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  • ^Really can't say. If you have low progesterone, I'm sure it would help. I think it would probably be best to know for sure before messing around, but then again, it's not very expensive.
    Depression Lies

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    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      Where are you living now Marcadav?
      I live about 40 miles south of Portland, where I grew up. I spent the day with my daughter in Portland and told her about my post to you.

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      • Have you read this? Vitamin E: Estrogen antagonist, energy promoter, and anti-inflammatory. May want to look into supplementing vitamin E while still trying to get estrogen dominance under control.

        Also... FOUR DAYS! *squeals*
        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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        • My fiancÚ's brother experiments with psychedelics (that's putting it lightly). I've been told that shrooms are a pretty "light" way to experiment, but you should have someone sober & trustworthy there to walk you through it. If your head gets in a bad place, you need someone there to help ground your thoughts. My fiancÚ can't smoke pot anymore because the last time he had it, he tore some picket fences apart and broke car windows O.O.
          Depression Lies

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          • Rather than repeat myself / others whom I do agree with, I will just say that if you do decide to experiment, it is pertinent that you are in a location where you feel safe - preferably a natural setting or at least one that is not highly industrialized or contain features that are unfamiliar to you - and with people whom you feel entirely safe and comfortable with. Psychedelics will bring to the surface your best and worst subconscious feelings.

            I will agree that shrooms are a "lighter" drug (for instance I would strongly suggest you stay away from LSD) but only as light as your dosage! Having taken anywhere between < 1g and 4g I can tell you that the difference between experiences varies significantly. For you I would suggest a small dose to start off with (a medium sized cap or a couple or small stems for example). You probably won have your world completely blown away but It's really not to be trifled with.
            Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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            • I agree with ombat. It's been ages since I did mushrooms but in my experience outdoors in a safe situation was the best. I can't say that my world was completely blown away but I did get a glimpse into the simplicity of life, it helped me appreciate the little things. Last time I had them I was living in Holland and I got a very clear idea that it was time for me to come home, and live back in Ca., Holland felt too "civilized", I needed to get back to where nature was wild and not tamed in designated parks.

              If you do decide to do them make sure you allow yourself plenty of time because the affect can linger.
              Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

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              • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                Vitex (or "chasteberry") is available at health food stores and supplement shops. The Vitamin Shoppe is a chain that carries it, Whole Foods has it too.
                Thanks! I'll try this.

                Originally posted by ombat View Post
                You might want to rethink that... There are only a few parts of Oakland that aren't dangerous and those parts are expensive to live in. I think the people in Oakland might be your cup of tea, but honestly I wouldn't risk living there even considering the resurgence it might be undergoing at this time. We can go see it if you like, though. Maybe it has gotten better?

                Regarding your dad's habits, what is his health like? Is he heavy? I wonder if he has malabsorption problems too :P I kind of laughed at that putting me out to pasture comment... Sorry. But it does sound kind of serious

                Regarding your habits, I'm glad to see that you're continuing to feel little anxiety towards food. Yes I wonder if the less we eat, the more our metabolism downregulates, the less hungry we get, etc. until you're barely using any energy. Hrm
                I've heard really good things from people living in SF, and I live in a "dangerous" neighbourhood in London so I have an open mind We can meet wherever though girl. Where are you staying when you get there?

                Nah, it's not too serious - he unconsciously uses food to relieve stress, and he's also addicted to junk food. He isn't too heavy considering the volume he eats. He has a gut but is pretty slim compared to most Americans I see. Although we've been joking with him that if he lived in America he'd be obese..! It's just interesting cos' it's like holding a mirror up to my old behaviours.

                I stepped on the total scale yesterday and I've somehow gained 10 lbs in the last 2 weeks!!! But whatever. I'm honestly just sick of this whole thing.


                Originally posted by CiKi90
                Well, I talked to my bf's cousin, who also has social anxiety, about doing mushrooms and how he claimed that it really helped him to just rid himself of those negative thoughts. He said it was not a miracle or anything, but it must have just been a really good experience for him, since he is such a lighthearted person now.

