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  • Hmmm, I prefer root beer. There is a time and place for coke, but I don't like coke floats as much.

    My journal

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    • Try switching the coke with root beer then in that recipe. Can try heavy whipping cream too!
      Make America Great Again

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      • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
        That's amazing news on being binge-free! I read so many accounts of people developing binging problems when they go low carb... Did you have a binging tendency before? You know, all my ED problems started when I turned 18 and started modelling. I was naturally skinny, but decided that being vegetarian would help me drop more weight. Queue binging.

        Forever I blamed the modelling, or various emotional issues that I had, but now I'm sure it was the restriction of an entire food group. When I went low carb the binging was the worst it's ever been, which leads me to believe that carbs are a more important macro nutrient for me that protein.
        Well, ever since late in high school when I wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and all that dating nonsense crap I would literally starve myself then binge once or twice a week. Anyway, I did look good for a while then I'd say "screw it" and return back to my chubby self. So, yeah. This crazy cycle on and off throughout my entire adulthood. As you also have experienced, VLC doesn't help with that either. Right now I'm in "screw it" mode once again, but YaY!!!! I'm still I wouldn't say thin, but not at all chubby and no more starvation and binging. It's pretty awesome. Ha, this is the first time ever I've talked about my past unhealthy eating patterns or was in an ED?

        You seem to be doing quite well yourself. I hope all that (oh how confusing) hormonal stuff sorts itself out very soon.

        And eat your taters, peeled and all. I thought you were Irish. JK

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Graycat View Post
          Well, ever since late in high school when I wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and all that dating nonsense crap I would literally starve myself then binge once or twice a week. Anyway, I did look good for a while then I'd say "screw it" and return back to my chubby self. So, yeah. This crazy cycle on and off throughout my entire adulthood. As you also have experienced, VLC doesn't help with that either. Right now I'm in "screw it" mode once again, but YaY!!!! I'm still I wouldn't say thin, but not at all chubby and no more starvation and binging. It's pretty awesome. Ha, this is the first time ever I've talked about my past unhealthy eating patterns or was in an ED?

          You seem to be doing quite well yourself. I hope all that (oh how confusing) hormonal stuff sorts itself out very soon.

          And eat your taters, peeled and all. I thought you were Irish. JK
          Did you used to have a pic of yourself as your avatar? If so, I remember you have a lovely figure with great body comp!

          I agree - there's absolutely no substitute for the liberation from the binge-starve cycle of hell. And I actually think we can get the bodies we want, if we do it the right way. Gradually, with patience! I also find the journalling really helpful, and it makes me keep things in check.

          Thanks for sharing that personal info about yourself. I'm a huge supporter of talking about these things! I don't agree with the therapy culture necessarily as it fragments the mind too much from the rest of the body, but I think talking about things and understanding your actions and emotions is incredibly powerful and helps us to let go in the long term. Awareness is the most crucial tool for life.
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • FTF
            Entry Twenty Three


            Writing from yesterday.

            Sleep:
            Ten and half hours, as covered

            Food / Hunger / Cravings:
            Well, today was another little breakthrough in that, for the first time I can remember, I forgot to eat lunch! I was going into town for 2, and would be out til at least 5. Normally I would make sure that I'd eaten before hand, but at 2pm I was already out and realised I hadn't eaten! Even my mum commented that it was not like me "to miss lunch!" It ended up being a low cal day.

            9.30am - Breakfast: raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, goat's milk yogurt, 100gz cottage cheese. Glass of fresh OJ.
            12.00pm - Snack: Cube (bite size) of homemade cheese case. Glass of OJ.
            6.00pm - Dinner: Four meatballs in mushroom sauce, half glass of OJ.

            Fluids:
            3 large coffees with milk, two tea w/ milk and sugar.

            Cravings:
            Sugar (a little).

            Supps:
            None (left them in UK).

            Energy and mood:
            Felt good! Also, I realised something. I've had chronic, severe depression for so much of my life, that I didn't realise that when I wasn't severely depressed I still had a low, underlying level of depression. A lack of enthusiasm, a feeling of dread, a sense of hopelessness. Yesterday, I noticed that feeling for the first time. I can feel it detaching from my psyche. Probably with more awareness, I can guide it away from there.

