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  • Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post
    I loved this post. Not much to add because I agree with all of your revelation. Glad you saw just in time what it was (control issue on both sides).

    Control is such a big issue for me too. I don't fall for anyone because I don't want to let my emotions take reign of my brain....
    I'm glad it resonated Maybe I should send YG the link? haha

    I feel you, and I dont think you're alone in that. Many people block their feelings until they feel safe, and often they misjudge what is "safe" and this blocks them up even more...

    Originally posted by diene View Post
    This is some great insight. I think it may be a good idea for you to take a step back and take things more slowly. But a relationship is a two-way street, and perhaps the two of you can find a way to help each other overcome your respective problems. Again, I agree that you should talk about it with him...

    In general, I think that if issues can't be resolved through communication, then the relationship may not work out long term. But I have a good feeling about YG, and I think there's a good chance that you guys will be able to talk through it.

    That is hard. I hope you're feeling better now.

    This past weekend was really bad for me too. I was feeling really depressed. Pretty sure I haven't felt that bad in years. It's not the acute sadness from the breakup/move, but more like a general sense of depresssion that used to be the norm for me. I'm afraid of relapse too.

    Well, what works for me is to work out really hard. If all I can think about is cranking out the next rep, then I'm not thinking about the meaning of life. And that really helps. It gives my mind a break, shuts up the chatter. And then later on I can deal with all of it better. Not sure if it would work for you though.

    Also, I don't think you sound pathetic at all. No part of your journal sounds pathetic. Only really judgmental people would feel compelled to judge you. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to write about one's feelings honestly. And there is strength and beauty in that kind of honesty. If anything, it's admirable.
    Thanks for the support Di. It was great chatting with you on FB the other night and you gave me the insight then that I should be direct with YG.

    I'm really sorry you were feeling so sad! I do not think you're relapsing - I think you're going through a really tough time and it's natural to feel blue. You'd be a robot if you could leave a five year relationship/life and feel fine about it.

    I was pretty depressed today... Amongst other things I feel really frustrated with my career (long story) and it wasnt helped by the fact that no students came to my yoga class But then I had a pretty good afternoon and I feel better. And weirdly, just spending the evening writing in my online journal with my online friends makes me feel pretty good I still cannot get over how much this journal helps me process stuff.

    Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
    My parents and grandparents consistently got after me for "worrying." If I talked about anything other than idle chatter, I was worrying. I learned to bottle it up. I eventually found friends that were willing to talk other than hype and chatter, that were willing to talk over the deep (and sometimes/ a lot of times dark) stuff running through my/ our heads. I found a husband willing and able to bounce back and forth on the two with me.
    I was well trained to put forward a happy, personable face, and disregard what I thought or felt. It screwed me up pretty bad. I think too many folks our age were trained that way.
    I can't say slipping into anxiety or depression now and again are "regression." Even with all my forward movement in those departments, I still will have my down moments/ days. Those are my cue to sit/ feel/ think and analyze, figure out what I'm not acknowledging that needs to come forward. There are days where all I want is to curl up n the couch and cry my brains out. I make myself do whatever is on the docket for that day, and then I let myself do it. Usually, that lets out whatever demon is plaguing me.
    Re: pathetic- no, you aren't. It takes a certain bravery to face your past and your demons, and a larger still dose to do it online. I respect you for that. You've faced down demons I couldn't imagine even looking in the eye. I applaud and admire you for that.
    Aw thank you Naia. I really appreciate you saying all that, and I'm really glad to have your presence in this journal

    Isnt it crazy how damaging those childhood remarks are? "girls dont get angry", "boys dont cry"... cue a Western world of neurotic women and repressed men. It's sad.

    And thanks - it's inspiring to hear you and Nameless talk about how you still get bad days and that these are "reflection" periods. I know the depression is more or less gone, but it alarms me that the echoes of despair can resonate so quickly...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

    Comment


    • On that note of boys vs. girls with repression, Hulky and I had an interesting convo about this recently. I haven't really thought about before how damaging it can be to boys to be told not to express themselves, or that they can only express themselves in certain ways. It's not any worse or better than it is for girls, just different. You can/can't be like this/that. Everyone struggles to fit into their norms.

