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  • Ombat, I've been reading all along. Your pictures have me responding. You are beautiful. Your last picture reminds me of my future daughter in law, only leaner.

    I am much older than you. In fact, my children are older than you. I look back at pictures of myself at your age and ask myself, WTF was I thinking. I thought I was fat, but I was not.

    I think my ever present need/ attempt to be "thinner", back then, played a role in the health issues I have now. My health issues , coupled with a lot of therapy, have taught me that I am so much more than how I look or what I weigh.

    So, if I can offer any insight it would be-- embrace, celebrate, and honor who you are in this moment. Make choices that foster health and tell the chatter that may be in your head-- in regards to weight/body issue-- to shut the FU. You are FINE just the way you ARE.

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    • Whoa, you resemble Anna Kendrick a lot.
      Make America Great Again

      Comment


      • Originally posted by brookesam View Post
        +1 on you being gorgeous! We are our own worst critics. I don't notice much difference at all in your pictures. The last one you look very healthy and beautiful... and maybe I'm reading into it but you also look more mature. Maybe it's because you are dressed up or maybe I'm picking up on a more mature mental state you are in now.

        I've been really harsh on myself recently and have realized I have lost my confidence. It's all based on my looks. I'm up 8lbs from one year ago... some is muscle though from lifting heavy. I'm not comfortable in my own skin bc I don't look like I did a year ago. Sometimes I feel like those around me are looking at me thinking, "she's gotten big, she's not hot like she used to be." etc, etc. But now seeing your pictures, I can see I'm being as silly as my friends and family have been telling me I'm being. The truth is, most people don't notice the things about ourselves that we do. If my jeans are a little tighter or looser from one week to the next then I'm probably the only one that notices.

        I hope what I've written has come across in the right way. I mean it to compliment and encourage you! Thanks for sharing your pictures!
        +1 on being our own worse critics. No one notices the little things that we do. I am in a similar position to you; my arms (and upper body as a whole) are bigger now because I've been doing strength exercises for the first time in my life. I rode horses from ages 9-18 and was strong because of it, but never very muscular. As you can see from my pictures, my arms have always been super skinny, so I notice the difference now that they are the tiniest bit bigger. I'm sure yours are not really noticeable either, or even if they are they look healthy, just as your friends and family are trying to convince you.

        Your words do come across as encouraging and I thank you for them! Also, I think the mature look is only because I'm dressed up :P

        Originally posted by marcadav View Post
        Ombat, I've been reading all along. Your pictures have me responding. You are beautiful. Your last picture reminds me of my future daughter in law, only leaner.

        I am much older than you. In fact, my children are older than you. I look back at pictures of myself at your age and ask myself, WTF was I thinking. I thought I was fat, but I was not.

        I think my ever present need/ attempt to be "thinner", back then, played a role in the health issues I have now. My health issues , coupled with a lot of therapy, have taught me that I am so much more than how I look or what I weigh.

        So, if I can offer any insight it would be-- embrace, celebrate, and honor who you are in this moment. Make choices that foster health and tell the chatter that may be in your head-- in regards to weight/body issue-- to shut the FU. You are FINE just the way you ARE.
        It is so kind of you to take the time to respond (and to have been reading my journal! I can't imagine what you think of us lunatics) Like Brooke said, it comes down to being way too hard on ourselves. It's great that you have been able to come to a place where you are healthy and happy with who you are. We all should be; it's pointless wasting time doing anything else

        Health is very important to me; it's the whole reason I began this journey, not for how I look but for how I feel - I tell myself that I would rather be healthy, happy, fit, and strong than anything else, but almost everything that we are bombarded with - daily - from the media tries to convince us that we should have other priorites which is rather upsetting and obviously something that I am not impervious to.
        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
          Whoa, you resemble Anna Kendrick a lot.
          Are you hallucinating? Well I guess you can't see my Jew nose from any of these angles
          Last edited by ombat; 05-31-2013, 07:54 PM.
          Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

          Comment


          • Nose, tits, hair - all great features. If you have questions about the whole nose thing, just look at what happened to Jennifer Grey when she got her nose all shiksa'd. (Hint: her career went into the toilet.)

            In case that was all too obtuse, you're a doll, baby.
            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

            B*tch-lite

            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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            • Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
              Nose, tits, hair - all great features. If you have questions about the whole nose thing, just look at what happened to Jennifer Grey when she got her nose all shiksa'd. (Hint: her career went into the toilet.)

