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  • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
    Aww Bats, you're too kind :O (You forgot to mention how charming, funny, intelligent and modest I am ) Look forward to seeing the pic! Guys, we said that we'd email it to you (as I'm too paranoid to have my face on here), but Om if you want to put it up here too just blur out my head.
    Originally posted by ombat View Post
    And gorgeous (she really is).
    <3

    Did you used to watch the Simpsons? What I wrote up there^^ was an indirect reference to a Simpsons quote that I love. (I tried to find it on youtube for about 15 mins after I wrote that):

    Smithers: Heh heh, well, maybe this film festival could help us. A film
    biography might let them get to know the real you: virtuous,
    heroic, nubile...
    Burns: You left out pleasant! [clubs Smithers with a
    newspaper]
    And cos' we talked about it the other day, this one is also apt:

    Kent: [on TV] Tonight, we'll visit Springfield's answer to the
    Benidictine monks: the Rappin' Rabbis.
    Rabbi: Don't eat pork, not even with a fork.
    [motions to cooked pig] Can't touch this!
    Homer: Marge, are we Jewish?
    Marge: No, Homer.
    Homer: Woo hoo!
    Now that the comedy is out of the way: your post!

    From reading, my impression is that you're brimming with emotion, and the only concrete thing you pinned it on was that you're worried about how to eat for the next few weeks. But honestly... in this instance, I don't think the food is the issue. I think you're tired after travelling, and fed up because your holiday reminded you of a happier you that you haven't been accessing of late.

    Having now met you, I think I have a little more insight than before. You remind me of how I looked before I did EAT: a little tired. Maybe it's food, maybe it's hormones, maybe it's stress. Likely it's a combination of all three. So what to do?

    I think your eating and bloating are huge sources of stress to you, and maybe that's making you worse. It's understandable that you're fed up about things like fatigue and pain from eating certain things, but perhaps it might be helpful to really strip back what you're trying to heal at the moment? Maybe you need to give yourself a break for a while, and not worry about the bloating? Avoid food that you 100% know bring you discomfort, and just eat what you like? Aim for eating the widest variety of food possible, with whatever macros you want? I know that this is part of the approach that I'm taking right now. I'm doing an internal eye roll to my weight, metabolism, wrinkles and bloating. I'm not fighting any more. Fwiw - refraining from journalling what I eat was hugely liberating for me.

    Regarding yogurt: When I started eating it I was soooo backed up and damaged from months of low carb, and it really sorted me out. I ate it for a few months, and I was regular as clockwork. Then I stopped eating it cold turkey, and I was constipated again for about 5 days. But after that, things got moving by themselves. Now I don't really have problems unless I travel (or eat salad). My point: Yogurt may have been good to help your stomach heal, but now you may not need it anymore. It might just take a few days for your body to adjust. You could always up your gelatine and Mg to help with the transition?

    Also, it might be a good time now to remind yourself of things that have improved over the last few months? Your skin is perfect now, for one thing! Can you think of anything else?

    Failing this, you can always eat wind fritters and fried ice.

    Hugs girl <3
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-25-2013, 01:43 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

    Comment


    • Dont eat dairy anymore if you dont like it. I think you should just forget the whole idea of what is healthy and what isnt. Live life.

      Btw i loved the pic, hilarious and sexy at the same time!

      Comment


      • Hey, can I see the pic too? I can PM you my email address.

        My journal

        Comment


        • Here's the abridged version of the yobat pic.



          And a little closer... is that what I think it is?



          PM me Diene, and I'll send you the version with our faces

          Originally posted by Zach View Post
          Btw i loved the pic, hilarious and sexy at the same time!
          What got you hotter under the collar: the gelatine, or the maple syrup?
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • Haha! I love it!

            My journal

            Comment


            • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
              Did you used to watch the Simpsons? What I wrote up there^^ was an indirect reference to a Simpsons quote that I love. (I tried to find it on youtube for about 15 mins after I wrote that):
              Ha, no, I hadn't seen it, but I often joke in a similar fashion: "Well we all know how exceptionally intelligent, gorgeous, and humble I am..." etc.

