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Confessions of a Hidden Warrior

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  • #76
    Day Eight: PB/Warrior Remix
    Morning Weight: 164.4 - Official weigh in for week 1

    Sleep: 6.5 hrs
    Work: 8 hrs
    Stress Level: 7

    Hunger Level: 1
    Energy Level: 5
    Mood: Crabby and depressed most of the day, feel okay now (4:15 pm)

    (7:45-8:30) 13 hr fast

    1/2 cup grapefruit (am thinking this is not the fruit for me... crrraaaaabby)
    2 HB eggs about an hour and a half after the grapefruit - didn't stabilize my downward spiral .... despite Ori's advice to eat fruit on an empty stomach by itself, I am thinking that for myself this isn't going to work. I'm already terrified of fruit and now having 2 bad episodes in a row with grapefruit, I think it's either no fruit for me or if I have fruit it has to be accompanied by protein to stabilize the sugar.

    11:30 - Del Taco
    Dbl Del Burger, a few fries and a few sips of coke. Not the best choice of food, but it was exactly what I needed to help my mood.... hypoglycemia? I think maybe. This (crabby/depressed) happened last time I ate grapefruit by itself, although that time it was in the afternoon.

    2 eggs fried in bacon grease
    2 slices bacon
    8 oz NY Strip (Rare)
    1/4 cup potatoes fried in bacon grease
    -- a lot of protein, a lot of fat, I feel full but not overfilled, I feel good... I get like a cool sensation that comes over me and I actually feel like I can feel myself getting slimmer... I do wonder if these foods might actually reduce inflammation... otherwise, I'm not sure why I get these sensations, but they're pretty awesome.

    I will have 1-2 Tbsp fudge for a late night snack (despite what I said this morning).


    Water Intake:
    2 liters

    Mid-afternoon Toning and PEM:
    SR Bicep Curl: 15
    Plie: 10
    Plie w/tilt stops: 3
    Planks - lvl 4: (F) 60s (R) 20s (L) 30s
    Pushups - lvl 4: 20
    Squats - lvl 4: 20
    Pelvic Tilt: 20
    C-Abs: 100 pulses
    Chin-ups (Neck): 25

    AM: Not enough sleep. Woke up a bit bloated. I either read, heard or dreamt that if you get enough sleep you'll wake up with your tummy flat. If you don't get enough, you will be bloated because your body didn't get enough time over night to do what it needed to. Well, regardless if it is fact or dreamworld, it seems to fit this morning. --- Also, digestion feels like it might be off, I'm sure I ate too much chocolate yesterday. I need to control myself a bit better with that indulgence.

    PM: Felt much better after lunch, and better after that when I got home. Felt strong and had some energy so took advantage and moved a bit.
    Last edited by Brenda_D; 05-20-2013, 07:32 PM.
    "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


    • #77
      Woke up after 3 hrs and am having trouble getting back to sleep. Anxiety level is high, I am also too warm and thirsty. I have opened a window and drank some water. I really wish I was good at turning off my thoughts. So, in the midst of my discomfort I am mulling over the idea of going back on Lexapro for anxiety/depression. I have been off it since Sept 2012, but I am so randomly moody and I get paranoid that I am going to cause problems for myself. Not to mention that I just don't like being a moody person. I know it has to do almost entirely with food and hormones, yet I cannot seem to find the balance I need to remain stable. I read a little from "The Paleo Parent" blog yesterday regarding eating an all meat diet. She mentioned that eating all meat had the effect on her of basically making her emotionless... that sounds like Heaven to me. Emotionless and thoughtless.... yep, I think I would like to be a robot at this point.

      My stomach is turning, so I am pretty confident I'm flooded with cortisol. I really f*ckin' wish I knew what to eat to keep my moods stable, my anxiety down, and to lose this belly fat. One thing I think I've noticed is consistent in my 'bad days' is that my water intake tends to be under 3 liters, I think my sleep is usually less as well but I'd have to go back and check on that to be sure.

