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Fat girl on a farm.

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  • #46
    Ya know, I was scared to death about having a non primal meal. In the past, when I've dieted, and had a cheat day, it was a holy break out of all the crap junk food I craved all week. I gorged until I was sick, and immediately started planning next week's cheat day. Um, no. I seem to have bounced back from it just fine, thank then lordy! Yesterday, I wasn't very hungry. I had a couple eggs and a piece of bacon for breakfast, and didn't eat my left over steak and potato nub until 5pm or so. Some days, I'm just not into food.

    I wish I had the time to plan meals better. I find myself eating the same things every day. Which, for now is just fine. I know, however, that someday (probably soon) I'm going to get tired of it, and that is where I run into problems.

    What are ya'lls favorite dinners? Lunches? Breakfast will probably all stay the same. But, I love to cook, and I need something to MAKE! The paleo brownies... well... I liked how they tasted, but they were way too powerful in the cocoa dept. for Som's sweet tooth. Just right for me and my broken taste buds, though.

    For lunch on Sunday, we ate at Hyvee. I got the salad bar, and put some watermelon on my plate. I took one bite and had to spit it out! What! You seriously can get too sweet. Som tried it and said it was the best watermelon he'd had in a long time.

    Makes me nervous for growing my own this year. Hopefully by then I'll be more adjusted to things, and be able to enjoy it. I don't know if anyone had ever had a fresh off the vine melon before, but if not, you'll probably think you've gone to paradise. Or, in my case, sugary sweet hell! Ha! It makes me wonder how a lot of my fresh produce is going to taste to me.

    I noticed the taste difference last year on SAD, but this might be a whole new experience. I remember the first cucumber I bit into. Tasted like no cuc I've ever had before! WOWZAH!

    I bought most of the supplies I need to get my seeds started for this spring. Woo hoo! I'm so excited! Now, I just need to get the rack all set up, and everything in it's place. I bought 12 dozen starting pots, so I'll see how far that gets me. I may have to buy more, but a lot of things get directly seeded into the ground. This is one of the most nerve wracking times of the year for me. Seed starting is such a meticulous process. Too much water, not enough water, not enough light, too much heat. So many things can go wrong and the little seeds won't sprout. Then, once they sprout, it's a battle to keep them a live long enough to harden off. Then, the hardening off process is a real bitch.

    One cannot sprout a plant, and then just put it in the garden when it's big enough. You have to "harden it off." Which is a process of setting the trays outside for a little bit each day so the tiny sproutlings get used to the weather change. I mean, it's basically like going swimming in the early morning. You don't just want to PLUNGE into the pool/lake/whatever. You'll probably get a cramp or something. So, if you're like me, you stick one toe in at a time and let out a squeal with each one. Same thing with hardening off a plant, except... I'm pretty sure they don't squeal. Not that I've heard anyway!

    Ruby is due March 8th, and her belly is getting bigger by the day. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. She's an experienced mom, but anything can happen to those little darlings in the birth canal, and after they are born. Goat kids are more delicate than lambs when first born. In fact, they might be the most willing to die babies on the earth. But, I also think they are the cutest!

    Sorry for the long entry today.

    Peace and Love to you.


    P.S the wind in Iowa is outrageous. And we got a wee ice storm last night. So, here's to hoping I don't get blown away on my way to work. Driving back from Som's last night was like being on an ice rink in a wind tunnel.
    The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


    • #47
      Animals giving birth is so awesome to me, scary, but awesome. My parents freaked when I was defiant about watching my cat have her babies.. I was about 10 yrs old, but she needed me there with her, so I stayed~

      I love your enthusiasm for your garden. I've killed many seedlings taking them from my greenhouse to the garden. With age comes wisdom; how lucky you are to have already learned so much.

      Safe travels; stay home if it's too bad.


      • #48
        I love reading about your excitement for this year's garden. I've been reading gardening blogs all afternoon. I just hope we get some much needed moisture soon! We are in the middle of our biggest storm so far this year and should have 8 " by morning. One of my problems has always been guessing when the last freeze will be and back tracking to when I should start the plants. That and remembering to bring them in at night while hardening them off


        • #49
          Yeah, Mud Flinger, we are looking that storm right in the face. We're expected 8-12 inches starting tonight. It is going to SUCK driving to work tomorrow at 3 in the morning in a damn blizzard. We've had nothing but snow or rain here. I shouldn't complain. The drought winter is what made gardening last year so miserable. Of course that would be the year I choose to start.

          Yesterday was a stressful day. Work was fine. I met my dad's 1/2 chinese friend from Guatemala, and he was really cool.

          I got home and went straight outside to batten down the hatches for this storm. Hay bales needed re covered, Chicken coop needed it's northern wind block on, four wheeler needed brought in. I cleaned out and re filled all the stall with new bedding and took scrap hay over to the chicken coop. I also bolstered the laying box with extra insulation hay. I gathered up the eggs, and was ready to head inside when I noticed something different about Ruby.