              From reading, my impression is that you're brimming with emotion, and the only concrete thing you pinned it on was that you're worried about how to eat for the next few weeks. But honestly... in this instance, I don't think the food is the issue. I think you're tired after travelling, and fed up because your holiday reminded you of a happier you that you haven't been accessing of late.

              Having now met you, I think I have a little more insight than before. You remind me of how I looked before I did EAT: a little tired. Maybe it's food, maybe it's hormones, maybe it's stress. Likely it's a combination of all three. So what to do?

              I think your eating and bloating are huge sources of stress to you, and maybe that's making you worse. It's understandable that you're fed up about things like fatigue and pain from eating certain things, but perhaps it might be helpful to really strip back what you're trying to heal at the moment? Maybe you need to give yourself a break for a while, and not worry about the bloating? Avoid food that you 100% know bring you discomfort, and just eat what you like? Aim for eating the widest variety of food possible, with whatever macros you want? I know that this is part of the approach that I'm taking right now. I'm doing an internal eye roll to my weight, metabolism, wrinkles and bloating. I'm not fighting any more. Fwiw - refraining from journalling what I eat was hugely liberating for me.
              I believe a lot of my symptoms are exacerbated by own mentality and neuroticism surrounding them. I've spent the past 2 years approaching things so scientifically: studying, experimenting, etc. but perhaps it's time for a new approach. In my entry tonight I'm gonig to write about how it all began but this time from a more abstract perspective - what was going on in my life around the time that I became really sick. Recently I've come to believe that we really do create our own reality. Maybe I'm sick because I don't want to heal. Maybe I want to be a victim. Maybe I feel like I need something sad, limiting, or scary to define me.

              As for diet, that is really how I've been approaching things for the past few weeks and especially while I was in SF. I'm going to continue avoiding the things I know cause painful symptoms and damn the rest (don't expect anything crazy, though. I mean, my "comfort food" is carnitas). I'm sick of needlessly restricting without results. Are you really going to give treating your metabolism a break? Who knows, maybe in letting go it will benefit your metabolism.

              Re: not journaling food, it's kind of funny because one or two days before I started this journal, I think I declared on your journal that I was quitting journaling! I made it one day. I'm thinking about it.

              Regarding yogurt: When I started eating it I was soooo backed up and damaged from months of low carb, and it really sorted me out. I ate it for a few months, and I was regular as clockwork. Then I stopped eating it cold turkey, and I was constipated again for about 5 days. But after that, things got moving by themselves. Now I don't really have problems unless I travel (or eat salad). My point: Yogurt may have been good to help your stomach heal, but now you may not need it anymore. It might just take a few days for your body to adjust. You could always up your gelatine and Mg to help with the transition?
              I didn't eat yoghurt for the 5 days I was in SF and still had BMs, so maybe I don't need it any more (or maybe I should just switch to a nightly Jack and coke instead!) I will probably continue to eat it for the next few days since I don't want to have to cook in the morning at my cousins'. I'll use any leftovers to marinate and grill chicken (organic, free range chicken, obviously....)

              Also, it might be a good time now to remind yourself of things that have improved over the last few months? Your skin is perfect now, for one thing! Can you think of anything else?
              Yes, lots of improvements! My hands feel like they belong to a living being, for one thing, and overall my mentality regarding food has been good - no binging, no cravings, etc.

              Failing this, you can always eat wind fritters and fried ice.

              Hugs girl <3
              Mmmm, can I dip them in cloud cream?

              I am forever grateful for your patience and honesty. You truly are a very insightful person (better than hindsightful )

              Originally posted by Zach View Post
              Dont eat dairy anymore if you dont like it. I think you should just forget the whole idea of what is healthy and what isnt. Live life.

              Btw i loved the pic, hilarious and sexy at the same time!
              I'm moving in that general direction

              Later we poured the syrup all over ourselves and licked it off each other.

              Originally posted by diene View Post
              Haha! I love it!
              Last edited by ombat; 06-25-2013, 06:02 PM.
              Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

              Comment


              • I sent it to you, pretty lady! Check your email.
                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                Comment


                • Thanks, Ci <3

                  Tuesday, June 25

                  I am perfectly fine now. I'm sorry about my random breakdown yesterday… I really should sleep on things before I post them. I am so moody.