      I am depressed along with the anxiety, I am usually not depressed. Although I have been depressed more often lately. I'm in a pretty crappy downward spiral at the moment and am not liking life, my life anyway. I just wish I was someone else and that is probably the suckiest thing in the world. I know it's all just out of whack brain chemistry, but that doesn't make the thoughts or feelings go away.

      Downward spirals eventually reach the bottom, and I claim my bottom now. So, pity party is over and it's time to drink more water, open the window a little more, and meditate... and hope that this break in sleep doesn't cause another bad day tomorrow.

      Update: 6:30 am - meditation put me to sleep. Feel better right now than I think I would have without the meditation. Still having haunting thoughts and my mood is low. I wish I could stay home, but alas work awaits me... probably at least a 10-hr day. I don't want to 'tolerate' this anxiety that still has my stomach in knots. I will start taking Lexapro today. Given my personal stresses coming around the corner (marriage, appts, visit home, and company visiting me), I will try to stay on Lexapro through Sept to keep myself in check and then see where I'm at when this is all over.
      Last edited by Brenda_D; 05-21-2013, 06:44 AM.
      "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


      • #78
        I didn't analyze what I ate, how much water I drank, or how much exercise I did yesterday or today. Instead of feeling a little guilty or worrisome that I might want that data, I feel quite the opposite... I feel free and relieved.

        I started reading "Primal Body Primal Mind" yesterday and am interested in the content so far. It's a bit of a dry, clinical read but it's informative and that is what I'm looking for.

        I feel good overall, despite a couple of not-quite-paleo meals... still going strong on saying no to soda when it's available. I feel physically strong and expend energy when I can by moving and lifting. I'm trying to hold on to a state of gratitude for my health and not worry about the weight loss. I've been listening to meditations before sleeping and I think that is doing a world of good. I have not opted for the anxiety pills (as of yet anyway), the day I planned to take them I forgot about it until I was already at work, so a blessing in disguise. It's been nice being off meds.

        Chris and I went to the tattoo parlor a couple of days ago to get an idea on the cost for our wedding tattoos. We haven't decided on the exact images yet, but we are pretty sure we're getting dancing cranes on our lower arms (so the cranes dance together when we hold hands). Still have appointments to make and legal stuff to do. But it's coming together fine, trying to get as much in order as fast as possible to avoid increased stress. I am so glad we're going the courthouse route, I don't think my nerves could take the stress of event planning and people... I'm having a difficult time with the 2 witnesses and 1 photographer being in attendance! I'm not much for verbalizing/displaying emotions/sentiments in public. It makes me quite uncomfortable.

        It's depressingly rainy here in Portland and I really miss my break-time walks. There may be a break in the rain on Saturday, so am planning to go on a hike somewhere new.

        Well, I guess that's all for today.
        "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


        • #79
          I am overeating! This is the conclusion I've come to while reading "Primal Body Primal Mind." I should only be eating around 54g of protein and I've been eating at least 3 times that most days. I read in so many places how you don't need to count calories and watch your intake of foods, just let your hunger and body guide you, eat lots of protein and tons of fat... well, not so for this chick... at least not yet. My "I'm full" circuits must be broken cuz I can down a 12 oz steak in one sitting and still eat an egg and bacon for dessert. And that right there converts to about 120g protein... ugh! I have made a mess of this system that seems like it should be so easy.

          What I should be eating: Conversion break down plan:
          4 meal day:
          b- 2 deviled eggs using paleo mayo (1 whole egg)
          l - Turkey burger (2 oz) and salad (1 cup) with olive oil & lime dressing
          s - 1/4 can tuna with 1 Tbsp sunflower seeds
          d- Steak (2 oz), broccoli (1/2 cup), mushrooms sauteed in butter (1/2 cup)
          Total Protein - appx. 56g

          3 meal day:
          b- turkey burger (2 oz) fried in coconut oil
          l - fried egg (1) salad w/hb egg (1 egg/1 cup lettuce) and olive oil & lime dressing
          d - 1 chicken thigh with skin, broccoli (3/4 cup) and carrots (1/4 cup)
          Total Protein - apprx 57g

