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A Work in Progress: Finding the Right Balance (firetiger)

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  • #61
    I am sure it is a combination of things. Take it easy on yourself, no need to push anything if you're feeling crummy.
    Depression Lies

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    • #62
      Thanks! I am doing much better but had to see my doctor (who is wonderful) about the menstrual issues. I had a trash can by me at work today because I thought I was going to puke. She gave me an Rx for nausea & said to take Advil for the cramps. I now have an appetite.

      I finally checked out the local butcher in town. They are amazing & helped me pick good meats for my needs/budget. I am getting all of my meats from them from now on. It's all grass-fed from local farmers. I got ground beef, beef shank, beef pastrami, smoked ham & some beef broth. I just got a slow cooker so I am excited to cook everything. Is beef pastrami a good pick? I like it because I can grab it, wrap up some veggies & eat it straight from the fridge.

      Also my 50 mg 5-HTP came so I am back to taking it once a day late afternoon.
      Aren't we all just works in progress?

      Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

      Comment


      • #63
        Clean(er) eating & looking/feeling super fit

        Food: (from yesterday)
        9:00 am
        3.5 oz smoked salmon, dark chocolate

        12:00 pm
        5 oz roast beef with some yellow potatoes & onions
        some nuts

        4:00 pm
        2 oz chicken & sauteed cabbage in bacon grease/butter

        8:00 pm
        restaurant: some chips/salsa, corn tacos with beef, onions, cotija & salsa, mojito, stout beer later

        WOD:
        2x15 burpees, 60 sec forearm plank

        Thoughts:
        I finally got my crockpot & made a roast. It turned out only okay because I put it on high to cook it faster. The next one will be cooked on low. My workouts have been great. I feel sore-ish today from the burpees. I'm doing a burpee/plank challenge. I am no longer ashamed to wear my bikini in public. I am officially a size 8 (having been a 12/13 most of my life) & can wear tiny tight tank tops that show my abs (not fat)! I do need to get back to yoga however.

        Mood:
        I have been feeling better about most things. I went on a date last night that was lovely...we'll see if it continues to be so. My body image issues are improving. My sleep was kind of bad last night but I think that my mind was going a million miles a minute from the date.
        Aren't we all just works in progress?

        Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

        Comment


        • #64
          Hooray for strength! Hooray for positive body image! Hooray for dates!
          Depression Lies

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          • #65
            Popeyes confessions, car problems & a second date

            Okay so I haven't been updating as much because I've been busy. This weekend was a crazy sometimes awesome sometimes terrible whirlwind. I met with my therapist on Friday & he is amazed at my progress. I have to say I am too. I feel pretty good in general. On Friday I hung out with the guy again. I am telling myself not to get my hopes up but I really like him & he seems like a genuinely nice guy. My head keeps telling me that this is going to go to sh*t...but objective evidence does not say that.

            Saturday I went and floated a river beer in hand with my friends. It was fun. I am much less conscious about my body & rocked a bikini. I still have more work to do on my stomach region but am happy at a size 8. On the way home my car broke down. The rear brakes failed on me. Now I have to pay $800 for new ones. FML. I have to check my spending now. I am not going to sacrifice my healthy eating but partying is going to be put on hold (unless at the expense of someone else haha).

            I ate pretty dang poorly this weekend. After my car broke down in the middle of rednecksville or should I say swamppeoplesville Lousiana we had dinner for my friends birthday at a little bar. I had chicken-fried bacon with ranch (OMG deliciious), fried green tomatoes with remoulade, gumbo & some bread pudding with icecream. Sunday I ate well until the GOT season finale party. I get to the party after doing some wonderful yoga & my friend says "oh, did you just workout? we got Popeyes." Yes, I had fried chicken, biscuit & then icecream cake. Oops. I honestly don't feel bad though. I have come to peace with food I think. It's not an enemy or a bandaid for emotional problems.

            Today I ate kind of intermittently but primal. I need to get back to planning better, especially with my lack of funds. I also continued the burpee challenge with 2 sets of 20 and a minute plank. I have stepped up the exercise & it feels great. More burpees & yoga tomorrow.
            Aren't we all just works in progress?

            Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

            Comment


            • #66
              Car troubles suck, but it sounds like you are safe (no accident?) so that is good!

              All in all, sounds like you're doing great
              Depression Lies

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              • #67
                Ice cream for dinner & feelings of impending doom...