                  Food/Digestion: real quick
                  - mango maple yoghurt - bloaty. no BM
                  - little coffee with sugar - BM!
                  - cube of sugar to keep me awake. seemed to help
                  - enchilada sans tortilla (chicken, rice, sauce, guac, sour cream, a handful of black beans and lettuce since they were mixed in and I didn't feel like being crazy about picking them out) - felt rather uncomfortable for an hour or so afterwards. a little crampy + upper abdominal bloat
                  - cheese (reduced fat cheddar) and rice cakes
                  - Buffalo Wild Wings: honey BBQ sauce and chipotle BBQ rub. I was in heaven. I ordered 10 wings but I would have been more than full with less. No discomfort afterwards!

                  So remember when you all thought Batty was pretty well adjusted besides the digestive issues? Well think again!

                  Looking at things from another angle:
                  You all know the story - Batty has headaches, fatigue, and is getting really bloaty so she gives up gluten and feels AMAZEBALLS. She has tons of energy, leans out (though not overweight to begin with) but 2 months later she gets a stomach infection and is never the same again. Bloat worse than ever, debilitating fatigue, terrible joint pain, etc. Well, maybe that's just the back story

                  Yoyo and I were talking about the effects of emotional stress on health and I've conceded to the idea that the mind is powerful thing and that the events in my life at that time may have contributed to the issues that I have today.

                  My step dad died 2 weeks before the end of my freshman year. He had lived with us since I was 8 and for all intents and purposes was my father since I barely had a relationship with my own. He was diagnosed with cancer in the fall and was dead 6 months later. My mom told me that I shouldn't go to the funeral; my finals were the following week and he wouldn't want anything to hold me back from doing my best in school. So I didn't go. I didn't tell anyone about his passing for almost 3 days; not my roommate, not my closest friends, not a professor. I spent the days shaking, bursting into tears in odd places and at odd times, hiding from hall mates and friends until my mom realized what was happening and threatened to call my roommate and tell her herself if I didn't.

                  When I returned to LA after my finals, I distanced myself from my mom. I didn't resent her for not allowing me to go to the funeral, but I felt so detached from what had happened (being miles away from everyone for 2 weeks after it happened) that it just made me feel detached from her as well. In the meantime she was doing fine. My mom is an insanely strong person but she also pushes a lot of things aside, so outwardly she seemed to be perfectly ok. But I think she was dealing with losing him by becoming even more involved with me. She's already a bit of a smotherer, so it felt more suffocating than usual. There wasn't a second that she wasn't breathing down my throat. I didn't find out until much later that she was dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt regarding keeping me at school after he had died. [INSERT GOING GLUTEN FREE HERE]

                  By the first few weeks at home I got a job at a book store and I was feeling better than ever. I felt great physically, had tons of energy for the first time in my life, was working out, and looked great. Pretty soon I started going out with one of the other employees at the store..He was hot, sweet, cooked well (the perfect boyfriend…) and took me out of the house and away from her, and that's all I really cared about. I could tell he had (possibly severe) emotional issues (he was abused as a child, there were some other things as well), but I knew the fling would end after summer so I ignored it. My mom could sense there was something wrong with him as well. I knew she was right but I fought her on it because I was so sick of her. We had never fought before and suddenly I was saying terrible things to her every chance I could get. The poor woman had just lost her husband and there I was telling her that I couldn't stand to be around her.

                  Being with him was fun, but he started to become controlling very quickly. He would have a fit if I didn’t find time to see him every day. A family vacation to Hawaii turned into hours of the two of us on the phone, him asking why I didn't like him because I wouldn't call him every few hours. He was also rather aggressive during sex. He was never abusive, but he was demeaning, it was physically painful, and I didn't know how or have the guts to tell him to stop. And he wanted sex everywhere, all the time. I knew I just needed to cut him off but I was in such a terrible headspace that I couldn't do it. I would rather be dealing with him than dealing with my mom.