            I knew that my ED was ruining my life, but I didn't realise the extent that malnourishment / obsessing about food and my weight was impacting me.

            Body:
            Water retention: not terrible .
            Sinus: Eyes were streaming today.
            Skin: Good!
            Rosacea: Got very flushed after push ups.
            Lips: Peeled.
            Digestion: healthy.
            Temperature: Good.

            Stress:
            Completely unrelated to anything and more personal in nature: I'm writing this on the morning before my friend's wedding. I'm actually dreading going. I want to be happy and excited about seeing all my old friends, but this is a bunch of people who I spent my twenties taking drugs and partying with. I kind of separated myself from them because I wanted to do other things, and they still like getting fucked up. These are such awkward people that I usually have to get out-of-my-mind drunk to feel comfortable with them.

            Two more things. The last time we were all together was a year ago, when one of us died. Also, being 31, single, with absolutely no prospects, weddings are always tough. I love seeing people in love, but it's bitter sweet cos' it reminds me of what I'm missing. I never thought I'd still be single at this age, but I'm stuck in this rut and can't seem to open myself up to being in a relationship.

            Anyway, trying to keep positive about it, but I wish I didn't have to go
            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

            - Ray Peat

            Comment


            • *frolics through, throwing flowers and blowing bubbles*

              It warms my heart to keep seeing all of these ED improvements. Leaving food, eating cake, realizing that "bad" foods really aren't that bad. It's liberating.

              Re: potatoes, they can be very toxic. I used to have reactions to even non sprouted potato skins (fever, quasi narcolepsy). I think I still don't tolerate them well, but sprouted potatoes are a big no no.

              Re: nourishment and depression, it's a chicken or egg argument (and maybe a vicious cycle) but undernourishment can definitely impact mental health. You may have had issues before your ED or not, but chronically under eating, eating crap foods, etc. will make things worse.
              Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

              Comment


              • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                *frolics through, throwing flowers and blowing bubbles*

                It warms my heart to keep seeing all of these ED improvements. Leaving food, eating cake, realizing that "bad" foods really aren't that bad. It's liberating.
                Thank you x

                Originally posted by CiKi90
                And I see you growing and moving further away from your eating disorder each and every day! I am so happy for you, it's truly a beautiful thing.

                Do you think that you became aware of low-level depression yesterday due to the low calorie intake/skipping lunch, or was it maybe because of your friend's wedding?
                Thanks Ci Actually, I became aware of the low level depression when I realised two days ago that it was gone! See, one of the reasons depression arises is when you suppress loads of emotions due to fear of feeling pain. When you do this, you suppress the good and bad feelings, leading to a general depressed state.

                (Depression and anxiety are similar in that regard, but with anxiety all emotions {positive and negative} get piled together, intensified and are interpreted as anxiety.)

                Over the last few months I've become increasingly sensitive to variations in my mood and emotions, so now instead of feeling a low level of numbness, I can feel specific flashes of stress / dread / excitement etc.

                I am so freaked out about how similar all of our wavelengths are sometimes. YB and I got severely sick for a short period of time, so watch out for that Ombat! Also, you just went to a wedding, YB has to attend a wedding today, and I'm going to one next week! Soo so so crazy.
                Ha - I know! Funny that we joked about it a few weeks ago when we all started feeling sore at the same time! Without being to spiritual about it, I do believe that we're all connected.

                Re: the wedding... That is tough to deal with, to try and fit into a group that you've simply grown out of. Weddings,in general, can be odd to deal with when everyone has gone their separate ways. I dont have much experience with going to weddings, but I do know how it feels to be out of place at a friendly get-together. You should just be glad to have the experience and happy that you decided to pave your own path! And, the bit about you being single: I really believe that it would have been much harder to make progress in your mental and physical health the way that you have recently if you had to worry about being in a relationship as well. The good part is, is that now that you've got your life so much more under control, finding a good man will be much more likely. Not to mention, if you're coming over here to the US for a visit, you'll lure in all the cute boys with your accent! lol
                Oh, I was being a bit negative yesterday. It's a large group of friends (about 30 of us) and most of them are really amazing, beautiful people that I love. I really only have issues with one bitchy girl, and two exes (it was an incestuous group ) but my problem is focusing too much on the negatives. Actually yesterday was okay: the girl was still bitchy and it stung a bit, but one of my exes wasn't so cagey with me as usual, and I had a nice catch-up with the other one.

