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  • To do any of it. Most likely that is your biggest hurdle and a lot of times you cant do it with food/stress alone.

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    • <sigh>.

      In the interim, here's some funny shit: 25 Photos You Need To Really Look At To Understand (I like number 4 )

      These are even better: 11 Engagement Photos That Will Make You Happy Youre Single

      Last edited by YogaBare; 09-26-2013, 11:09 AM.
      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

      - Ray Peat

      Comment


      • Those photos concern me. The first one reminds me of this:



        Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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        • Originally posted by ombat View Post
          Those photos concern me. The first one reminds me of this:



          HA! Nice.

          I really liked the midget bridesmaids, the girl with the crazy-hairy arms, and the little man on the chick's back. And number four, but I would probably be banned for posting it
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • Raising Body Temp
            Entry Eleven

            Writing early today cos' I'm so exhausted I want to go to bed... (it's 8pm).

            Sleep:
            I actually can't remember... 12.30am - 7.15am maybe?

            Temperature:
            Woke up at 36.5C, have been around that all day.

            Body:
            - Skin is still really dry
            - Getting another cyst on my eyebrow!
            - A lot of sugar cravings again today. I ate five bananas! The last one was in coconut milk with added sugar... Mmmm

            Energy and mood:
            Honestly, I'm exhausted again. I can't blame this experiment though... chronic fatigue is a staple of my life. Some days I feel good, but most of the time I'm operating below par.

            Mood-wise... I've been aware for the last month that something is changing. I'm feeling more accepting and happier, but last night something new crystallized.

            I'm getting angry.

            Anger is an unusual emotion for me. I tend to avoid conflict / repress my feelings until they become depression / blame myself for everything and feel I don't deserve good things / turn anger into self hatred.

            But (and please don't judge me for this) lately, I have lashed out at several of my friends. Well, not lashed out exactly, but "sent a message". Most recently last night. I was having a drink with my one of my best mates, and I ended up telling her about the "Eating a Ton" experiment. She is one of the few people who knows about my ED, but I never told her the extent of it. I told her everything - even mentioned all my peeps on MDA who have helped me so much! - but she didn't say a word, then she suddenly went to the loo, and when she came back, she suggested we leave.

            I couldn't believe it. I saw red. I was blind with fury. I said good bye and stormed off. She texted me after about 10 mins asking me if I was mad, but I didn't reply.

            Two thoughts were going through my head: 1) "I'm so heavy, it's not fair to tell other people about my issues, I'm burdening them, I should keep it all to myself, I should just be fun all the time, no one will love me if I keep sharing this stuff, they don't get me", and 2) "FUCK her. Fuck THAT. I don't NEED this shit. I'm fine ALONE".

            Two perfectly rational streams of consciousness, ha

            But the reality was that I felt rejected. I had just poured my heart out to someone, and it had barely registered. It hurt.

            People can be careless with each other. In the past I would take it, even if it hurt. I believed I was "too sensitive" and that my emotions weren't valid. But over the last six weeks a part of me has emerged that says that I am perfect just the way I am. My sensitivity is me, for better and worse, and I deserve to be loved and respected for it.

            Part of this means that I don't need to "explain" myself to people anymore. If someone fucks me off, I don't need to clarify the intricacies of my inner world or "talk things through". I don't need to make myself vulnerable to people just so we can have a friendship. I'm prepared to let these friendships go.

            My friend last night was direct with me, so I replied to her this morning and explained why she pissed me off and that I'm not sure who I'm supposed to talk to about these things if I can't talk to her. I'm not used to being direct with people, so I wasn't sure how she was going to take it, but she was really sorry and I appreciated that. We're cool.

            If I care about someone, I love them and will do anything for them. But I realise now I'm not just existing for other people. I'm not saying that I want to dump my shit on people all the time - that's not fair, but I'm not floating in superficial relationships anymore; just being who the person wants me to be. They have to take all of me.

            This entry has become a manifesto..!
            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

            - Ray Peat

            Comment


            • Wow, sounds to me as though you're going through a huge psychological shift. Welcome to the world of anger I live here a lot.

              Anger is a response I think, and it's better to respond rather than to react. Sounds as though you did the former. It's great to let your friend know that you're angry with her and it's great to consider why you're angry exactly and what it means about your friendship.

              I deal with a lot of anger, I grew up in a rage filled environment and breaking the generational patterns is the test of my life. What isn't helpful for me is directing my anger internally, the consequences are never beneficial. It's better to rage at the world and be a bit of a nutter for a while that to direct it inwards.

              Isn't it interesting that your ED recovery is manifesting physically and emotionally (and spiritually?)

