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  • Hi Om. Re. random hypoglycemia, maybe it's not as random for me as I thought. Just when I haven't eaten in a long while, which should be kinda normal.

    Just came across this article:

    10 Things Grad Schools Won

    Comment


    • Some info on how to go into teaching if you don't have a teaching degree:

      Teach For America | Home
      Welcome to Teach-Now.org

      And of course: U.S. Department of Education which is a very cumbersome website.

      Hope there's something that interests you. I've thought of taking my old self and my accounting degree and doing inner city teaching.
      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

      B*tch-lite

      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

      Comment


      • Thank you for the links, guys! I will look into them shortly.

        Joanie, that could be very rewarding but very difficult at the same time..

        Gray, I don't think hypoglycemia necessarily has to do with how long its been since you've eaten. Because I can be very hungry after not having eaten for 10 hours but not feel like my blood sugar is in the toilet and like I could rip someones head off unless I get a bite to eat. But I can feel that way 2 hours after Ive eaten a fair amount.

        Food since my mom has gotten into town has been great because she's a foodie and I end up eating things I never would allow myself on my own, like rosemary and mustard crusted rack of lamb, goat curry with rice and plantains, duck with blackberry jam, crawfish sausage, and oysters in a cream spinach sauce. My digestion has somehow been no worse from it, but I attribute that to all the alcohol thats been accompanying these meals

        Tonight we went to Danielle Walker of Against All Grain's book signing at a small bookstore in North Seattle. It was actually pretty touching as she told her story of years of battling ulcerative colitis, being in and out of the hospital getting blood transfusions, being too sick to hold her newborn child, etc. i was never that sick but I teared up a little when she said something about not being able to get up stairs because that was something I experienced at one point. Made me realize how far I've come, even if I do still have issues. She was really sweet, talked to everyone while signing books, etc. and the book itself is absolutely gorgeous (she photographed the entire thing herself as an amateur photographer) and the recipes look delicious. I might even start cooking again.. We'll see
        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

        Comment


        • Hey my lovely lady Sorry for the radio silence from me lately. I've been really, really busy and... umm... Happy?! I've been connecting a lot with people in the the flesh, and in a way that made me find it dificult to connect with my online friends. Anywya, I'm here now

          I won't comment on the career stuff cos you're getting a lot of good advice about that. Re. the hypoglycaemia, I bet you felt like that for a few days because 1) You hadn't eaten in four days, 2) you were eating starches. I'm fully convinced now that starches were a major factor in my ED. I know that sounds crazy, but I think they sent my blood sugar and appetite crazy. I can't get over how distinctly un-hungry I still am, and how easy it is for me to fast. I'm eating like a bird for the most part these days.

          How's your energy and stuff?

          Big hugs to you <3

          ETA: Did you ever consider that your bloating may be gas? I'm starting to think that this is my problem. It would explain the digestive issues, plus why starch makes you retain water in your face, but the rest of the bod is the same.
          Last edited by YogaBare; 08-20-2013, 11:20 PM.
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
            Hey my lovely lady Sorry for the radio silence from me lately. I've been really, really busy and... umm... Happy?! I've been connecting a lot with people in the the flesh, and in a way that made me find it dificult to connect with my online friends. Anywya, I'm here now

            I won't comment on the career stuff cos you're getting a lot of good advice about that. Re. the hypoglycaemia, I bet you felt like that for a few days because 1) You hadn't eaten in four days, 2) you were eating starches. I'm fully convinced now that starches were a major factor in my ED. I know that sounds crazy, but I think they sent my blood sugar and appetite crazy. I can't get over how distinctly un-hungry I still am, and how easy it is for me to fast. I'm eating like a bird for the most part these days.

            How's your energy and stuff?

            Big hugs to you <3
            Hi! *smooches*

            Yeah it just seems like things are slowing down here atm. Strolled in after six days I think to find that nothing had really.. happened... besides all the bickering in the Peat threads

            That's splendid - I would rather you spending time out in the real world than on the internet anyway.

            Starches are the devil (kind of like PUFAs, gluten, and foosball). I keep giving them more chances and they only let me down. I had rice for the first time last night and today with sushi and was starving again about an hour afterwards. Not only blood sugar but I think they give you a phantom fullness by filling you up so quickly... Blargh.