      In regards to your revelation post: What you wrote seems like a good thing to discuss with YG (can't tell if you did..?). I guess I am more bold now with my relationship defining discussions with Hulky since a) we got married and b) he is a very blunt & honest person so he appreciates the same back at him. I tend to repress myself out of fear that I've found that it's better to be angry and speak irrationally than to say nothing at all. That said, you obviously need to find out what "style" works for you and YG. I recently had to give up the idea of control for my marriage... It was very unpleasant. I realized I was being really selfish.

      It's funny that you mention the top knot. I am imagining Hulky with his hair like that and some scruff and it is HOT, but neither of us would be able to deal with the months (year+ more like) of letting his hair grow out . He just shaved his face this week and I am enjoying not fighting through his mustache/beard to his lips.
      Depression Lies

      Comment


      • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
        And thanks - it's inspiring to hear you and Nameless talk about how you still get bad days and that these are "reflection" periods. I know the depression is more or less gone, but it alarms me that the echoes of despair can resonate so quickly...
        Yeah, it never really stops surprising me!
        Depression Lies

        Comment


        • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
          In regards to your revelation post: What you wrote seems like a good thing to discuss with YG (can't tell if you did..?). I guess I am more bold now with my relationship defining discussions with Hulky since a) we got married and b) he is a very blunt & honest person so he appreciates the same back at him. I tend to repress myself out of fear that I've found that it's better to be angry and speak irrationally than to say nothing at all. That said, you obviously need to find out what "style" works for you and YG. I recently had to give up the idea of control for my marriage... It was very unpleasant. I realized I was being really selfish.

          It's funny that you mention the top knot. I am imagining Hulky with his hair like that and some scruff and it is HOT, but neither of us would be able to deal with the months (year+ more like) of letting his hair grow out . He just shaved his face this week and I am enjoying not fighting through his mustache/beard to his lips.
          How did you feel you were being selfish? If it's any consolation, most people are extremely selfish when it comes to love...
          Last edited by YogaBare; 12-22-2013, 05:50 AM.
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • Hulky doesn't look in mirrors much so he's pretty open to having his hair/facial hair anyway I want. Though he did have a mohawk for a bit a few years ago. That was fun. He had to style that himself because I didn't want to hurt him. He got really good at it, but I don't think either of us want to deal with the upkeep again . I still miss mine sometimes.

            I was being selfish because I was wanting a lot from him and not really giving him anything in return. This article kind of explains what I'm talking about Marriage Isn’t For You | Seth Adam Smith. Maintaining a loving & supportive relationship isn't easy and I was waiting for something to change without realizing that I had to do that. Nothing was particularly bad, but I wasn't being very supportive of Hulky in some ways and hadn't realized it. I started being a passive aggressive jerk about something on Friday, he fought with me to get me to calm down enough to actually tell him what was bothering me. He laid it out for me, I felt awful and cried (because that's how I respond to stress), got really depressed for a night, and then started to try and fix things. Things are better right now and I just hope I can keep it up. My fears of regression are tied up in a fear of losing him. I'm afraid that if I mess up, there won't be any way to make up for it because it's not just affecting me.
            Depression Lies

            Comment


            • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
              It's interesting that you say that, because I had a realisation earlier that this is part of my pattern in relationships. I walk on egg shells because I think the guy is withdrawing and I dont want to "scare him off", and then I reach complete exasperation and break up with him. The only reason I've had a five year relationship is because the guy literally wouldnt take accept any break-up attempts

              It's easier for me to break up with someone and be alone than to express how I feel.

              I actually wrote you a huge repsonse and then I realised that I didnt want to dump it all on you, so it's below for whoever to respond to
              Haha I wouldn't mind but I don't have much to add, it sounded solid to me! And definitely something you should consider approaching with him. It seems like both of you are 'sensing' things and not sure how to respond to each other.

              Maybe with something as simple as, "You may have noticed the last few weeks that [insert something here]" or "I was having a bit of a hard time earlier, and I'm fine now, but you deserve to know why..."

              I'm still my own work in progress, a few weeks ago I went back to almost walking on eggshells, and then remembered that's not the way I should be doing things. Habits are hard to break!