                Me on dope .... Well, whenever I used to smoke weed in high school, it was really the lowest level of pot you could get. Typical stuff that you get from Mexico, brown and shitty, so it didn't really effect me much. Then I got really busy with my life, and quit smoking for a couple years until I moved where I live now. Apparantly, they get much better stuff up here because I literally cannot handle it. I get physically anxious, but not so much mentally. My muscles and nerves jitter constantly, even my teeth chatter, and it's really no fun for me. The only other drug I've done a few times was molly/ecstasy, and that was hit or miss depending on the quality. Sorry if this conversation is getting too sketchy to discuss in your journal!

                I really just want to have life experiences with my friends, and do some crazy things here and there. I seem to be the tamest of anyone I know for my age, literally like a grandma. People consider me a very "mothering" type person, and always know that I will be the responsible one. Maybe I'm just tired of that persona. I don't know.
                If you don't cope well with dope, I wouldn't recommend psychedelics, as they affect similar parts of the brain. Ecstasy is a different ball game.

                As you know I'm not against drugs, but if you want to have real life experiences with friends there are so many other options. It doesn't sound to me like you'd be taking them for the right reasons. Why not try bungee jumping or sky diving if you want something extreme??
                Last edited by YogaBare; 06-18-2013, 02:34 PM.
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                  I agree about reincarnation: I just see it in a more vague way. If we are made of energy, and this energy is constantly being recycled, then maybe at another time we were several people all at once.

                  Well.... all I can say is it really sounds like you've made up your mind! There's no real easy time to bring something like that up. But... the sooner you do it, the sooner you can go through all the break up stages and be ready to move on?
                  I agree that I need to get it over with. The problem is that I live with my boyfriend. So should I break up with him now and move out before I'm ready to move to CA? Or should I wait? I'm not sure how to time things.

                  Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                  Your motivation is that you are doing a job you hate, in a place you hate, to be with a guy you don't want to be with. No wonder your fire is burning low <3

                  I'm familiar with that burn out feeling... believe me. I feel your pain! I think it comes from disappointments, and the feeling that life is beating you down. Lack of control is also a big one for me. But sometimes all is takes is for one little thing to change, and that fire gets reignited. Things like support, and beauty, and hope. If we're not happy where we are, we need to believe that there is something better. And honestly Ser, if you're missing every aspect of the holy trinity (right relationship, right place, right purpose), being happy and passionate is a monumental effort.
                  I think you're absolutely right. I don't have any of the three things you mentioned, and I agree that they are all very important. God, my life is so depressing. I'm in the wrong relationship and the wrong place, all of my close friends either live in CA or have moved away from PA, and I feel like I have no purpose in life.

                  My journal

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by brookesam View Post
                    I'm glad you are having such a great time! I think the openness of people has much to do with location and also how cultured the people are. I live in a small city and rarely do people just strike up conversations so easily. But when I go into Nashville, it doesn't matter if I'm in Wholefoods or in line at a coffee shop people just tend to start talking to me. Maybe I'm more open in that city, maybe a bit friendlier. That's the city I love and I've cried leaving there numerous times.... and it's only an about an hour away! It's crazy the difference an hour can make. Though, I am in a town with a bunch of country bumpkins! haha

                    I always thought that was a male thing. That guys just don't care if other people see them stuff their faces the way women do.

                    So happy for you! I've been reading your journal from the beginning and it's very eye opening.
                    What brought you to the current town? It always makes me sad to read of people not being in the right place cos' (even though I live in a super cool city) I know how it feels!

                    I think there's a difference between being a human dust bin, and using food as an anaesthetic / addiction.

                    And thank you

                    Originally posted by diene View Post
                    I agree that I need to get it over with. The problem is that I live with my boyfriend. So should I break up with him now and move out before I'm ready to move to CA? Or should I wait? I'm not sure how to time things.

