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"The bro0kiebaby lets it all hang out" Primal Journal

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  • "The bro0kiebaby lets it all hang out" Primal Journal

    Guess it's my time to Journal Up- give a little insight into who I am and what my journey is all about. I tend to ramble a lot so bear with me, I do have some good things to say. It's like sifting through a stream bed for gold, but it'll be there- I hope.. and I guess you do too if you're reading this.

    So I want to put the video of me up here sometime soon. It's the thing that got me to say 'oh Brooke, you are gettin fat- better do something NOW' .. so I did. It's a .mov file so maybe I'll download it to youtube and just link it here or something- eek embarrassing, but who am I tryin to impress right?

    ~*~*~*~

    I was doing p90x off of some bad stack of copies that a friend gave me and some of the disks were shot, so I went looking for what I could find. I didn't have any of the paperwork that went with it so I was trying to find workout schedules and nutrition plan info and lo and behold- I stumble onto this odd little thing called Primal Blueprint 101. Gotta say after a little bit of reading I was hooked and I just had to keep digging. By the next day I was changing my focus, making a new plan- not just to be thinner, but to be healthy and live a long life.

    My sister had died suddenly -out of the blue- from a brain aneurysm at the age of 33 (a couple months before her birthday), I'm 4 years her senior and the loss of her tore a jagged hole through the heart of the family. I want to be fit and healthy and stay alive to be there for her daughter, who is the sweetheart who started calling me Brookie and what an adorable smart little girl she is. I had some deep regrets about how my sister and I were to one another, and the fact that we had only just begun to rebuild or relationship when it got cut short left me empty inside. I believe I tried to fill it with food- but it wasn't all that.

    ~*~*~*~

    I had begun gaining a few years back when I moved back home and got re-united with my family. I had been away for a decade or so. What can I say? I got comfortable. No more bad relationship with an abusive guy- mentally as well as physically... I'd been on my own for about 4 years and then about six years with my ex-boyfriend before I was 'allowed' to come back.

    I say 'allowed' because I'm transsexual, and when I grew up boys didn't become girls and stay a welcome member of the family- so I got tossed out like some trash two weeks before Christmas one fine year (my sister got my mother to do it). Not like I didn't try but hey, I'm really not a guy.. Boy did I try hard to fit the mold though. Athletic, sloppy, mean.. all the things I thought a man was supposed to be.. even joined the Marines and fought in a war. Desert Storm.. if ya'all can remember that one. So yeah, suffice it to say my revelation to family and friends came as a bit of a shock, and as my "gay mother" told me- what's that? Oh a gay mother?.. Yeah, well, that's like the transsexual who kinda helps you- like a mentor of sorts, cause believe me if you don't have one of them it's a lonely road and very confusing to say the least ---- ANYWAY.. so she said that I'd lose everybody friends and family- and she was right. I hope things are different for 'the children' today, but I guess it depends on the family and the friends.

    ~*~*~*~

    O.K. sooo, long story short.. I had packed it on and now, I'm carving it off. Like as sculptor working clay. My task is to lose all the yuck, but still keep the soft curves, cause I have a male skeletal structure, and man muscles under here somewhere even though it's been a long time. I'll be 39 shortly, I have been on estrogen for about 13 years now, I started when I was 26- I have had no surgeries except to have my testicles removed, call it orchiectomy - call it castration, whatever but that means I'm 100% Hormone Replacement Therapy now, so my breasts are 'homegrown' and I want a tiny waist again, but I really want to keep the boobs and the hips and the butt.

    I'm about 90-95% primal now, just not as clean as I'd like to be eating since it's damn expensive and I'm just a poor thing, oh woe is me... Ha! I don't boo-hoo about too much, but stuff does get to me. I've been eating primal since maybe February, so what's that like 2 and a half months now..?.. something like that. I put my car in the shop this week- so now I'm walkin to work (3.7 miles each way) and if the weather holds I'll do that more often even after I can afford to get the car back (yikes! Taxes killed me), a Toyota Supra- so you know I am keepin that bad boy. I have been experimenting with intermittent fasting and I am getting better with it. Past three days I have just eaten dinner, nothing else- but tomorrow I will have a few more meals as the hunger hits. I am doing ballroom dancing (just started lessons right about the time I started the p90x) about 3 or 4 nights a week- love it.. great fun and great workout too. I hate the scale so I don't get on it much- besides I know muscle weighs more than fat so I go by how my clothes fit, and I know I'm losing inches because I can slip off my jeans without unfastening them at all.

