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Primal Journal ~Traveller~

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  • Why can't you yell out kiai? You ARE competitive enough to want to be the best! Right? I've read previous post and I know this about you. Quit worrying about what others think. I "have had" the same issues in the past. I used to have to yell out marching calls and commands in the military because I was the leader of 324 others in my training group. Very intimidating. Just remember their impression of you is not tied to your self worth... Therefore you don't care that they are there and hear you. Practice at home in front of a mirror. Do it until you feel strong and confident in kiaing. Intimidate them with your vocal power!!!


    Em
    "Adapt and Overcome"

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    • I'm probably the most competitive person I know!! Comes from having a 'perfect' elder brother and best friend.
      You don't actually yell 'kiai', you just shout, but yeah - I don't know why I have trouble with it. Maybe because I've always associated 'loud' with 'obnoxious' and 'show-off'. Of course, I know plenty of people who are loud and not show-offs. It's simply who they are, and that's fine. I just don't like being loud.
      I've been doing a lot of thinking about it, and I think it's gone from 'I don't want to kiai at all', to 'I don't want to kiai in front of people' to 'I don't want to kiai in front of Sensei'. You could almost call that progress!
      I think I'm worried I'll disappoint her. I feel that a lot, because there are a few really talented students that she trains, and I get the feeling that she compares my performance to their's. I compare my performance to theirs. When I'm thinking logically, I tell myself to give myself a break, because these students are 2-3 grades above me, and have been training for years. But she's quite demanding, and I don't think she sees it that way.

      Anyway, today I went to a almost deserted park and practiced for an hour. It went okay. I'll get there.

      T.

      P.S. To anyone who'll bother to read this: I apologize for my babbles, but writing it down keeps my head clear.
      Last edited by Traveller; 08-29-2013, 05:04 PM.

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      • I think a mirror really will help. You need to see yourself Kiaing. It'll give you confidence I think because you will know how you look doing it.

        And yes I have faith you'll get there. You've come to far to quit now.


        Em
        "Adapt and Overcome"

        Comment


        • Hi all,

          B/L (11:15am) - 3 HB eggs, 0.7 of an avocado, 40g herring.
          Since then I've been snacking on fruit (2 banana's) and walnuts.

          I'm thinking of increasing my calories, because of a certain problem I'm having. Yesterdays cals were the highest they've been in about 3-4 weeks, at 1500.

          Skipped my usual walk, and went to the park for some more kiai-ing. It was sooo muddy, and so fun!! Walking in mud barefoot is so fun.
          Em, you could be right about the mirror. Problem is, is that the only time I can get some time alone to practice is outside. Perhaps on saturday, when everyone's out.

          D(will be) - ground beef, fried with tomatoes and several spices.

          Oh, and by the way - my parents, who have been married for close to 17 years will become ''officially'' divorced late next month. Yay.

          T.

          Comment


          • Hi Traveller,

            I am sorry to hear about your parents... hugs.

            Also, if you are active, why don't you eat more food? 1500 calories seems a bit low...

            Comment


            • Thanks, Girlhk!

              Trust me, I'm not trying to restrict my calories, or my food; to get over 1500 I'd have to eat huge amounts of food. For me, anyway. As it is, I'm eating quite a few nuts to get the numbers up.

              T.

              Comment


              • Nope, increasing the cals just isn't gonna work. I ate just under 1000 today, and I'm just too full to eat anymore. So frustrating!
                Got a new breakout on my face today, plus my teeth ache. Breakout could be due to the chocolate I had yesterday (geez I hate that stuff).

                Went to the park for another round of attempting to kiai. Not too bad. But my family didn't go out today, so couldn't get some time with the mirror. There was a guy there that saw me, and he told me that he also does martial arts. He does judo, jujitsu, japanese swordfighting and something else that I can't even pronounce, let alone spell.

                The depression is creeping up on me again, trying to stave it off by lots of sun (hard in the winter, but I love the sun) and reading.