              Comment


              • If your friend didn't know how to respond, it would have been the courteous thing to do to just come out and say, "Hey look, I'm really sorry you're going through this etc. but I don't know what to say," rather than try to get out of saying anything at all. Because then you just feel kind of like an idiot for pouring your guts out and not getting a response. That's frustrating, I'm sorry.

                I'm glad you told her why you were feeling the way you were. Not always, but most of the anger we direct at others is actually anger we have with ourselves. So I'll have to disagree with VW in that I don't really see a difference between obviously outward vs inwardly directed rage. I don't think either are healthy and that they're just manifestations of some fear that you need to deal with. In your case, you might have been afraid of the implications that your friend, the person you feel comfortable opening up to, didn't care about or was rejecting you in some way. I could be off base here, I'm not in your head, but that's just what I'm getting.

                If you continue to be honest with the people around you, like you were with your friend this morning, I think your anger will fade. Being an ass kicking, take-no-BS independent person and rage aren't mutually inclusive, contrary to popular belief :P

                P.S. Re: burdening other people with your issues, I feel the same way. Recently I've been opening up more but I keep most things to myself and am careful not to be negative too often. Tbh though, I think it's mostly because I think I don't need anyone else's help and that talking about things without getting any real advice (which is usually the case with friends) isn't practical (I know, what kind of female am I??). But then everything builds up and I end up oversharing.. Like I do here, on MDA Anyway, I think the key is to find mutual relationships rather than parasitic ones and you're definitely onto that. You do not need to exist just for anyone else's else's benefit!

                xo
                Last edited by ombat; 04-24-2013, 05:07 PM.
                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

                Comment


                • I don't have anything wise to contribute, but just wanted to say I "hear" you Hugs.

                  On fatigue, I'm surprised by all the fatigue you've been writing about. I'd had the impression that you had good energy with all the walking and yoga. Do you think this is coming from following Steve's work? It seems like you started writing about it around the same time... My head is fuzzy though, ignore me if I'm totally off.
                  PaleoMom's Diet Recovery Journal
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82059.html

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by ombat View Post
                    If your friend didn't know how to respond, it would have been the courteous thing to do to just come out and say, "Hey look, I'm really sorry you're going through this etc. but I don't know what to say," rather than try to get out of saying anything at all. Because then you just feel kind of like an idiot for pouring your guts out and not getting a response. That's frustrating, I'm sorry.

                    I'm glad you told her why you were feeling the way you were. Not always, but most of the anger we direct at others is actually anger we have with ourselves. So I'll have to disagree with VW in that I don't really see a difference between obviously outward vs inwardly directed rage. I don't think either are healthy and that they're just manifestations of some fear that you need to deal with. In your case, you might have been afraid of the implications that your friend, the person you feel comfortable opening up to, didn't care about or was rejecting you in some way. I could be off base here, I'm not in your head, but that's just what I'm getting.

                    If you continue to be honest with the people around you, like you were with your friend this morning, I think your anger will fade. Being an ass kicking, take-no-BS independent person and rage aren't mutually inclusive, contrary to popular belief :P

                    P.S. Re: burdening other people with your issues, I feel the same way. Recently I've been opening up more but I keep most things to myself and am careful not to be negative too often. Tbh though, I think it's mostly because I think I don't need anyone else's help and that talking about things without getting any real advice (which is usually the case with friends) isn't practical (I know, what kind of female am I??). But then everything builds up and I end up oversharing.. Like I do here, on MDA Anyway, I think the key is to find mutual relationships rather than parasitic ones and you're definitely onto that. You do not need to exist just for anyone else's else's benefit!

                    xo
                    Hey Emma

                    No, you're on the money. I'm the kind of person who doubts the validity of their own emotions, and tortures themselves by seeing things from all perspectives. It's left me privy to a lot of bullying, sexual harassment, abusive friendships etc. In the last eight years I thought I had broken the pattern, but during my yoga training my teacher was harassing me (true story), and it was only at the very end that I realised that it had happened, again.

                    When I've attempted to break this tendency, and "not take shit" from people, I've generally fallen into a self pitying mode, which is also not helpful.

                    I think what's different now is that I'm actually feeling angry, instead of reacting out of self pity. The anger is being birthed from a place of self respect. That place says: "Whatever. No man is an island, but I already have a lot of bridges. I give a lot to my relationships: I make people laugh, and I make them feel loved. I'm not asking for the world in return: all I want is that I can be bare." I'm so used to giving more than getting, and being who the other person wants me to be, that the concept of being open and receiving is really hard for me. But that's where the self respect comes in. And I think you're right that the anger will dissipate (as the self-belief grows).