                    I think you're absolutely right. I don't have any of the three things you mentioned, and I agree that they are all very important. God, my life is so depressing. I'm in the wrong relationship and the wrong place, all of my close friends either live in CA or have moved away from PA, and I feel like I have no purpose in life.
                    I really feel your pain. I was in the same situation, so I know how tough it is to break up with someone when you're living with them. I suppose how soon you tell him depends on the kind of person he is. Some people break up and they continue living together until they both sort themselves out (i.e.. they can carry on "being friends"). Do you think this is a possibility?

                    I'm really sorry to read that BUT - you don't strike me as someone who wallows in self pity - I bet recognising that there are things you want to change would be enough to help you change them And I bet you have a lot of friends - that's a crucial part of the "relationships" section.

                    And, regarding purpose of life, one of my favourite quotes is "The meaning of life is to give life a meaning".
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post

                      I really feel your pain. I was in the same situation, so I know how tough it is to break up with someone when you're living with them. I suppose how soon you tell him depends on the kind of person he is. Some people break up and they continue living together until they both sort themselves out (i.e.. they can carry on "being friends"). Do you think this is a possibility?
                      To be honest, I don't know, but I won't be surprised if the answer is no. I have been in a relationship before where I was temporarily living with my bf for the summer (it was during college), and we agreed to break up at the end of the summer so we continued to live together as bf/gf for the rest of the summer. But that was a very different type of relationship--one built on a strong foundation of friendship, and I'm still close friends with him today.

                      The relationship I'm in right now is a lot more dysfunctional--not a lot of communication because my bf is not into communicating. I tried to change that in the beginning, but I have long since given up. So it's hard for me to predict how he will react to me breaking up with him. I don't know if he thinks that our relationship is working. I mean, he would have to be blind and delusional to think that it is, but I get no indication from him that he is aware that something is wrong.

                      When I was still trying to make the relationship work, I used to bring things up and try to talk about things, but I haven't done that in a long time because I've basically given up. It's possible that he took that to mean that I've accepted things and am now okay with them when, in fact, I stopped trying because I've concluded that our relationship could never be fixed.

                      Honestly though, this has been such a mess that I don't think I'm going to live with another guy again until I get married (if I get married).

                      My journal

                      Comment


                      • Diene,

                        For me, the real question is how much risk you can manage.

                        Now that I've moved across the world, it's easy for me to be like "hey, just pack up and move to CA, stay with friends for a bit while you look for a job!"

                        But, I know that I didn't move to CA for years because of a fear of loss of security. For us, we "needed to have a job" first, and then we could move -- but getting a job remotely is *extremely* difficult, so it would have been better to "just go" and then do our best once we were out there!

                        To help hedge some bets on doing that, it's a good idea to have savings. YOu can estimate your living expenses for, say, 6-8 months -- which might give you enough time to find a job. Once you arrive, you could do retail or service (ie, coffee shop), and then look for a regular position in your chosen field after that.

                        So, this means planning things out and living as frugally as possible until you have enough to make that sort of move. This may mean staying with your boyfriend longer, or it may mean moving out (or moving in with family/friends) so that you can save.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by diene View Post
                          To be honest, I don't know, but I won't be surprised if the answer is no. I have been in a relationship before where I was temporarily living with my bf for the summer (it was during college), and we agreed to break up at the end of the summer so we continued to live together as bf/gf for the rest of the summer. But that was a very different type of relationship--one built on a strong foundation of friendship, and I'm still close friends with him today.

                          The relationship I'm in right now is a lot more dysfunctional--not a lot of communication because my bf is not into communicating. I tried to change that in the beginning, but I have long since given up. So it's hard for me to predict how he will react to me breaking up with him. I don't know if he thinks that our relationship is working. I mean, he would have to be blind and delusional to think that it is, but I get no indication from him that he is aware that something is wrong.

                          When I was still trying to make the relationship work, I used to bring things up and try to talk about things, but I haven't done that in a long time because I've basically given up. It's possible that he took that to mean that I've accepted things and am now okay with them when, in fact, I stopped trying because I've concluded that our relationship could never be fixed.

                          Honestly though, this has been such a mess that I don't think I'm going to live with another guy again until I get married (if I get married).
                          If that's your gut instinct then it's probably right.