                  At the end of the summer I tried to break it off, but he was extremely persistent. He told me he loved me (I in no way loved him and thought he was a lunatic for deciding that he loved me after knowing me for 2 months) and that we should try to make it work. I kept insisting that it was a bad idea but he kept me up for hours nightly crying and telling me that I was hurting him and so on and so forth so I conceded, thinking it would be easier to break it off once I moved back to WA. [INSERT STOMACH INFECTION HERE] The next 2 months were a nightmare: him telling me I wasn't allowed to go out with friends (which I did anyway, please.) and hours spent on the phone arguing. I told him it was over time after time, but he kept calling, texting, sending me mail, etc. We were meant to be together forever, couldn't I see that? He was going to move up to Washington to be with me. I told him that if he moved here I would never speak to him again. Obviously that didn't go over well. He begged and pleaded and kept reminding me of all the reasons we should be together no matter how many times I told him no and tried to reason with him. Having nothing left up my sleeve, I started saying terrible, nasty things to him, hoping that he would learn to hate me and never want to speak to me again. That didn't work; he only cried more. Finally, he accepted that we could be friends but continued to treat me like he always had: whining because I wouldn’t talk to him daily, telling me I shouldn't be going out with my friends, etc. Clearly he wasn't able to just be "friends" so I decided to cut off communication. For weeks he was relentless with phone calls and texts, all of which I ignored. I woke up to a text one morning that was 8 pages long explaining, in detail, what a blood sucking, soulless bitch I was and that I was never going to find love again because I was a monster and deserved to suffer. A few days later he left me a message telling me he loved and missed me. This continued off and on for months: one minute he never loved me, the other he was begging me to take him back. I knew he was a lunatic, but it was starting to get to me.

                  Meanwhile, about a month into this, I was starting to become very ill. I could barely get up and down the stairs, my joints were aching in my hands, knees, and feet, and my stomach was a nightmare. I was rapidly cutting foods out of my diet, having had such great success with cutting out gluten, and my weight was beginning to dip down to dangerous levels. My mom and I had barely been speaking (one word texts from her ever few days to make sure I was alive) but I started contacting her because of my health. I started going to doctors near me: digestive specialists, rheumatologists, and a naturopath. I was also in frequent contact with my psychologist.

                  And that’s where the rest of my story comes in. I went home for the winter, did a massive re-feed, and gained my weight back. A lot of my symptoms went away (that were, in hindsight, due to being underweight) but the bloating and fatigue persisted. Doctor after doctor, test after test, diets, cleanses, supplements, etc. All leading up to this day.

                  The whole ordeal was extremely asinine but it was a perfect storm: Step father dies, mother becomes (more) overbearing, I, in an attempt to escape (her, my feelings), get involved with a crazy person and because of my mental state wasn’t strong enough nip it in the bud…. And it's so pathetic too. No real trauma, no real pain, just me being an idiot. It's embarrassing, is what it is. But for months I struggled with how I had hurt my mother (though the saint that she is never made me feel guilty about it. She even apologized to me) and the horrible person I had allowed myself to become with him, despite how clearly unstable he was. And I struggled as well with my step dad's death. He had become very distant in the last few years and I, being self involved as I am, didn't do anything about it. I felt conflicted over how I felt about his death since it was as though he hadn't even been there while he was still alive.

                  Anyway, that’s the "short" version of that story. And I'm sorry if it's completely incoherent and makes no sense, but I'm tired. For anyone who actually read it (I'm sorry. I will send you flowers if you did) do you think that stress caused the issues that I have today? There are plenty of things that happened in my life before all of this which could have made an equal contribution, but this is what was happening at the exact time that everything really started to go downhill. Even as a child, stress went to my stomach first. The funny thing, too, is that the first thing my naturopath told me to do when I began seeing him was to read The Mindbody Prescription, by Jon Sarno - about people who cured physical ailments by healing themselves psychologically. Maybe he was the first one with a clue and perhaps I should have listened to him all those many months ago.

                  Alright… I love you all. Not because of this. Because I just do.

                  Maybe tomorrow I'll go into my current love life. That'll be fun.
                  Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                  Comment


                  • Wow that's one hell of a story, Om.

                    Literally sounds like something out of a movie. Every once in a while I read someone's story on here and i'm so impressed that they managed to overcome so much crap and come out of it just seeming so...good, for lack of better words. This is definitely one of those stories. You're always so witty and jokey, it makes it hard to imagine you've had such a rough story.