                    I use to think that walking away was an immature response, but I'm finding it extremely empowering and it's changed people's behaviour towards me better than explaining myself ever did. I'm seeing now that walking away gives the other person space to feel if they want my friendship or not. There is that fear of rejection implicit in it, but I know deep down that I will be okay.

                    I'm glad that you're sharing on MDA! In a weird way, I think that this forum is a transitional place between the inside of my head, and the real world. It gives thoughts 'life', support and space to grow, before they are implemented in reality. Seems to be making things a lot clearer. Seems like you're having that experience too?

                    Originally posted by PaleoMom View Post
                    I don't have anything wise to contribute, but just wanted to say I "hear" you Hugs.

                    On fatigue, I'm surprised by all the fatigue you've been writing about. I'd had the impression that you had good energy with all the walking and yoga. Do you think this is coming from following Steve's work? It seems like you started writing about it around the same time... My head is fuzzy though, ignore me if I'm totally off.
                    Thanks PM

                    HOnestly, the fatigue is nothing new. I go through phases where I feel great, and then I crash. This hasn't been a crash as such (apart from today - I feel like shit) but definitely a mark down in energy. So I can't really blame the temperature thing: I was about to and then realised that I went through the same thing when I started "eating a ton". It's part of my pattern.

                    I really dream of a day when I can have all the energy to do all the things I want to do.
                    Last edited by YogaBare; 09-26-2013, 11:12 AM.
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by YogaBare

                      I really dream of a day when I can have all the energy to do all the things I want to do.
                      Me too! I just hope my whole life hasn't passed me by before that happens. My dad has crazy amounts of energy, if we didn't look so much alike, I'd swear we weren't related. I think the biggest reason I've fallen into the OCD/orthorexia trap is trying to find a cure for my fatigue when doctors are so useless.
                      PaleoMom's Diet Recovery Journal
                      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82059.html

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by PaleoMom View Post
                        Me too! I just hope my whole life hasn't passed me by before that happens.

                        I think the biggest reason I've fallen into the OCD/orthorexia trap is trying to find a cure for my fatigue when doctors are so useless.
                        Oh dear lord, +1.

                        How long have you experienced fatigue PM?
                        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                        - Ray Peat

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by VacillateWildly View Post
                          Wow, sounds to me as though you're going through a huge psychological shift. Welcome to the world of anger I live here a lot.

                          Anger is a response I think, and it's better to respond rather than to react. Sounds as though you did the former. It's great to let your friend know that you're angry with her and it's great to consider why you're angry exactly and what it means about your friendship.

                          I deal with a lot of anger, I grew up in a rage filled environment and breaking the generational patterns is the test of my life. What isn't helpful for me is directing my anger internally, the consequences are never beneficial. It's better to rage at the world and be a bit of a nutter for a while that to direct it inwards.

                          Isn't it interesting that your ED recovery is manifesting physically and emotionally (and spiritually?)
                          Hey Vac, The reason I always turned it inwards was cos' I also grew up in a violent envionment where the slightest thing would incur my mum's verbal and physical wrath. I came to believe that anger was not an appropriate response because We all hated my mum, so anger = hatred in my little head.

                          I see some people who get angry all the time (my housemate) and they vent at everyone around them, and while they seem in a healthier position than me I don't know if they actually are...

                          Thanks for the encouragement. Right now I feel like I've been hit by a bus so I don't know where the recovery is...
                          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                          - Ray Peat

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                            Oh dear lord, +1.

                            How long have you experienced fatigue PM?
                            My whole life, even as a young child. Around 19/20 though it took on a new level of interference in my life, then around 25/26 when my kids came I was bedridden/zombie-like.
                            PaleoMom's Diet Recovery Journal
                            http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82059.html

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by PaleoMom View Post
                              My whole life, even as a young child. Around 19/20 though it took on a new level of interference in my life, then around 25/26 when my kids came I was bedridden/zombie-like.
                              That sounds quite like me (though without the kids ) I just can't help but wonder where it all started to go wrong.

                              I hope you don't mind me asking, but did you experience any major trauma in your childhood?
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

                              Comment


                              • Totally get it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and tend not to take things personally but there are people who will take advantage of that. There comes a point where some things you just don't have to put up with or have in your life and I don't think there is anything wrong with walking away from them. It doesn't show cowardess or immaturity; just the opposite. It shows that you know what you do or don't deserve and that you're willing to cut those things out of your life when they are a hindrance to you and your well being. This is the self respect of which you speak. You see your own qualities for what they are and I think that if you have any sort of self awareness (which many people don't, by the way) it's pretty easy to see what it is you truly deserve, continue to be a deserving person, and have the wherewithal to cut out the rest.
                                Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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