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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • It would appear I'm back to square one on the food allergies. Had a meal that should have been completely safe and came down with the nausea and headache. I know most dairy is still out because of it's impact on my asthma and my lactose intolerance. I'm still unsure on wheat. I don't know that wheat causes the reaction or something in whatever wheat based meal I ate.
    I've noticed two things related to the mystery allergen: it has to do with fats and oil, and o3: o6 ratio seems to play into it. If it's pure, or reasonably high, rendered animal fat with no additives, it seems to be ok. Butter is suspect, but it seems to rely on the quality of the butter. As to my ghee test, Geek reminded me that I once seasoned that pan with Crisco and never reseasoned completely. So the headache may well be from oxidized Crisco hidden in the butter solids.
    There are things I'm comparing against, both past and present:
    1) My first known allergic reaction was at a birthday party, where I got hives and trouble breathing from some food. My allergen is most likely something I ate that day.
    2) I have always gotten reactions off popcorn (except airpopped without butter), chips, and fried foods.
    3) I don't react to chorizo con huevos and tortillas, but I do react to hashbrowns.
    4) Pizza has caused major reactions in the past, but only certain ones. Papa John's and Little Caesar's, as well as homemade or Mom and Pop restaurant, seem ok. Pizza Hut, Mr. Gatti's, and Cici's cause a reaction. I don't remember about Domino's. Pizza Hut is known to fry their crust and the others have cheap ingredients.
    5) I don't react to baked chicken, fries, or potatos, but I do react to their fried cousins.
    6) I only reacted to french fries when companies switched from lard to vegetable oil.
    7) I react to bread products, but only certain ones.
    8) Baked goods made with butter, lard, and olive oil seem ok. Those made with vegetable oil aren't.
    Reading over that list, I'm thinking that dairy was a bystander in the ghee challenge. Wheat may be a bystander as well (maybe.)
    I'm still going to avoid dairy for my asthma. I need to do research on the most common oil in vegetable oil and start testing that.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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    • Oh, fuck me up the ass with a splintery cedar bush. My middle sister is engaged to yet another man she's known less than 6 months. I've yet to meet this one, but I don't have high hopes or expectations, especially given her descriptions of him and their relationship. She's claiming "not until next summer, at least." I'm wondering if there is going to be a wedding over Thanksgiving or Labor Day weekend.
      I know it's not my circus and not my monkeys, but even so, it will involve me when she decides she needs a bridal party. I want her happy, but rushing into marriage for teh sex (she's super fundamentalist) isn't the answer.
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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      • Oh boy Good luck with that. Fingers crossed that it all works out okay.
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        • If you have no desire to listen to me ramble to try to figure out my own head, ignore this post.
          I'm trying to figure out why the idea of Cassie getting married bugs me so badly. I do want her happy. I also have seen her make some REALLY poor choices throughout her life. I think part of it is wanting to protect her against herself and her seeming lack of any sort of sense. I think another part of it is wanting her to not shame the family name (and by extension, me) anymore than it already has been. Part of it is wanting that perfect family and she doesn't fit into that vision. Part of it is seeing an alternate reality of what I could have been. Most of it is fear. Fear of what? Time to start digging.
          I think most of the fear is based in "if you spot it, you've got it." In other words, all these flaws I see in her are ones I have that I keep under wraps or express in different ways. It's a fear that somehow, her misdeeds will influence how I'm seen and harm me or my future. It's a fear that goes back to childhood; if one of us fucked up (usually her), and didn't fess up, we all caught the fall out.
          How can I forgive her for all she did that caused me so much pain? I don't know that I need to forgive her, but I do need to find my serenity regarding it. I need to drop the grudges and hatred. Yes, I said it, hatred. My feelings for her are a complex multilayer crepe cake of hatred, love, protection, fear, distaste, and more love. She represented everything I hated about my mother's side of the family. She represented how redneck stupidity can be genetic and I feared being a redneck with everything I had. Rednecks have no chance at a future. They'll go into yet another manual labor job with the same hick accent and dilapidated hovels as all their ancestors before them. I refused that with every fiber of my being. I had a future, dammit. I had to get out of there and not being a redneck was the only ticket I had. She represented every part of me and my roots I feared. The thick drawl, the thick figure, the seemingly willing stupidity and lack of common sense, the propensity toward animal hoarding, EVERYTHING. She still does. She still seems to be every part of my genetic lineage I've fought against my entire life. No college education, barely scraped out of high school, a seeming pride in that lack of sense and education, a figure and face that looks more and more like my deceased maternal grandmother every day, an irritating lack of public decorum, a seemingly endless streak of braying laughter over jokes she doesn't get, a desire to live out away from all civilization but still buy everything in the city. She takes pride in redneckery that I despise and fear. I guess I fear that her continuing on that redneck path will drag me down, somehow, because I'll have a mechanical engineer and an unemployed felon of a redneck for sisters.
