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  • I have to confess... I've been having pretty depressed thoughts. I don't know when they started: they crept in gradually enough that I didn't notice. Until today I found myself thinking about the meaninglessness of life, and how there was no point to anything.

    Even though last week I was on a love high, I've been exhausted since Friday... YG wanted to go out for dinner on Saturday night but I couldnt budge. I havent had the energy to work out since Thursday, and today I was pretty redundant work-wise. My head was pounding so badly that I had to do a headstand for 15 mins.

    And this time it's not diet, it's not hormones. It's purely stress and my inability to cope with it. The only way I am capable of coping is by shutting myself off from life... breaking up with people, not seeing people. I dont really want to break up with YG but I dont know if I can cope with the anxiety any more.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

    Comment


    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      I have to confess... I've been having pretty depressed thoughts. I don't know when they started: they crept in gradually enough that I didn't notice. Until today I found myself thinking about the meaninglessness of life, and how there was no point to anything.

      Even though last week I was on a love high, I've been exhausted since Friday... YG wanted to go out for dinner on Saturday night but I couldnt budge. I havent had the energy to work out since Thursday, and today I was pretty redundant work-wise. My head was pounding so badly that I had to do a headstand for 15 mins.

      And this time it's not diet, it's not hormones. It's purely stress and my inability to cope with it. The only way I am capable of coping is by shutting myself off from life... breaking up with people, not seeing people. I dont really want to break up with YG but I dont know if I can cope with the anxiety any more.
      Did you read Mark's recent blog post on reacting to stress? I don't know if it would help you, but I hope it does.
      The Champagne of Beards

      Comment


      • I poked in for the article about protecting your kids- it's a good one.

        But while I'm here . . . Something I'm working on right now is being myself. Always. I'm still mostly failing (people-pleasing does nothing but fuck you up in your own head) but I have met a few people where I made myself say "fuck it- love it or leave it, I don't care. I'm being me." I've mostly gotten really good responses. Like, better than when I'm trying to people-please. The reason I'm mentioning that is maybe that's something you can do with YG. Your romantic relationship may or may not survive it, but if it doesn't, that's probably for the best, anyway, right?

        One more thought- don't make too many big decisions if you're dealing with depression. Withdraw, introvert, whatever you need to do to get back on track, but try not to base decisions on mental processes that you know aren't really yours.
        http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

        Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

        And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

        Comment


        • Originally posted by RichMahogany View Post
          Did you read Mark's recent blog post on reacting to stress? I don't know if it would help you, but I hope it does.
          Thanks Rich... I appreciate that. Reading it now

          Btw, this just popped up on my FB feed.. and I thought of you Fancy - Ron Burgundy Minifig by miniBIGS

          Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
          I poked in for the article about protecting your kids- it's a good one.

          But while I'm here . . . Something I'm working on right now is being myself. Always. I'm still mostly failing (people-pleasing does nothing but fuck you up in your own head) but I have met a few people where I made myself say "fuck it- love it or leave it, I don't care. I'm being me." I've mostly gotten really good responses. Like, better than when I'm trying to people-please. The reason I'm mentioning that is maybe that's something you can do with YG. Your romantic relationship may or may not survive it, but if it doesn't, that's probably for the best, anyway, right?

          One more thought- don't make too many big decisions if you're dealing with depression. Withdraw, introvert, whatever you need to do to get back on track, but try not to base decisions on mental processes that you know aren't really yours.
          Hey drssgchic, thanks for stopping in You're completely right. In my case I let fear dominate me and shape my interactions with men I am romantically involved with. On the surface there's nothing wrong, but on a subliminal level they can feel it as I begin to self-censor my personality. Thanks so much for the insight.