          Essentially, doe goats have two pencil like ligaments running on either side of their tail bone. When she gets close to kidding time, those ligaments will seem to just disappear, leaving a big dish mark in her back end. It's basically the same thing a human's body does. Everything get's loosened up. Well, it's a tell tale sign of imminent kidding, and she had it. Crap. She's 18 days early. 18 days early in goats in a death sentence. They just don't live. Especially in the middle of a blizzard. I was already preparing my speech to mom and dad as to why I needed to bring her inside.

          Well anyway, after five hours of getting her stall prepared for kidding, stressing around, feeling for her ligaments every 30 seconds and general freaking out, my friend, and her previous owner came over to look. She checked for the ligs, and couldn't find them either. CRAPPPPP. She commented on how much bigger she is this year than the passed two years. So, either she's got biggies, or there's three in there. We chatted for 1/2 an hour or so. We went to check my other doe, who's ligaments were easily found. Then, we went to check Ruby's one last time. WE FOUND THEM! They came BACK! They were very deep and very squishy. So, she's definitely getting ready, but thank god it's not going to be today or tomorrow. I'm afraid she's still going to go early, but the closer she gets to her due date the more chance they have to live.

          *Phew* I'm awfully long winded. Yesterday when I met my Dad's friend we went out to breakfast. I ordered steak and eggs. It came with potatoes. I am PROUD to report I only had three little bites. Typically those would be the first thing gone! I got on the scale again today because I am curious as to how my cycle is running. It said I was another 2 pounds heavier. No, I'm not freaking out. It can't be fat. It's water. I'm just amazed that my body can hold this much excess water. I'm going to try and stay off the scale until this wednesday in hopes that all the water, and a little more will be gone. Hopefully. Maybe.
          The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


          • #50
            We only got 3 of the 7 inches I expected this morning. Makes my morning easier but I hope we get lots more today ( wanders off to do snow dance and sacrifice eggs to the snow gods ). Hope your kids say safe and cozy in Momma goat today


            • #51
              Got home from work, and no babies on the ground, so thank god. I can still feel her ligaments today which is very comforting. I bolstered the barn a little more today. Locked everyone in so they don't get any bright ideas about playing out in the damn blizzard I am still waiting to come. I read 5-8 inches for tonight. I was able to get someone to switch hours with me tomorrow. I was supposed to go in at four, but now I don't have to be there until six. Not a lot of difference, but at least it'll be a little daylight. Hell, depending on how the wind blows, I may not make it at all, which they are prepared for. Living on a gravel road sucks. They usually don't plow it for two days after a storm like this.

              On my way home I saw they were spraying road conditioner down in hopes of beating a bad snow build up. Maybe if I can make it to the hard surface I'll be ok. The last storm we had about a month ago, I got run off the road in white out conditions. Kid couldn't see where he was going and was on MY side of the road. I attempted to pull over in the ditch but I didn't make it. He saw me at the last second, cranked his wheel, sending him into a tailspin (truck.) his backend hit me right behind the driver side door and sent me spinning into the OTHER ditch. Only the cars were hurt, fortunately.
              The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


              • #52
                Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                Yeah but once that stuff is ingrained in you it is extremely hard to change.
                Interesting word choice.


                • #53
                  Well, that blizzard was as bad as they said it would be. A solid foot of snow across the barn yard and 4-5ft drifts beside and behind the car, in front of the barn door and along the chicken house, thoroughly snowing them in.

                  Yesterday and today are non hungry days. Food is uninteresting, which is an strange while on my period. I am still holding on to four pounds of water weight, which is annoying. My face seems to have de-puffed over the night though, which is nice. It is weird thinking I have only been doing this for 22 days. It so feels like I am still in the learning stages, experimentation stages and trial and error. In my conscious state, I want, and am determined to do this the rest of my life. However, the "dieter" part of me is thinking about when it's going to be over. Weird, right?

                  Usually once a day I have a fleeting thought of having a binge for the hell of it. For that second in time I think about my old favorites. Pringles, chips in general, brownies, and fried anything. Usually these seconds happen when my mother is having her own binge on one of those things. Oddly enough, it goes away in less than a minute and I'm finally. I never actually entertain the idea. I never want to go back there. I made mention in another thread, that even though the weight loss is painstakingly slow, I don't care if it takes two years. My lifestyle no longer supports my weight. There is no way it can stick around permanently. Sometimes I see other folks commenting on how this doesn't work to lose weight, and I think... well, how much are you eating, exactly? There is no way my method is supportive of weight gain or maintaining weight. I just can't eat enough.