                I'm not looking forward to tonight. Sleep's going to be even more impossible than usual - my teeth just...ache!
                I'm planning on having some turmeric tea. Sometimes it helps me sleep.

                T.

                Comment


                • Wow, only 1000 calories! But yeah, it's better to go with your appetite.

                  It's nice that you are outdoors and active a lot. Sun definitely helps lift the mood.

                  I found a glass of milk before bed really helps me sleep.

                  Comment


                  • Well, today was a sunday. A 'family outing' sunday.
                    I told everyone I had tons of study to do, so they dropped me off at the library. And I did study, honest!
                    I also searched for -and found- a geo-cache that a friend had told me about. It was only a little one, but they're fun. Especially when they're hidden in a public place, and you have to be real sneaky about it.
                    I went through the usual sunday-struggle with mcdonalds. I actually went in there, but changed my mind at the last minute.

                    When the library shut, it was too early to go home, so I walked to the park and spent an hour or so training. In the mud. Kiai's getting better. But it's one thing to do it in a deserted soccer field; another thing entirely to do it in a dojo filled with people.

                    As today was Father's day, I cheated a bit. Quite a bit, actually. Some choc, and a bit of fudge. And half a biscuit.

                    My sister's come down with something. Vomiting, diarrhea, etc. No one else has got it, so might've been something she ate.

                    T.

                    P.S. I put on make-up today, to cover the marks my acne. And I don't put on make-up unless absolutely forced too.

                    Shoot me now.

                    Comment


                    • Hi all,

                      B - IF
                      L - chia gel, 3 HB eggs w/ turmeric.
                      S(nack) - walnuts
                      D - corned beef and chips.
                      Tomorrow's shopping day, and there was absolutely nothing to eat except corned beef and takeaway chips. I thought about IF-ing it as well, but it was after training and I was starving.

                      Exercise - usual monday walk, with 2 hours of training at the park and 1 hour of training at the dojo.
                      I've improved with the kiai's. Can do it at the park, but not at training. I'm never going to grade.

                      T.

                      Comment


                      • Never say "never"!!


                        Em
                        "Adapt and Overcome"

                        Comment


                        • Guess what?! Sensei told me that I can grade in october! Thank you for being right, Em!

                          B - chia gel w/ blueberries.
                          L - yogurt, banana's, blueberries and 2 bananas.

                          Exercise - usual tuesday - 2 walks, and 2 hours of training. It really beat the stuffing out of me today. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I could really do without that second walk.

                          By the way, I hit a karate milestone last night. In karate there's a lot of stances, some of them quite taxing on the leg muscles. 'Specially cat-stance. I hate that one. >shudders<
                          Anyway, there's comes a certain point when the stances become as comfortable as sitting in a lounge chair. At least, that's what they keep assuring us. Well, for one of the stances, I've finally hit that point. It just means that that stance has become like second nature, so... this combined with possibly grading next month has made me a very, very happy chappie!


                          That problem I had has resolved itself, sort of. I'm trying to eat more, but I hate feeling stuffed. Plus eating constantly is just plain annoying. My family want me to up my cals, not by eating lots of healthy foods, but by pigging out on fudge and chocolate! Uh, no thanks! Ew. Apparently 'too' much exercise could also be causing it, but cutting back on training is not an option, so...>shrug<.

                          T.

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                          • So, the black soap didn't work for me. I feel terrible saying (typing) that, because I so, so wanted it to work. I gave it 5 1/2 weeks, though.
                            There's so many other things to try, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Tea tree soap, goats milk soap, sulphur soap, turmeric soap...

                            T.

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                            • Told ya!! Yah!! October is not that far off at all!


                              Em
                              "Adapt and Overcome"

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Traveller View Post
                                So, the black soap didn't work for me. I feel terrible saying (typing) that, because I so, so wanted it to work. I gave it 5 1/2 weeks, though.
                                There's so many other things to try, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Tea tree soap, goats milk soap, sulphur soap, turmeric soap...

                                T.
                                Well Darn. Sorry.


                                Em
                                "Adapt and Overcome"

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