                    I honestly wish I had like a teeny bit of the strength you, Ci and Om had with your stories. I have no flashing reason as to why I'm as fucked up as i am towards food, and i have no concrete reason not to get my shit together and get better. But here i am. Whereas you three has such powerful stories, and you all fought through it! I'm super duper impressed, lol (and a little jealous!).

                    As for the stress thing, i dont know much about the scientific aspect of it, aside from the fact that stress puts a major damper on your immune system. So i don't doubt that the stress played a huge role on everything that happened with your health.

                    I'm really glad you're feeling better!
                    Attitudes are contagious, make yours worth catching.

                    Comment


                    • Well, you know what I think

                      The question is: if the physical body has been impacted, but stress is the causation, how does one go about healing?

                      Edited to add:

                      Originally posted by ombat View Post
                      I'm going to continue avoiding the things I know cause painful symptoms and damn the rest (don't expect anything crazy, though. I mean, my "comfort food" is carnitas). I'm sick of needlessly restricting without results. Are you really going to give treating your metabolism a break? Who knows, maybe in letting go it will benefit your metabolism.
                      Umm. I'm don't know. I'm in a weird headspace right now. Getting a lot of clarity, as you are. Ultimately I do want to get my body in proper working order (that includes metabolism, which is linked to more than just how much you can eat), but I need to do something differently. We're actually very much on the same page. It's morning time here and I was about to write a big entry (like yours) but I know there's only so much time people can devote to reading, so I might hold off.
                      Re: not journaling food, it's kind of funny because one or two days before I started this journal, I think I declared on your journal that I was quitting journaling! I made it one day. I'm thinking about it.
                      Do you ever look back on your entries and see if what you ate could be responsible for prolonged symptoms? I didn't, so there was no point in my listing the food. It just made me pedantic. Saying that, I think I started eating more, and eating whatever the fuck I wanted when I stopped the diary, so there is that...!
                      Yes, lots of improvements! My hands feel like they belong to a living being, for one thing, and overall my mentality regarding food has been good - no binging, no cravings, etc.
                      Keep the improvements in mind! I think it's the way to keep motivation up.

                      Originally posted by ombat View Post
                      I am forever grateful for your patience and honesty. You truly are a very insightful person (better than hindsightful )
                      Awww. Likewise! I always appreciate your input and advice. And I am really glad that we've actually met now. I think there's only so much online interactions can really evolve, and it's like there's another layer to our communication now. Hugzzz!
                      Last edited by YogaBare; 06-25-2013, 11:49 PM.
                      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                      - Ray Peat

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Driedmango View Post
                        Wow that's one hell of a story, Om.

                        Literally sounds like something out of a movie. Every once in a while I read someone's story on here and i'm so impressed that they managed to overcome so much crap and come out of it just seeming so...good, for lack of better words. This is definitely one of those stories. You're always so witty and jokey, it makes it hard to imagine you've had such a rough story.

                        I honestly wish I had like a teeny bit of the strength you, Ci and Om had with your stories. I have no flashing reason as to why I'm as fucked up as i am towards food, and i have no concrete reason not to get my shit together and get better. But here i am. Whereas you three has such powerful stories, and you all fought through it! I'm super duper impressed, lol (and a little jealous!).

                        As for the stress thing, i dont know much about the scientific aspect of it, aside from the fact that stress puts a major damper on your immune system. So i don't doubt that the stress played a huge role on everything that happened with your health.

                        I'm really glad you're feeling better!
                        Thank you, Mango I know, it all seemed so surreal even as it was happening. I was like, is this fucker for real? But those months were just one, giant, prolonged out of body experience, as if I were watching it all unfold from an extremely uncomfortable movie theater chair with crappy, butter oiled popcorn and they didn't even have Bunch-a-Crunch! Worst movie ever.

                        I spent a lot of my childhood feeling like a victim and I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore, so I pushed a lot of things aside. I'm of the mindset that you create your own reality, so even if I have created my health problems for whatever reason, I will not allow other aspects of my life to be affected. There's nothing you can do about the past other than figure out how to deal with it in your own head. I try not to let things that have happened affect my current state in a negative way (although it seems maybe I have). I seem carefree and joke around because I really am happy. I don't want to be any other way.

