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  • Originally posted by diene View Post
    How much of an age difference do you think you can have between two people and still have a functional relationship? I'd guess that it depends on the people involved. What do you think?
    20 years, either way.

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    • Originally posted by moluv View Post
      20 years*, either way.
      *or the legal limit for younger, obvs

      ETA: dammit, I quoted myself when I meant to edit.

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      • Originally posted by diene View Post
        How much of an age difference do you think you can have between two people and still have a functional relationship? I'd guess that it depends on the people involved. What do you think?
        I think it really depends on the people.
        Depression Lies

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        • Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal)

          Originally posted by diene View Post
          How much of an age difference do you think you can have between two people and still have a functional relationship? I'd guess that it depends on the people involved. What do you think?
          Societal judgment is different between 20 & 30 yr old vs 30 & 40 yr old. Past a certain age gap people assume both members don't actually like each other, but are after other things...

          But I really don't think age matters beyond that. My ex and I dated 3.5 years and we had a 23 yr gap. A lot of the issues came from "different stages in life": me starting out on my career, him having to take care of parents/wanting to marry & have kids/wanting to retire. I actually think I was a lot more calm and mature than he ever was, but of course that is my biased opinion.

          My current bf is 16 years older. I usually date older because I am not into the whole "omg it's the freakin weekend let's get shitfaced" mentality most guys my age have (I don't drink and I am a homebody aside from dancing), and younger guys also don't have enough dating experience to know how to appreciate a good thing when they see it. I tried dating someone from law school and it was just disastrous due to how immature and sheltered the dude was.

          It is still difficult to deal with judgmental stares every day and to deal with my parents, parents' friends, and law school peeps. My true friends are now okay with it.







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          Last edited by turquoisepassion; 10-07-2013, 09:53 AM.
          ------
          HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

          My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


          Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

          " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

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          • Wow! 23 years is a big gap! My current (soon-to-be ex) bf is 11.5 years older than me, but it doesn't feel like a big difference to me. I once dated someone who was 20 years older than me, and it didn't work out, not because of the age gap, but because of the fact that he wasn't a libertarian and was intellectually lazy (did not like to engage in intellectual conversations, which actually turn me on more than anything else--yeah, I'm weird).

            No one looks at me and my bf oddly. I guess 11.5 years isn't that big of a difference. But I definitely got odd looks when I was with the 20-years-older person. I don't really care about getting looks from people--they can all go to hell and die.

            My mom wouldn't really have a problem with whomever I date, as long as he is a good person. My dad will probably flip out though. But he flips out no matter what. He flipped out when he saw that my bf is of Indian descent. Ugh, racist! (To his credit, he did eventually apologize and say that he shouldn't intrude on my personal life and as long as I'm happy, blah, blah, blah.)

            I feel like 16 years isn't a HUGE difference, and people shouldn't judge/stare. I assume that your bf has a good job, but your parents still have problems with him? (A lot of times Asian parents just want the man to have a good job.)

            See, my maternal grandpa was 24 years older than my grandma so age gap relationships is not unheard of in my family. Plus, my family is mostly not involved in my life, and my parents have no say in whom I date.

            I'm still not completely sure how old this guy is, but I'm guessing that gap is going to be more than 20 years. We are so much alike though, if that is even possible given the age difference.

            My journal

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            • I don't think age difference, even a huge one matters much in dating. In my twenties I used to gravitate toward much older men. 17 years older was the biggest age gap for me -- time for some self analysis perhaps?? Even back then my parents didn't have a say in who I was with, always the rebellious child, LoL! Then when I was 30 and temporarily separated from DH I was seeing someone 6 years younger. Damn, could make a therapist's dream patient....
              At the end of the day it comes to being with someone who we feel compatible with. Age is not a big deal, as it has nothing to do with that aspect. That's my take on it, anyway.

              But I definitely got odd looks when I was with the 20-years-older person. I don't really care about getting looks from people--they can all go to hell and die.
              Yes, eff those people!

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              • Yeah, I've often been attracted to older men as well, especially when I was younger. I mean, when I was in my early 20s, the men who were in their 30s just seemed so much more mature.

                Re: the odd looks. The only thing that bothered me a little was I wondered if they thought I was a prostitute. I don't know why it should bother me. I mean, who cares if they think I'm a prostitute, but...it did bother me a little.

                My journal

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                • Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal)

                  Originally posted by diene View Post
                  Wow! 23 years is a big gap! My current (soon-to-be ex) bf is 11.5 years older than me, but it doesn't feel like a big difference to me. I once dated someone who was 20 years older than me, and it didn't work out, not because of the age gap, but because of the fact that he wasn't a libertarian and was intellectually lazy (did not like to engage in intellectual conversations, which actually turn me on more than anything else--yeah, I'm weird).

                  No one looks at me and my bf oddly. I guess 11.5 years isn't that big of a difference. But I definitely got odd looks when I was with the 20-years-older person. I don't really care about getting looks from people--they can all go to hell and die.

                  My mom wouldn't really have a problem with whomever I date, as long as he is a good person. My dad will probably flip out though. But he flips out no matter what. He flipped out when he saw that my bf is of Indian descent. Ugh, racist! (To his credit, he did eventually apologize and say that he shouldn't intrude on my personal life and as long as I'm happy, blah, blah, blah.)

                  I feel like 16 years isn't a HUGE difference, and people shouldn't judge/stare. I assume that your bf has a good job, but your parents still have problems with him? (A lot of times Asian parents just want the man to have a good job.)

                  See, my maternal grandpa was 24 years older than my grandma so age gap relationships is not unheard of in my family. Plus, my family is mostly not involved in my life, and my parents have no say in whom I date.

