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  • Just woke up face-down on my bed with my contact lenses still in. I think writing about all this exhausted me to the point of coma

    Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
    Time difference means I'm very late to this. A few thoughts...sorry for the bullet point nature, but I'm at work and want to get something down before I have to stop...
    *hugs, hugs, hugs*
    Talk to YG. Take it little by little and give *him* time to process each puzzle piece as well as time for you to place them in the correct spot.
    Sexy times don't have to equal penetration. Ever, if need be. Also, taking things sllloooooowwwwwwllllllyyyyy allows both of you to learn each other - we're all special snowflakes when it comes to what we like.
    *hugs, hugs, hugs* What happened to you was awful and in no way your fault and you are not damaged goods.
    Orgasms. Get easier with practice. I too have to think intense thoughts to get me there no matter what my partner is doing...I'm a total pillow princess with my eyes tightly shut and my brow furrowed.
    Thank you so much Badger... ❀

    Do you mean I should tell him things little by little?

    I know I'm not "damaged goods" necessarily, but at the same time someone who gets involved with me is not getting a normal, balanced person. I know, I know... who is balanced and normal? I can't shake this idea that I need to be perfect or no one will want me.

    Is it weird that I think of foreplay as juvenile? I'm 31 years old, and he's younger than me (28), I feel like foreplay is for teenagers who are not ready for sex. Lol, which is practically me (except for the age). It just seems like when you get to a certain age it's all or nothing... plus I think of oral sex as equally intimate to full sex...

    Originally posted by girlhk View Post
    hey yogabare,

    It seems like you don't feel ready to be intimate w/ yogaguy, and that's okay, even if a few months of dating seem like a long time already. If you guys aren't at the point where you are comfortable to share your past, then maybe the trust isn't there yet, any pressure to have sex is never pleasant. Trust takes time and it's different for everyone, yourself at this point in your life, who the guy is, where he is in his life, etc..

    It may be that you need a guy who can handle more emotional depth than usual (not saying yogaguy can't), but there's nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be able to be there for you. The pool of available guys may be a lot smaller with this 'requirement'.. otherwise, you'd just have to settle or find support outside the relationship.

    Does yogaguy have any clue at all how deep this runs for you? Some of your physical symptoms may stem from this internal conflicts/stress that's going on. It may affect how you interact with him, and he in turn doesn't know what's going on but sense you're different.... sometimes it's all really subtle...

    Anyway, hugs and hope you feel better..
    Thanks Girlhk ✡ (you can see I'm looking for alternatives to "<3". It's finally gotten old )

    In a physical sense I desire him and want the sexual intimacy, but on an emotional level I'm not ready at all. Your message really hit home to me: you're right: I deserve a partner who can cope with something like this; otherwise I'm settling. I need someone with the emotional depth to process this, and who cares enough about me to take my hand. You've made me realise that needing someone to be understanding is not the same as expecting them to "fix me". Thank you!!!

    He's quite sensitive, so I think he knows something is up. When we first started seeing each other I told him I took a long break from dating, and when we talked last weekend about my needing to take things slowly he could see what a struggle it was for me to say the words, and he was concerned about me, and about his reaction to me telling him. So thinking about it, it probably wouldn't be a huge shock to him. Even though he seems to think I'm pretty 'together'.

    Originally posted by spk View Post
    Have you considered asking him to talk more specifically about his sexual past, get a sense of what he might be able to "handle" if you choose to share details w/ him?
    He's the opposite to me when it comes to relationships. He's had a lot of girlfriends, and doesn't have an issue with getting involved with people. He's quite open and naturally trusting, and he likes women. He's the typical kind of "relationship guy" / serial monogamist. He's also kind of a healer-guy: he told me things about ex-girlfriends / female friends having BED, and mentioned one or two exes that he helped work through some issues. Is that the kind of stuff you mean?

    Originally posted by spk View Post
    ^ I have to say this is really, really pertinent. ^ Have you ever listed the 5 or so descriptives of what she did/does that anger you and see if there are any similarities to the people you've dated? Just curious if you see any overlap.
    She was controlling, manipulative, violent, rejecting, self-sacrificing (in a selfish way). I've tended to go for guys who are the opposite: neglectful, weak, selfish. I've had a major fear of being trapped and controlled.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 10-03-2013, 04:36 PM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

    Comment


    • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      Thank you so much Badger... ❀

      Do you mean I should tell him things little by little?
      I think that little by little or with enough time for the conversation to have breathing room. I think (hope) he will be okay with whatever you choose to tell him, but it is heavy stuff and his first reaction might not be the best one/one he would have liked to have given had he had time to think through his response. I can see the value in prefacing any conversation with sth like 'I have some things that I want to and need to say to you about stuff that happened a long time ago, but that is ripplingly through me now in ways I'm uncomfortable with. Some of this stuff might be difficult for you to hear, some of it you might have figured out already. I would like you to - hold me (or not - whatever you feel you would like him to do)/rub my back/ not look at my eyes - while I share this and - can you hold your questions for a while please. I'll understand if you need some thinking time before you respond.'

      Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      I know I'm not "damaged goods" necessarily, but at the same time someone who gets involved with me is not getting a normal, balanced person. I know, I know... who is balanced and normal? I can't shake this idea that I need to be perfect or no one will want me.
      Ah... You got me. I too have had the 'not normal' fears. I've yet to meet a normal, balanced person though... so I think most of us end up with the abnormal and the unbalanced for a life partner. Perhaps the trick is to find the *right* abnormal and the *right* unbalanced to be your counterweight on this seesaw that we call life (also someone willing to give you bumps on the seat)

      Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      Is it weird that I think of foreplay as juvenile? I'm 31 years old, and he's younger than me (28), I feel like foreplay is for teenagers who are not ready for sex. Lol, which is practically me (except for the age). It just seems like when you get to a certain age it's all or nothing... plus I think of oral sex as equally intimate to full sex...
      Not weird, totally normal. Also, really reductive and a reflection of our hetero-normative patriarchal culture. *Boo-hiss* to the hetero-normative patriarchal culture. Try: talking about what you'd like to try together; Kim's game for grown ups - a tray of things (feather, plush fur, velvet, silk, phial of oil (whatever you want!) take it in turns to choose something and use it to touch the other person's skin; husband loves having his hair (on his head, natch) played with... there are plenty of ways to be intensely intimate that don't involve the same old, same old.

      GOOD LUCK and *HUGE HUGS*
      I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

      Comment


      • I can't get off without foreplay, foreplay = most of sex for me. You do whatever works for you though.
        Depression Lies

        Comment


        • I personally think foreplay is good sometimes. I like variety. Sometimes tender and slow, some times 5 mins of wildness.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free
          ------
          HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

          My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


          Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

          " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

          Comment


          • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post


            In a physical sense I desire him and want the sexual intimacy, but on an emotional level I'm not ready at all. Your message really hit home to me: you're right: I deserve a partner who can cope with something like this; otherwise I'm settling. I need someone with the emotional depth to process this, and who cares enough about me to take my hand. You've made me realise that needing someone to be understanding is not the same as expecting them to "fix me". Thank you!!!

            He's quite sensitive, so I think he knows something is up. When we first started seeing each other I told him I took a long break from dating, and when we talked last weekend about my needing to take things slowly he could see what a struggle it was for me to say the words, and he was concerned about me, and about his reaction to me telling him. So thinking about it, it probably wouldn't be a huge shock to him. Even though he seems to think I'm pretty 'together'.
            I don't think anyone can 'fix' us... maybe I am cynical, but I believe my issues have to be worked out on my own, and my partner is just support. My husband knows nothing about my emotional issues in the past. I never bothered to tell him because I wanted to get over those issues and not be defined by them. It's a choice I made and not everyone agrees with me. For awhile, most of my emotional support came from outside the relationship, from other women.

            I had a few boyfriends before my husband to whom I opened up to, but for some reason, I always felt disappointed.. not because they weren't supportive but because I had expectations that weren't met.. although what those expectations were I couldn't say. I dated this one guy whom at that time I was really in love with (lol, I laugh at my silliness back then), I just always felt because of my issues I wasn't good enough for him, and why would any guy want to deal with me. My low self-esteem killed the relationship eventually.

            I would give the relationship more time to see where it goes. Society makes us have all these expectations, but what matters is just you two.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
              I think that little by little or with enough time for the conversation to have breathing room. I think (hope) he will be okay with whatever you choose to tell him, but it is heavy stuff and his first reaction might not be the best one/one he would have liked to have given had he had time to think through his response. I can see the value in prefacing any conversation with sth like 'I have some things that I want to and need to say to you about stuff that happened a long time ago, but that is ripplingly through me now in ways I'm uncomfortable with. Some of this stuff might be difficult for you to hear, some of it you might have figured out already. I would like you to - hold me (or not - whatever you feel you would like him to do)/rub my back/ not look at my eyes - while I share this and - can you hold your questions for a while please. I'll understand if you need some thinking time before you respond.
              I think this is great advice - thank you! Possibly a mistake I made in the past was telling the guy at the wrong time, and telling him the heaviest thing first. I don't feel the need to do that this time: I think the best option is to first tell him that it's been a while since I had sex, and see where it goes from there.

              Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
              I can't get off without foreplay, foreplay = most of sex for me. You do whatever works for you though.
              Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post
              I personally think foreplay is good sometimes. I like variety. Sometimes tender and slow, some times 5 mins of wildness.
              I'm not disagreeing about foreplay before sex: what I mean is that I find it weird to do all those intimate things without it leading to sex. I don't know if I could just get raunchy with him without having sex... I'd feel like a teenager. Is that weird?!

              Originally posted by girlhk View Post
              I don't think anyone can 'fix' us... maybe I am cynical, but I believe my issues have to be worked out on my own, and my partner is just support. My husband knows nothing about my emotional issues in the past. I never bothered to tell him because I wanted to get over those issues and not be defined by them. It's a choice I made and not everyone agrees with me. For awhile, most of my emotional support came from outside the relationship, from other women.

              I had a few boyfriends before my husband to whom I opened up to, but for some reason, I always felt disappointed.. not because they weren't supportive but because I had expectations that weren't met.. although what those expectations were I couldn't say. I dated this one guy whom at that time I was really in love with (lol, I laugh at my silliness back then), I just always felt because of my issues I wasn't good enough for him, and why would any guy want to deal with me. My low self-esteem killed the relationship eventually.

              I would give the relationship more time to see where it goes. Society makes us have all these expectations, but what matters is just you two.
              I really, really relate to this. I was an idiot in the past: I kept looking for a guy to "fix" me and in the end I always felt let down because only I knew what I needed to heal. Then I went to the other extreme and tried to do it by myself, but what I'm realising through this discussion is that asking a guy to hold your hand isn't the same as jumping on his back when he's trying to cross the river
              "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

              In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

              - Ray Peat

              Comment


              • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                I'm not disagreeing about foreplay before sex: what I mean is that I find it weird to do all those intimate things without it leading to sex. I don't know if I could just get raunchy with him without having sex... I'd feel like a teenager. Is that weird?!
                Oooh I see. Well, even when I tell Hulky I don't feel like having sex, if we fool around, we almost always end up having sex . So definitely don't even both if you think you'll have impulse control problems! haha. I can understand why it seems silly, but if you think it will be helpful in making you feel more comfortable, I think it's worth talking to him about. Take it at whatever pace you need, even if you revert a little
                Depression Lies

                Comment


                • Just going to place this down gently here...

                  http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3823983

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                    Oooh I see. Well, even when I tell Hulky I don't feel like having sex, if we fool around, we almost always end up having sex . So definitely don't even both if you think you'll have impulse control problems! haha. I can understand why it seems silly, but if you think it will be helpful in making you feel more comfortable, I think it's worth talking to him about. Take it at whatever pace you need, even if you revert a little
                    Thanks.

                    I think I'm going to invite him to stay over on Wednesday night. We're going to a film with a bunch of my friends, and it's close to my house. He's actually stayed over once before but I was plastered drunk and it was more to make sure I didn't die in my sleep

                    If I ask him in advance then I can bring up that I'm still not ready to have sex, but if he wants to stay over I'd like him to. I think it would be really nice to bridge the transition that way...

                    Originally posted by moluv View Post
                    Some early evening reading for me Thank you <3

                    Friday, 4th Oct

                    The first part of today was shitty. Then I napped in the afternoon and when I woke up, "it" was gone. I feel normal again. Oh, except that I gained an insane amount of weight over the last three days

                    As grateful as I am that I have more good days than bad days, this was two big crashes in one week, which hasn't happened to me since last June. The last three months I got an energy crash with every period, which was a big improvement. I'm hoping that the last ten days have been a case of "moving backwards to move forwards". I had a longer cycle this month, so maybe it had something to do with this.

                    I know some of you disregard the idea that hormones rule the mind and emotions but.... I believe that this is hormonal: there was no reason for me to have such a melt-down. According to menstrual tracking I've just come out of "winter" into "spring".

                    It could be that the trauma of the past was surfacing, but I think that the hormonal flux actually forced me to look within; not the other way around. But then again, it doesn't really matter. What matter is that in the darkness I looked within myself, and decided I was ready to move on.

                    I've said before that this journal on MDA is magic. I input things I want / want to change, and somehow... it happens. So we'll see what the next few weeks bring



                    Some other stuff:

                    - I went up a bra-cup size in the last week..!
                    - I've been on Raw Thyroid for a few weeks. Not noticing much of an effect anymore. Maybe I need to up the dosage?
                    - Recently I've been sleeping every day until 9am. I struggle to get to sleep, but once I do, I'm out. I've been sleeping with a mask on, maybe this is why.
                    Last edited by YogaBare; 10-05-2013, 10:43 AM.
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • I would get cynoplus, honestly. cut the dosages into 1/6

                      read this too if you continue with raw thyroid:

                      NutriPakNaturalThyroidHowTo.pdf - By Nitro PDF Software
                      Make America Great Again

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
                        I would get cynoplus, honestly. cut the dosages into 1/6

                        read this too if you continue with raw thyroid:

                        NutriPakNaturalThyroidHowTo.pdf - By Nitro PDF Software
                        What would be the advantage of taking cynoplus over raw thyroid? It's stronger?

