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Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal)

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  • #31

    1.25-mile warm-up
    2 x 40-s interval @ 10 mph
    1 x 40-s interval @ 10.5 mph
    5 x 40-s interval @ 10 mph

    Raw arugula
    Two smallish bowls of bone broth

    Another not very hungry down day.
    Last edited by diene; 06-03-2013, 09:11 AM.

    My journal


    • #32
      Originally posted by diene View Post
      I don't think I can afford a scan now. And I don't think I could convince a doc to give me one either because my TSH isn't high enough yet.

      Oh, and I talked about restricting carbs (if 200-300g is really restricting), but it hasn't happened yet.
      Lol, yeah 200-300gs is probably "within the normal range"
      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

      - Ray Peat


      • #33

        Up day -- ate way too much. Can't even remember what I ate anymore. This is what happens when I don't log the day of. I forget. Bleh! Try harder next weekend.

        1-hour pilates
        1-hour yoga

        Was supposed to run but felt tired. So instead of running, went home and took a 2.5-hour nap! This is despite the fact that I had gotten more than 9 hours of sleep the night before! Weird!


        7-mile run

        1 sugar-free Red Bull (bad, I know, but I needed it to wake up before the run)
        1 preserved duck egg
        1 egg
        a few small bowls of bone broth
        a few kernels of pomegranate
        1 piece of sugar-free gum (not sure what's wrong with me--so much sugar-free crap today)
        1 olive

        Hungry down day. Not sure if it was because of the run or the Red Bull. Probably both.

        My journal


        • #34

          Two slices of homemade sweet potato banana bread (my own recipe, still needs tweaking).
          1.5 (?) tbsp sun butter
          1 egg with small amount of ground lamb
          protein shake with extra scoops of hemp protein (in addition to my regular whey protein and coconut milk)
          BCAAs in coconut oil, unsweetened chocolate, maple syrup, and sun butter (melted by the time I was ready to eat it--damn you, warmer temps!)
          A few bites of leftover spaghetti bolognese (just a small amount of ground beef in tomato sauce, basically)
          some dried fruit and nuts--was craving this today (a few dried apricots, a few banana chips, a few raisins, two pieces of dried papaya, and a few almonds--I exercised self-control and threw away the rest of the bag before I ate it all)
          Iced double espresso from Starbucks with whipped cream (the whipped cream was sweetened, but the espresso wasn't--what I really wanted was a frappucino, but I figured that this was a good compromise)
          sirloin, broccoli, mashed sweet potatoes (518 cal)
          pecan chicken salad (561 cal)
          frozen yogurt (bad, I know)
          some raisins and almonds from a trail mix (the only edible things in the mix were the raisins and almonds)
          1 medium white peach (yum! love peaches)
          1 tbsp sun butter (bad again)
          2-3 slices of sweet potato banana bread (very bad)
          1/3 of a banana (froze the rest)
          small amount of rice with leftover Thai curry with kale and beef (very small bowl)
          small amount of fried pork rind with sour cream (someone else mentioned this, and it made me want to try it, but I can't say I like it that much, kinda bland)

          Crossfit - "DEATH," otherwise known as "LINDA"

          I sill don't want to count on up days, but I'm going to pay more attention to how my body feels and not overeat to the point where I feel uncomfortable. I ate so much on Saturday that my stomach hurt by the time I went to bed. I had no idea how it happened. I grazed all day, but I guess I must have started eating a ton at night. I didn't even realize that I was eating that much until I was getting into bed and realized that I was uncomfortably (painfully) full. Ugh! I'm going to make an effort to avoid that kind of thing from now on. Eat lots on UDs, but not to the point where I feel uncomfortably full.
          Last edited by diene; 06-04-2013, 10:50 AM.

          My journal


          • #35

            Why, oh why, oh why do I persist on eating so damn much on up days?

            None - stayed up till 3:30 am working last night so skipped crossfit this morning in favor of a few extra hours of sleep (yeah, I'm crazy but not that crazy). Had acupuncture today for my plantar fasciitis so I'm not allowed to work out for the rest of the day. So, unfortunately, today will be a lame forced rest day. Will probably walk home from work so that will be a 3-mile walk. Walking is allowed after acupuncture; anything more vigorous is not.

            two eggs
            3 stalks of celery
            1 ounce of pan-fried whiting
            1 cup of cooked Swiss chard
            Last edited by diene; 06-05-2013, 06:57 AM.

