized I would really love to have someone to share my cooking with but I need to focus on me right now. That's right; it's all about me & getting better & moving my life in a positive direction.

                        Here's what I ate the rest of yesterday:
                        6-7:30 intense yoga class

                        8:00
                        D: rosemary chicken breast fried in 2 tbsp coco oil & a giant salad with cucumber, orange bell pepper, strawberries, balsamic & EVOO. followed by a glass of red wine & 2 small squares of G&B 85%...this stuff is amazing. I'm never going back.

                        Today I woke up in a great mood, naturally with the light. I had a cup of blueberry green tea.

                        9:45
                        B: 2 eggs fried in pasture butter, 1 oz smoked salmon (yummmm!) & green smoothie (coco milk, 1/3 banana, green powder, spinach)

                        10:45-12:15: medium yoga

                        1:45
                        L: big ass salad with 1 pc bacon, 1/2 avocado, 2 hb eggs, cucumber, bell pepper, balsamic & EVOO

                        I am so full from this salad. I added an extra egg for more protein but I think I will not be hungry until much later. Yoga was amazing. I am making such strides in my poses & overall strength. When I am on my yoga mat I can focus on just yoga & today the oojai (sp?) breathing style finally clicked. I feel so content/in the moment/connected to the earth. I know it's helping me. My goal is to try & take some of that away from the mat.
                        Aren't we all just works in progress?

                        Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Starting 5-HTP

                          So I ordered & started reading The Mood Cure. It makes a lot of sense to me about the serotonin & other neurotransmitter deficiencies. I decided to start 5-HTP and am debating going off of my Wellbutrin but I'm not sure yet. Now is an okay time to experiment because I don't have classes. My psychiatrist is not going to be happy lol.

                          Here's what I had for dinner. I really LOVE cooking. It's so much fun.

                          7:45
                          D: 6 oz turkey burger fried in bacon grease & zucchini/yellow squash fried in pasture butter.

                          I will probably follow up with some G&Bs 85% dark chocolate.

                          I am now sending pictures of my meals to my mom as she seems to be really interested in primal eating. I ordered her the book for Mother's Day.

                          Here's to heading in the right direction...
                          Aren't we all just works in progress?

                          Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            2 am sugar binge ughhhhhhh

                            Well I spent all day reading about depression/anxiety. It made me panic & buy tons of new supplements (spent so much $). I seem to be deficient in everything the book, The Mood Cure, says. I fit all the categories of a horribly adapted, depressed person. I immediately purchased the 5-HTP as they act on serotonin & I have responded? to SSRIs before indicating possible serotonin deficiency. I am currently on Welbutrin which acts on norepinephrine & and a bit on dopamine too. I have to see my psychiatrist on Monday & am terrified. I know he's just going to want to increase my dose. He already knows that I feel pretty negatively about antidepressants & I'm hoping that we can at least see eye-to-eye.

                            This panic/reading all day lead to chosen insomnia until 2ish am. I started to get hungry so I went for some almond butter. Bad idea. I decided to dip dark chocolate in it. Not satisfying enough. I noticed my roommates' sweets which she always offers me (bless her heart) and dig in: a chocolate macadamia nut cookie, a few scoops of ice cream & finally a cheese stick. Damage was done.

                            This morning I still woke up at my normal 8 am time with a wicked headache. I was not surprised; that is the most sugar my body has consumed in a while. Now I am going to force myself to do my planned 12 minute AMRAP & go about my day. It's supposed to be sunny so I want to OD on vitamin D. Also protein; if I am deficient in any of the aforementioned shitstorm of nutrients most of them are found in protein sources. My protein has been coming in at around 70-90ish grams a day. I do yoga on most days & try to walk a few miles for fun so I'm thinking I should be shooting for well over 100 grams. Should I think about adding back in dairy? It would give me both a protein boost: greek yogurt & cottage cheese (of the full-fat variety).
                            Aren't we all just works in progress?

                            Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              What about going for something like a sweet potato or fruit instead of the more condensed sweets (chocolate & ice cream)? None of those things are bad to be eating anyway, but seeing them os off-limits is probably going to cause more problems while you're trying to avoid them. I know it sounds counter-intuitive. I had to allow myself super wheaty things (like pizza and burgers with regular old buns) for a month or two on the weekends before I felt really comfortable choosing not to have them. I knew they would make me feel bad, but I still wanted to eat them.

                              If dairy doesn't bother your digestion, I see no reason why you shouldn't be eating it.
                              Depression Lies

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