            Energy and hunger alike have been pretty cyclical but I'm not concerned about drawing too many connections right now: a fair amount of drugs and very little sleep do not make for stable anything. And I'm on the road with my mom now for the next 1.5 weeks so I wont really have control over my food... I really cant wait to be living in one place again after 3 months of constantly moving around, though I wouldn't have traded any of it . Maybe I'll finally get things under control, though!

            You still doing well? I know your appetite is still low.
            Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

            Comment


            • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
              ETA: Did you ever consider that your bloating may be gas? I'm starting to think that this is my problem. It would explain the digestive issues, plus why starch makes you retain water in your face, but the rest of the bod is the same.
              Yes, I'm still subscribing to the idea that I have a gut flora issue which would cause gas by improper fermentation/digestion. Also by the fact that Ci's belly massages often get rid of some of it... I'm going to experiment with more probiotics once school starts again. Maybe try to figure out how to finally heal myself. I posted something on the Peat thread about fecal transplant....hopefully it won't come to that.

              ETA: thinking about going back to a more SCD compliant diet
              Last edited by ombat; 08-20-2013, 11:43 PM.
              Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

              Comment


              • I've actually been finding the forum at large an interesting place! I'm enjoying all the relationship threads (that I started ), hormonal discussions, plus the analysis of Peat's work. Just not too interested in my journal.

                Where are you going with your mum?? I just spent a few days in Ireland visiting family and friends, and honestly, I just didn't bother eating most of the time. I had some cheese and fruit with me at all times, and I was fine. The way I eat now is so crazy and retractive to most people, and it was actually just easier to say I wasn't hungry, or that I'd already eaten. Irish people in particular live on bread and don't understand any of this "health shite"

                Actually, after a few dodgy weeks, I think good things are happening with my digestion! I'm still bloating, but I feel like some kind of transition is being made. Don't know - it seems like such a big area... have you ever looked into the link with serotonin and the gut? I keep meaning to, but then other things sidetrack me (most recently ferritin).

                I saw that about the fecal transplant... umm. It scares me! Beware the latest fads? Idk, maybe they work.
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                  I've actually been finding the forum at large an interesting place! I'm enjoying all the relationship threads (that I started ), hormonal discussions, plus the analysis of Peat's work. Just not too interested in my journal.
                  Haha! well I hope so... Too funny. I haven't been perusing threads I'm not already participated in so I haven't seen them, but I will look around now.

                  Where are you going with your mum?? I just spent a few days in Ireland visiting family and friends, and honestly, I just didn't bother eating most of the time. I had some cheese and fruit with me at all times, and I was fine. The way I eat now is so crazy and retractive to most people, and it was actually just easier to say I wasn't hungry, or that I'd already eaten. Irish people in particular live on bread and don't understand any of this "health shite"

                  Actually, after a few dodgy weeks, I think good things are happening with my digestion! I'm still bloating, but I feel like some kind of transition is being made. Don't know - it seems like such a big area... have you ever looked into the link with serotonin and the gut? I keep meaning to, but then other things sidetrack me (most recently ferritin).
                  I hope you had a good time! My mom came up to Seattle for the last week of my internship and then we are heading out tomorrow to Montana for a few days (where we will have NO INTERNET OR CELL SERVICE *pumps fist* to ride horses, go hiking, read books on porches, eat game meats, etc. and then we are coming back through Coeur d'Alene, Idaho spending a few days doing whatever one does in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (actually it's meant to be very pretty and lively there). Mainly it is due to the fact that I left her in May with a wave and a "see you Christmas!" and she decided that wasn't happening... I will say it's been three days and I'm already a bit sick of her. I didn't go home this summer for a reason

                  Seratonin is not something I have looked into, but I suppose I might as well? I was really hoping this whole summmer of being away so much, never spending nights at home, and always being on the go would have resolved my issues, but I suppose they really aren't in my head... I'm glad that things are turning for you, even if you still have the bloat. One thing at a time, right? I'm in a place right now where digestion and energy are most important to me, and if I'm bloated as all hell that's really frustrating but not as important as the other stuff.