                Food:
                7:45 am
                coffee with coco milk

                9:00 am
                a bit of ham steak with a bit of fried egg

                1:00 pm
                a bit of roast, potatoes, fried cabbage, small amount of blueberries/raspberries

                5:00 pm
                some beef pastrami, dark choc with almond butter

                8:00 pm
                single serving of house-made choc ice cream & no sugar added butter pecan

                10:30 pm
                dark chocolate with almond butter

                WOD:
                2x10 burpees, 90 sec forearm plank & 1.5 hr flow/restore yoga

                Thoughts:
                I ate pretty terribly. I am not eating enough for one thing & little nutritional value. I need to plan my meals out better. I don't want to go grocery shopping as I am strapped financially with this car disaster. My workouts have been good though. I consciously chose to have ice cream for dinner & savored every last bite.

                Mood:
                Effing awful. I am crazy anxious paranoid right now. I am imagining the worst case scenario for everything but especially with this guy thing. My past horrible past experiences are convincing me that this situation is going to sh*t even though I know the evidence says otherwise. I can't seem to fight these thoughts. I am extremely antsy. The only thing I can think to do is distract myself but I can't go out or do anything spending money...yes, I would have loved a drink at my favorite beer bar today. I need to learn patience. I am so frustrated with life right now. Sometimes I just can't fight the thoughts. Maybe I will increase my 5-HTP back to 100 mg/day (one in the afternoon & one in the evening). I will try it. It's amazing how happy/high I can be one minute then the thoughts take over...
                Aren't we all just works in progress?

                Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                Comment


                • #68
                  Back in the rational (& primal) world

                  Food:

                  9:30 am:
                  green smoothie with coco milk, heap of spinach, greens powder, banana & a few raspberries

                  1:00 pm
                  smoked ham steak with some orange bell pepper & 1/2 small avocado

                  3:30 pm
                  small amount of almonds

                  5:00 pm
                  6 oz roast beef shank, onions, zucchini chips (oven baked)

                  7:00 pm
                  88% dark choc with almond butter, a few raspberries

                  WOD:
                  2x10 burpees & 90 sec forearm plank

                  Thoughts:
                  I LOVE my crockpot & the butcher. Seriously the roast melts in my mouth. That and the butcher are going to be my best friends. The burpees are kicking my butt but I am really improving. I don't know if I can do more than a 90 sec forearm plank. My arms are so toned. I'm going to look great for this wedding I'm going to in a few weeks. My boss told me she wants me to help with a manuscript so I am progressing professionally as well. I discussed with her the idea of me getting my Phd & I think I am going to do it. It's like getting paid to go to school.

                  Mood:
                  Today I was feeling about the same as yesterday: super anxious & slightly depressed, antsy/bored. I don't know what did it but I was able to control the obsessive craziness. I said okay, you are being irrational & it's got to stop. I am always able to recognize the irrationality but making it stop is another story. I found a healthy distraction in the Game of Thrones books. They are so long & will distract me for a while. The little victories are good; they show that I am, indeed, progressing.
                  Aren't we all just works in progress?

                  Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    I need to go grocery shopping...

                    Food:
                    7:45 am
                    green smoothie with coco milk, lettuce, 1/2 banana, a few raspberries, greens powder

                    12:15 pm
                    5 oz beef roast, some onions, 1/2 small avocado & a few raspberries/blueberries

                    2:00 pm
                    a few almonds

                    5:30 pm
                    some beef roast, homemade baked potato chips (2 sm potatoes worth) with some light ranch

                    7:00 pm
                    dark choc with almond butter

                    WOD:
                    2x15 burpees, 90 sec forearm plank

                    Thoughts:
                    I really need to go grocery shopping. My roast is still absolutely delicious but I have 2 lbs of GF ground beef thawed that needs to be cooked. I'm going to get bacon & make bacon burgers. They were amazing last time. If I have yummy food on hand I will eat healthier things. Also I am not really going to eat eggs anymore as I think they cause stabbing pains in my stomach after eating them. Also I'm sick of them. I am debating not buying more dark chocolate because it seems to be my go-to when I want to just grab something. I'm not eating huge quantities but I am developing an unhealthy relationship with it. I know, though, if I'm too restrictive I will fail...

                    Mood:
                    My mood has been meh. Still super stressed/going insane about the guy situation. The GOT books are helping a lot & fighting back but sometimes I just can't. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow so I think that might help. Also I am back to hating my stomach again. I don't know if I am just being ridiculous or if I am putting on weight.
                    Aren't we all just works in progress?

                    Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      That's rough about the eggs. If you're up for an experiment, some people can eat just the yolks or just the whites. Might be worth it to know, at some point, which part, if either, is okay for you.
                      Depression Lies

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                      • #71
                        Yeah I think I'm going to just eliminate them (mostly) for a few weeks. I'm sick of them anyways haha. Then I'll try them again & see if that produces a reaction. Sometimes when I eat I get a sharp pain in my stomach kind of like indigestion but worse. I also get it sometimes if I eat SAD food at a restaurant or drink a hoppy beer.
                        Aren't we all just works in progress?