                  Maybe this is just me rationalizing, but I just don't see how I CAN'T lose weight like this, not matter how slow. I am right on the cusp of saying this starvation mode business is a bunch of bunk. That part of CW sticks with me like a bad cold. But, I just don't see how it could be possible dagnabbit. I've got 100 pounds of fat for it to munch on, so why doesn't it get on it?
                  The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


                  • #54
                    You will lose weight! Keep at it Good on you for not caving to the binge, that is awesome.
                    Yes it can be slow for some of us, but then things start to happen, I think they finally are for me, and I know you will be there soon


                    • #55
                      WOW! I guess those last two pounds of water weight came right out of my thighs. I put on the jeans I wore just yesterday. They are loose at my waist, but still a little too tight in the thigh area for my comfort level. I put them on this morning and the slight uncomfortable tightness is GONE. Now they are annoyingly loose at my waist and comfortable at might thighs. That has always been my problem. I have an incredibly small waist in comparison to my hips. I'm talking a 20 inch difference. So I've always struggled to find a pair of GOOD fitting jeans. Or pants in general. I almost always go up a size to fit my thighs. I am hoping that is one thing that will normalize, or just get easier as my weight goes down.

                      Ya know, I've been sitting here thinking about when I was 100 pounds lighter. That was back in highschool. I wore a size 16 jeans at 200 pounds. I never have fussed too much about my pants size in comparison to other girls who weigh the same etc, because I am 6 feet tall with a large frame. It's always going to be different for me. CW says I should weigh between 150-169 pounds. I think to myself... what size would I be in? When I was in highschool, I did a big diet. It brought me down from 240 to 200 in my sophamore year. I always wanted to lose that last twenty pounds to get to 180. I was comfortable in my 16's. Would twenty less pounds put me in a 14? A 12?

                      Ideally, I want to be a size 12. For no other reason than size 12 puts me in normal people stores and out of the plus size stores and sections. So, I guess that's it. That's my end goal. It's not a weight. It's a size. This is an Ah ha moment.
                      The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


                      • #56
                        Hi Glad!

                        I'm throughly enjoying your journal so far. Like you, I just started down this path (like one week ago), and I'm learning as I'm going.

                        I just wanted to comment real quick on your pants size. I'm 5'11 with a large frame, but my highest weight was 165. I've ranged from 145-155 lbs in the past ten years. When I'm around 155, I feel most comfortable in a size 8. When I'm at 145, I wear a size 4 or size 6, depending on the brand.

                        Brand is also something to consider. I've noticed a size 6 at one store may fit the same as a size 8 at another store. I prefer Gap jeans, and they seem to be more "vanity" sized than other places. So a 4 there may actually be truer to a 6.

                        In any event, the size is just a number after all. If you're comfortable in the pants, and more importantly in your own skin, the size doesn't matter as much as you being healthy, strong, and confident.

                        (I should also add, when I'm wearing the 4s, even at 145 or a couple lbs lighter, they are tight. In fact, most of my jeans run a little tight. I just prefer them that. Not skin tight, but definitely not baggy).
                        Last edited by Incindiary; 02-24-2013, 11:44 AM.


                        • #57
                          Hey, thanks for your comments! When I was 200 pounds and in a 16, I was a flubby 200 pounds. I worked out, walked, but didn't give it enough time to tone up. I wonder what a muscled not flubby 180 would look like? I feel a certain amount of determination to do this just so I KNOW what it will look like. What it will feel like to be a normal weight.

                          I need to have a goal of some sort to keep me focused. I know from experience that goals will usually change before it's all overwith, but I need something to see ahead of me, to reach for. In reality, I guess I don't really care what size it is, as long as there are no fat deposits hanging off of me anymore.
                          The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.


                          • #58
                            You are an inspiration! You are so full of love and compassion and energy. I know you will succeed. Don't get on the scale. Throw it out if need be. Focus on how you feel. Your energy, your mood, your body, your mind and your soul. That is where the real work is being done.
                            I love the pictures. Each brought a smile to my face, thank you!


                            • #59
                              Muscle tone definitely makes a difference in how my jeans fit. Like you, I tend towards heavier thighs, and my ass is large in proportion to the rest of me. When I'm a fit 150, I feel much more comfortable in the 6s compared to when I'm a flabby 150. Right now, I'm a flabby 150. My goal, in addition to eating better, is to change my body comp from flab to toned.

                              And I think a lower pants size is a great goal! When I weigh more than I like, getting back into my smaller jeans is always a motivator.


                              • #60
                                Glad you stopped by Firemanswife. Currently, I have crispy carnitas and my first shot a oopsie rolls in the ovens. I need to revitalize my cooking. Som and I used to cook something new every weekend. That has fallen to the way side since I started primal. Back to it this weekend! No reason to NOT cook just because I changed things up!

                                Peace and Love to you,

                                The process is simple: Free your mind, and your ass will follow.