              Comment


              • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                Hulky doesn't look in mirrors much so he's pretty open to having his hair/facial hair anyway I want. Though he did have a mohawk for a bit a few years ago. That was fun. He had to style that himself because I didn't want to hurt him. He got really good at it, but I don't think either of us want to deal with the upkeep again . I still miss mine sometimes.

                I was being selfish because I was wanting a lot from him and not really giving him anything in return. This article kind of explains what I'm talking about Marriage Isn’t For You | Seth Adam Smith. Maintaining a loving & supportive relationship isn't easy and I was waiting for something to change without realizing that I had to do that. Nothing was particularly bad, but I wasn't being very supportive of Hulky in some ways and hadn't realized it. I started being a passive aggressive jerk about something on Friday, he fought with me to get me to calm down enough to actually tell him what was bothering me. He laid it out for me, I felt awful and cried (because that's how I respond to stress), got really depressed for a night, and then started to try and fix things. Things are better right now and I just hope I can keep it up. My fears of regression are tied up in a fear of losing him. I'm afraid that if I mess up, there won't be any way to make up for it because it's not just affecting me.
                I liiiike facial hair... stubble is seriously hot

                I think the fear that a partner is going to leave is as the core of many relationships, and the sooner you toss it, the better the relationship gets. I probably cant compare my relationship to anything, because it's still so new, but I know that what fucked up my relationships in the past was this fear of abandonment. From the moment I got together with YG that fear resurfaced. But the difference this time is that I now value myself as a worthy person, so when I thought of reasons he might leave me... there werent any. (It helps as well that he makes me feel like the most beautiful and interesting woman he's ever met ) But still the fear was there.

                Then I stared it down. I realised that I didnt want to be in a relationship where I was trapping someone into loving me. I kind of let go, and in my head gave him the freedom to leave whenever he wants. I really believe that "of you set a bird free, and it comes back to you, it was always yours to keep". I tried to do that at teh start with the "open relationship" status, but I realised that setting someone free is sometimes just setting them free in your head. Not behaving in a way that you think will help you keep them. Holding the relationship lightly.

                It's easier said than done, and that's what I want to talk to YG about. I want him to feel free, and I want him to be able to tell me if I ever slip up and start trying to cage him. Likewise, I want to be able to tell him if I feel he's trying to control me emotionally. Doing those things doesnt make us bad people... it just makes us people

                Originally posted by Nivanthe View Post
                Haha I wouldn't mind but I don't have much to add, it sounded solid to me! And definitely something you should consider approaching with him. It seems like both of you are 'sensing' things and not sure how to respond to each other.

                Maybe with something as simple as, "You may have noticed the last few weeks that [insert something here]" or "I was having a bit of a hard time earlier, and I'm fine now, but you deserve to know why..."

                I'm still my own work in progress, a few weeks ago I went back to almost walking on eggshells, and then remembered that's not the way I should be doing things. Habits are hard to break!
                I hear you... My post above to Nameless might have some pertinence for you too. I'm still not sure how I'll bring things up, but I'll keep you posted on how things go
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • Thursday, 7th Nov

                  I've been ignoring my gut health for the last two months, but it's time to admit... my gut is a mess

                  It's been particularly bad for the last week... really bloated, and havent been able to poop. I dont know if it's from stress, or from eating too many dates, but I'm realising how much my gut affects my energy levels. I've been sleeping a lot this last week, and I havent had teh energy or will to exercise. (Apart from walking, I haven't done anything since last Thursday. Maybe I needed a week off...)

                  Anyway, I just bought a load of juice (orange, cherry, grape, cranberry). I'll have mostly liquid meals for the next few days.

                  Just came back from lunch with YG. After all my wondering about how I was going to talk about my feelings, it happened easily. I told him I'd realised I'd been mega-stressed for the last while, and that a lot of it had been due to opening up to a new person, and learning to trust again. He said he was really glad that I have. He admitted that he's found it stressful too, but that the stress was overshadowed by how great it's been.

                  And that was it. It was so easy!

                  Now that I think of it: all our "deep" conversations have happened whilst walking down the street... It gives them less weight, which is good. I'm just going to express my feelings from now on - it's so nice to be bare like that, and I realise now that it doesnt have to be heavy. I can bring up anything, if it's done in the right way. I guess the trick is to resolve it first in your own head, so you're not bringing it up as an issue you need to discuss.