              In case that was all too obtuse, you're a doll, baby.
              I am pretty astute, Joanie, thank you and I could never justify doing anything to my nose! But I am often aware of how the light catches it, unflatteringly, in photographs. I am quite fond of my hair, though. Mainly because I do nothing to it: get out of the shower, dry it off, let it do it's curly thing.

              Wow, look at all these wonderful people coming out of the woodwork just to pay some kind words. You are all the best!
              Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

              Comment


              • Friday, May 31

                Sleep/Energy:
                - 12am - 6:45am - 8am
                - Energy is better, but really had to push myself to exercise

                Food/Digestion:
                - B (later than usual - around 10am): yoghurt + large mango + little maple syrup + sea salt
                - L: can of tuna + 2 eggs + curry (no coconut oil), 2 rice cakes, maple syrup + cocoa powder + sea salt (good amount of that)
                - Evening: couple sips of scotch

                I wasn't hungry before I went out, and now it's close to 11:30pm and I'm still not hungry (very much to my surprise), so I'm not going to eat. Normally I'd fret over whether I should force feed myself, but I'm trying this whole "listen to your body" thing. It may work out well, or I may end up stuffing my face tomorrow in order to compensate (actually I will), but hey, let it happen. But of course today, after this whole body image freak out, is the day I wouldn't be hungry.

                - Bloat is very minimal, obviously because I didn't eat much
                - BM's not bad, but not very much.

                Supps:
                - Mg (200mg)
                - Noopept (10mg x 1) - Felt very spacey after I took it this morning.

                Acne:
                - Woke up to a cyst. Everything else is healing.

                Exercise:
                - Jump rope: 10 min (not in a row)
                - Pushups: 10 x 2, 15 x 1
                - Leg/thigh exercises with resistance bands

                Brought my housemate to a friend of mine's bar a) as I had not seen him (the bar owner) in a few weeks and b) to prove to my non-university friends that I do in fact spend time with people my own age. My housemate had a jolly time meeting some of said friends (whom we happened to run into there) and I had a great time interacting with her outside of our own home. She and I became close friends our first week at university 3 years ago and are lucky enough to live together well, but she works so much and I am constantly off getting into my own trouble so we've barely seen each other, despite living in adjacent rooms, over the past year. However, over the past few weeks we've gone to concerts, out to bars - rekindling our friendship or whatnot - and it's been really nice and... comforting.

                Also, I am sincerely touched by the responses I got today to my bizarre body image freakout (especially Derp's Anna Kendrick comment ) You are all so supportive and kind. This is a pretty sweet little community.

                Last edited by ombat; 05-31-2013, 11:42 PM.
                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                Comment


                • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                  Thank you Yoyo -hugs- You smooth talker, you.

                  I like your virus metaphor and I agree that you're weeding yours out. Your journal has been a testament to that and it's really lovely to see.

                  I also think that I get into these head spaces when I've nothing else to occupy my mind. I'm obsessive, so if I'm not being obsessive about something else, I'm being obsessive about myself. Hopefully I'll have a lot on my hands this summer to distract me, but I'm already freaking out about my food situation. I'm going to be living with my cousin Sunday-Wednesday. He and his wife eat paleo (thank the heavens) and they know and are very supportive about my issues but I'm still anxious for some completely absurd reason. I think my anxiety about that blossomed into anxiety about everything and here we are today.

                  About cooking, I've always gone through cycles but I've never been adverse about being in the kitchen like I am now. I know it will pass, eventually...

                  EDIT: It's difficult to tell by the picture, but I was - 7 or 8 lb between #6 and #7 and then +7 or 8 lb between #7 and #8.
                  As for #10, it doesn't help that 2 people actually called me chubby. To my face. Haha. I thought it was funny at the time but now I don't (opposite reaction than one might expect, but I'm cool like that).
                  You know what though - I don't get that you're obsessive about food + your weight from your posts. Not at all. Maybe you just don't talk about it, but from what I read the bloating is what seems to bother you. I could be totally off with this, but I get the impression that you're preoccupied with "fixing" yourself, as opposed to having a goal with weight etc. In fact, I always admired how you seemed to take the weight in your stride! Maybe you just didn't mention it, or maybe you're feeling anxious over the last few days and you're taking it out on your appearance?

                  Explain to me why you're freaking out about your cousins? Is it because you won't be able to eat what you whimsically want?

                  On an unrelated note - fancy going horseback riding in SF??