          Last edited by YogaBare; 11-05-2013, 02:47 AM.
          "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

          In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

          - Ray Peat

          Comment


          • I've finally stopped thinking of bad days/weeks/period as regression... It took a long time. There is still the somewhat reflexive, "This again? When will I ever get better?!!" whenever I have a brain crash of any kind (anxiety, depression, or both), but now I know it's part of the process. A true regression would mean never improving, but you know you've improved in the past and that means you can do it again. I don't believe in allowing myself the choice to give up. No matter how much I need to wallow, I know I will eventually drag myself out of it.
            Depression Lies

            Comment


            • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
              I'm repressing my personality and trying not to rock the boat, because I've gotten caught up in this idea of what a relationship should be, but it's not what I really want.
              Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
              But while I'm here . . . Something I'm working on right now is being myself. Always. I'm still mostly failing (people-pleasing does nothing but fuck you up in your own head) but I have met a few people where I made myself say "fuck it- love it or leave it, I don't care. I'm being me." I've mostly gotten really good responses.
              I have the same success with my BF now that I am being more myself, and have reacquired my backbone Other friend-relationships as well, but the BF most notably.

              We were going through some bad times and close-to-breakups earlier this year, so I just said what was on my mind without fear of making him upset or saying something that would cause him to speed up the breakup with me; instead, I got the complete opposite response and it ended up helping out immensely.

              Bonus: It is me being me, not me being who I think he wants me to be. The real me is what got him interested, after all.
              Last edited by Nivanthe; 11-05-2013, 08:36 AM.

              Comment


              • I like the quote you've posted. It has this Real Truth feel to it.

                As for withdrawal to cope with stress, I find it a completely human reaction. Despite being a social animal, solitude is a great healer too. I hope you can take some quiet meditative time to get through the turbulent period.
                My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
                When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                  I've finally stopped thinking of bad days/weeks/period as regression... It took a long time. There is still the somewhat reflexive, "This again? When will I ever get better?!!" whenever I have a brain crash of any kind (anxiety, depression, or both), but now I know it's part of the process. A true regression would mean never improving, but you know you've improved in the past and that means you can do it again. I don't believe in allowing myself the choice to give up. No matter how much I need to wallow, I know I will eventually drag myself out of it.
                  You're right... And when I think of where I am now even compared to two months ago, the improvement is huge. I'm no longer afraid of regressing back to where I was last year. My crashes are much less frequent. I dont have an ED anymore. Even dealing with anxiety is progress because I didnt feel it before under all the depression. THe list goes on.

                  Part of what makes this hard is writing all this stuff so publicly... thinking about who might be judging me / thinking I'm pathetic. But writing it publicly is also what makes me get clarity, and move on.

                  Thanks for your support... as always <3

                  Originally posted by Nivanthe View Post
                  I have the same success with my BF now that I am being more myself, and have reacquired my backbone Other friend-relationships as well, but the BF most notably.

                  We were going through some bad times and close-to-breakups earlier this year, so I just said what was on my mind without fear of making him upset or saying something that would cause him to speed up the breakup with me; instead, I got the complete opposite response and it ended up helping out immensely.

                  Bonus: It is me being me, not me being who I think he wants me to be. The real me is what got him interested, after all.
                  Thanks Nivanthe... that is really good to hear. Did you have difficulty in the past for being judged for who you were?

                  This is all making me realise that I still have a big hang up about being judged for being "deep" when I was younger. Female friends used to tell me to stop being "heavy" if I wanted to talk about anything other than gossip or clothes. And I always ended up in relationships with men who would dismiss my reflections. YG is actually the only guy I've ever been with with whom I can talk about life. There's other parts of myself which I hold back from most people (and completely hold back from the forum) and I need to be able to share with my partner, but I'm afraid (and also have no idea how to bring them up...)

                  Originally posted by Leida View Post
                  I like the quote you've posted. It has this Real Truth feel to it.

                  As for withdrawal to cope with stress, I find it a completely human reaction. Despite being a social animal, solitude is a great healer too. I hope you can take some quiet meditative time to get through the turbulent period.
                  Aw Leida, thank you. Your kind words really touched my heart. I appreciate them.