                You're totally right, and actually last December I decided to stop dating because it was too stressful. Now I'm opening up again because I've developed the self-respect, and self-love that a romantic relationship is doomed without. It's hard to be patient though. It feels out of my control, which is frustrating. It's partially because of fear I'm still holding back, and I know I have to let go to fall through the unknown, but it's also logistics and not meeting someone suitable, but then they say you have to be open for that to happen.

                Thanks for caring <3
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • FTF
                  Entry Twenty Four


                  The wedding was better than I expected. It was great to see so many old friends, and we had lots of banter and lovely chats. It was also cool to dress up: I wore a sea green 20-inspired dress with a matching bandana. Very Gatsby-esque.

                  Before I went, my sister called me, and I cried on the phone. I hate that being single is such a source of pain and frustration for me. Most of the time I just push it out of my mind and carry on with my life, but it gets to a point where I feel completely disillusioned and hopeless about it and then I can't block the feelings any more.

                  I actually hate even writing about it, because I'm ashamed to admit that it upsets me, and I'm afraid of being judged, but at the start of this journal I promised myself that I would be totally honest, because I know this brings me freedom and release.

                  Anyway, not going to make a proper post today, cos' my sleep and food was all over the place for the last two days.

                  Before going to the ceremony I had a decent lunch and a piece of cheesecake, and I was actually really pleased with that, because every single wedding I go to I skip lunch and then end up binging at the wedding.

                  While I didn't binge, I ate way more than I should have, and I feel fat and disappointed in myself today. (I know, I know: groundhog day.) I know people overeat all the time on special occasions, but for me it brought up so many feelings of guilt and confusion and fear that I'm never going to lose this weight going at the pace I'm going if I keep indulging like I am.
                  I must have had more than 4Kcals yesterday, with all the booze, cake, ice cream, four course meal... seriously. Then today i probably only had 1,600 cals, but I'm extremely bloated and feel like a whale.

                  I know that the peace with food is worth a million times more than my weight, and to be fair I actually thought I looked alright. Just the progress is so non-linear and it's hard to give up that control.

                  This evening I called over to see a friend who I hadn't seen in two years and who's just broken up with her boyfriend and instantly met someone else. She asked me if I was seeing anyone. What do I say? I start crying again.

                  Being asked this, and then having this feeling of pity from people when I say no, is the worst part. I know it's a normal question, and a normal reaction (people want you to be happy, and they feel bad when you're not with someone) but every question is like cheap refined salt in the gooey wound. I know I can survive and thrive without a partner, but I can't break the idea that I need a partner because seriously, I need someone to shag, and I need someone to share my life with. There's so much beauty that I want to express with another person, and so many special moments that you only have with that special someone. There's an itch that can't be scratched without a partner. I feel guilty for saying all this cos' I feel like it's unPC in some way, or not modern (people are independent, blah.blah,blah) but I don't need to be single to be independent.

                  Here's a topic that makes me cringe - what do you guys think about the idea of soul mates? When I talked to my sister and my friend it came up. I don't believe there's just one person for anyone, but since we talked I'm starting to think differently. If it's so hard to meet someone, then maybe there is just one person for everyone.

                  And on a very practical note: I actually had a thought that maybe my oestrogen had risen a bit, cos' I got really red exercising, and then had all these emotional outbursts. Fun and games
                  Last edited by YogaBare; 05-26-2013, 03:54 PM.
                  "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                  In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                  - Ray Peat

                  Comment


                  • I think there are lots of possible someones for each of us. I also think the real work is keeping a relationship going (speaking as someone married 11 years now, not all of them happy). Meeting lots of new people helps in the finding, but not so much in the keeping. Being happy in yourself is the best possible way to be ready to be happy with someone else, too.
                    I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                    Comment


                    • Don't feel poorly about your desire for a mate. We all benefit from sharing our lives with someone, and if you don't happen to be ridiculously, absurdly close with others (I'm not saying that you aren't, I just don't know how much of yourself you share with your friends, family) then of course it is understandable that you would feel a need for a partner. I really do live in my own little la-la land where I am open with everyone I meet and treat everyone like my lover, but I know that one day I will feel similarly. Or I will meet someone, yada yada. And I'm glad that you did have positive experiences at the wedding.