                  I saw that about the fecal transplant... umm. It scares me! Beware the latest fads? Idk, maybe they work.
                  Ahaha... *cough*

                  No, this is not something I would take lightly. It would be a last resort I'd consider in a year from now (oh god another year? *sobs*). First hand accounts are astonishing, though. People's health turned around almost instantaneously. It really is about gut health.... And as I mentioned in the Peat forum I know exactly who I would ask. Knowing that makes it even harder to stop thinking about it...
                  Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                    I hope you had a good time! My mom came up to Seattle for the last week of my internship and then we are heading out tomorrow to Montana for a few days (where we will have NO INTERNET OR CELL SERVICE *pumps fist* to ride horses, go hiking, read books on porches, eat game meats, etc. and then we are coming back through Coeur d'Alene, Idaho spending a few days doing whatever one does in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (actually it's meant to be very pretty and lively there). Mainly it is due to the fact that I left her in May with a wave and a "see you Christmas!" and she decided that wasn't happening... I will say it's been three days and I'm already a bit sick of her. I didn't go home this summer for a reason
                    It was amazing. I hung out with a load of my male friends who I haven't seen in ages (one of my best male friends was getting married). The only downside was that I got absolutely polluted drunk and barely remember the wedding after party

                    That trip sounds amazing! I really miss horse riding. I'm surprised your mum is irritating you, since you guys are do close. But hey, that's mothers innit? Speaking of which, my trip to Cali with my mother definitively damaged our relationship. I still can't stand speaking to her on the phone, and we keep fighting when we do. It's like we've regressed five years...

                    Seratonin is not something I have looked into, but I suppose I might as well? I was really hoping this whole summmer of being away so much, never spending nights at home, and always being on the go would have resolved my issues, but I suppose they really aren't in my head... I'm glad that things are turning for you, even if you still have the bloat. One thing at a time, right? I'm in a place right now where digestion and energy are most important to me, and if I'm bloated as all hell that's really frustrating but not as important as the other stuff.
                    If you learn about serotonin please fill me in on everything I should really look into it too, but I have too many other things I want to sort out. I'm actually starting to find the bloat a bit endearing And your issues definitely aren't in your head girl. How's your energy these days? And, not that you care much, but how's the body comp?!

                    x
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                      It was amazing. I hung out with a load of my male friends who I haven't seen in ages (one of my best male friends was getting married). The only downside was that I got absolutely polluted drunk and barely remember the wedding after party

                      That trip sounds amazing! I really miss horse riding. I'm surprised your mum is irritating you, since you guys are do close. But hey, that's mothers innit? Speaking of which, my trip to Cali with my mother definitively damaged our relationship. I still can't stand speaking to her on the phone, and we keep fighting when we do. It's like we've regressed five years...
                      Oh no! Well I'm glad the memories that you do have are good ones

                      I'm really sorry to hear that. Traveling with another person is very intense because you don't really get a break from them, so if your relationship Wasn't superb to begin with, I can see how it would make things worse. It is still very sad and heartbreaking to feel like a relationship has gone backwards. I'm sorry

                      Maybe we're too close. She's just pushing my buttons; calling me out on behaviors that I don't even have any more, being very clingy, amongst other things. And this is hard to explain but something can turn her mood very quickly; i.e. she's bouncing around one minute and then the tiniest thing sets her off into full blown anger. She used to have drastic, bi-polar mood swings years ago (10+) when she was going through menopause and I sincerely think that traumatized me. So when she gives into these sudden changes I feel myself start to regress. It's like I completely shut down around her because of past memories. It makes me feel really stupid and weak so I end up getting mad at myself and I wind up just as angry and in a foul mood as she is. So there we are, both angry for no apparent reason, and it doesn't end well.
                      Sorry... I've been spilling my guts recently.

