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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • I'm just hoping I'm a better teacher than engineer.
    In other news, I REALLY need to find a milk/ cream substitute that I can tolerate. I can use coconut milk for cream in most cases. Milk, on the other hand, is a problem. Soy milk and cow milk are evil, goat milk tastes like a goat smells, coconut milk (in the case) is watery, and I have no clue how hemp or almond milk taste or if I can even drink them. <Google fu> Almond milk would be a shot in the dark because of some of the ingredients, and I don't think I could get hemp milk at HEB. Hrmph.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
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    • Went to the dentist today. I had 5 cavities this time last year they wanted to fill. I never went in and got them filled. When they checked today, I was down to two "tiny" ones. I'm rather proud of that and my hippie tooth care. I've always been rather lackadaisical about remembering to brush my teeth and I can't think if the last time I flossed. I pretty much switched out toothbrushes, tooth cleaners (from regular toothpaste to a homemade one and then to the OraWellness oil), and brushing style. Kept the same hit or miss brushing schedule, lost 3 cavities, and all but filled in 2 of them. If I were to start oil pulling and remember to brush twice a day, I'd have immaculate (if a little yellow) teeth. Pretty good for some who needed fillings all the time as a kid.
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
      My Latest Journal

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      • Safe in Dallas. Furious at TXDOT and all their kin, because of inaccurate signage, unlabelled ramps, ramps shut down without warning, and lanes closed for no reason, but safe nonetheless.
        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
        My Latest Journal

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        • Gheesh, glad you got there safely at least. Sounds like a pain in the ass for sure.

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          • Glad you had a safe, albeit annoying trip.

            Hey, what is your homemade toothpaste recipe?
            Primal since 9/24/2010
            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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            • Pebbles- This is the one I use. I only use the calcium powder, baking soda, xylitol, coconut oil and peppermint essential oil, and the bare minimum of the last 3. Here lately, I've mostly been using the Orawellness blend.

              Feeling better and less angry now that I've slept. As further proof of sulfites= bad, this is the first drive to Dallas EVER I've gotten here and not had a literal pain in my neck. This is also the first one where I studiously avoided all sulfites where possible, including my beloved Fourbucks whatever- they- are at the gas station (a rare treat when I need caffeine.)
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • I hope you and Geek have a great Thanksgiving

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                • Happy Thanksgiving, Teach!
                  Primal since 9/24/2010
                  "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                  MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                  • Happy Thanksgiving to y'all too!
                    I'm up and Black Fridaying until we go to my folks' place.
                    Went out with my parents last night. Of course there was booze involved. The house brew I tried apparently had sulfites from the brewing process. Not horrible, but enough to affect my mood and make me grumpy/ irritable. Means I need to avoid beer tonight. I need to see if that cider Dad bought would be safe or not.
                    Cassie is also apparently mostly with my uncle and his family now, as a nanny of sorts. (Brave souls, to trust her with their kids.) Since they need her this weekend, she'll show up when they do and leave when they do. If my uncle actually comes down (VERY introverted), then she'll most likely only be there through dinner. Even if he doesn't and they stay longer, they'll still likely want to get back early to get the kids to bed (6 and 3, I think.) This Thanksgiving ha the potential to be reasonably serene.
                    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                    My Latest Journal

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                    • Dinner has been eaten. Liquor has been had. Eleven socially awkward people stood around in a tiny house and nobody died or went to jail, so Thanksgiving was a success.
                      Dinner was roast pork loin, mac and cheese (small portion), garlic spaghetti squash, salad, garlic mashed potato, roast root veggies, and maple pecan pie. I avoided the rolls and chocolate chemical bomb pie. I had a iced rum tea to go with it.
                      Didn't kill my middle sister. Played well with my cousins/ nephews (my cousins from my uncle are 4 and 2.)
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                      My Latest Journal

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                      • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                        Eleven socially awkward people stood around in a tiny house and nobody died or went to jail, so Thanksgiving was a success.