                  And yes, the quote is pertinent for me today too.
                  "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                  In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                  - Ray Peat

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                    Thanks Nivanthe... that is really good to hear. Did you have difficulty in the past for being judged for who you were?
                    Hm, not with other people... I've always been fine with being myself. In the case of my BF it just evolved into walking on eggshells due to some of the difficulties of being long distance for so long. I didn't want to say or do anything that would create waves.

                    Details aside, it degraded earlier this year to the point where i *wanted* to break it off with him because it was probably best, and so I was just saying things (that I'd had on my mind for quite some time) point blank which took him extremely off guard. He hadn't expected me to approach the topic with the strength that I was showing -- he expected basically a ball of emotion and tears.

                    We met up again and it had been the best visit so far. Since then i've been "myself" again, and saying what's on my mind, not sugarcoating anything, and it's working out for me, and him.

                    Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                    This is all making me realise that I still have a big hang up about being judged for being "deep" when I was younger. Female friends used to tell me to stop being "heavy" if I wanted to talk about anything other than gossip or clothes. And I always ended up in relationships with men who would dismiss my reflections. YG is actually the only guy I've ever been with with whom I can talk about life. There's other parts of myself which I hold back from most people (and completely hold back from the forum) and I need to be able to share with my partner, but I'm afraid (and also have no idea how to bring them up...)
                    I started to tack this on to your first question, but it fits better here. I'm a "quality vs quantity" type of person when it comes to friends. (Not saying whether you are too or not, just speaking generally!)

                    I had a more complicated childhood and upbringing than most I have met personally, so there are some that I just don't mesh well with, and instead prefer people with more... substance and maturity. That's one of the many things I love about my BF, he has also had difficulties and so he "gets it." The few other close friends I have I can also talk to about deeper things and I don't get blown off.

                    If YG is easier to talk to, and he hasn't dismissed your thoughts previously, then maybe it's just past experiences that are holding you back from talking to him about those things. If you need to talk about [it], I'd go for it... that's part of what a partner is there for! Plus it will get those worries off of your chest. It might be what's weighing you down lately?

                    Comment


                    • Hi Yoga, I've been a little quiet lately, but wanted to try and send some good vibes your way.

                      You're right... And when I think of where I am now even compared to two months ago, the improvement is huge. I'm no longer afraid of regressing back to where I was last year. My crashes are much less frequent. I dont have an ED anymore. Even dealing with anxiety is progress because I didnt feel it before under all the depression. THe list goes on.
                      That's just huge! Acknowledging what you've overcome is also a great thing, as so often people take good things for granted. A good analogy would be for instance, when we have dealt with long term illness or pain, and after we've been healed we hardly notice the lack of pain anymore. So, yeah, you have quite a few things to be happy about.

                      Part of what makes this hard is writing all this stuff so publicly... thinking about who might be judging me / thinking I'm pathetic. But writing it publicly is also what makes me get clarity, and move on.
                      I understand that. I sometimes write personal things, and then for a while feel like I've put myself "out there, on the spot". What are people going to think of me etc, but at the end of the day I find it: a) helpful and b) I really don't care what people would think of me. I'm just being myself and being honest with myself. I'd rather do that then be a fake liar, so I can please people.

                      As to your relationship and the anxiety, I don't know if I could offer much insightful input. Bear in mind that I haven't been in a new relationship in quite some time.

                      The thing is that every time we get involved with someone intimately, depending on the intensity of that relationship and the personalities of the people involved in it, we give up a little bit (or more than a little bit) of who we are, and our independence. I suppose I'm not really that romantic type of a person, so I don't believe that two people make one whole entity, or IOW two halves of a whole. IDK, maybe such analogy exists somewhere, for some, it just hasn't been my reality.

                      I think it's up to you how much, if any of who you are you are willing to compromise. I understand the spontaneous reaction -- you building a wall around yourself. I think it's common for people who have been single and independent for a long time to be doing that. The reasons for that could be many, fear of losing ourselves and our true identity, fear of possibly making a mistake, uncertainty about the future....
                      There are just too many fears and what ifs, but at the end of the day we humans are sociable creatures and no matter what we tell ourselves we are wired to seek other people.