                      If you learn about serotonin please fill me in on everything I should really look into it too, but I have too many other things I want to sort out. I'm actually starting to find the bloat a bit endearing And your issues definitely aren't in your head girl. How's your energy these days? And, not that you care much, but how's the body comp?!

                      x
                      I kind of wish they were in my head :/ My energy is terrible; probably from the starch (or from the lack of drugs that were keeping me going). And I'll admit that I do care about my body comp which is no better or worse. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like a cow, but I can just step away from it and forget until the next time I'm in front of a mirror. It's my thighs, man and my upper body just feels mildly broader than it should be. The picture I saw of you recently looked great, btw!

                      o
                      Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                        I'm really sorry to hear that. Traveling with another person is very intense because you don't really get a break from them, so if your relationship Wasn't superb to begin with, I can see how it would make things worse. It is still very sad and heartbreaking to feel like a relationship has gone backwards. I'm sorry
                        Thanks for the empathy! I've just been ignoring it in all honesty (I'm getting really good at ignoring things that bother me ) but it is sad, and I'm partially ignoring it because I have no idea what to do next. We're not on speaking terms atm. The worst thing is that I realised I've done so much work to change, and I don't know if I can do much more. She's an impossible woman.

                        Maybe we're too close. She's just pushing my buttons; calling me out on behaviors that I don't even have any more, being very clingy, amongst other things. And this is hard to explain but something can turn her mood very quickly; i.e. she's bouncing around one minute and then the tiniest thing sets her off into full blown anger. She used to have drastic, bi-polar mood swings years ago (10+) when she was going through menopause and I sincerely think that traumatized me. So when she gives into these sudden changes I feel myself start to regress. It's like I completely shut down around her because of past memories. It makes me feel really stupid and weak so I end up getting mad at myself and I wind up just as angry and in a foul mood as she is. So there we are, both angry for no apparent reason, and it doesn't end well.
                        Sorry... I've been spilling my guts recently.
                        Eek. That sounds harsh. You know, I can relate to that though. I expect it with my parents / family to some extent, but I had a friend who I used to regress with, and it really tore me apart. She would project things onto me of who I was in the past (like you feel your mum is doing). I tried talking to her about it many times, and it always ended badly, because she would dismiss it. In the end, I avoided her for a few months, and it upset her. When I started meeting up with her again, her behaviour was pretty different. SHe was more respectful.

                        Anyway, my point is that maybe you need to establish more of a boundary with your mum? It's nearly impossible to establish boundaries with families at a young age because parents in particular feel that they own you (and there's so much projection and victimisation and resentment). But the time does come when the child cuts the cord for the first time. (it can grow back )

                        I'm aware I could also be taking this advice...


                        I kind of wish they were in my head :/ My energy is terrible; probably from the starch (or from the lack of drugs that were keeping me going). And I'll admit that I do care about my body comp which is no better or worse. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like a cow, but I can just step away from it and forget until the next time I'm in front of a mirror. It's my thighs, man. and my upper body just feels mildly broader than it should be. The picture I saw of you recently looked great, btw!
                        I'm sorry your energy is so bad: that is seriously annoying. All I can say is that you've been looking into the health thing for... how long now? Two years? It takes a while for figure out what's wrong. For some people with autoimmune diseases it takes 10 years! It took 7 years of dedicated fighting from me before I finally got rid of my chronic fatigue and depression (that I'd had for my whole life). I admire you because you're starting out on all this at such a young age, and I've no doubt that you'll figure it out. You'll get what you want - I know it It just takes time, but the process is important too, because it's during this that we mature.

                        I'm surprised your body comp hasn't changed since you've been eating less, but hey - you look great! I think women are just programmed to criticise themselves. I see thunder thighs whenever I look in the mirror too.

                        And thank you! I'm happy to say there've been more improvements since then! It's kind of exciting to see where this is going.

                        Oh dear. I'm officially a saddo.
                        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                        - Ray Peat

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                          Thanks for the empathy! I've just been ignoring it in all honesty (I'm getting really good at ignoring things that bother me ) but it is sad, and I'm partially ignoring it because I have no idea what to do next. We're not on speaking terms atm. The worst thing is that I realised I've done so much work to change, and I don't know if I can do much more. She's an impossible woman.
                          I think it's a sad but sometimes necessary realization one needs to come to that family isn't always blood. You can try your hardest, but some people were misguidedly thrown together by the universe. That doesn't make it any less difficult or heartbreaking, but I think it can allow you to focus on relationships you have more hope for and maybe in not trying so hard with your mother you may find that things become easier. Those who care the least... You know.