                  I'm still not completely sure how old this guy is, but I'm guessing that gap is going to be more than 20 years. We are so much alike though, if that is even possible given the age difference.
                  My parents don't know my bf details... But yes. He has good job. Maybe too good to where people would judge even more in fact (can't please them all...). I always date type A+++ personalities because otherwise I find the guy to be too much of a pushover. LOL.

                  Parents won't meet any guy unless I am intending on marrying him. Yes, they said that verbatim. So in other words (since I don't wanna marry) they are never meeting my bfs...

                  I have gone on dates with pretty much only men more than 7ish years older other than the guy from law school the past 5 years, and that guy only reenforced my belief that guys my age suck. He had zero concept of why I needed to work so hard, of my worries about supporting my family, of the concept of filing taxes.... Ugh. He just smoked pot, drank, worked out, partied, and complained about not seeing me enough (because I was studying or working). He complained about not having an internship for the summer and he didn't even apply for any... And his mommy used her connections to get him a job. *barf* I can't respect someone like that.

                  Back to your present case... I think age gap really does not matter much, and works to your advantage in that he will not take you for granted. I am rooting for you and fb guy (sorry, name is stuck).








                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free
                  ------
                  HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

                  My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


                  Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

                  " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

                  Comment


                  • For some reason, I don't dig older guys. Most of my bfs have been the same age or a year or two older. I did date one guy who was nine years older, but that's it. YG is the first younger guy I've dated - he's 28 and I'll be 32 next month. I was conscious of it at the start but he's more together than any of the other guys I've dated so... yeah. Age means nothing
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post

                      Parents won't meet any guy unless I am intending on marrying him. Yes, they said that verbatim. So in other words (since I don't wanna marry) they are never meeting my bfs...
                      That may be better. My mom has only met two of my bfs--the only two serious ones I've had (current bf and a college bf whom I dated for 2 years). Dad has never met any of them, a good thing, too, I think.

                      Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post
                      I have gone on dates with pretty much only men more than 7ish years older other than the guy from law school the past 5 years, and that guy only reenforced my belief that guys my age suck. He had zero concept of why I needed to work so hard, of my worries about supporting my family, of the concept of filing taxes.... Ugh. He just smoked pot, drank, worked out, partied, and complained about not seeing me enough (because I was studying or working). He complained about not having an internship for the summer and he didn't even apply for any... And his mommy used her connections to get him a job. *barf* I can't respect someone like that.
                      Lol!


                      Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post
                      Back to your present case... I think age gap really does not matter much, and works to your advantage in that he will not take you for granted. I am rooting for you and fb guy (sorry, name is stuck).
                      What if it's a really big gap? What if it's a 29-year gap?!


                      Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                      For some reason, I don't dig older guys. Most of my bfs have been the same age or a year or two older. I did date one guy who was nine years older, but that's it. YG is the first younger guy I've dated - he's 28 and I'll be 32 next month. I was conscious of it at the start but he's more together than any of the other guys I've dated so... yeah. Age means nothing
                      I wish I could date someone around my own age. My college bf was a year older than me, and, honestly, that was the most functional relationship I've ever had. We were very compatible. The only reason it didn't work out was cuz I was too young and had issues. I'm not sure what it was--insecurity or something, but I wanted to spend all of my time with him and stopped having my own life. I realized that it was unhealthy/annoying too. So I finally broke it off cuz I didn't like the person I had become in the relationship.

                      Anyway, I often feel that relationships with older guys don't really work on some level for me. Part of me still wants to have fun, the kind of fun that older guys often don't want to have. I am not SO old yet. I still want to party once in a while--maybe go to raves or psy trance parties a few times a year. Not every weekend like I once did, but every once in a while would be fun. My current bf, for example, would never want to go to a rave or psy trance party, and he would never approve of me going without him either. So this obviously doesn't work.

                      But FB guy (oh no, the name!) would be different. It won't even be a monogamous relationship, and he doesn't believe in owning women so I think it might be okay for that reason.

                      My journal

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                      • Originally posted by diene View Post
                        I wish I could date someone around my own age.
                        [clears throat loudly, taps foot, checks watch]

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                        • Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal)

                          29 years is not a biggie. IMO 23 years when I was 20 is way more controversial.

                          Different stages in life could be an issue, but talk about what he wants maybe earlier on (out of life, love, relationships) and you have a better idea.

                          Personally I wasn't ready at 20-21 to have to deal with stuff like constantly attending to his mom in and out of hospitals/temporary retirement homes since she was so ill, cooking different meals because she had an eating disorder from depression, questioning doctors for her bc they were negligent towards her treatment. I wasn't ready to deal with a lot of other messy details people at 40+ go through. I grew up a lot.. And I did those things because I loved my ex, but my friends said that I didn't look happy and they didn't like who I've become. I ultimately couldn't just retire from life without living it first so I left to fulfill my dreams of a career and of living in *the* nyc.

                          Just something to think about once you do partake in a relationship with him.



                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free
                          ------
                          HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

                          My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


                          Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

                          " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

                          Comment


                          • Seriously guys: younger model. Not only are they a few years behind in wrinkles and baldness (I hope); they also look up to you as being wiser and cooler than them

                            How old are you, Mr. Anthony?

                            Turquoise, you should take up yoga! Plenty of non-drinkers in that community.
                            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                            - Ray Peat

                            Comment


                            • Eh, I guess I'm one of those projected normal types. I've always gone for guys close to my age or the same age. Hulky and I were in the same graduating class in high school.
                              Depression Lies

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                              • I haven't dated a woman close to my age for the last thirty years or so, usually I am two or three decades ahead of them…
                                "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

                                - Schopenhauer

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