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                        • Nice to hear everyone survived - middle sister and all

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                          • Yesterday was only mildly nonprimal/ sulfited. Indian food for dinner, including naan, rice, and whatever the crispy cumin covered tortilla looking thing was. Fourbucks a couple times, green tea (I hate that I hafta specify unsweet) and espresso macchiatto (two shots espresso with foam.) Paciugo (gelato) for dessert, including a pumpkin spice, a chocolate rum, a amaretto chocolate, and a tiramisu.
                            Lots and LOTS of walking. My sister and I hit up Half Price Books, an outlet mall, and a regular mall. I can proudly say I only got what I needed and gifts. (Well, and a few more scarves and some first year teacher books.) We then picked up Geek, went to dinner, another Half Price, Fourbucks and dessert.
                            Not so much on the sleep (6 AM is NOT my friend, but I got 2 free HPB tote bags and a gift card out of it.)
                            Had some "play time" when we got back to the hotel, both online and insack.
                            Plenty of sun, on top of my usual vit d dose, from the outlet mall.
                            Minimal pain from all the walking and driving.
                            We drive back today. First time ever that I'll be driving back from Dallas without starting out in pain.
                            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                            My Latest Journal

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                            • I've made the mistake tonight of thinking on my recovery work. How far I've come, how far I have to go.
                              [TRIGGER WARNING]
                              When I left home, I was angry at both my parents and most of the rest of the world. I was depressed, and off and on suicidal. I muddled through it. The drive for perfection made sure I kept going, plodding, on foot in front of the other.
                              I was finally convinced to see a shrink. This one didn't suggest medication. He merely let me talk. And talk. And talk. He let me get the top layer, the worst of the moment, out of my system. Then my sessions were cut off, and I was told I had used up all my free sessions. I didn't have the $50/ week for therapy, and I sure wasn't asking Mom and Dad for money they didn't have. So I stopped going. If I ever meet that gentleman again, I need to thank him. He quite literally saved my life a few times, although, I'm not sure how aware of that he is. That student shrink is still the best therapist (besides Al Anon) I have ever dealt with.
                              I started taking midnight walks with friends around campus. Talking, walking, about anything and to anywhere. College Guy mentioned using art as a method of release. I tried that, but I still hadn't found quite the release lever.
                              I saw another school shrink two semesters later. That one was useless. I stopped going.
                              I got into an abusive relationship (verbal and emotional, just what I knew.) I spiralled down for quite a long time (well, 8 months in hell will do that.) I almost switched schools for him, had the classes put in and was hunting for an apartment and everything. He broke up with me, using the ultimate gut punch of "you're too wild and manipulative." I transferred back to my college. My downward spiral continued. That summer I came desperately close to suicide, the closest I had ever been since my near attempt in high school. I refused to kill myself, but I wouldn't mind if someone killed me or I got some illness that would kill me. Talking to College Guy, Dallas Guy, and RA Chick was the only thing that kept me in this world.
                              I went back to college in the fall. I was going through the motions, but I had my own apartment. I was extremely reclusive those first weeks. I painted. A lot. I tried to let my hermit crabs cheer me up (no go.) I had a breakthrough about Dad in that time, and forgave him for the alcoholism and the abuse. Physical scars heal much more quickly than emotional scars. My mother was still in a locked box in my mind I refused to touch.
                              I met Geek that semester. That one was quite the whirlwind. I remember very little. I tried to forgive my mother. I still wasn't ready.
                              I moved in with Geek the next winter. He gently encouraged e when I faced my past, but held me when I retreated.
                              I moved on out here after college, with Geek. I kept trying to break that barrier. I kept flopping. Out of desperation, I saw a shrink and a therapist out here. Both were useless. One wanted me on every drug he could get his hands on, and the other was more interested in getting me out the door than helping me.
                              Mentor, at one point when we worked together, tried to get me into Al Anon. It was in a church and I was WAYYY too atheist at that point for it to click. I left.
                              I kept trying. I read everything I could get my hands on. I tried the useless meds. Two weeks of euphoria, then nothing. One even made it wirse, which is when I stopped meds altogether. I went suicidal off and on throughout this. Geek knew the routine: if I handed him my knives, it was BAD. If I handed him my knives and went into the backyard... those were some dark days.
                              I found primal. It got rid of the depression, but the anxiety and my past were still there.
                              I found the sulfites. That helped immensely with the anxiety, but my past was still there.
                              I found Al Anon. My past came roaring back, but never more than I could handle. I have mostly forgiven my mother for her own depression and it's actions. I have truly forgiven my father. Other people and my memories, I'm still going that road. My rage still rears its head. My depression still says hello on occasion. But I'm a million times better than I was. I have a lot further to go to heal, but I can do it.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • Naiad, the more I read from you, the more impressed I am with your inner strength. Learning to forgive and letling go of the past takes away its power over us. Al Anon is great a place to start, once you are ready. It helped me deal with a tough time in my life but unexpectedly helped me understand my parents, who were both children of addicts, better.

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