                      I think you should just be yourself and be direct and even blunt when communicating. If it turns out that YG doesn't like or accept that, then so be it. Walking on eggshells as you put it doesn't look like the better alternative to me.

                      I'm sure you'll figure things out soon. In the meantime you have many things to be thankful for and they should greatly offset any anxiety.

                      All the best <3
                      Last edited by Graycat; 11-05-2013, 02:22 PM.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                        After an anxiety-filled day, I have come to a conclusion.

                        I know the kind of relationship I want, but in reality, I'm not ready for it.

                        I lose myself in relationships... (my own fault), and I'm letting it happen again with YG. I'm losing sight of what I wanted to begin with; I'm repressing my personality and trying not to rock the boat, because I've gotten caught up in this idea of what a relationship should be, but it's not what I really want. I dont want the label; I dont want the companionship. If I'm to be in a relationship with someone it's because I want open and honest communication that fosters personal growth. The way I'm behaving right now is contrary to that goal.

                        He pushed for us to see each other more, but I dont think we were ready for it. It's like prematurely trying to force a label on something...

                        I would be very sad if he wasnt in my life any more, because I do really care about him, but I need to take a step back again. There's no point in me continuing this way. I need to be able to communicate with him openly - like we did when we were friends, but I feel blocked by both of our expectations and projections.

                        Normally having these kind of feelings I would break up with the guy (blame him), but I see what's happening this time. I'm not strong enough in myself to be in a relationship without losing sight of who I am.

                        I have a feeling that he is actually on the same page, and I think if we can talk about this it might pave the way for a more honest relationship. This one is exhausting me too much... it cant be right.
                        This is some great insight. I think it may be a good idea for you to take a step back and take things more slowly. But a relationship is a two-way street, and perhaps the two of you can find a way to help each other overcome your respective problems. Again, I agree that you should talk about it with him...

                        In general, I think that if issues can't be resolved through communication, then the relationship may not work out long term. But I have a good feeling about YG, and I think there's a good chance that you guys will be able to talk through it.

                        Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                        I have to confess... I've been having pretty depressed thoughts. I don't know when they started: they crept in gradually enough that I didn't notice. Until today I found myself thinking about the meaninglessness of life, and how there was no point to anything.

                        Even though last week I was on a love high, I've been exhausted since Friday... YG wanted to go out for dinner on Saturday night but I couldnt budge. I havent had the energy to work out since Thursday, and today I was pretty redundant work-wise. My head was pounding so badly that I had to do a headstand for 15 mins.

                        And this time it's not diet, it's not hormones. It's purely stress and my inability to cope with it. The only way I am capable of coping is by shutting myself off from life... breaking up with people, not seeing people. I dont really want to break up with YG but I dont know if I can cope with the anxiety any more.
                        That is hard. I hope you're feeling better now.

                        This past weekend was really bad for me too. I was feeling really depressed. Pretty sure I haven't felt that bad in years. It's not the acute sadness from the breakup/move, but more like a general sense of depresssion that used to be the norm for me. I'm afraid of relapse too.

                        Well, what works for me is to work out really hard. If all I can think about is cranking out the next rep, then I'm not thinking about the meaning of life. And that really helps. It gives my mind a break, shuts up the chatter. And then later on I can deal with all of it better. Not sure if it would work for you though.

                        Also, I don't think you sound pathetic at all. No part of your journal sounds pathetic. Only really judgmental people would feel compelled to judge you. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to write about one's feelings honestly. And there is strength and beauty in that kind of honesty. If anything, it's admirable.

