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Primal Journal: NZ Suse

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  • Thinking of you Suze and all your peoples of NZ.
    Glad to hear your family is accounted for.
    I dont know what your fight was about, but sometimes in the midst of tragedy people begin to notice all they have taken for granted, and deem fights and grudges as trivial. Hopefully it works out for the best!

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    • sigh, we are still not talking this morning. He can be a real arse sometimes. I have at least sent him a text after he left for work telling him I love him and to stay safe, but he has not replied. Doofus. I'm not apologising, as far as I am concerned he is just being a complete dick. Our first real fight that isnt over the dogs

      What with that and the earthquake I just feel depressed today. I think I'll shut the door to my office today so that people dont annoy me as I'm likely to just go off.

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      • {{{{{hugs}}}}}
        "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
        "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
        "Moderation sucks." Suse
        "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
        "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


        Winencandy

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        • Ugh, I hate it when I'm out of sync with my fella. Hugs to you and I hope it all works out soon.

          Glad to hear your sister and family are all fine. I'm just glued to the news at the moment. My ma is up in Karratha with the cyclones and tornados, it's pretty damn scary eh?
          My Journal

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          • thanks wnc for the hugs. I needed that. and thanks em, yeah it's definitely not nice fighting. and I feel for you being far away from a crisis - that isnt a whole lot of fun either - it just makes you feel kind of useless.

            well the fireman and I sorted things out when we got home. we were still a bit frosty to start but we talked about what had happened. As we got into bed, I'd asked to see the spreadsheet he keeps that shows how much money we owe him (he pays for our holidays up front and other bits and pieces and we pay him back at of our joint funds) He got all narky, and couldnt be bothered, made a song and dance essentially, and when he came back into the bedroom I calmly told him that I thought that his reaction was pretty unfair, and it was only early (we'd gone to bed at 8.30 feeling a bit down in the dumps after watching all the earthquake stuff) and he just went off again, so I went off and told him to get fucked.

            anyway as i say we talked about it and he said he should have handled it better. I started to tell him just how financially stressed I have been feeling and ended up in tears (I am not a cryer at all by the way) I think I have been under a lot of stress for years really, I used to pay a mortgage OVER double the size of what we are now paying on my own. Now I am paying even more but of course we will get it paid off quicker. which is all well and good but not if you start to feel stressed. The fireman used to pay a large mortgage not quite double the size of the one we have now on his own as well with 2 kids and a wife to support and I know he felt stressed back then having to do a lot of overtime (as fireman get paid SHIT wages) So now he doesnt have that stress, he has me who pays half of everything, who is (mostly) financially able and who has no expectations of being "looked after". I have to pay for my dogs and all that comes with that, vets, food, accommodation when we go away. I pay for parking in the central city which is huge and why I carpool to save money. I like to dress nicely but am not overly extravagant. he wears a uniform at work and basically lives in jeans and t shirts otherwise. I bought a new car in part because I wanted one, but also because I knew his daughter needed one that was mechanically sound and my old car fitted that bill. I have paid hundreds, probably thousands in the last year on trying to fix this stupid shoulder. when the fireman has an extra bill to pay he just takes an overtime. when I have an extra bill to pay I just feel stressed and useless that at nearly 49 years old i still am fricking hopeless at managing my money.

            I also feel resentful of my brothers who sponge off my mother, and I have been carrying a lot of her financial stress as well over the last few years. I dont have to pay anything for her, she is or at least was quite wealthy. my older brother lives in the house next door to my mother that my mother owns, he stopped paying rent about 3 months after he moved in. He only had to pay $150 a week for it which is half market rent and he doesnt even do that. He borrowed (or should I say re-borrowed) a pile of money off mum that really she couldnt afford to give him (she's actually asset rich not cash rich). mum owns another house that she's been trying to sell pretty much since the day she built it, with not a lot of joy. we discovered a few years back that it leaks like a sieve. It has a masterbuild guarantee but that causes stress just trying to get that sorted and trying to sell the house. Prior to that, she had 4 sections of land that I spent a lot of time worrying over and trying to sell - we were lucky, we got them all sold for good prices just as the market was crashing. selling those plots should have got my mother out of financial schtick, but didnt quite. she still has a small mortgage at age 83. but has assets worth 10 times the mortgage that are unsellable at the moment. mum has some dementia and although I have enduring power of attorney I have not done anything about it as yet, I would have to have her declared mentally incapable. who wants to do that. what a hoo and a cry there would be. when I have bought up issues with her about money and my brother she tells me I'm trying to feather my own nest (yeah great). she's not entirely mentally incapable but at times she is. recently I discovered she had signed up as a guarantor for my brother's ex girlfriend to cover her power. luckily I noticed that after a couple of months and put a stop to it... she had no idea what she'd really signed. and its like I feel really fucked off that everyone else can have a bit of cash, and yet I asked her if she could loan me $1000 and she said no. mothers! I have 2 brothers, the other one is now living with her in the same house (he doesnt get on very well with my other brother) He has no job and mum has been paying his way for years basically. I should point out here that I'm not quite as hard done by as i sound - my mum did give us kids all enough money for a deposit on a house - some of us have used our money wisely and since I bought my house 9 years ago it has nearly tripled in value. The boys though are broke and useless. haha, mind you so am I. I'm like my mum, asset rich cash poor

