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  • Thanks everyone for all the advice and encouragement!

    zoebird -- I do have money saved up that will allow me to live for approximately 6 months. I'm not hopeful about getting a retail job because I applied for a bunch last summer (wanted a part-time job while studying for the bar), and I didn't even get a single interview! *Sigh* I guess employers just don't want to hire someone whom they think won't stick around. I could definitely move, and if I weren't so damn pessimistic, I might even feel okay about it. Friends assure me that I'd be able to find temp/contract work fairly quickly, but a part of me insists that I will not be able to find any job and that I'll run out of money and die.

    YB -- that song totally resonates with me! And sorry for hijacking your journal even more. I know you're okay with it, but I still feel bad about dumping my stupid problems into your journal.

    ombat -- I agree that just cuz you're married doesn't mean you're compatible, but I guess at least if you married him, you've made that commitment. That doesn't mean it's going to work out, of course, but moving in together without even having made that mental commitment is just asking for complications down the road, if you know what I mean.

    Ciki -- Thanks! Yeah, I live in PA, and all of my close friends have moved away. This is a place that people leave, after all. I think things will maybe get better if I make them better, but they will probably stay the same if I let them. And I really can't let them stay the same. My God! You hear about people who just settled for something that they didn't really want and lived their entire lives in a state of mediocrity (in terms of personal happiness/fulfillment), and I really don't want to be one of them.

    Really, I can't carry on living in a place that I hate, working a job that I don't like, and living with a guy I don't want to be with. #$%&@!

    My journal

    Comment


    • Excellent revelations!

      If you can get your hands on some high-dose Vitamin C tablets (or powder), that can help get things moving again when you get constipated while travelling. It's recommended on the Gutsense.org site. It's what I used for a while for my chronic constipation, too. Start with 1-2 grams at a time until things move (wait at least 2 hours between doses).
      Depression Lies

      Comment


      • Yoyo, I think you're on the right track with figuring out what works best for your metabolism. But in the immediate present, I would love it if you could just relax and give yourself a break. Being on vaca brings a lot of factors into the mix - different food, off schedule, etc. It might be mostly useless to try to "fix" anything while you're traveling. But I know it's not easy to stop thinking about <3

        Re: travel constipation, I get backed up when I hear the word "travel" and I'm actually pretty nervous about flying out to SF tomorrow (but it's overridden by the excitement ) I know I've mentioned this before but I have experience with pretty drastic weight gain from being constipated and I don't think that having one BM in the course of five days gets rid of it all...

        Originally posted by diene
        ombat -- I agree that just cuz you're married doesn't mean you're compatible, but I guess at least if you married him, you've made that commitment. That doesn't mean it's going to work out, of course, but moving in together without even having made that mental commitment is just asking for complications down the road, if you know what I mean.
        I really don't know what you mean... Some arbitrary commitment means nothing if it doesn't end up working out because you took it on faith. Living with someone brings out another side of him and until you've decided that you are compatible with that person in every way, why on earth would you make a commitment?
        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

        Comment


        • If you run out of money, you won't die. You'll just keep going.

          Go ahead and move. If you have money saved up, head out there.

          Contact your university/grad school alumnae associations, meet up with the locals, and it'll help start your network.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
            I was flooded with relief. Alone in my victim mentality, I had convinced myself that weight gain was not something that happened to lean people. I assumed they could shovel food in their cake hole non-stop and stay the same weight, while I look at a salad dressing and inflate. Not the case. (And yeah, that's obvious, but we know I'm insane when it comes to these things Even though I have overcome the ED behaviour, I have not overcome the mindset).

            But you know what? This little revelation has helped me let go a bit more.

            Getting a perfect body requires so much head space and what does it give you? Nothing, actually. I don't become more confident, and I don't love myself more. When I've been gaunt and skinny, I still fold my arms to cover my "belly". The only thing I get from increased thinness is the ability to dress the way I want. Is that really worth all this anxiety and pain?

            Wearing a bikini is actually liberating. So many of the woman at the pool here are beautiful and skinny, and you know what? This has just caused me to dig deeper, and remind myself that I am more than my body. I have an inner beauty that surpasses what the naked eye can see. Nothing is worth more than that, yet that's what I keep forgetting.
            Wow... Good stuff yoga!

            Comment


            • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
              Excellent revelations!