                  In other news, it's my birthday on Monday, and I havent mentioned it to him. I have a hang up about birthdays and bfs. I dont want him to feel pressure to do something with me, or get me a gift, when he may not feel ready. I think gestures of love should be natural and spontaneous; not attributed to particular dates or events.
                  Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013, 09:23 AM.
                  "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                  In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                  - Ray Peat

                  Comment


                  • This is possibly the worst my gut has ever been. 90% bloat... and it hurts No idea what I should eat tonight.



                    Also, havent taken my morning heart rate lately, but on a daily basis I can feel it's increased A LOT. Right now I'm just sitting around browsing tinternet and it's 75bmp. There was a stage where it was 58...
                    Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013, 11:57 AM.
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • Ouch! Do what you gotta to get that poop out Can you get cascara sagrada? I think that's a Peat recommended thing. I haven't tried it myself because I'm under the impression that it's the same thing as senna (in a lot of those constipation-relief teas) and that gives me bad stomach cramps.

                      I'm sure you will feel better once things get moving again!
                      Depression Lies

                      Comment


                      • I've been a little bloated and not as regular this week too. The bloat doesn't bother me as much as feeling "heavy" does. I'm not eating any meat today, just dairy (milk + cottage cheese), sugar and fruit in hope it will alleviate the situation.
                        Do prunes ever work for you?

                        I'm glad you had an easy and productive talk with YG today.

                        Easy and simple should be my middle names....oh wait, never mind

                        Comment


                        • Thanks guys

                          Nameless, I havent tried it. Derp keeps telling me to, but I have IBS-CD, and I'm afraid taking it will just push me in the other direction.

                          Gray, prunes have the opposite effect on me!! My gut cant tolerate a lot of fibre. I'm pretty sure I'm in this mess because of all the dates I've been eating ;-(

                          Don't know if it's related, but for the first time in MONTHS, I was craving junk food yesterday.

                          In other news, I just read this crazy article about sugar: Pouring granulated sugar on wounds 'can heal them faster than antibiotics' | Mail Online
                          Last edited by YogaBare; 11-07-2013, 02:40 PM.
                          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                          - Ray Peat

                          Comment


                          • Well, I doubt it's going to trigger an avalanche of poop. Just the one time, maybe :-p. Right now, just focus on immediate relief. You don't have to keep taking it, just get things going.
                            Depression Lies

                            Comment


                            • Hi! I just came across your journal and obviously I did not read all the pages yet but I wanted to ask you about your binging issues. Did you find Peat helpful in this respect. I have been dealing horrible PMS binges. I have been eating LC for over a year and starting to think that LC might be making me more prone to binging. Whatever I lose first half of my cycle with LC I gain it back during PMS. I can't stop binging on carbs. It makes me feel really bad. Thanks for suggestions you may have!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by moon7 View Post
                                Hi! I just came across your journal and obviously I did not read all the pages yet but I wanted to ask you about your binging issues. Did you find Peat helpful in this respect. I have been dealing horrible PMS binges. I have been eating LC for over a year and starting to think that LC might be making me more prone to binging. Whatever I lose first half of my cycle with LC I gain it back during PMS. I can't stop binging on carbs. It makes me feel really bad. Thanks for suggestions you may have!
                                Hey Moon Glad you dropped in!

                                Peat has helped hugely with BED. My recovery period was quite protracted because I had such a long habit of binging (13 years) and a lot of body hate issues. I spent three months allowing myself to eat as much real food as I wanted, and that helped with the psychological issues, but I was still getting cravings and overeating frequently.

                                Then I started on Peat and allowed myself to eat fruit, sugar and dairy (which is what I mostly wanted and craved). In the past I forced myself to eat what I believed to be healthy, but as soon as I started listened to my body, the cravings ended, and teh the binging completely disappeared.

                                It makes me sad to read so many people struggling with low carb and binging because I know the solution is so simple... just eat carbs. Not refined junk obviously - but fruit, honey, maple syrup, white sugar are all pure energy. Dairy is magic too, if you can tolerate it. Dark chocolate is also good. Some people go for ice cream, but I limit it.

                                How long have you been binging for?
                                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                                - Ray Peat

                                Comment

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