                      I do believe in soul mates, but I don't believe you have just one and I don't believe that a soul mate is necessarily romantic. I have a friend of 5 years who I consider a soul mate. He was interested in me years ago but I was having my own issues so nothing advanced, but to this day we have something that cannot be broken. It's difficult to explain - I know I usually have words for this crap - but it's an understanding that goes deeper than words. Pretty beautiful.
                      Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                      Comment


                      • Hey YB! Glad to hear that your relationship with food is continuously improving!

                        Regarding the relationship thing--I think most people feel the way you do when they're single (myself included). But you're such a beautiful and kind person that I'm 100% certain that you will meet someone! (Okay, so I've never seen a picture of your face, but I'm sure that you are beautiful!) Do what you love and be who you are and that person will find you (or you will find them, you will find each other).

                        Hey, at least you're not stuck in a relationship that could never work and don't know how to get out of it so that you can find one that could work.

                        As for soulmates, I believe that there are multiple people in the world who could be your soulmate. The trick is to (a) meet them and (b) meet them at the right time. Timing is so important, IMO. You could meet the perfect person, but if it's not the right time, then it's just not going to work out.

                        I'm the same age as you, but most of the time I still think that I'm in my 20s. (I wonder if that's how people always feel--I've read about people in their 50s who still feel like they're in their 20s...so they feel like a 20-year-old trapped in the body of a 50-year-old. That's kinda scary.) But, really, 31 isn't that old. We still have time.

                        My journal

                        Comment


                        • Sorry for the late replies guys - the last few days have gotten away from me. I really appreciate your kind words and consolations <3

                          Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                          I think there are lots of possible someones for each of us. I also think the real work is keeping a relationship going (speaking as someone married 11 years now, not all of them happy). Meeting lots of new people helps in the finding, but not so much in the keeping. Being happy in yourself is the best possible way to be ready to be happy with someone else, too.
                          See, I wouldn't consider a "someone" to be just anyone that you could have a relationship with. There are tons of those people out there. I'd consider a "someone" to be a person that you can make things work out with: someone who's wavelength you are on. There aren't many of those out there: not in my experience. In fact, I think I've only met one guy who I felt like that about, and then I outgrew him...

                          Originally posted by ombat View Post
                          Don't feel poorly about your desire for a mate. We all benefit from sharing our lives with someone, and if you don't happen to be ridiculously, absurdly close with others (I'm not saying that you aren't, I just don't know how much of yourself you share with your friends, family) then of course it is understandable that you would feel a need for a partner. I really do live in my own little la-la land where I am open with everyone I meet and treat everyone like my lover, but I know that one day I will feel similarly. Or I will meet someone, yada yada. And I'm glad that you did have positive experiences at the wedding.

                          I do believe in soul mates, but I don't believe you have just one and I don't believe that a soul mate is necessarily romantic. I have a friend of 5 years who I consider a soul mate. He was interested in me years ago but I was having my own issues so nothing advanced, but to this day we have something that cannot be broken. It's difficult to explain - I know I usually have words for this crap - but it's an understanding that goes deeper than words. Pretty beautiful.
                          I'm actually an open book with most people, and I'm the kind of person who makes friends very easily, and for some reason I seem to be in many people's "top friends". I have a lot of people who I love. I'm also very, very close to my family. (There are certain things I find very hard to talk about, and these are the things I share on MDA: my ED, my wrinkles (though I just make a joke of this ) and the times I find it difficult to be single). So it's not that I want a partner because I need to be close to someone. Romantic love is another level of intimacy, and I want to share that with someone. I want to share all of myself with someone.