            My journal


            • #36
              S, I've realised that with a history of ED, any kind of restriction is risky. I've been anxious about my weight all week, and then today I overate to the point of pain as well! Not a binge by any means, but ate definitely overate, and i'm sure it was triggered by the stress and attempts at restriction. I'm torn between completely giving up, and not stressing, and planning to restrict severely when I go on hols next week..!

              How's the weight loss going now?

              I didn't know that exercise wasn't allowed after acupuncture btw... the people I go to don't tell me anything (limited English, lol).
              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

              - Ray Peat


              • #37
                Hey, YB--you definitely shouldn't restrict severely while on vacation!! All the good food you can have in CA. I think you should definitely not worry about it for now and enjoy your trip. Also, people focus way too much on the "diet" (or nutrition, if you prefer) around here. For most of my life (after I recovered from my ED), I have been able to control my weight through exercise alone so I never really "dieted" (since recovering from my ED) until quite recently (basically in the past year). Exercise alone has stopped working for me for some reason, which is why I'm resorting to the madness of food restriction.

                There's no reason to believe that exercise won't work for you (despite what everyone else here says). So maybe you should just focus on working out and getting fit for now, and the weight may just come off without you having to restrict food. Also, with weight loss via exercise--it's a slow process. With dieting, you see results almost right away. But with exercise, it can take a few weeks, even a few months. But then the weight comes off in a whoosh. Then it wobbles around a bit and stabilizes at a new lower weight. Then you have to wait again. So be patient.

                You can afford to be patient because you are not fat or anything. I know you want to be thinner, but you're not in an emergency situation that requires drastic measures, if you know what I mean. So maybe just be patient and focus on fitness.

                My weight loss is occurring very slowly, but I'm trying to be patient with it. It's easy (for me) to roll down a slippery slope and want to restrict more and more until it all goes to hell again. I'm trying to avoid that.

                Another thing that my acupuncturist told me that you're not allowed to do after acupuncture is drink alcohol. So no exercise and no alcohol after acupuncture.

                My journal


                • #38

                  1 banana
                  1 thick slice of sweet potato banana bread
                  1 Larabar Uber berry cobbler (190 cals)
                  small bowl of rice with Thai green curry with kale and ground lamb
                  3 sticky rice dumpling thing I bought in Chinatown yesterday
                  a few pieces of chocolate (they were small pieces ) that a co-worker brought in (I checked the ingredients and all were edible)
                  some sirloin, maybe two broccoli florets (a bit less than 460 cals)
                  5 squares of Lindt white chocolate coconut (yikes!)
                  1 Granny Smith apple
                  1 small peach
                  small amount of ground lamb with sour cream
                  fried pork rind with sour cream
                  1.5 tbsp sun butter
                  0.5 tbsp almond butter
                  1/2 banana
                  2 small bowls of bone broth
                  2 drinks--rhubard tea with seltzer water

                  Crossfit Endurance -- 2 miles of tabata sprints, aka, torture. We did one mile, rested for a few minutes, then did a second mile. The first mile was fine, but, halfway through the second mile, I was dying! Oh, and we're also learning Pose running, which is definitely different. My time for the second mile was 9:43, which was definitely slow (it includes the rest intervals though). By the end of the second mile, I was no longer sprinting anyway. I actually didn't hear my time for the first mile. Oh well. Will keep better notes next time.

                  Speed work really aggravates my plantar fasciitis so now I'm limping around at work. Oh well. It's like this every week. Acupuncture makes it better. Rest (meaning not doing anything that aggravates it) makes it better. Then I do my weekly sprints or we do burpees at crossfit, and it all goes to hell again. Burpees really aggravate it too for some reason.
                  Last edited by diene; 06-06-2013, 09:30 AM.

                  My journal


                  • #39


                    My foot's better today. I think it's starting to heal more quickly after being aggravated. But my lower back hurts. Not sure what I did yesterday to hurt it, but it started to hurt a bit yesterday. This morning at crossfit, I was putting the bar back after using it and must have picked it up the wrong way because I felt a twinge in my lower back. And now I can feel the twinge if I move a certain way. It hurts to sneeze. It hurts to bend down to pick up things. A minute of the Founder this morning didn't help.