    OK- well more to follow .. pictures .. that movie too .. keep checkin back if you'd like and I'll do my best to keep up with this journal. For you dear reader know this- I have taken my body through so many changes that I know anything is possible with it, and you can change your body too. Hang in there and keep working toward your goal, we'll get there together.

    Much love!
    ~Brooke~
    Yesterday is History
    Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
    That is why they call it THE PRESENT

  • #2
    OK lets try this...


    wow- lookit that gut. eeew aunt brookie
    Yesterday is History
    Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
    That is why they call it THE PRESENT

    Comment


    • #3
      <smile>

      You were having such a good time.

      As fat goes, that isn't all that fat. Obviously you are used to less, of course.

      Comment


      • #4
        Aww thank you so much, it was a good time. That little girl is my joy! Oh yes, I am used to far less chub let me see if I can find...


        a skinny me picture. This was right after I left my ex.

        wow that worked, oh here's another for ya-

        Last edited by bro0kiebaby; 04-15-2010, 10:15 PM.
        Yesterday is History
        Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
        That is why they call it THE PRESENT

        Comment


        • #5
          wow- what a night.

          I broke my fast last night at about 9pm with a big olive oil drenched salad-two cans of tuna, some baby spinach, two hard boiled eggs, a few walnuts, some baby carrots, some kalamata olives, and this nice pomegranite infused balsamic vinegar. Then after I had a cup of tea- yea.. blame it on DarthFriendly... the force is strong with him, and his journal had me jones'n for a cup of this great loose leaf tea I had gotten a few months back when I had money. I now regret spending so much but that too will pass, I think of it as an investment in my health, so no biggie really.

          I guess it was the caffeine plus all that fat, but damn if I wasn't up all night! I finally fell out at around 6am, and a split second later it was 7am and my alarm clock was sqwaking at me. Sooo, 2 snooze buttons later and I knew I had to get up. I had planned on riding my bike to work,



          so I was right on schedule- but then- DRAMA (yea, it's par for the course).. I get dressed get ready to roll out and my tires are both squishy flat. So footpump to the rescue, BUT....

          I can't get the thingys off the tires, I neede to use two pair of pliers and I could only find one- yikes! TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK.. then I find one -whew, but the footpump is missing a screw so it takes me twice as long to pump TICK-TOCK,TICK-TOCK and then I thought I'd pumped enough and capped 'em up- but NOooooo, so back to the footpump TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK.

          WELL- I finally get out the door with a little less than half an hour to ride the 3.7 miles up and down the hills and alongside some fast moving traffic. I had to take the shortcut through 'murder park', yes a couple of murders happened there and a rape as well as a guy hung himself to death there too.. but it's ok in the daylight (but still scary) so it cut out the biggest hill. Too bad for the workout, but I had to go fast all the way and this is my first ride on that little thing this year- it's a 20'' bike and I'm 5'6'', so I'm only a little bit too big for it. I got it like that on purpose for the difficulty it would add to my workouts. It was brand new and expensive when I got it (3 bills) just last year, but today I don't regret buying it.

          Well, so much for having food- but I did get some coffee in me. I actually drank it before I fell asleep and I think it helped me to finally ease off the tea buzz. And now, only because I knew I would burn it right off, I scarfed down three quick spoonfulls of peanutbutter. I am loath to do that but the morning had rapidly degenerated into an emergency so I had little alternative since I had use my last two hardboiled eggs in that salad.

          So- I got in by 9am, it's almost two hours later right now, and my limbs are still shaking. NIIiiiiice!
          A ride home, which I intend to take real slow, a nap and then three hours of dance tonight are what's on my adgenda.. don't worry I'll get some good food in there somewhere.
          Yesterday is History
          Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
          That is why they call it THE PRESENT

          Comment


          • #6
            Well, last night didn't pan out as I had hoped. After a fast ride to work on that little bike and a somewhat slower ride home I called the shop where my car was and they said 'oh yeah, it was done this morning' - which, when I checked my voicemail.. it had. Hehee. So I had some cheese and walked the mile and a half up there and took some nice pictures along the way- which I think would make a nice thread to put up for others to contribute to - "Along the Trail" or something like that, where we can post pictures of what we come across when on our walks.. just a thought..

            So the car ran good, it didn't cost what I had budgeted it to so that means I can eat better and might go see Kick-ASS sometime this weekend.. But back to last night-

            So I ate a hunk of cheese, about 4oz - hearty chunk indeed, and went on the walk to get my car taking pictures so it was a nice slow pace. Came back home and cooked up 4 scrambled eggs in about a half a stick of butter. I was pretty drained and I knew I had a dance class at 730 then a group class at 815 and then the club does a 'party' every friday night from 9 to ten thirty. So three solid hours of ballroom dancing is an endurance trial on a normal day, but after only a single hour of sleep and all the biking and walking I was fueling up for it.