          1 meal day:
          4 oz steak, 1 fried egg, 2 strips bacon
          1/2 cup salad with olive oil & lime dressing
          1/2 cup broccoli
          Total Protein = apprx 56g

          It will be interesting to see if changing these portions has an effect on my weight and mood. Still battling a bit of depression and low motivation. I am also cutting fruit back out completely. I also want to cut potatoes out completely, but I am a sucker for fried potatoes and Chris will still be eating them, so perhaps limiting them to 1/4 cup serving 2-3 times per week is more realistic. The jury is out on the fat-burning fudge... the only concerning thing about it is the honey, but I have no sugar anywhere in my diet, I can't imagine 1 Tbsp honey/day would completely halt weight loss, especially when it's duty is to inform fat cells that it's okay to go ahead and release the fat. ---- I think I'm going to allow myself this indulgence, if I lose no weight in a month then maybe I'll take it out and see what happens.
          "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


          • #80
            10:30: One egg fried in bacon grease
            12:30: Turkey burger fried in bacon grease (2 oz) 1/4 cup salad, One bacon strip
            3:00: One egg fried in bacon grease
            5:00: Turkey burger fried in bacon grease (2 oz)
            7:00 planned: NY Strip (3 oz) 1/2 cup broccoli and Fudge
            Cal: 924
            Prot: 56 -- 38%
            Fat: 68 -- 46%
            Carb: 23 -- 16%
            Sod: 557
            Sug: 18
            Water: 100 oz
            Toning: Upper Body & Abs
            Pretty hungry most of the day, especially late afternoon. Added an extra unplanned snack of a turkey burger. I don't see how I will manage higher calories without adding to the amount of protein I consume, unless I can find a way to ingest more fat without adding protein. Avocados come to mind... but I really don't like them. I've tried coconut oil in tea and that didn't work for my body. Perhaps a chicken soup with a fatty broth. That sounds delicious right now.
            "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


            • #81
              9:30: Turkey burger fried in bacon grease (2 oz), 6 black olives
              12:30: Two eggs fried in bacon grease, 1 cup salad, One bacon strip
              4:00: Turkey burger fried in bacon grease (2 oz)
              6:40: PF Changs: Egg Drop Soup (1 cup), Pan fried Pork Dumplings (3),
              Beef & Broccoli (1/3 order), Fortune Cookie (1)
              Cal: 940
              Prot: 68 - 40%
              Fat: 56 - 33%
              Carb: 44 - 26%
              Sod: 2510
              Sug: 4
              Water: 80 oz
              Stress: 6
              Sleep: 6 hrs
              4:25 pm. Really hungry this morning, put it off until 9:30. Wasn't too hungry the rest of the day, I think because I allowed myself an extra ounce or 2 of protein/fat when I did eat. Digestive system is unhappy and has been since I overate fudge last night. I'll try to remember to take a probiotic and papaya enzyme to straighten things out. The plan is to indulge in tea this evening rather than fudge. Try and give my body a break from fudge for awhile (if I can control myself). A big salad with a bowl of chicken soup sounds good for supper. We'll see. Started 10 mg Lexapro today, anxiety keeping me awake at night, just has to end.
              Last edited by Brenda_D; 05-29-2013, 07:09 PM.
              "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


              • #82
                6:00: Turkey burger fried in bacon grease (2 oz), 1 slice bacon
                12:30: Pan Fried Pork Dumplings (3), Beef & Broccoli (2/3 order), 6 black olives
                7:00: Chicken thigh with skin (4 oz), 1 cup salad w/dressing, fudge