                    I finally gave in and took some Advil. I hate taking painkillers. They're so bad for you.

                    Someone posted in another thread about how running increases cortisol so that runners generally have high cortisol. My hypochonriacism (yes, I made that up) kicks in, and I bought a bottle of rhodiola. It's supposed to lower cortisol levels. I also bought a bottle of Green Pasture fermented cod liver oil/butter oil blend--the chocolate cream gel kind. I read that the cinnamon kind tastes better, but they appear to have discontinued it or something. (It's not listed on their website anymore.) That was expensive! Also bought a bottle of Jarrow Max DHA, which is a brand that's recommended by Chris Kresser. Need extra omega-3s because the fermented CLO doesn't actually contain that much omega-3s, not enough to have anti-inflammatory properties, according to Kresser. The Jarrow Max brand is cheap, and it's a good supplement to the fermented CLO. God, I spend way too much money on supplements!!!

                    Edited to add: I just looked it up. The correct word for the condition of a hypochondriac is hypochondriasis, not hypochondriacism.

                    Edited again to add: Today's DD turned into a moderate day because my bf convinced me to go out for dinner. He said that my rotations are going to be messed up this week anyway since we're going to a renaissance fair on Saturday so I'd have to make Saturday a UD. I figured that he was right and going to dinner after fasting all day would be better than doing an UD on Friday and another UD on Saturday because I'd likely end up eating less.

                    Beer can chicken sandwich sans bread (they gave me the chicken in a small bowl--it was basically chicken, sharp provolone, and green hot peppers.)
                    Some moderate amount of french fries
                    1 alcoholic beverage
                    1 peach
                    1/2 banana
                    1 square of Lindt white chocolate coconut
                    Last edited by diene; 06-07-2013, 07:33 AM.

                    My journal


                    • #40


                      I ripped my hand at crossfit today. It's a rite of passage! I finally did some real bar work. Instead of scaling the toes to bars to butterfly situps, I did very crappy knees to elbows, and that's how my hand ripped. My calluses are pretty nice and flat, and it wasn't one of my calluses that ripped. Instead, a layer of skin right below a callus basically lifted off. My coach said that I'm finally becoming a real man.

                      I'm also making progress remembering my dreams. I remember two pretty clearly from last night. Didn't have time to write them down immediately upon waking (had to get ready and get my ass to crossfit) so I kept replaying it in my mind as I was getting ready. Then, I wrote it down when I got to work. I even remember thinking that the place in which my first dream took place was familiar, like I've dreamed of it a bunch of times before! Not sure if it's true or if I was imagining it (wishful thinking), but it's interesting!

                      Today's DD is going to be hard since I didn't eat that much yesterday.
                      Last edited by diene; 06-07-2013, 07:41 AM.

                      My journal


                      • #41

                        Went to the renaissance fair and ate a bunch of crap, including cinnamon-sugar sunflower seeds, may a third of a smoked turkey leg, one and a half bacon-wrapped hot dogs, wine. Dinner was Thai food--duck salad and red curry duck and rice (about half a cup cooked). More wine. Had a pina colada smoothie earlier in the day at the gym. Also had a banana.

                        1-hour pilates
                        3.5-mile run


                        2 white peaches, 330 g total (129 cal)
                        4 ounces goat cheese (280 cal)
                        chai tea jello -- chai tea, gelatin, 1 packet of stevia (~24 cal)

                        8-mile run

                        My journal


                        • #42


                          Happy Monday!!

                          I think I'm going to stop keeping a detailed list of everything I eat on here. Instead, I'm going to go back to FitDay (sigh) and track my calories there. Yes, I'm going to start tracking my UD calories. But I'm not going to neurotically weigh everything (not yet). Just going to track by eyeballing, for the most part and for now. And go from there.

                          At Crossfit this morning, we did kettlebell front rack reverse lunges, and the lightest kettlebells we had were 30 pounds. So I used two 30-lb kettlebells, and they were heavy! When I complained that they were heavy, my coach was like: "If you want to workout at LA Fitness, go right ahead." Lol! I had to break up the 3 x 10 sets into smaller sets of 2-4 because that's all I could do, but I finished them, which I would not have done had I not been at CF. And that's why CF is awesome!!