                          Eek. That sounds harsh. You know, I can relate to that though. I expect it with my parents / family to some extent, but I had a friend who I used to regress with, and it really tore me apart. She would project things onto me of who I was in the past (like you feel your mum is doing). I tried talking to her about it many times, and it always ended badly, because she would dismiss it. In the end, I avoided her for a few months, and it upset her. When I started meeting up with her again, her behaviour was pretty different. SHe was more respectful.
                          Is this the person you had a major falling out with or are you still friends? What did you say to her? I'm just curious.

                          Anyway, my point is that maybe you need to establish more of a boundary with your mum? It's nearly impossible to establish boundaries with families at a young age because parents in particular feel that they own you (and there's so much projection and victimisation and resentment). But the time does come when the child cuts the cord for the first time. (it can grow back )

                          I'm aware I could also be taking this advice...
                          That's exactly what a psychologist I was seeing said to me two years ago haha.... Orz And I did do it, pretty severely. We didn't speak for many months and that was around the time my I was getting really sick (not being able to walk up stairs, etc.) so I started talking to her again because of that and pretty soon all had been forgotten. But the boundary issue is the problem and it falls on me. I treat her like my best friend, tell her (most) details of my life, etc. because she's really brilliant about interpersonal issues, gives great advice, and it just seems natural since we've been so unbelievably close since I was young. And I can control the boundary for the majority of the year because we live 1000 miles away from each other. But once I accidentally set off "mom mode" by something I tell her or we are physically spending a lot of time together, that closeness backfires. It's going to be some trial and error, but I know it will all work out eventually.... Boo hoo, my mom loves me too much....

                          I'm sorry your energy is so bad: that is seriously annoying. All I can say is that you've been looking into the health thing for... how long now? Two years? It takes a while for figure out what's wrong. For some people with autoimmune diseases it takes 10 years! It took 7 years of dedicated fighting from me before I finally got rid of my chronic fatigue and depression (that I'd had for my whole life). I admire you because you're starting out on all this at such a young age, and I've no doubt that you'll figure it out. You'll get what you want - I know it It just takes time, but the process is important too, because it's during this that we mature.

                          I'm surprised your body comp hasn't changed since you've been eating less, but hey - you look great! I think women are just programmed to criticise themselves. I see thunder thighs whenever I look in the mirror too.

                          And thank you! I'm happy to say there've been more improvements since then! It's kind of exciting to see where this is going.
                          Only two years?? *sobs* Ha I don't know how much more of this I can take... I totally broke down into tears in front of my mom today... We've been eating really "complicated" meals (last night was lamb with marinated fruit, collards sauteed in ACV, and ice cream. Before that it was oysters in a spinach cream sauce, duck with fruit preserves, etc. etc.) and it's already backfiring on my gut tremendously. I know I've come a very long way, but it's still depressing to try to be "normal" and realizing that I am still not.

                          I am really proud of you for not giving up after so many years. I read an update from you in the Peat forum (from yesterday I believe) and I am overjoyed at your progress. You really deserve all the benefits you're seeing and it does make me hopeful.

                          I'm surprised at the lack of weight loss as well. After 1.5 weeks of not eating here, 4 days of not eating there, etc.... I'm finding it difficult to wrap my head around it. I would in no way consider myself overweight, but I don't feel like "me." Dumb problems.

                          Originally posted by CiKi90
                          I know I've been absent recently, but I just want you to know that you're amazing. I wish we could chat more often, but I don't think I'll be posting here much longer. Keep up your working toward being healthy, because you really deserve to experience life without the burden of illness.

                          <3
                          Ci <3 I tried sending you a PM but your box is full. If you don't come online soon I will email it to you... and hope you get it.

                          Just as a heads up, I will be without cell or internet from tomorrow until Tuesday... Not that I haven't spent that amount of time absent from the forum when I do have those things, but I figured it was worth mentioning anyway.
                          Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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                          • Ombatio
                            Make America Great Again

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                            • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                              I think it's a sad but sometimes necessary realization one needs to come to that family isn't always blood. You can try your hardest, but some people were misguidedly thrown together by the universe. That doesn't make it any less difficult or heartbreaking, but I think it can allow you to focus on relationships you have more hope for and maybe in not trying so hard with your mother you may find that things become easier. Those who care the least... You know.
                              While I don't believe that there are ever cosmic mistakes, I agree with you on the rest, and the bolded part really resonated with me. Thanks for your insight and compassion! I'm still not sure what to do, but I know I need a break from her, so I'll just go with that.