            Suffice it to say I fell asleep on the couch at 600, woke up at 7 and tried to shake the cobwebs out of my head, and get ready (not gonna happen, shower dress and travel there in half an hour?) so on wobbly legs I staggered to the phone and reluctantly cancelled. I went straight up to bed and was done for the night only to wake up this morning at 930-ish.

            This morning I ate a bowl filled with a mixed up bunch of cottage cheese, feta cheese an apple diced up in nice little chunks and a handful of dried cranberries. I usually use blueberries instead of cranberries, but I'm out of them. So I figured close enough- and it was yum so I enjoyed it.

            I think I'll brew a cup of tea in my little press that my sister gave me and do some posting on my X-Men RPG forum site- check it out if you're into that sort of thing.. NuMutantAcademy. we have lots of fun there, and If I'm not here at MDA I'm on there. I feel a bit out of it still, but I think it'll pass after I get some more food in me- and some water.
            Yesterday is History
            Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
            That is why they call it THE PRESENT

            Comment


            • #7
              ~MOTIVATION~








              these beautiful Jungle-Girl images used without permission- Jungle-Girl is published and copyright Dynamite Entertainment
              Last edited by bro0kiebaby; 04-18-2010, 10:58 AM.
              Yesterday is History
              Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
              That is why they call it THE PRESENT

              Comment


              • #8
                Remind me NOT to mess with you, you fierce girl! Love the motivation pics! I have a slightly "softer" version somewhere...
                You video had me grinning like a fool too, such a sweet little girl And yes, although you're not huuuge on your video, the difference is visible from your "skinny pics". But between the biking, the hiking and the dancing (wow... I'm in awe) you'll be even better than you were

                I'd love to join in with the pictures / hiking idea - it will be ideal motivation for me to get out and about, as I want to start exploring photography and I don't have a dog - the usual excuse to go bumbling around the country.

                grokette..jpg
                Last edited by NorthernMonkeyGirl; 04-18-2010, 10:57 AM. Reason: add pic

                Comment


                • #9
                  NorthernMonkeyGirl- thank you for you vote of confidence and also for stopping by to say hi! I'm gonna start that thread then, I guess I'll put it in 'Odds and Ends'.. it can be odd at times I imagine.. depending on where one might wander..

                  hehee
                  Yesterday is History
                  Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
                  That is why they call it THE PRESENT

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think you look great! And you're just beautiful! And I am totally in awe of your story and strength - thanks for sharing!

                    Just curious - how do you put on muscle and fat (as in - typical of male or female patterns)? I'm wondering about the effects of your hormone replacement therapy.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      My wanderings are almost certain to be odd... I now live right on a major footpath (which links to others too).... but I've always been an urban girl and navigated by streets, concrete, skylines, and tower blocks. It's about 15 years since I attempted to navigate by a map / compass :O

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Wow, Brooke, you've got quite the story! It's inspiring to hear that we can all mold our bodies, and especially inspiring to hear it from you, as you have more practice than the vast majority of us. Sometimes, I feel disheartened that I can ever get back even half the flexibility I used to have. But, I'm down 30 pounds already, with another 70 to go, and I already feel better so I can only imagine what I'll feel like 70 pounds from now. I love the video of you on the trampoline; you really seem to be having a great time. Is that your niece? She's absolutely adorable.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Yes, that is my niece. My sister's baby girl- she'll be four soon. For me, I trust that the human body is an ever adapting machine capable of far more than we give it credit for. I also believe that it wants to be healthy and it's up to us to get the hell out of it's way- with the one exception being exercise. It's really the only time it's proper to damage ourselves, if only ever so slightly, so that in the healing we can grow stonger and better. Part of the 'getting out of the way' is eating what the body requires and so finding this site is the most incredible bonus to all of our lives.

                          Granted we're none of us going to live forever but at least the quality of our lives will be vastly improved for the long haul and I for one am most thankful to Mark and everyone here. It's wonderful to have found this treasure trove of information and supportive community, and I have no doubt that you will get to where you want to be, and once there you will set another goal. It's what we do as human beings- it's an expression of the human spirit to never be satisfied. It's one of our basic survival instincts as the human animal, you gotta keep on going.. there's that never say die attitude in each of us- too many people cover it up with 'comfort food' and loose touch with it. But don't worrk Sharonll, I think you are one with it (not to be cheesy but you grok it) and you'll get there. 30 pounds is remarkable, and I'm real proud of you for that!