                        Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Good weekend & more bacon burgers

                          Food:
                          Friday I ate decently but then I went out for some much needed fun with my friend and had a considerable amount of alcohol. Saturday I didn't eat very much but it was all primal. My food today:

                          9:00 am
                          3 oz bacon burger & green smoothie (spinach, greens powder, coco milk, raspberries/blueberries, banana)

                          1:00 pm
                          greek yogurt smoothie (greek yogurt, cucumber, mint, agave)

                          5:30 pm
                          6 oz bacon burger, spinach, mustard

                          7:00 pm
                          1/3 banana with almond butter, a few strawberries, rosemary garlic roasted potatoes

                          WOD:
                          Friday: 2x15 burpees, 90 sec forearm plank & 1.5 hr yoga
                          Saturday: rest day
                          Today: 3x15 burpees, 2x2 min planks, 1 hr yoga

                          Thoughts:
                          I still need to work on my planning of meals. I'm having trouble with what to eat for breakfast because of the lack of eggs in my diet. I have been focusing on not eating out at all and have been pretty successful. Really the only non-primal thing I had this weekend were the alcoholic drinks Friday. Yesterday I cooked up a batch of ground beef from the butcher mixed with bacon on the grill. I have been eating those yesterday and today. Tomorrow I'm making chicken cacciatore in my crockpot with chicken thighs.

                          Mood:
                          Friday I met with my therapist & it was not a great visit. I felt judged for my dating habits (think: worried father figure). I have been beyond frustrated with this stupid thing called dating. I don't get it. Men are a huge trigger for my depression/anxiety. I've been moving forward and doing better but it still sucks. I think the more I date the less all the crap will hurt like desensitizing myself. I've upped my 5-HTP back to 100 mg in the afternoon.
                          Aren't we all just works in progress?

                          Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Just mehhhhhhhhhh

                            I have not been doing very well. My eating has been really disordered...primal but disordered. I had crazy fruit cravings when I went to the grocery store so I bought local blueberries, plums, peaches. I also bought some more dark chocolate. I just started my period again (after 3 weeks) and I'm pretty sure that's why I've had all these carb cravings. I feel kind of sick and weak and have a massive headache.

                            My day started off so well with a 3x20 burpee & 2 2 min plank workout then a productive day at work. I have been having crazy insomnia issues lately. The other night I didn't go to bed until 4 am. I feel pretty negatively about everything. My emotions are terrible. I think I might have to get back on my birth control pill.

                            This week my goal was to learn from my mistakes and forgive myself. I am definitely learning but it still sucks.
                            Aren't we all just works in progress?

                            Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Sorry for being so MIA & falling off the primal wagon

                              Food:
                              Well, I have not been very primal lately which is probably why I haven't been putting my food up here. I had wheat items today like cookies for lunch & beef & tongue tacos for dinner. I had ice cream recently too. I mean it was hand-churned well-made dark chocolate spicy ice cream & no sugar added but still. Wednesday I am going home to Michigan for a wedding & to see my family. It will be hard to be really primal but I will do my best. And when I come back next Monday, it's on primal-style. No more laziness. Again, I need to plan better. I like grab-n-go things like pre-cooked burgers, bacon, lunch meat, cut-up pepper strips, cucumbers, avocados, baggies of homemade trailmix. I need more ideas.

                              Workouts:
                              I have fallen off the burpee/plank challenge wagon as well but have been going to yoga. I have gotten so much better at yoga. My new goal is a head-stand by the end of summer. Also there's going to be a "cultivating happiness through yoga" series that I might breakdown & buy because the instructor is wonderful. I'm going to workout outside at home because I can without dying from the heat. Kayaking, burpees/HIIT, morning beach yoga & maybe even a lakeside jog might happen.

                              Mood:
                              My mood has been good, really good. I feel pretty good about most things. I am over the last situation that upset me, which is record time for me. I am continuing in the process to desensitize myself to men/dating since they seem to be a big depression trigger. Also had some sleep issues but it's more like I just don't want to go to bed at a decent hour. I am going to work on my sleep schedule some more.
                              Aren't we all just works in progress?

                              Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

                                Let's start with the good first:

                                The Good:
                                My workouts have been amazing. I have been getting up and doing a burpee/plank combo. Also yoga is going really well too. I just went back to Michigan for a wedding & people that haven't seen me in a year were going on and on about how good I look.

                                The Bad:
                                My eating has been bad but I have mostly maintained my primal values.

                                The Ugly:
                                I have had complete lack of self-control when carbs/sugar are presented to me. Cake, cookies, ice cream, gelato even a sourdough hotdog bun. I should be able to get back with it. I need to find my way back. Ughhhhh...
                                Aren't we all just works in progress?

                                Using primal as a tool to heal depression/anxiety & promote overall well-being:
                                http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84615.html

                                Comment

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