            anyway, sorry for boring you all, I just needed to get that off my chest and here's as good a place as any... perhaps I'll delete this whole post in a few days. It's 4am iin the morning and i cant sleep. and for all my moaning, at least i have a roof over my head, running water and power and a man that loves me and wants to help me sort out my problems. I'm a very lucky girl. stop whinging.

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            • I think it must be the day for getting things off our chests.

              Sometimes it helps to unload.

              I understand.
              "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
              "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
              "Moderation sucks." Suse
              "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
              "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


              Winencandy

              Comment


              • Don't apologise Suse, that's what our journals are for. Yes, you are lucky in comparison to lots of other people, but that doesn't make your problems any less valid. It helps to remember what we have to put things in perspective, but don't allow that knowledge to make you feel you have no rights to be upset that things aren't where you want them to be.

                That being said, I'm glad you sorted things out with your Fireman. Stress at home is the worst!
                My Journal

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                • Hey Suze - whingeing helps! Advice I've been given is to not underestimate how difficult this week has been, and it's not over yet. Take care of yourself.
                  Started Feb 18 2011

                  Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                  Journalling here

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                  • eh, i know that feeling, too. Suse. money can be stressful, and dealing with family too. i've been there.

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                    • thanks everyone. I do feel better just having put it all "out there". I had a good look at my finances yesterday and am hopeful that I can get myself sorted. It's not like we're talking about me having huge debts, I owe less than $1000 on my credit card. Its just the big mortgage repayment, paying a decent whack on the credit card, paying the car repayments etc seems to leave very little and then when something big and ugly turns up like a speeding ticket (grrr) or needing 2 new tyres, I'm just way behind the 8 ball and it makes me feel stressed. I have to get rid of that credit card debt so that I have that money, that I pay fortnightly, available, and I can start building up a reserve fund. Also I need to save for Vegas, in terms of my own spending money for a bit of a flutter here and there - I'm not going to vegas and not gambling! even though I know its dumb.

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                      • by the way, had a long chat with my sister in christchurch yesterday and she is fine, everyone she knows closely is fine... although a friend of a friend is missing and worked in the building that came down completely and had a fire. Here's hoping he wasnt in it, but it doesnt look good at this stage. Her husband has a generator that he uses for his work so they had power but no water. However, her daughter has had an artesian well pop up in her back garden so has plenty of fresh water (which obviously needs to be boiled). While I was talking to her, a big tremor happened, and I could hear it roaring in the background. Whoa, scary stuff. They've had a bit of damage but feel that they have got off lightly. Overall, everyone in their circle is doing ok.

                        It is so sad about the little babies that have died in the quake with tvs and stuff falling on them. There are a lot of sad stories. It is appalling that people are looting, and breaking into houses of people they know are missing and stealing from them. dickheads. Seriously why cant we bring back corporal punishment for these losers. If I had my way and I caught them, ooh, it would be ugly, thats all I'll say about that.

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                        • it is quite a mess. i am honest in saying that i'm staying away from most of the media. it's not necessary for me to know, but there are things that i can do. i made an appointment to give blood next month (the bank asserted that they are fine on blood right now, but that in a few months, they'd likely be low), and then we are also setting up a donation process through our business ($1 from every yoga class drop in goes to the red cross or something similar).

                          re: money -- you can do it!

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                          • thanks zoe. Nice that you are setting up a donation. We are donating through work and have made it easier so that people can take it out of their pay, (cause people never have cash on them do they? me included) The firm is going to double what the staff round up. One person has donated $1000 which I think is absolutely incredible! good on them.

                            I would like to donate blood but because I lived in the UK briefly during the mad cow scare they wont take my blood... ridiculous really, that was well over 25 years ago, and I've got a rare blood type, you'd think they'd be gagging for it.

                            Yes I've started to limit my watching of the news etc as it is very depressing.

                            Off to Queenstown this weekend though for some fun times this weekend.

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                            • i hope you have a great time in queenstown. it's so lovely there!

                              we aren't sure what we are doing yet, but we shall see how it rolls out. I just don't want to be in charge of the accounting. LOL and i know, about the blood donation. nutsy stuff.

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                              • one thing I will be doing while there is this


                                www.onsen.co.nz

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