              If you can get your hands on some high-dose Vitamin C tablets (or powder), that can help get things moving again when you get constipated while travelling. It's recommended on the Gutsense.org site. It's what I used for a while for my chronic constipation, too. Start with 1-2 grams at a time until things move (wait at least 2 hours between doses).
              Thanks for the tip! Never heard that about Vit C before...

              Originally posted by ombat View Post
              Yoyo, I think you're on the right track with figuring out what works best for your metabolism. But in the immediate present, I would love it if you could just relax and give yourself a break. Being on vaca brings a lot of factors into the mix - different food, off schedule, etc. It might be mostly useless to try to "fix" anything while you're traveling. But I know it's not easy to stop thinking about <3
              Hey, I hear you girl. Honestly though, it's not a preoccupation, or a source of stress. If raising my metabolism is linked to higher energy then I definitely want to achieve that: long term, not just this vacation. The black coffee with the alfalfa chaser is the first thing I've really noticed to have an impact on me.

              Originally posted by brookesam View Post
              Wow... Good stuff yoga!
              Originally posted by CiKi90
              Yogabare, this is a great step toward discovering yourself and helping you toward a peaceful mentality toward your body! I am really shocked at the results you've had with just manipulating your metabolism to benefit you the most. I'm so happy that you're taking these steps and getting into the groove of improvement without the sacrifice of your sanity.

              I take it, then, that your trip so far has gone pretty well? Have you met up with anyone from MDA yet? lol.
              Thanks

              Ci, the vacation hasn't been without difficulties. Difficult traveling with the family but haven't had the energy to journal it.
              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

              - Ray Peat

              Comment


              • Hormones

                Today, I can't stop crying. Not hysterical-waves-of-sobbing; more like continual rivulets of tears escaping from the corners of my eyes.

                Absolutely no rhyme or reason for this. I don't even feel that sad... I just descend into moments of high stress and despair. I'm sure it's hormonal: maybe an oestrogen or stress hormone surge.

                Interestingly, this morning when I was practicing headstands I got extremely red (high oestrogen?). And all day I've had the urge to do lots of exercise (stress hormones?). Just wish this would all balance out.

                Shopping List
                Of course I've left it til the last minute..!

                Knox gelatine
                niacinamide powder
                aloe vera caps (nature's way)
                Bumper pack of aspirin

                Anything else I should get?

                Oh, and if you want a laugh, this joke is too funny! Possibly-the-best-and-most-convoluted-knock-knock-joke-ever
                Last edited by YogaBare; 06-20-2013, 07:37 PM.
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • YB: Yeah, that sounds like hormones. When I first started taking the pill, I was crazy for three months--cried almost everyday for no reason.

                  Loved that joke, btw. So funny! Gonna post it to my FB.

                  Ombat: No, an arbitrary commitment will not make it more likely to work out. I guess my point is that: I find myself in this relationship of 5 years. Lived with him for 4. Moved in pretty casually. But had I not moved him with him, I would have broken up with him a long time ago. So the fact that I moved in with him casually and without seriously thinking about the consequences has caused me to waste years of my life in a messed up relationship. And I would like to not repeat that in the future. That's all.

                  My journal

                  Comment


                  • Yogabare if you and ombat decide to take BART to Oakland you'll want to get off at the Rockridge station, it's on College Ave. College runs from Berkeley to Oakland, with UC Berkeley on one end and California College of Arts (my alma mater) on the other end. It is a very long street, you'll probably want to walk in the Berkeley direction, though right around the BART station is pretty interesting too. If you want any more tips about the area let me know.

                    Oakland is a very big city and quite spread out you definitely do not want to get off BART in downtown and walk to the Rockridge area, it's pretty far and goes through some rough neighborhoods and some parts that are just plain boring.
                    Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

                    Comment


                    • I second the Rockridge recommendation.