                              Is this the person you had a major falling out with or are you still friends? What did you say to her? I'm just curious.
                              Nope, different friend. Let's call her S. We've been friends since we were teenagers. Here's the basic breakdown of the relationship and my theories. Maybe you might see something in it that resonates :

                              Firstly, I believe we attract, and are attracted to people who embody subconscious aspects of ourselves that we're afraid to deal with. (This is why you see people who claim not to be jealous going out with very jealous partners).

                              I was very needy and insecure when I was younger, and S appeared to be the complete opposite, and in many ways she took me under her wing, and lent me her confidence. She is attracted to weaker people because it makes her feel strong by contrast, and allows her to ignore her own huge insecurities.

                              Over the years I worked on myself, and I changed, but in a subtle way she resented this change, and she would keep doing things that put me back in my place: bitchy comments that would hurt me, pointedly excluding me from things, etc. If I ever mentioned these things to her, she'd throw her eyes up and go on about how needy I was.

                              But, the reality was that I needed her friendship less than she needed mine.

                              This winter I reached my threshold and stopped meeting her. She was extremely persistent in her efforts to hang out with me, and kept asking if I was avoiding her. (I think at this point she realised she didn't have as many friends as she thought.) After about three months, I met her. We didn't talk about anything, and now we're getting on really well: we're playing tennis together, going for coffee etc. I think the problem was that from the start, the relationship was based in a caregiving condition: she wanted to make me into something, but she also wanted it to be within her control, and when I surpassed what she felt comfortable with, she tried to control it. But she doesn't have the desire to make deep changes within herself, so conversations where I tried to sort things out with her always fell flat. The answer was simply in asserting my boundaries. I'm always going to have to keep them in check with her, cos' that's the kind of person she is, but at least I know that now. Knowledge is power and all that.

                              Sorry for the long tangent, but it might be relevant

                              Oh, regarding the friend I had the major falling out with - we met up last night. We actually had a very good conversation and we agreed that when she makes bitchy comments in the future I'll just make a joke about it She's actually a sweet heart, but she's got a really sharp tongue sometimes.

                              That's exactly what a psychologist I was seeing said to me two years ago haha.... Orz And I did do it, pretty severely. We didn't speak for many months and that was around the time my I was getting really sick (not being able to walk up stairs, etc.) so I started talking to her again because of that and pretty soon all had been forgotten. But the boundary issue is the problem and it falls on me. I treat her like my best friend, tell her (most) details of my life, etc. because she's really brilliant about interpersonal issues, gives great advice, and it just seems natural since we've been so unbelievably close since I was young. And I can control the boundary for the majority of the year because we live 1000 miles away from each other. But once I accidentally set off "mom mode" by something I tell her or we are physically spending a lot of time together, that closeness backfires. It's going to be some trial and error, but I know it will all work out eventually.... Boo hoo, my mom loves me too much....
                              Maybe the story above will help a bit. I know, it's hard to know what to share with people and what not to share. Where the line ends between support and judgement. Trial and error is probably the way: it might be good to measure what you share with her before you do so, and see where her tipping point is.

                              Only two years?? *sobs* Ha I don't know how much more of this I can take... I totally broke down into tears in front of my mom today... We've been eating really "complicated" meals (last night was lamb with marinated fruit, collards sauteed in ACV, and ice cream. Before that it was oysters in a spinach cream sauce, duck with fruit preserves, etc. etc.) and it's already backfiring on my gut tremendously. I know I've come a very long way, but it's still depressing to try to be "normal" and realizing that I am still not.
                              Aw Batticus. I'm sorry to hear that Listen though, I know this sounds like a stupid question, but how bad are your gut issues? Like, how debilitating are they? You've seen my bloating so you know it's at least as bad as yours, but it doesn't stop me from living my life. Neither does my IBS-CD, my gassiness (current problem) or any of my other gut issues. They're uncomfortable, but survivable. What killed me was the lack of energy.

                              Idk - would you consider ignoring your gut issues for a while, and focusing on trying to improve your energy? I'm not saying they're unrelated, but maybe they need prioritisation?