                          And I agree that not only romantic partners can be soul mates: I also have a male friend who I consider a soul mate. We've travelled the world together: even shared a double bed for three months in India! He's absolutely the most magical, kind, hilarious person, and we totally get each other. My sister is definitely a massive soul mate too.

                          I guess the term "soul mate" comes laden with so many cliches and bad movie references. Perhaps it would be more apt to think of it as magnetism. Similar energies find each other: sooner, or later. The stronger the magnetism, the stronger the connection, and the harder it is to break.

                          Originally posted by CiKi90
                          You know, I never would have thought I'd consider myself close friends with someone I met on MDA in just a few short months, but I do. I really care about all of you guys! You all give me so much help, support, and advice that I wish I could give back half as much.

                          Regarding soulmates: I don't really think that people have soulmates, simply because of the way that people are constantly evolving. As people change within their lives, they can choose many different ways to adapt the relationship(s) they've created with others. They can learn from their partners' differences and accept them, they can move on in their relationships and grow apart, they can change the meaning of their relationship between themselves and that person... It's really all subjective. The point is, is that how can our souls be perfect matches for one other person if we are constantly morphing into different beings? That being said, I'm not really an expert when it comes to love. I'm fairly young and have only been in very few relationships...

                          Don't feel bad about not being in a relationship, not at all. If anything, you should appreciate that you're smart enough to not dive into a relationship when you're not ready! There are so many people that I know personally, that jump into things way too quickly, without finding themselves beforehand. Having a partner changes a person so drastically, and it's really unhealthy to try and force yourself into a position that you just won't fit into.
                          Anyway, you know what they say about finding a man: whenever you're not looking, is when they come out of the woodwork! So, maybe someone will pop up when you least expect it. not to be too nosy, but.... Don't you have a sexy yoga partner? Why not try that out?
                          You give back loads Ci! Who else could I bold my letters to? Kidding - I really appreciate your advice, and I think you're extremely insightful. I know I'm always suggesting potential careers to you, but I think you'd make a great psychologist.

                          I agree with you about people evolving and hence there not being soul mates. There was one guy who I was sure was my romantic soul mate, but then we both changed, and it turned out we were / had always been, wrong for each other. I think a better way of describing it might be what I said to Ombat above. Getting in touch with your true essence might be the way forward.

                          And yes, I know I needed to be single for this period of my life, cos' I was such a mess before. I wouldn't have been able to share with another person. It just gets hard sometimes, not knowing when you will be ready, or how much longer you have to wait... I can bare it for the most part, and things are getting better now that I have my ED (and energy...? touch wood!) under control and I'm actually enjoying my life

                          Ha, the sexy yoga man is someone I dated before! He's super good-looking, but not a very genuine person so things could only go so far.

                          Originally posted by serenity View Post
                          Hey YB! Glad to hear that your relationship with food is continuously improving!

                          Regarding the relationship thing--I think most people feel the way you do when they're single (myself included). But you're such a beautiful and kind person that I'm 100% certain that you will meet someone! (Okay, so I've never seen a picture of your face, but I'm sure that you are beautiful!) Do what you love and be who you are and that person will find you (or you will find them, you will find each other).

                          Hey, at least you're not stuck in a relationship that could never work and don't know how to get out of it so that you can find one that could work.

                          As for soulmates, I believe that there are multiple people in the world who could be your soulmate. The trick is to (a) meet them and (b) meet them at the right time. Timing is so important, IMO. You could meet the perfect person, but if it's not the right time, then it's just not going to work out.

                          I'm the same age as you, but most of the time I still think that I'm in my 20s. (I wonder if that's how people always feel--I've read about people in their 50s who still feel like they're in their 20s...so they feel like a 20-year-old trapped in the body of a 50-year-old. That's kinda scary.) But, really, 31 isn't that old. We still have time.
                          Thanks Serenity I've actually always felt older than I was! Since I was a child I felt really old. Now I'm getting younger mentally, which is nice... I was too serious in the past.

                          I wonder if it is timing... if they were the perfect person, then surely it would work? There have been times when things didn't work out between me and a particular person, and at the time I thought it was timing, but in hindsight I could see that we simply weren't right for e/o.