                Cal: 1202
                Prot: 82 --- 38%
                Fat: 70 --- 33%
                Carb: 61 --- 29%
                Sod: 2931 (way too much!)
                Sug: 19
                Water: 80 oz
                Stress: 3
                Sleep: 7 hrs
                Nap/Meditation: 30 minutes
                4:05 pm: Hunger level early morning (4 or 5 am) was definitely an 8, and escalated to a 9, on my scale of 10 being going to pass out if I don't eat now, by the time I ate at 6 am. I was thirsty and had to get up a couple of times to drink some water... yep, lots of sodium in that PF Chang's meal. Not too hungry though after my 6 am feed. Digestive system still trying to stabilize, it could either be food (fudge the other day and restaurant items) or it might be Lexapro. I do remember having some digestive issues when I first started Lexapro years ago.
                Last edited by Brenda_D; 05-30-2013, 07:31 PM.
                "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                • #83
                  6:50: 4 deviled eggs (2 whole eggs), 3 black olives
                  11:30: 1 slice bacon, Turkey Burger (2 oz), 1 cup salad w/dressing, 6 black olives
                  2:00: Chicken thigh with skin (2 oz)
                  6:30: Chicken thigh and drumstick with skin (4 oz), 1 cup salad w/dressing

                  Cal: 658
                  Prot: 56 -- 52%
                  Fat: 42 -- 40%
                  Carb: 9 -- 8%
                  Sod: 1050
                  Sug: 2
                  Water: 100 oz
                  Stress: 1
                  Sleep: 7 hrs, awake before alarm

                  4:51 pm: Hungry when I woke up, but not ravenous. Lots of energy throughout the day and pretty stress-free. Digestive system A-Okay. Forgot to take Lexapro this morning (Connection? Perhaps). Feel like I've lost weight, hope that means that I have.

                  9:30 pm: Throat is sore, going to bed. Hopefully a non-thing.
                  Last edited by Brenda_D; 05-31-2013, 09:50 PM.
                  "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                  • #84
                    WEEK FIVE STATS:
                    Previous Weight (4/29): 165 lbs
                    Current Weight: 162 lbs
                    Weight Lost: 3 lbs ---- this is so sad, must do better this month!
                    Size - 12
                    Previous Total Inches: 294.5"
                    Current Total Inches: 288"
                    Inches Lost: 6.5"

                    Neck: 14.5" (+.5")
                    R-Bicep: 11.75" (-.75") L-Bicep: 11.75" (-.25")
                    R-Forearm: 10" (-.5") L-Forearm: 10.25 (-.25")
                    Bust: 43.5" (-1.5")
                    Waist: 35.75" (-1.25") <--- THAT is what I'm talkin' about!
                    Stomach: 42.5" (-1")
                    Hips: 39.5" (.5")
                    R-Thigh: 20" (-0") L-Thigh: 20" (-0")
                    R-Calf: 14.25" (-.5") L-Calf: 14.25" (-.5")
                    "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                    • #85
                      Groceries (June Start):
                      Ruby Fresh Market (Local):
                      Carrots (2.1 @ $.75 lb) - $1.58
                      Asparagus (1.78 @ $1.99 lb) - $3.52
                      Broccoli Crowns (1.6@ $1.28 lb) - $2.05
                      Green Leaf ($1.00 each) - $1.00
                      Red Leaf ($1.00 each) - $1.00
                      Avocados (2 @ $.50) - $1.00
                      Crimini Mushrooms (8 oz, $1.99 each) - $1.99
                      Roma Tomatoes (.56 wt, qty 3) - $.49
                      Large Peaches (1.2 @ $.99) - $1.19
                      Cherries (1 pint, $2.00 each) - $2.00
                      Blueberries (1/2 pint, $2.50) - $2.50

                      Total - $18.32
                      "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                      • #86
                        8:00: Chicken thigh and drumstick w/skin (4 oz)
                        4:45: 4 Deviled Eggs (Omega 3s)
                        7:00: 2 cups salad w/1 Tbsp dressing, 1/2 cup asparagus, 2 strips bacon, 1 oz steak, a ribbon of fat

                        Cal: 611
                        Prot: 47 -- 49%
                        Fat: 39 -- 41%
                        Carb: 10 -- 10%
                        Sod: 1121
                        Sug: 4
                        Water: 100 oz
                        Stress: 1
                        Sleep: 8 hrs