                        My journal

                        Comment


                        • My parents and grandparents consistently got after me for "worrying." If I talked about anything other than idle chatter, I was worrying. I learned to bottle it up. I eventually found friends that were willing to talk other than hype and chatter, that were willing to talk over the deep (and sometimes/ a lot of times dark) stuff running through my/ our heads. I found a husband willing and able to bounce back and forth on the two with me.
                          I was well trained to put forward a happy, personable face, and disregard what I thought or felt. It screwed me up pretty bad. I think too many folks our age were trained that way.
                          I can't say slipping into anxiety or depression now and again are "regression." Even with all my forward movement in those departments, I still will have my down moments/ days. Those are my cue to sit/ feel/ think and analyze, figure out what I'm not acknowledging that needs to come forward. There are days where all I want is to curl up n the couch and cry my brains out. I make myself do whatever is on the docket for that day, and then I let myself do it. Usually, that lets out whatever demon is plaguing me.
                          Re: pathetic- no, you aren't. It takes a certain bravery to face your past and your demons, and a larger still dose to do it online. I respect you for that. You've faced down demons I couldn't imagine even looking in the eye. I applaud and admire you for that.
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                          My Latest Journal

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Nivanthe View Post
                            Hm, not with other people... I've always been fine with being myself. In the case of my BF it just evolved into walking on eggshells due to some of the difficulties of being long distance for so long. I didn't want to say or do anything that would create waves.

                            Details aside, it degraded earlier this year to the point where i *wanted* to break it off with him because it was probably best, and so I was just saying things (that I'd had on my mind for quite some time) point blank which took him extremely off guard. He hadn't expected me to approach the topic with the strength that I was showing -- he expected basically a ball of emotion and tears.

                            We met up again and it had been the best visit so far. Since then i've been "myself" again, and saying what's on my mind, not sugarcoating anything, and it's working out for me, and him.
                            It's interesting that you say that, because I had a realisation earlier that this is part of my pattern in relationships. I walk on egg shells because I think the guy is withdrawing and I dont want to "scare him off", and then I reach complete exasperation and break up with him. The only reason I've had a five year relationship is because the guy literally wouldnt take accept any break-up attempts

                            It's easier for me to break up with someone and be alone than to express how I feel.

                            Originally posted by Nivanthe View Post
                            The few other close friends I have I can also talk to about deeper things and I don't get blown off.
                            I am blessed because I have a lot of friends I can have real heart-to-heart conversations with.

                            But relationships are a different matter...

                            I actually wrote you a huge repsonse and then I realised that I didnt want to dump it all on you, so it's below for whoever to respond to


                            Originally posted by Graycat View Post
                            Hi Yoga, I've been a little quiet lately, but wanted to try and send some good vibes your way.


                            That's just huge! Acknowledging what you've overcome is also a great thing, as so often people take good things for granted. A good analogy would be for instance, when we have dealt with long term illness or pain, and after we've been healed we hardly notice the lack of pain anymore. So, yeah, you have quite a few things to be happy about.


                            I understand that. I sometimes write personal things, and then for a while feel like I've put myself "out there, on the spot". What are people going to think of me etc, but at the end of the day I find it: a) helpful and b) I really don't care what people would think of me. I'm just being myself and being honest with myself. I'd rather do that then be a fake liar, so I can please people.

                            As to your relationship and the anxiety, I don't know if I could offer much insightful input. Bear in mind that I haven't been in a new relationship in quite some time.

                            The thing is that every time we get involved with someone intimately, depending on the intensity of that relationship and the personalities of the people involved in it, we give up a little bit (or more than a little bit) of who we are, and our independence. I suppose I'm not really that romantic type of a person, so I don't believe that two people make one whole entity, or IOW two halves of a whole. IDK, maybe such analogy exists somewhere, for some, it just hasn't been my reality.

                            I think it's up to you how much, if any of who you are you are willing to compromise. I understand the spontaneous reaction -- you building a wall around yourself. I think it's common for people who have been single and independent for a long time to be doing that. The reasons for that could be many, fear of losing ourselves and our true identity, fear of possibly making a mistake, uncertainty about the future....
                            There are just too many fears and what ifs, but at the end of the day we humans are sociable creatures and no matter what we tell ourselves we are wired to seek other people.

                            I think you should just be yourself and be direct and even blunt when communicating. If it turns out that YG doesn't like or accept that, then so be it. Walking on eggshells as you put it doesn't look like the better alternative to me.