                          As far as wanderings go. I for one am excited to see what you find in your travels NortherMonkeyGirl. Remember - moss grows on the north side of the tree(well, mostly). Not sure how true that old saying goes, but if you're really going out into the thick of some woods please don't go alone. It's important to do this stuff smart, so take a buddy.. hopefully a cute buddy and then I'm sure we'll all want to see the pictures O.O !

                          And as for my fat/muscle distribution... SUKI, it's a slippery slope for me. I have to be careful how much I work out and what exactly I do, since getting too lean wiil no doubt reveal the underlying muscle and skeletal structure. You know muscle never really - goes away. It doesn't "turn to fat" like some folks say. what happens is the muscle fiber deflate. So basically I still have all the muscles I had from back then, they are just lying in a more or less dormant state now. The onlt thing that will make muscle go away really is starving to the point at which the body starts to feed upon itself, and lookin at my sloppy self - you know that aint whats been happening.

                          Now, since having my testicles surgically removed and maintaining my HRT (hormone replacement therapy), you know taking my estrogen.. I store fat less like a man, but I wouldn't say I store it like a born female, my thighs and butt have a bit of thickness from stored fat and I'm a 38C for my bra size (Victoria's Secret please if I've got any admirerers-hehee) without having implants, just grew from the hormones... but I store the unwanted fat mostly in my lovehandle and stomach area. I feel quite round right now- even though today I was payed several compliments for looking thinner (one even said to my mother - why is she trying to lose weight, she's skinny) So, I guess it's in the eye of the beholder.. yet for me I was not happy with how I felt, so I had to adjust my lifestyle. If I go back to lifting heavy things I bet my muscles would pop back up in a relatively short period of time- I might like the look but I doubt it, (she-hulk is hot, but she's green and seven feet tall so who would argue that she's not?) so I'll play it cool and take it easy. It's a long life I plan to live and I'll get to perfect one of these days, but until then I intend to enjoy the journey. Did that answer what you were asking Suki? If not let me know please.
                          Last edited by bro0kiebaby; 04-18-2010, 10:20 PM.
                          Yesterday is History
                          Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
                          That is why they call it THE PRESENT

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Last night I was pretty tired, and everybody at work was coughing and sneezing- it was a sick house.. so I wanted to go and get some red wine, I like the idea of a glass a night helping to keep me from getting sick. Plus it's a good way to unwind and not overindulge. So I went after work and grabbed a bottle and then - even though I was not really in the mood -I went to dance. Now I joined a club/school- so it's lessons and parties.. since it's a private club they have alcohol on hand for the Friday night parties, but I don't drink there.. but the music got my energy up and I had a good time. Tango'd, foxtrotted, and hustled for about 45 minutes. Went home had a glass of Shiraz, some aged cheddar cheese, and a handfull or two of mixed nuts (macadamia cashew walnut and pecan).

                            This morning I woke up and decided to try the SHOVELGLOVE workout. It was quick and painful- just like I like it. I think I could do it more, it was sorta fun. I feel it now in my shouldres and abs, so I'm digging that.. plus April is 'safe shoveling month', I guess because of Earth Day.

                            Today is a fasting day, the first of three in a row, so I will be eat dinner tonight - then again tomorrow night and then again thursday night. Last week I did it and it really felt good, like I had tuned up an old fast car that had fallen into disrepair. I AM that old fast car!!!- I'm just getting faster, leaner and sexier- hehee!

                            OH- one more thing, I'm wearing those pants from that video today.. they're fitting great again (I'm amazed). I had to my newer fat-jeans were falling off, and drooping down showing off my underwear- not good at work.
                            Yesterday is History
                            Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
                            That is why they call it THE PRESENT

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Welll, I had some sugar on sunday- my niece wanted me to have Ice Cream with her since it was my birthday.. and I have been sick all week. Now ordinarily i would have had three or four colds this year (or more likely .. the cold that never ends) since in the office i wok at people pass it around like wildfire. I believe it has something to do with them not keeping us supplied with paper towels to dry our hands and so I suspect many of my co-workers simply don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Yes, I know it's disgusting, but I KNOW these people and I wouldn't put it past them.
                              GRRR..

                              I don't like to be sick. I will be laying low and eating large this weekend (don't worry, all good stuff, but I need to kick this cold and get back to healthy and food is the way)
                              Yesterday is History
                              Tomorrow's a Mystery ~ Today is a Gift...
                              That is why they call it THE PRESENT

                              Comment

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