                              I am really proud of you for not giving up after so many years. I read an update from you in the Peat forum (from yesterday I believe) and I am overjoyed at your progress. You really deserve all the benefits you're seeing and it does make me hopeful.
                              Thanks so much Still more tweaks to make but feel like I've hit something solid and the rest is just aiming for a higher grade. Even in terms of my body comp.

                              I'm surprised at the lack of weight loss as well. After 1.5 weeks of not eating here, 4 days of not eating there, etc.... I'm finding it difficult to wrap my head around it. I would in no way consider myself overweight, but I don't feel like "me." Dumb problems.
                              Not dumb. Everyone cares about their appearance!

                              Fwiw - I've discovered that calorie deficits do nothing unless I'm moving around a lot. Likewise, moving around a lot does nothing unless my calories are in check. I think people overemphasise the diet aspect here. Movement is so important. If you've got no energy, I'm guessing you're not moving much?

                              Ci <3 I tried sending you a PM but your box is full. If you don't come online soon I will email it to you... and hope you get it.

                              Just as a heads up, I will be without cell or internet from tomorrow until Tuesday... Not that I haven't spent that amount of time absent from the forum when I do have those things, but I figured it was worth mentioning anyway.
                              If YOU ever decide to leave the forum then let's keep having these chats via email

                              xx
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

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                              • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                                While I don't believe that there are ever cosmic mistakes, I agree with you on the rest, and the bolded part really resonated with me. Thanks for your insight and compassion! I'm still not sure what to do, but I know I need a break from her, so I'll just go with that.

                                Nope, different friend. Let's call her S. We've been friends since we were teenagers. Here's the basic breakdown of the relationship and my theories. Maybe you might see something in it that resonates :

                                Firstly, I believe we attract, and are attracted to people who embody subconscious aspects of ourselves that we're afraid to deal with. (This is why you see people who claim not to be jealous going out with very jealous partners).

                                I was very needy and insecure when I was younger, and S appeared to be the complete opposite, and in many ways she took me under her wing, and lent me her confidence. She is attracted to weaker people because it makes her feel strong by contrast, and allows her to ignore her own huge insecurities.

                                Over the years I worked on myself, and I changed, but in a subtle way she resented this change, and she would keep doing things that put me back in my place: bitchy comments that would hurt me, pointedly excluding me from things, etc. If I ever mentioned these things to her, she'd throw her eyes up and go on about how needy I was.

                                But, the reality was that I needed her friendship less than she needed mine.

                                This winter I reached my threshold and stopped meeting her. She was extremely persistent in her efforts to hang out with me, and kept asking if I was avoiding her. (I think at this point she realised she didn't have as many friends as she thought.) After about three months, I met her. We didn't talk about anything, and now we're getting on really well: we're playing tennis together, going for coffee etc. I think the problem was that from the start, the relationship was based in a caregiving condition: she wanted to make me into something, but she also wanted it to be within her control, and when I surpassed what she felt comfortable with, she tried to control it. But she doesn't have the desire to make deep changes within herself, so conversations where I tried to sort things out with her always fell flat. The answer was simply in asserting my boundaries. I'm always going to have to keep them in check with her, cos' that's the kind of person she is, but at least I know that now. Knowledge is power and all that.

                                Sorry for the long tangent, but it might be relevant

                                Oh, regarding the friend I had the major falling out with - we met up last night. We actually had a very good conversation and we agreed that when she makes bitchy comments in the future I'll just make a joke about it She's actually a sweet heart, but she's got a really sharp tongue sometimes.
                                I agree with you. I don't believe in mistakes in the sense that I believe that we are all meant to be on the path that we are on. But that path can very well include people that try us…. And it's part of our destiny, fate, whathaveyou, to figure out how to work with those people. If walking away (even if for a short time) is the right move, then so be it. Doesn't matter if they're blood or not. Like you proved with both of those friends, time and space is something you needed. Of course it is much more complicated with your mother, but hopefully space will help you as well. And you may need to have cycles of closeness and space. Only time will tell….

                                Your friend almost sounds like an abusive partner, if not just a very manipulative and somewhat selfish person (I'm sorry). At least you are aware of her MO and can (and should) stay somewhat detached while you enjoy your friendship.