                      My journal

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Urban Forager View Post
                        Yogabare if you and ombat decide to take BART to Oakland you'll want to get off at the Rockridge station, it's on College Ave. College runs from Berkeley to Oakland, with UC Berkeley on one end and California College of Arts (my alma mater) on the other end.
                        My daughter considered, and we toured, California College of Arts as well as SFAI. In the end she chose Pacific Northwest College of Art in Portland.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by marcadav View Post
                          My daughter considered, and we toured, California College of Arts as well as SFAI. In the end she chose Pacific Northwest College of Art in Portland.
                          Portland is probably a great place to go to school. My husband graduated from SFAI, we met at CCA but then he transferred to Art Institute so I know both schools. He later got an MFA from Berkeley so I got at taste of their art department too.
                          Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Urban Forager View Post
                            Portland is probably a great place to go to school. My husband graduated from SFAI, we met at CCA but then he transferred to Art Institute so I know both schools. He later got an MFA from Berkeley so I got at taste of their art department too.
                            My other daughter, art daughter's twin, considered Berkeley and we toured there. She decided on Willamette University in OR. She didn't like OR and after a year went back to CA, graduating from UC San Diego.

                            Comment


                            • Thanks for all the CA suggestions guys! I'm not getting to SF til lunch time tomorrow, so me and the Bat are just meeting for dinner in the Mission, but hopefully I'll be able to implement all your suggestions when I'm back in Autumn

                              Fear and Loathing (well, maybe just fear) in Las Vegas

                              Last night, after my evening meal, I really, really wanted to binge.

                              I sometimes get this feeling after certain kinds of food, which leads me to think it's a blood sugar issue (I used to be hypoglycaemic). Last night I had cous cous for the first time in forever / it may have had MSG in it.

                              Happy days, the feeling was easily diverted. I never would have been able to say that four months ago: usually when I got "the feeling", it would consume me. Last night, I drank some coconut water, Perrier, had some watermelon, and went to bed.

                              But I couldn't sleep. Thoughts raced through my head, my body burned up, and I lay tossing and turning until 7am, imagining conversations with people about things that were bugging me. By dawn it was as though my worries had been exorcised, and I finally drifted off.

                              I had an "emotional" day yest, so this could have contributed... but I'm inclined to think it was my evening meal. I haven't experienced that kind of insomnia in a few years (my type was not being able to stay asleep): the last time I did was after a Thai meal which was probably laden with MSG. Smoking dope also does it to me, but I stopped doing that a few years ago too.

                              Anyway, weirdly I had a nose bleed for a portion of today too, which never happens to me.

                              Food and stuff
                              My trip is over in two days. For the last two weeks I've eaten quite differently to how I normally eat, and it's had an impact.

                              Firstly, I went low carb. That lasted about two days before I remembered I was an idiot to experiment with it when I have a dodgy thyroid

                              Nonetheless, I did end up eating much more fish, meat, fat, and salads than I would ever eat at home, and only ate fruit once a day / once every two days. I didn't use any (additional) salt or refined sugar. Most days I only ate twice a day, but it was two "dinner" portions.

                              Conclusions:

                              - I gained weight. I'm heavier now than I've ever been: even including the E.A.T n=1, when I was eating up to 5k cals a day. Excess fat and meat are not my friend? Ombat, you're going to see a tubby bear! (Disclaimer: I'm totally kidding, I know I'm not "tubby" etc. etc.)

                              - Salads are not a low fat option for me. They sit in my stomach and I can't digest them properly. I read before that if you've got a weak thyroid, eating salad is like throwing a wet towel on a fire. They weren't a part of my diet prior to this trip, and that was a good thing.

                              - My skin looks brighter and more dewy with less salt in my diet.

                              - My pee was really clear for the whole trip. Attributing this to the lower salt intake, but also assuming this isn't a good

                              - Ketosis is interesting but

                              - Fruit is the most amazing invention known to man.

                              In general though: I feel pretty good right now. I have lots of energy: more than i did high carb. Maybe it's cos' I'm getting more calories? Maybe it's cos' a more balanced macronutrient breakdown suits me?

                              I don't know. But I do know that I'm working on accepting being a higher weight if it makes me feel good, and being prepared to exercise more.

                              PS. Out of necessity, I had two sandwiches today. Oh my god - American bread is so sweet! How do you people eat it? (Okay, not "you").
                              Last edited by YogaBare; 06-21-2013, 11:26 PM.
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

                              Comment


                              • I think that if you're gluten intolerant, it can do a lot of weird shit to you, including the symptoms you experienced. Also, do you think this added weight is an inflammatory response to you not eating well, eating enough, etc.? You said you were only eating in the evening some days? Have you read the IF horror stories on Stefani Ruper's website?

                                Traveling is rough. You do not eat what you would usually eat, when youd usually eat it, theres stress, etc. I hope you can sort things out once you get home. But not until you see meeeee!!
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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