                        That's an excellent article - thank you!

                        Turquoise, if you're reading, this might be relevant to you:

                        Most patients who are hypothyroid have a daytime oral temperature of less than 98.6 degrees F and a
                        resting pulse lower than 75-85. A few patients have an abnormally high pulse due to excess adrenalin, the body's way to compensate for sluggish thyroid function. All hypothyroid people have from 10% to 40% excess adrenalin. The higher the adrenalin, the slower you must increase your dosage of thyroid.
                        Why? Thyroid will make the tissues more sensitive to adrenaline and some patients feel hyper at the
                        beginning due to increasing tissue sensitivity to adrenalin. But, as the tissues become more sensitive to adrenaline, less will be produced and hyperactivity will disappear. That's why you should heed my advice to increase slowly. It takes several weeks OR months to calm the adrenal glands
                        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                        - Ray Peat

                        Comment


                        • because if you stopped noticing any benefit this fast, the product may not be good, depending on manufacturing techniques. it's all trial and error whereas cynoplus is a guarantee. how much are you taking, and how much at once?

                          even two different grains in the same bottle can vary with desiccated thyroid, or two bottles from the same brand.
                          Make America Great Again

                          Comment


                          • Bahh. I don't know anymore. I guess I should take my body temp. I never have characterized myself as hypo since I can eat a ton and eat very little basically be at around the same body weight. But it is possible. I am just so tired of worrying about what to eat when i should be focused on the patent bar and school.

                            Why can't I just find something and coast (minus going to the gym regularly), I don't know.

                            Just messaged you. be prepared for the length.






                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free
                            ------
                            HCLF: lean red meat, eggs, low-fat dairy, bone broth/gelatin, fruits, seafood, liver, small amount of starch (oatmeal, white rice, potatoes, carrots), small amount of saturated fat (butter/ghee/coconut/dark chocolate/cheese).

                            My Journal: gelatin experiments, vanity pictures, law school rants, recipe links


                            Food blog: GELATIN and BONE BROTH recipes

                            " The best things in life are free and the 2nd best are expensive!" - Coco Chanel

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by YogaBare View Post

                              I'm not disagreeing about foreplay before sex: what I mean is that I find it weird to do all those intimate things without it leading to sex. I don't know if I could just get raunchy with him without having sex... I'd feel like a teenager. Is that weird?!
                              I don't think that's weird at all. I totally understand.

                              Originally posted by YogaBare
                              Thanks

                              I think I'm going to invite him to stay over on Wednesday night. We're going to a film with a bunch of my friends, and it's close to my house. He's actually stayed over once before but I was plastered drunk and it was more to make sure I didn't die in my sleep

                              If I ask him in advance then I can bring up that I'm still not ready to have sex, but if he wants to stay over I'd like him to. I think it would be really nice to bridge the transition that way...
                              I think this is a good idea. And how nice of him to stay with you to make sure that you didn't die!

                              My journal

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
                                because if you stopped noticing any benefit this fast, the product may not be good, depending on manufacturing techniques. it's all trial and error whereas cynoplus is a guarantee. how much are you taking, and how much at once?

                                even two different grains in the same bottle can vary with desiccated thyroid, or two bottles from the same brand.
                                I don't feel anything after taking it anymore, but may be benefiting me... it's hard to tell because I'm doing so many things. I did have a longer cycle this month (with added mania ), and my sleep is deeper, and longer the last week.

                                I take one whole tab right before bed time. My pulse went up initially (from 60 to 75) then it dropped to 57!! (Peat said that was stress hormones lowering), now it's in the 70's. Temp has stayed consistent...

                                Originally posted by turquoisepassion View Post
                                Bahh. I don't know anymore. I guess I should take my body temp. I never have characterized myself as hypo since I can eat a ton and eat very little basically be at around the same body weight. But it is possible. I am just so tired of worrying about what to eat when i should be focused on the patent bar and school.

                                Why can't I just find something and coast (minus going to the gym regularly), I don't know.
                                What kind of food do you like to eat? I think this is actually the key to healthy weight management... eating what satiates you!


                                Originally posted by diene View Post
                                I don't think that's weird at all. I totally understand.

                                I think this is a good idea. And how nice of him to stay with you to make sure that you didn't die!


                                I just lurked in your journal for an update but didn't see one ;p What's going on with your living situation?
                                Last edited by YogaBare; 10-04-2013, 12:48 PM.
                                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                                - Ray Peat

                                Comment

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