                            I'm sure you'll figure things out soon. In the meantime you have many things to be thankful for and they should greatly offset any anxiety.

                            All the best <3
                            Aw Gray, I blab so much on here, and you are so supportive - I really dont expect you to always chime in. I completely appreciate it when you do, but I must get so boring. At least my issues evolve - I can say that about myself I do feel like I'm making progress all the time.

                            Me losing my identity is more to do with "people pleasing" than anything else. I dont believe in an amorphous union with another person - I had that before, and this time I want my own life, shared with someone. The independence thing isnt an issue so far, but I hope that the compromises in my future are about small things...

                            I appreciate you always <3
                            Last edited by YogaBare; 11-05-2013, 04:11 PM.
                            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                            - Ray Peat

                            Comment


                            • Any readers who are better at "open and direct communication" please chime in

                              When it comes to relationships there's this idea ingrained into women that they shouldnt talk about the relationship to the man because he'll get "scared off".

                              But it feel really wrong to me not to talk about the relationship and how it makes us feel. It's such a huge thing - why deny it? Are you supposed to give this impresssion that you dont need to talk about anything and it's all a walk in the park? From everything I've observed and been told over the last few weeks - falling in love is bitter-sweet, and for both parties it's a mix of agony and ecstasy. (Though I honestly dont remember it being like this before).

                              Example: YG told me that it made him very paranoid when I didnt want to see him more often than twice a week - but he didnt tell me that at the time. Instead he tortured himself over-thinking everything, until finally he snapped and withdrew from me and I had to guess what was going on. It would have been so much easier if we'd just talked about how things were going, and whether we were happy.

                              What I really want to talk to him about is power and control struggles in the relationship. Not an easy topic.

                              I didnt realise it, but up til now I had all the "power" and "control". (I didnt perceive it like this because I was a nervous wreck). He would withdraw occasionally, but in defence I would withdraw even more, and he'd come running back to me. Then he suddenly pulled back... A LOT. I suspected what the issue was (he felt out of control with the pace of the relationship / wanted to see me more) and gave him space.

                              When he came back we decided to see more of each other. And things have been good... except that the withdrawal freaked the shit out of me, and I spent last week seeing him at the drop-of-a-hat, and being hyper-vigilent not to say or do anything that would suffocate him.

                              This is putting me into a mental state of "lack" - so subliminally, it's reinforcing the feeling that I want something from him.

                              His behaviour towards me has changed - a little: he is being slightly more flippant, more casual. He's not being an asshole - today he's actually being really sweet. It's just that he feels confident and in control now.

                              Problem is that when this happened in the past (it always happened like this), I would keep being a walk-over until the guy actually started mistreating me, then I would snap and break up with them. So, when I saw the beginnings of this behaviour, I started to imagine ending it.

                              But then I realised that breaking up with someone is actually just me trying to get control back... To use the beautufl Leonard Cohen quote: "All I ever learned from love, was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you".

                              To break the pattern I needed to give up the idea of control.

                              So I gave up the fear that he's going to dump me. I released it, and I released him. I want him to be free. If he's trying to feel in control it's because he feels controlled / out of control. If he wants to walk away, he can - I want him to be with me because he wants to be with me, not because I'm repressing myself.

                              I just want him to know that I dont want either of us to feel trapped by this relationship because then it will just become like every other relationship we've been in, and if that's the case he may as well go out with someone who wants him to have "a career", and I may as well go out with an atheist (no offence to any atheist readers. I've just dated too many.. and it never works out )

                              In other news, today my dreams came true and YG wore his hair in a top knot... swoon I'm a lucky woman.
                              Last edited by YogaBare; 11-05-2013, 04:25 PM.
                              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                              - Ray Peat

                              Comment


                              • I loved this post. Not much to add because I agree with all of your revelation. Glad you saw just in time what it was (control issue on both sides).

                                Control is such a big issue for me too. I don't fall for anyone because I don't want to let my emotions take reign of my brain....




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                                HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

                                My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


                                Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

                                " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

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