          I don't like the idea of her getting married because I fear (what I perceive as) her flaws becoming known and my association with her dragging me down. I fear the redneckery somehow rubbing off on me and I lose all my teeth, go work as manual labor, and start popping out podlings because I don't know what causes it.
          I think that's the source of the strain in our relationship. She embraces all the parts of our lineage I threw away a long time ago and ignores all the parts I embraced. She embraces all the labels she's been given, looking for any excuse to sit and eat bonbons, surrounded by a farmyard's worth of animals and podlings. I fight every label I'm given. I think it boils down to me fearing and hating the redneck hick heritage in me and doing everything to avoid it, including despising the open family representations of it. The fact that one of those representations is a sibling drives it from despising to something much more complex and harder to pick apart.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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          • Earlier, I put on my swimsuit on a "bad" day (one where my body seems to have grown extra fat cells in my belly overnight.) I went in and looked in the bathroom mirror. Not to tear myself apart, really, but to see what the damage was. I was almost in shock when I saw it. Somewhere along the line, I bypassed look good "nekkid." I'm now firmly into "look good in a bikini" territory. I looked closer, inspecting my body with an almost clinical detachment (almost.) I realized that I didn't have the build of a swimsuit model out of Cosmo. Never had. My body has too much of a mesomorpic tendency to get the thin waif in most magazines. I do; however, have the body of a fitness model. I have the body of someone who can show you what to do with a pair of legs instead of just walking in heels. Granted, today, it looks like a fitness model on a feast, not photo, day, but knowing all it would take is a lean day and I could star in a spread of "How to get an Awesome Ass and Flat Belly" monthly is pretty awesome.
            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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            • I need to write this stuff down somewhere I won't lose it:
              Futurama Classroom theme-
              -Rules and Regulations board- Hypnotoad Obey poster/ Grades Board- "News, Everyone!" and the professor split board
              -Dr. Zoidberg and Lab Safety on the fume hood window
              -Leela interactive wall (definitions, questions, what I learned)
              -Myself as a Futurama character for the board by my desk
              -If that globe is still there, park a Planet Express above it.
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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              • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                Earlier, I put on my swimsuit on a "bad" day (one where my body seems to have grown extra fat cells in my belly overnight.) I went in and looked in the bathroom mirror. Not to tear myself apart, really, but to see what the damage was. I was almost in shock when I saw it. Somewhere along the line, I bypassed look good "nekkid." I'm now firmly into "look good in a bikini" territory. I looked closer, inspecting my body with an almost clinical detachment (almost.) I realized that I didn't have the build of a swimsuit model out of Cosmo. Never had. My body has too much of a mesomorpic tendency to get the thin waif in most magazines. I do; however, have the body of a fitness model. I have the body of someone who can show you what to do with a pair of legs instead of just walking in heels. Granted, today, it looks like a fitness model on a feast, not photo, day, but knowing all it would take is a lean day and I could star in a spread of "How to get an Awesome Ass and Flat Belly" monthly is pretty awesome.
                Pretty awesome indeed! Way to kick ass through your allergy frustrations and life stressors! The latter pulls me down quite a bit. I'm hoping at least most of the bravery I picked up from my friends in Korea stick around for me for that.

                It's probably smart for me to not comment on the redneck sister thing, coming from redneck town and having plenty of redneck friends myself lol! But I understand the wanting to distance yourself from certain aspects; whenever I feel like engaging with the scum of humanity I just watch jerry springer or check Facebook...

                That classroom sounds amazing. XD

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                • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                  5) There is something about emotional pain that breaks part of you. In each person, what it breaks is different, but every person comes out the other side broken in some way. The trick is not to throw away that broken part (tried that one), or even spackle and drywall over it (tried that one too), but to fix it with jewels and precious metals as glue. Not literally, there are plenty of rich, broken people. I'm talking applying the art of kintsugi to your soul and your psyche. Use what is golden and silver linings in your life as glue for broken parts. Stud in jewels (nuggets of wisdom and love) for missing pieces. See, better than even before it broke.
                  That one really struck a chord with me too. Very profound and spot on.