                                Maybe the story above will help a bit. I know, it's hard to know what to share with people and what not to share. Where the line ends between support and judgement. Trial and error is probably the way: it might be good to measure what you share with her before you do so, and see where her tipping point is.
                                You're right. I am an over-sharer, as you all can attest to ;_; It's a terminal condition and something I genuinely need to work on. I think it might be some subconscious need to be validated. But the rest of our time together has been fine. I've been in a great mood regardless of hers (which has actually been very up since we got out of the city). There were some moments where I just could not comprehend her level of stress and agitation over extremely minor things. it made me see a lot of the qualities I used to see in myself but no longer do and it made me remember why I do so well living on my own. I love her and she is an incredible mother, but she is too stressed and it's too much for me to handle. But we have had some really fun times and a bunch of laughs. Interesting to culminate this summer with a trip with her because it magnified the changes I've seen in myself over the last year.


                                Aw Batticus. I'm sorry to hear that Listen though, I know this sounds like a stupid question, but how bad are your gut issues? Like, how debilitating are they? You've seen my bloating so you know it's at least as bad as yours, but it doesn't stop me from living my life. Neither does my IBS-CD, my gassiness (current problem) or any of my other gut issues. They're uncomfortable, but survivable. What killed me was the lack of energy.

                                Idk - would you consider ignoring your gut issues for a while, and focusing on trying to improve your energy? I'm not saying they're unrelated, but maybe they need prioritisation?

                                Not dumb. Everyone cares about their appearance!

                                Fwiw - I've discovered that calorie deficits do nothing unless I'm moving around a lot. Likewise, moving around a lot does nothing unless my calories are in check. I think people overemphasise the diet aspect here. Movement is so important. If you've got no energy, I'm guessing you're not moving much?
                                We're on the same page. In the past couple of months I actually have shifted my priorities with energy now situated pretty much at the top. Not too long ago digestion was my main concern and for good reason; Only visiting the restroom once or twice per week did in fact create its own debilitating side effects; I literally felt septic. It lent to the bloating, the fatigue, and I believe acne as well. Now that I'm pretty regular as long as I have coffee and gelatin (and alcohol ;D ) I am shifting focus. The bloat is just obnoxious but, like you said, survivable at certain levels. Before I cut out vegetables and other things that I know to be huge issues for bloat, it was debilitating in a way because I was so uncomfortable I could barely move. I never wanted to go out because I would constantly be pulling at my pants or trying to catch my breath because my diaphragm felt crushed. Now it is much better and just annoying but not so uncomfortable that I can' be out and about and doing things that I love.

                                At the beginning of July when I was eating mostly fruit and other liquids I caught a good glimpse at what having steady energy throughout the day felt like and I would do anything to get that back. I could exercise (which you are correct, I rarely do since I usually can't even peel myself off the couch), I could bounce around all day doing errands and seeing friends, and I felt great! But I haven't been able to sustain such a diet since I've barely seen my own home since I started experimenting and seeing these results in the first place. I'm very soon to be home for good and I'm going to resume that more Peat-ish diet that gave me such great success with energy. It will probably consist of low fat milk, fruit, shellfish/seafood, but probably with a little more red meat, chicken, and pork because that's what I like. A major key will be to not feel like I'm depriving myself: so sweet potatoes sometimes when I want them (at night so they don't fuck with my energy for the rest of the day), a few green beans or heads of broccoli every now and then even though they make me uncomfortable because I like them., chocolate when I crave it - esp. right before my TOM. This is my preemptive plan.

                                I almost considered going back to my diet of grits and almond butter to become really skinny again (I looked back on my journals from around that time and my diet was that laughable). But it is my hope that more energy -> exercise -> satisfactory body comp. i dunno, I haven't gotten much in the way of exercise in the past 3 years and never gained any weight, so I was crossing my fingers that it would come off without any either. Guess it doesn't work like that

                                If YOU ever decide to leave the forum then let's keep having these chats via email

                                xx
                                Of course! In all of this busy-ness (both of us!) recently we have been a bit out of touch and I've felt it :/

                                P.S. I just got back into civilization but I will catch up on your journal as soon as I can! <3
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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