                          I hear you about not living with someone again. It's so messy when things don't work out. But, sometimes it helps you figure out if the relationship is right / wrong a lot faster. Either way, I think it's so important to maintain your independence even in these situations, so you never feel trapped.

                          I think Zoe's advice is great.

                          Oh, and for some reason this song popped into my head. It's not my usual taste, so maybe it'll resonate with you in relation to your situation. <3

                          Last edited by YogaBare; 06-18-2013, 08:02 PM.
                          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                          - Ray Peat

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by diene View Post
                            Honestly though, this has been such a mess that I don't think I'm going to live with another guy again until I get married (if I get married).
                            I don't think that's a good idea either. You won't necessarily be compatible to live with someone just because you married him.. Perhaps you just need to spend some time thinking about what you want right now - exploring various people / situations / experiences in order to find out what it is will make you happy in a relationship. Then reevaluate.
                            Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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                            • [QUOTE=YogaBare;1226854]What brought you to the current town? [QUOTE]

                              I was born and raised here. I guess I'm waiting for the right time and I know it's just not time yet. The right thing at the wrong time ends up being the wrong thing.

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                              • Body, Mind, and Metabolism. Getting over... myself.

                                Yesterday was a day of revelations.

                                Body, Mind.

                                There are weighing scales in our Vegas hotel, and when we arrived I was shocked at the number that greeted me: 143lbs. My highest weight ever.

                                Prior to arriving, the penny was starting to drop that my distention was actually weight gain, but I didn't imagine it was 10lbs.

                                I didn't freak out. I hadn't had a BM in about five days (travelling always screws me up) and I'd eaten a big sushi lunch. So when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning (after finally having a BM, and eating lightly last night) I was surprised I was up again: 145lbs.

                                What could I think? From my perspective it wasn't fair. I'm just eating to appetite, right? I plodded down to brunch with self-pity dominating my mind. Whereupon my mum mentioned that she was gaining weight since we'd be on hols.

                                I was flooded with relief. Alone in my victim mentality, I had convinced myself that weight gain was not something that happened to lean people. I assumed they could shovel food in their cake hole non-stop and stay the same weight, while I look at a salad dressing and inflate. Not the case. (And yeah, that's obvious, but we know I'm insane when it comes to these things Even though I have overcome the ED behaviour, I have not overcome the mindset).

                                But you know what? This little revelation has helped me let go a bit more.

                                Getting a perfect body requires so much head space and what does it give you? Nothing, actually. I don't become more confident, and I don't love myself more. When I've been gaunt and skinny, I still fold my arms to cover my "belly". The only thing I get from increased thinness is the ability to dress the way I want. Is that really worth all this anxiety and pain?

                                Wearing a bikini is actually liberating. So many of the woman at the pool here are beautiful and skinny, and you know what? This has just caused me to dig deeper, and remind myself that I am more than my body. I have an inner beauty that surpasses what the naked eye can see. Nothing is worth more than that, yet that's what I keep forgetting.

                                Metabolism.

                                After my little breakfast revelation, something happened.

                                I've been watching what I eat (as much as possible) but over the last two weeks, I just started gaining. I attributed the weight gain to a down regulation of my metabolism.

                                At breakfast, I was dying for coffee, and I was so exhausted that I decided to drink it black. Woah! Everything changed, instantly. I felt my food digesting. I went back up to my room, and took my alfalfa sups, which are supposed to stimulate the thyroid, but haven't been helping me at all lately. Maybe it was cos' I took them right after balck coffee, but they gave me a real kick! For the rest of the day I had energy to exercise, felt positive and full of life. Weirdly, I stepped on the scale late avo [obsessive I know], and it read 136lbs.

                                The conclusion that I've come to is that my energy is intimately linked to my metabolism. This fluctuates. When it lowers, I get tired and bloated. When it raises, I have energy and a heightened mood. The next step is trying to observe the exact things that stimulate my metabolism, and how to keep it high.

                                Peace and love <3
                                Last edited by YogaBare; 06-19-2013, 12:41 PM.
                                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                                - Ray Peat

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