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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • Hugs

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    • Hello Lovely,

      I want you to know that all my demons are back with a vengeance as well. The self hatred, the self mistrust that go hand in hand with my addiction and eating disorder are constant companions. Every night for two months I have been wallowing in sugar, smothering feelings and just existing. I lay in bed at night with my heart pounding, feeling the advance of neuropathy in my feet and wondering when I will reach the final destination. I am killing myself by inches. or binges?

      Why? Personal issues, Financial stuff, Work issues, Tired of being broken...You name it.

      The reason I am telling you this is because my solution is exactly the same as yours. Get clean and stay clean. Because clean is better even if the circumstances do not change.

      Hugs
      Primal since 9/24/2010
      "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

      Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
      MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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      • Have you considered the possibility of adding a T3 med (cytomel) as part of your thyroid protocol? It's been used to treat depression.

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        • Thank you, guys. The hugs were appreciated.
          P, maybe we can tag team this. Help each other stay on track and keep the demons at bay.
          Marc, I've asked repeatedly about Cytomel at the doc's and been shot down each time with "your numbers look fine." I don't think I have the oomph or leave to go doc shopping right now or break another one in. I tried the one that was supposed to be the best in the region, only to find she moved shop to Dallas and left her patients with diabetes endocrinologists.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
          My Latest Journal

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          • More hugs! I wish I had insight for you. The illness is not worth letting win. I try not to think about my depression as another side of me, but an illness that requires treatment. It's hard, given the mental nature of the beast, but it helps.
            Depression Lies

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            • What are you numbers, if I may ask? Maybe I can give you ideas on how to ask for Cytomel on a trial basis.

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              • Sending love your way.
                I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                • Marc, I never got a paper copy. I do remember running it against a detailed calculator and getting a result that wasn't offered as a cause or reason. From healthy standards based on STTM levels, my TSH was right at standard norm, my T4 was high by 1-2 standard deviations, and my T3 was low by a standard deviation. That combination isn't on the charts anywhere I can find, with the exception of one stating "Hashimoto's remission." I'll get a paper copy Tuesday and put it in.
                  Yesterday, I went over for in law Sunday and did what I always do for the public: put on a smile and fake it til I make it. Dinner was a Cobb salad, Swiss cheese, and grapes. Then I shot myself in the foot with a handful of Hershey kisses.
                  I need to keep a placard on hand, or tattoo it on my forehead: "do not feed the zoo animal, as modern human food can kill her."
                  Sent from "that's no moon!"
                  Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                  My Latest Journal

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                  • That is so funny.
                    I have recently written up some inspirational? thoughts on index cards that I carry in my purse. Mine were kind of stark and morbid. Ie. Do you really want to have a heart attack or stroke?
                    I like yours much better.
                    Primal since 9/24/2010
                    "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                    MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                    • I'm thinking I may make it my phone background: juxtapose Geek and the Paleo food pyramid with bread flying into a black hole. Or a sign saying "don't feed the zoo animal."

                      Sent from Spacecatraz
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                      My Latest Journal

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                      • Hey, Naiad. One foot in front of the other.

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                        • Here's your hug for the day (could ration another if needed). I'm feeling like I'm wading with you guys in shit creek lately, just so much going on in my life and in my head.
                          Depression Lies

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                          • I'm here. Making it a bit at a time. Was up WAY too late grading papers. Whoever made the district mandated test require a drawing component needsto be drug out and shot. I finally got done grading at 0030. 7 hours of grading in one night. I only stopped to drive the car to the dealership and eat.
                            Still haven't eaten yet. I brought a PHD meal: rice, greens, and leftover steak.
                            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                            My Latest Journal

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                            • I am taking things one step at a time as well.

                              I am also doing PHD. It seems to help with mental stuff and the urge to binge.
                              Primal since 9/24/2010
                              "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                              Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                              MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                              Comment


                              • I think we are all wallowing depressions ugly grasp right now. Like P said, work, finances, life in general has put a heavy toll on us. Hugs sweetie.


                                Sent from my iPhone using Marks Daily Apple Forum
                                Georgette

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