                        I know what you mean. We all want to pin point that one cause, that one moment where everything started to go downhill. You don't know how many times I prayed for tests to come back positive... Please let it be a bacterial overgrowth, an infection, an autoimmune disease. It's kind of sick, but we all feel like we need answers. I think little things here and there can add up as well. Even if you mother was under any kind of stress while you were in the womb, etc. I think it goes back as far as that.

                        Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                        Well, you know what I think

                        The question is: if the physical body has been impacted, but stress is the causation, how does one go about healing?
                        That's the million dollar question, isn't it? How does one "deal" with one's feelings? I've come to a lot of conclusions about perception recently. I really think you can change your mind in an instant. So what I need to uncover is why I don't want to change my mind. Why do I want to continue to be sick? Why don't I want to heal? If I really, truly, honestly wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy, I would have done it already.

                        FWIW, I just recall reading in that book that my naturopath gave me that everyone is dealing with rage. Not just anger, but deep seated, balls to the wall rage. And it isn't until you access and accept that rage that you can heal. I've never been an angry person, really (well, for a few years in high school, but I was having a lot of emotional issues). I can't remember the last time I was truly angry with anyone. It just doesn't happen. Maybe I need to tap into some anger?

                        Umm. I'm don't know. I'm in a weird headspace right now. Getting a lot of clarity, as you are. Ultimately I do want to get my body in proper working order (that includes metabolism, which is linked to more than just how much you can eat), but I need to do something differently. We're actually very much on the same page. It's morning time here and I was about to write a big entry (like yours) but I know there's only so much time people can devote to reading, so I might hold off.
                        I didn't mean to steal your thunder! People will read your story... We should coordinate next time. I'm sorry I won't write on my love life tomorrow. Your turn!

                        Do you ever look back on your entries and see if what you ate could be responsible for prolonged symptoms? I didn't, so there was no point in my listing the food. It just made me pedantic. Saying that, I think I started eating more, and eating whatever the fuck I wanted when I stopped the diary, so there is that...!
                        I actually do... Or did. I still do sometimes. I was going to stop journaling food during that time because I noticed that I was eating the same exact things daily and seeing no changes so I knew it was pointless, but then I changed up my diet and found it useful again. I do think it creates anxiety at the same time, however. And I do know that what I eat is affected by knowing that I am going to have to write it down.

                        Awww. Likewise! I always appreciate your input and advice. And I am really glad that we've actually met now. I think there's only so much online interactions can really evolve, and it's like there's another layer to our communication now. Hugzzz!
                        We've taken our relationship to a whole new level <3 What's next? (a threesome?)

                        Holy shit I need to go to bed.
                        Last edited by ombat; 06-26-2013, 12:27 AM.
                        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                          I've come to a lot of conclusions about perception recently. I really think you can change your mind in an instant. So what I need to uncover is why I don't want to change my mind. Why do I want to continue to be sick? Why don't I want to heal? If I really, truly, honestly wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy, I would have done it already.
                          As I always say: it's easy to change. What's difficult, is not changing back. And often, people think they're changing something, but really they are just fulfilling another part of the same pattern. So personally, I don't know if real change can ever come from just thinking. The subconscious rules too much. Consciously, you want to be happy; subconsciously, maybe you don't feel you deserve it?

                          Originally posted by ombat View Post
                          FWIW, I just recall reading in that book that my naturopath gave me that everyone is dealing with rage. Not just anger, but deep seated, balls to the wall rage. And it isn't until you access and accept that rage that you can heal. I've never been an angry person, really (well, for a few years in high school, but I was having a lot of emotional issues). I can't remember the last time I was truly angry with anyone. It just doesn't happen. Maybe I need to tap into some anger?
                          That resonates with me too. Because my mum has such a violent temper I've always tried to be completely different to her. I feel so trapped and frustrated sometimes, and I'm sure this is a symptom of inner rage. I feel like my inner fire has been quenched, and I wonder if all the approaches I've taken (yoga, being gentle with myself etc) are helping me in one way, but not succeeding in helping me tap into my passion for life. For ages I've thought I'd like to do a martial art or something. I'd love to take something really seriously, because most of the time I try to be laid back and see the funny side about everything. It would be interesting to have one of those super strict, militant teachers..!