                        4:53 pm: Woke up well rested, feel good despite cramps today. Not very hungry at all though. Watching "Weight of the Nation" series on HBO GO, that's interesting, of course saturated fat is a no-no. It is difficult listening to what constitutes as healthy now that I believe something so radically different. There are good points and projects going on, especially in regard to proverty and obesity. Tonight, I expect to eat a nice big fresh salad, bacon-wrapped asparagus, and steak. I am craving lighter foods lately, so bacon and steak don't (at this time) sound too appealing. Chris is sick of chicken, so steak it is!
                        Last edited by Brenda_D; 06-01-2013, 08:09 PM.
                        "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                        • #87
                          7:45: 2 deviled eggs
                          11:30: 2 slices bacon, 2 scrambled eggs, 1/4 chicken sausage
                          1:30: 2 cups salad w/1 Tbsp dressing
                          7:00: Chicken thigh w/skin, 1 cup salad w/1 Tbsp dressing, 1 strip bacon, fudge

                          Cal: 1221
                          Prot: 51 - 26%
                          Fat: 90 - 46%
                          Carb: 54 - 28%
                          Sod: 1814
                          Sug: 40 (really wish honey wasn't sugar :|)
                          Water: 100+ oz
                          Stress: 3
                          Sleep: 9 hrs
                          Nap/Meditation: 60 minutes
                          7:50 am: well rested, but achy this morning in my back and shoulders. I also have a headache. I have a lot to accomplish, but don't feel so great. I may have to just allow myself relaxation and postpone other things. I really want to get back into a cardio routine and do more toning as well. We'll see how the day goes.

                          Watched more "Weight of the Nation", "A calorie is a calorie is a calorie" = bullshit. 1200 calories of Kit Kats = 1200 calories of spinach = 1200 calories of Chicken = 1200 calories of bread???? Eat what you want people, just make sure you don't exceed x number of calories! If that was the reality of weight gain or loss, why would millions of dollars be spent on weight loss research? Hmmm? I was impressed with one guy's comment about how he cringes when he watches "Biggest Loser"... I cringe too! All those crazy hours of nearly killing the contestants with excessive exercise. They do concur that weight loss has way more to do with food than exercise, and that exercise alone won't do much. But, for 'maintaining' weight loss, exercise is huge. Good info for me there. I really need to work on making exercise a habit and something I look forward to, because I'm not going backwards.
                          Last edited by Brenda_D; 06-02-2013, 07:37 PM.
                          "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                          • #88
                            7:15: Scrambled Eggs (1 oz) w/Chicken Sausage (1/4), Bacon-wrapped Asparagus (2)
                            12:45: 1 cup Salad w/Dressing, Turkey Burger (3 oz)
                            7:30: 2 cups Salad w/Dressing, Chicken Thigh w/Skin (3 oz)
                            Cal: 778
                            Prot: 48 - 41%
                            Fat: 57 - 49%
                            Carb: 12 - 10%
                            Sod: 1219
                            Sug: 9
                            Water: 100+ oz
                            Stress: 4
                            Sleep: 7 hrs, awake multiple times (about every 2 hours)
                            Movement: 15-minute walk.
                            Workday: 11 hours
                            7:53: Not much to report, busy work day, tried to keep my stress level down. Not very hungry between meals or even at mealtime.
                            "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler


                            • #89
                              I've not heard of Weight of the Nation... That calorie is a calorie logic, it's illogical. Seems some gathered a bunch if nutrition facts, kneaded them into whatever they needed them to look like so they could sell it those in need of help. Folks believing that aren't getting the help they need.
                              Follow my progress at ->Journal: My Body Revival


                              • #90
                                Exactly, they don't get the help they need. Furthermore, people with weight issues get double whammied in my opinion. We have to deal with social stigma and faulty societal assumptions about ourselves, along with trying to wade through all the conflicting information while spending lots of money in the process, often with adverse results. It's a bad place to be in and I am so grateful I found Paleo and can finally see a way out. I still struggle, but at least I feel better while doing it!

                                Originally posted by PRO199 View Post
                                I've not heard of Weight of the Nation... That calorie is a calorie logic, it's illogical. Seems some gathered a bunch if nutrition facts, kneaded them into whatever they needed them to look like so they could sell it those in need of help. Folks believing that aren't getting the help they need.
                                "Wild cats look their best when they're hungry, so do you." - Ori Hofmekler