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  • I think heart attacks give pain in the left arm.

    Is there any chance that when he withdraws he is somewhat testing to see if you will initiate something/ follow? I wonder if he may be feeling insecure and wondering if he feels stronger for you than you feel for him and wants to know if you care enough to chase him a bit and show that you need to spend time with him?

    Sorry if that is way off, it is so hard to really tell without real life observations
    PaleoMom's Diet Recovery Journal
    http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82059.html

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    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      I don't know if men do this while they're deciding if they want to commit or not?

      He just wrote me a super wishy-washy email (after not hearing from him for two days); not asking me to do anything at the weekend. Do I need to let him go? Not break up with him, but somehow let him know he's free to leave? Or should I be patient? Honestly, I can't handle much more of this withdrawing: it would be easier for me to let him go, because just being patient I feel like I'm awaiting sentencing...
      Mine withdraws when there's a lot on his mind, or if he's particularly stressed. I know it now, but for the first few times I would get seriously stressed out myself and think he was wanting to break up with me. Now it's just annoying but entirely predictable. I'd bring it up with him and flat out ask why he does this.

      I'm patient because things are already well established, and for what is out of his control and mine. You're hurting yourself by holding back/waiting/not getting "closure" (sorry, lack of a better word atm) -- I would almost go with "letting him go" with your caveat. Show him he's free, but possibly also show you're not depending on him? For both him and you.

      My mind became free when I stopped worrying about not being with him, and just enjoyed making MY life happy for myself. Different circumstances, but maybe you could make that fit yours.

      Things that are worthwhile aren't always easy. (but sometimes they are ) As always, you just have to go with your gut to know which ones are worth your struggles.

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      • Yogabare, have you ever read men are from mars, women are from Venus? It has a lot of rather large generalisations but some of the ideas are interesting. There's a chapter in there on the need men have to withdraw. He describes it in terms of a rubber band theory - gets close then feels the need for alone time and independence then comes back even stronger and doesn't feel the need to explain because in his eyes it's all alright! You sound like you're on the right track with dealing with it.

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        • (((((((Hugs for the road)))))))

          Thanks for all you've shared, I'll miss you
          PaleoMom's Diet Recovery Journal
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread82059.html

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          • Good luck YB! (Glad you two talked it out!)

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            • Glad to have shared the trip with you. Safe travels.
              I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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              • Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
                Wishing you many more wonderful things with all of your future endeavors.
                (((((((<3)))))))

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