                          Originally posted by ombat View Post
                          I didn't mean to steal your thunder! People will read your story... We should coordinate next time. I'm sorry I won't write on my love life tomorrow. Your turn!
                          LOL - don't be silly!!! Write when you feel. I'll do the same. Though, commenting on what you're going through is causing me to reflect anyway.

                          Originally posted by ombat View Post
                          I actually do... Or did. I still do sometimes. I was going to stop journaling food during that time because I noticed that I was eating the same exact things daily and seeing no changes so I knew it was pointless, but then I changed up my diet and found it useful again. I do think it creates anxiety at the same time, however. And I do know that what I eat is affected by knowing that I am going to have to write it down.
                          Do the benefits outweigh the downsides?

                          We've taken our relationship to a whole new level <3 What's next? (a threesome?)
                          Next step is a role playing fantasy where we both dress up as cavemen. They have forums for that! Oh... wait
                          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                          - Ray Peat

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                          • [[hugs]] Can I sent you flowers? Haha. I am with you guys when it comes to stress & "health issues" (specifically digestive). Part of my plan for healing this year has become to not stress over eating. For 6 months, I ate gluten and "crap" foods at least weekly. My digestion improved, though still requires the help of supplements. Recently, I've been stressing more about financial shit and my digestion is going down the shitter (not literally, unfortunately) again. I am working on taking care of myself mentally and eating some damn ice cream if I feel like it.
                            Depression Lies

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                            • Toughen up, buttercup!


                              What were you doing when your joints started aching, were you eating the same diet that you previously felt great on or did it change? You said you went on a trip to hawaii and felt bad after that?

                              I dont see this being manifested from stress alone, at least not long term like it is now. Im leaning towards a parasite or bacterial overgrowth. Sorry to say but these things seem really hard to pinpoint and even harder to fix. I suggest eating and being happy.

                              Also its crazy that some people can be so crazy! Hope that guy didnt turn into a serial killer or something.

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                              • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                                [[hugs]] Can I sent you flowers? Haha. I am with you guys when it comes to stress & "health issues" (specifically digestive). Part of my plan for healing this year has become to not stress over eating. For 6 months, I ate gluten and "crap" foods at least weekly. My digestion improved, though still requires the help of supplements. Recently, I've been stressing more about financial shit and my digestion is going down the shitter (not literally, unfortunately) again. I am working on taking care of myself mentally and eating some damn ice cream if I feel like it.
                                Haha, tell me about it... I like your attitude! Are you still eating "crap" foods every once in a while? (I don't see anything wrong with ice cream, BTW!)


                                Originally posted by Zach View Post
                                Toughen up, buttercup!
                                It's so embarrassing. I don't even recognize that person. I'm so no-nonsense with people I can't even imagine I let that shit go on.

                                What were you doing when your joints started aching, were you eating the same diet that you previously felt great on or did it change? You said you went on a trip to hawaii and felt bad after that?

                                I dont see this being manifested from stress alone, at least not long term like it is now. Im leaning towards a parasite or bacterial overgrowth. Sorry to say but these things seem really hard to pinpoint and even harder to fix. I suggest eating and being happy.
                                The chronology is kind of fuzzy. It happened after the stomach infection and I think before I started eliminating a lot of things. I know I started with dairy, then soy, nuts, corn, eggs... And my joints were killing me through all of this. So I don't think I induced it through diet.

                                I'm certain I picked something up in Hawaii and I'm pretty sure it was leptospirosis if not some other water borne pathogen. We did a lot of waterfall hikes and apparently a few weeks after we left there were signs everywhere (in the exact locations we had been) warning to stay out because of lepto.

                                I am STILL trying to get those advanced pathogen screens ordered. It will check for candida and more specific parasites and bacteria. Derp thinks I should take a targeted antibiotic (I was actually thinking about taking an antibiotic for my skin, which my derm has been suggesting for ages). Antibiotics have been demonized and I'm not sure if they would help or just make things worse. I was tested for SIBO, btw, which came back negative.

                                Also its crazy that some people can be so crazy! Hope that guy didnt turn into a serial killer or something.
                                I don't know and I don't care. He actually sent me a FB message recently asking me how I was and wondering why it was I still hate him. I read it, laughed, and forgot about it until just yesterday. It's funny because I don't even hate him. It's been almost 2 years and he's still so off base. Move on, buddy.
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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