                  PS. I also have the jew nose... I would love to get surgery though... (It's my most recent body hate thing.)
                  "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                  In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                  - Ray Peat

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                    You know what though - I don't get that you're obsessive about food + your weight from your posts. Not at all. Maybe you just don't talk about it, but from what I read the bloating is what seems to bother you. I could be totally off with this, but I get the impression that you're preoccupied with "fixing" yourself, as opposed to having a goal with weight etc. In fact, I always admired how you seemed to take the weight in your stride! Maybe you just didn't mention it, or maybe you're feeling anxious over the last few days and you're taking it out on your appearance?

                    Explain to me why you're freaking out about your cousins? Is it because you won't be able to eat what you whimsically want?

                    On an unrelated note - fancy going horseback riding in SF??

                    PS. I also have the jew nose... I would love to get surgery though... (It's my most recent body hate thing.)
                    I am obsessive about food but not about my weight. I've never even given a second thought to my weight until "eat a ton" and even after that I would have called myself concerned before I'd call myself obsessive. Yes, the bloating does bother me a lot, but that's also an appearance issue a lot of the time (other than it just being plain uncomfortable and a signal that something is wrong internally). Out of all my concerns, though, appearance is last, you are right about that. You are also right that I am just anxious in general and finding things to perpetuate that anxiety.

                    Yes, because I do fancy myself just a touch capricious. But I know what I'm really doing is deflecting the nervousness about my internship onto something else. It's entirely absurd because it isn't like they don't live 3 blocks from a supermarket. I'm just being ridiculous.

                    Yes I do want to horseback ride and no I do not agree that you are anything but gorgeous. And anyway our Jew noses give us character
                    Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                      I am obsessive about food but not about my weight. I've never even given a second thought to my weight until "eat a ton" and even after that I would have called myself concerned before I'd call myself obsessive. Yes, the bloating does bother me a lot, but that's also an appearance issue a lot of the time (other than it just being plain uncomfortable and a signal that something is wrong internally). Out of all my concerns, though, appearance is last, you are right about that. You are also right that I am just anxious in general and finding things to perpetuate that anxiety.

                      Yes, because I do fancy myself just a touch capricious. But I know what I'm really doing is deflecting the nervousness about my internship onto something else. It's entirely absurd because it isn't like they don't live 3 blocks from a supermarket. I'm just being ridiculous.
                      You're not being ridiculous: you're just mismatching cause with effect That's why I think these journals are magical in some way - they help us see through things.

                      Are you obsessive about food because you think of it in the medicine / poison context?

                      What's the internship in?

                      Hugs <3
                      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                      - Ray Peat

                      Comment


                      • Holy crap, you are beautiful! Derp really screwed up not meeting you (sorry derp!). What the hell is going on when three gorgeous ladies meet on a health forum to talk about how fat and ugly they are, hahah.

                        Om, for what its worth, i think the last picture is the best one.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                          You're not being ridiculous: you're just mismatching cause with effect That's why I think these journals are magical in some way - they help us see through things.

                          Are you obsessive about food because you think of it in the medicine / poison context?

                          What's the internship in?

                          Hugs <3
                          Mostly poison I've become a lot more lenient since I began this journal so it doesn't seem that way, but there were a few months, not too long ago, when I was eating literally 6 ingredients or something like that. I wouldn't go to a restaurant and I wouldn't buy anything prepared: raw meat and veg/potatoes only, which I would cook myself. Food made me sick for so long that I became terrified of it. In hindsight, my health issues were probably part of a vicious cycle: some foods made me sick -> scared of food -> restrict -> get sicker from restricting (low calorie, low nutrient) -> blame it on food -> restrict further, and so it goes.

                          I'm going to be working at a public policy think tank with an attorney who is working to pass freedom of speech legislation for educators. I don't know what I'll be doing exactly, but I'm hoping it'll a great learning experience!
                          Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Zach View Post
                            Holy crap, you are beautiful! Derp really screwed up not meeting you (sorry derp!). What the hell is going on when three gorgeous ladies meet on a health forum to talk about how fat and ugly they are, hahah.
                            Because no one will talk to us about it in real life And it was not my intention to talk about how fat and ugly I am, I just didn't want to feel left out.

                            And I think you all are being just a bit too kind. But I don't think I can see myself objectively anymore. It's like when you repeat a word too many times and it loses meaning - I've seen myself so many times that I don't even look human anymore!

                            Om, for what its worth, i think the last picture is the best one.
                            Obviously! That's the one with the boobs.
                            Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                            Comment


                            • Boobs are nice but i just meant in terms of overall sexifiedness. You look really happy in all of em though.

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                              • I know, I know - just teasing. Despite feeling like crap at the time most of those photos were taken, I was often a pretty happy camper when I was around others long enough to forget about it, ha.
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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