                          What's come from this stream of thought is a realisation that "magnetism" is a better way of thinking of it all.
                          Last edited by YogaBare; 09-26-2013, 10:53 AM.
                          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                          - Ray Peat

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by YogaBare

                            Thanks Serenity I've actually always felt older than I was! Since I was a child I felt really old. Now I'm getting younger mentally, which is nice... I was too serious in the past.

                            I wonder if it is timing... if they were the perfect person, then surely it would work? There have been times when things didn't work out between me and a particular person, and at the time I thought it was timing, but in hindsight I could see that we simply weren't right for e/o.

                            What's come from this stream of thought is a realisation that "magnetism" is a better way of thinking of it all.
                            Hah! Yeah, I used to feel older too when I was younger, but when I got older, it flipped at some point, and now I feel younger. It's weird.

                            So I believe that I have dated guys (definitely one, possibly two) who were perfect (as perfect as is possible in this imperfect world). They were definitely soul mates. One of them was for sure--we were together for quite some time, and the other one--we weren't together for that long so I'm not as certain. But, both times, I was not ready for a serious relationship. The first one, I was very young when we started dating (18), and it was essentially my first serious relationship. I had no idea how to handle a relationship at that point, and because I had a multitude of psychological issues, we ended up breaking up in order to save our friendship. I have no doubt that, had we met/started dating at a later time--basically, after I had become more mature, had more relationship experience, and resolved some of my psych issues--that it would have worked out.

                            The other one happened a few years later. I was I think 23 at the time. I was again not ready. And the circumstances made it difficult for me to give him/us a fair chance. I would have had to move to a different state to be with him, and I just was not able to make that kind of commitment at that point in my life.

                            I don't know, I feel that the timing was messed up both times.

                            I do believe in soulmates though. I think people do change/evolve, but a core essence of who we are remains the same.

                            My journal

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by serenity View Post
                              Hah! Yeah, I used to feel older too when I was younger, but when I got older, it flipped at some point, and now I feel younger. It's weird.

                              So I believe that I have dated guys (definitely one, possibly two) who were perfect (as perfect as is possible in this imperfect world). They were definitely soul mates. One of them was for sure--we were together for quite some time, and the other one--we weren't together for that long so I'm not as certain. But, both times, I was not ready for a serious relationship. The first one, I was very young when we started dating (18), and it was essentially my first serious relationship. I had no idea how to handle a relationship at that point, and because I had a multitude of psychological issues, we ended up breaking up in order to save our friendship. I have no doubt that, had we met/started dating at a later time--basically, after I had become more mature, had more relationship experience, and resolved some of my psych issues--that it would have worked out.

                              The other one happened a few years later. I was I think 23 at the time. I was again not ready. And the circumstances made it difficult for me to give him/us a fair chance. I would have had to move to a different state to be with him, and I just was not able to make that kind of commitment at that point in my life.

                              I don't know, I feel that the timing was messed up both times.
                              I think it comes from losing psychological baggage and feeling more free. I'm glad I was serious for all those years, and I wouldn't change the experiences I had because they gave me depth and sensitivity. Likewise, I'm happy that I lightened up, cos now I have the best of both worlds

                              Interesting. But there's no one from my past that I would dream of going out with now... even though I've had amazing connections. In the past I've regretted breaking up with people, and blamed myself for messing things up, but then I would meet them years later, and realise that I'd been idealising them. But that's just me...

                              I do believe in soulmates though. I think people do change/evolve, but a core essence of who we are remains the same.
                              I totally agree with that. I think the "soul mate" is the person that you can be the most of yourself with.
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

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                              • Originally posted by YB
                                I've actually always felt older than I was! Since I was a child I felt really old. Now I'm getting younger mentally, which is nice... I was too serious in the past.
                                @ You and Serenity, I feel exactly the same. I was always that "old soul" little girl that all the adults were fascinated with and now I feel like a reckless partier. Though, those I spend the most time with are still at least 15 years older than I.

                                Serenity, I understand about not being "ready". I could have potentially had a wonderful relationship with someone I'm still very close to, but I had been so psychologically fucked up from a recent fling that it would have ended in disaster. I think it's all about knowing yourself and I'm glad that I knew myself enough to keep him away so that it didn't happen.
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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