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                  • RR, I see a difference between proud rednecks and the scum my sister seems to be aiming for. I have zero issue with the proud redneck unless his truck/ dog wakes me up. THe proud redneck is the one that subsists on their own work and their own means. They may not have everything, but they've fought for everything they do have and make it work. They're proud to be from the country and happy with their job, or at least line of work. My sister seems to be aiming for welfare redneck. She seemingly has no issue with popping out kids she can't afford and won't take care of while living in temporary housing. She seems to want to represent every negative stereotype and none of the god ones.
                    Guys, I'm glad to hear that what little wisdom I've gained has struck a chord with y'all. I really am.
                    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                    • I was in another wreck. I'm banning myself from driving, at least temporarily. When all your wrecks are on the right side because your peripheral vision on that side is nearly nonexistent, it's time to stop doing what's causing the problems and solve the root cause. I'm looking into therapy I can do myself (without a doc) to regain some of that peripheral vision. Until I get some of it back, I'm not driving. Car may be totaled (bent frame by the bumper.)
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                      • I'm glad you're okay though! I'm pretty impressed that you are removing yourself from the equation on this. I'd like to think I would do that if I had repeat accidents, but I can't say that I could for sure.
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                        • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                          RR, I see a difference between proud rednecks and the scum my sister seems to be aiming for. I have zero issue with the proud redneck unless his truck/ dog wakes me up. THe proud redneck is the one that subsists on their own work and their own means. They may not have everything, but they've fought for everything they do have and make it work. They're proud to be from the country and happy with their job, or at least line of work. My sister seems to be aiming for welfare redneck. She seemingly has no issue with popping out kids she can't afford and won't take care of while living in temporary housing. She seems to want to represent every negative stereotype and none of the god ones.
                          Guys, I'm glad to hear that what little wisdom I've gained has struck a chord with y'all. I really am.
                          What you describe here is not redneck, but white trash - those that live that way on purpose. Those who live that way b/c they have no other choice are unfortunate, but those who live that way out of sheer laziness and simply b/c it's easier than making something of themselves, are white trash (or trailer park trash, if a trailer park is involved). I hope someday your sister becomes someone you don't dislike so much.
                          Primal since March 5, 2012
                          SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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                          • This is true, Jenn. I thought about it afterward. I do have some proud redneck in me, mostly what my father refers to as Texan or Alabaman Engineering (It's not supposed to do that, but it is, or the permanent quick fix.)
                            With Cassie, it's difficult. I know she's smarter than she shows and acts. Well, I think she is. She's the product of some unfortunate circumstances and possibly (unknown) bad chemical meddling. Whatever it was left her with a good brain(when she chooses to use it), the mental and emotional maturity of roughly a 10-11 year old, and physically mature (and possibly hormonally fucked up) body. She can be smart when she wants to, but it's almost like she has to pierce a fog or cut through some heavy netting to reach it. The ADD/ ADHD isn't the only thing blocking her, but I don't know what all else could be. I also suspect she would be on the autistic spectrum if tested, although obviously this hunch isn't medical fact.
                            I think part of it is leftover jealousy from when we were kids. She got all the attention, even if it was largely negative and medical. I was "never a worry" and "very dependable." In other words, the good kid didn't need all the attention the medically challenged kid did. There were times I'd wish for something like cancer or something else, so they'd HAVE to pay attention to me and not her. She was so fucking special she even got to go off and play only child for her teenage years, away from the drama at home. That didn't stop Mom and Dad from giving her extra attention. It made me feel pretty damn invisible. I excelled in all these things and got a pat on the head. She misbehaved and not only got attention, but got off the hook because "Cassie's different." I graduated college,and was expecting my moment in the sun. Nope, Cassie was in jail with more medical problems that my parents were worrying over while they were in Lubbock with me. The closest thing I've gotten to undivided attention were my big days: graduations and wedding. They went to visit her half a million times in San Antonio while she was in prison. Have they ever visited us here in Odessa in the past 6.5 years? Nope. Can't be bothered for even a weekend trip or Thanksgiving, we have to go to them. Cassie's fucking special, I'm left warm and dry and alone in a basket (book reference.) I always have identified with Sarah Louise in Jacob Have I Loved. Now it's blatantly obvious why.
                            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                            • And to make a crappy day better: Molly's totaled. I JUST fucking paid her off.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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                              • Got my check from the insurance company today. Should be enough to buy a replacement vehicle (used with low mileage) without taking on a payment. I've been eying a couple Mazda3s and Hyundai Elantras online. I need to look and see if either one will be kid and car seat friendly for when we get that far. I still planning on walking/ cycling everywhere I can and am really leery about driving whatever it is home. Gonig looking around tonight.
                                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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