                          My journal


                          • #43

                            My sprints this morning during crossfit endurance were sucky. We did 3 x 200-m, 3 x 400-m, and 3 x 600-m sprints. By the time I got to the last two 600-m sprints, I was no longer sprinting, and I felt like complete crap, like my legs had no strength in them at all. Probably had something to do with the fact that yesterday was a down day, and I only had 100 calories. I also didn't drink my usual DD drink--hot water, salt, apple cider vinegar, and red pepper flakes. Since this is the first time I've felt really really shitty during a workout the morning after a DD, and I've had other low-cal DDs in the past, I'm attributing this to a salt deficiency for now. And possibly sleep deprivation because I only got 4.5 hours of sleep last night (couldn't fall asleep until around midnight despite going to bed at 8:45 pm). This happens to me sometimes--when I try to go to bed too early, I end up screwing everything up and end up lying awake for hours.

                            I counted calories for today's UD. Calories are pretty in control as of right now. Still have about 900 calories left for dinner. What I'm doing now is I take my numbers from the JUDDD calculator, which is 2434 on UDs and 487 on DDs, and if I eat less than 487 on any given DD, I add the calories I "saved" from my DD to the next UD. So yesterday I only ate 100 calories, but I'm going to assume that it's 120 because I didn't exactly measure the fermented CLO/butter oil gel that I took. That means I "saved" 367 calories yesterday so I'm adding that to my UD calories today. So I have 2801 calories for today. I've eaten 1837 so far so I have a little over 900 left.

                            Oh, and my acupuncturist finally told me to back off on the running yesterday. I explained to him that my plantar fasciitis gets better after treatment but would get worse again after I run, especially if I sprint. Steady-state runs for 3-4 miles seem to be fine, but longer runs could aggravate it. (The 8-mile run I did last Sunday did.) He told me to just do shorter runs for now and let it heal, otherwise it'll never heal. He's probably right. But I still went to CFE today because I had already told my coach that I'd be there. That, and I really don't want to skip CFE because even though it's torture, I push myself so much harder when I'm training with other people. Like today, had I been doing that drill by myself, I would have stopped in the middle of the 600-m run and rested. Yeah, I would have finished it, but I would have cheated by resting in the middle.

                            I think I'll just do two 4-mile runs this weekend and skip the long run. Hopefully, that'll be enough. So you see now that I'm a borderline compulsive exerciser.

                            My journal


                            • #44

                              Haven't updated in a while. Oops!

                              Still doing JUDDD and crossfitting, nothing really new or interesting, except that I'm also trying dillberryhound's protocol.

                              Okay, so here's something. My period is late, and I'm slightly concerned that I may be pregnant. Gah! I've never been pregnant before, and I'm probably just being paranoid. Since having the IUD removed, I've just been relying on spermicidal gel, which, of course, has a 25% failure rate. I know it's not a great option, but I don't want to go on the pill again. The bf refuses to wear condoms, and I don't think I'd have much luck with a diaphragm. I'm one of those people who can't even insert a tampon without an applicator. (You know those ob tampons--just can't get them in.) Plus, we don't really have sex that frequently. He's in his 40s, and I'm in my 30s so I'm betting that we're not that fertile either. I'd have to be really fucking unlucky to get pregnant. But, you know, Murphy's law.

                              If I don't get my period by Sunday, I'm going to take a pregnancy test. I've never taken one of those either. Guess there's a first time for everything.

                              More likely than not, I'm just not that regular so it's not even really late. I've never actually tracked my cycle before. I just know roughly that I have my period once a month, approximately every 4 weeks when I'm not on the pill. (The pill totally screws me up, and I can have my period at any time no matter where I am in the pack. Most frequently, I get it the week before the placebos, which isn't supposed to happen at all.) And I can't remember exactly when I got my period last month either, but I know that I got it approximately a week after I started JUDDD and that it was before May 24th because I talked about my period in this journal on the 24th so I had already had it at that point. (This journal was helpful in that regard.)

                              Anyway, I'm trying to stay calm about it, but I kinda also just want to run out and get a pregnancy test like right this minute.

                              My journal


                              • #45
                                Oh man... that is rough. Word of advice: just do a pregnancy test. They're super cheap, and it will put you out of your misery. Sunday is a long time to wait until.

                                You wouldn't believe how many tests I've done in my life!!
                                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                                - Ray Peat