Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • In terms of most weight charts, I'm right in the ideal zone, but on the higher end. I'm not sure how much to go by those, simply because I think I have more muscle mass than those take into account. I know I'm not eating enough, and that's part of the nosedive in weight (I'm sure 8 lb in two weeks isn't the healthiest drop for my size.) It's not intentional restriction. I'm just not hungry except for one meal and a piece of fruit a day. I think my thyroid dose may be too high now that I'm taking it correctly, but unintentional weight loss, being cold, and a lack of appetite seem to be the only symptoms so far. I may need to drop the ashwagandha and see what that does for me. It really doesn't seem to be monkeying with my head. Each drop is a pleasant gift, but nothing I'm actively aiming for and no ED stuff has popped up yet.
    If you want more on Al- Anon, I'm more than willing to help you out with that, either here in the forums, on fb (msg, not post), or by some form of phone. I think it could help you, and even a little bit is better than nada. Judging from what I've seen it do with me, it may help with the anxiety, as well.
    Thanks! I'm looking forward to it.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

    Comment


    • I'm thinking of revisiting some of my worst moments (and hospital time) since it's been on my mind and I realized there are memories I have never recorded. I'm big on documentation, which is why I tend to take a lot of photos. My memory has been good this year so I haven't felt the need for it. I'm going to see what that does and what revelations I have on it. Not sure if I'll be posting that anywhere though, as the details will probably be unpleasant or just boring for most people.

      I'll be sure to let you know if I follow-up on that Al-anon stuff.
      Depression Lies

      Comment


      • I have a new Al Anon post up, mostly on the meditation of "working in faith."
        I know I SHOULD finish out my last two workbook questions, but I'm going to use the excuse of my anniversary and having to prep dinner. I recognize that this is procrastination and fear of some silly little words on the page. I also know these questions require me to probe into parts of myself and my past that hurt when I poke them. I may do them tonight, just so I can get past the guilt of not doing them.
        In other news, we're FINALLY starting to get the dog trained not to jump on you when she gets excited or jump up, bounce around, or play bite when we're trying to pet and scratch her. It's been over a year since we got her and it's finally starting to sink in.
        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
        My Latest Journal

        Comment


        • MST3K sucked. It's definitely a million times better at about a quarter the length. We then watched Vampires Suck as a palate cleanser. I highly recommend that if you like parody movies, especially if you don't care for the Twilight saga.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
          My Latest Journal

          Comment


          • But will you get all the jokes if you haven't watched Twilight over and over?

            Comment


            • Trust me, it's a good enough parody that all you need is a pop culture knowledge of Twilight. I think I love it so much because, even in being a parody of Twilight/ assorted vampire pop movies, it's still a better love story than Twilight.
              Today's wake up call was a "Goddammit!" and the sound of Geek chucking his work phone across the room. They're pulling him to Houston next week. Halloween is his favorite holiday, and he's already bought all the costume stuff. Last minute notice for travel is common with his firm. It's Niece's favorite holiday as well, and he was going to help her with her zombie make up. I'm trying to find words for how I feel. Confused. Something akin to sad that isn't truly sadness or shame. Mild anger (not rage) at his company. Anxiousness, because he's been my rock in this Al-Anon stuff, even if we really haven't spoken of it much. Mostly that not- quite- sad feeling that I can't name. I'm trying to allow myself to feel these emotions and not shove back down where they "belong."
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

              Comment


              • Good. Geek managed to get out of going out of town. I feel relief and happiness, and still a tinge of anger towards his company. I also feel tired.
                Received my unemployment papers today. I'll be getting more per month than I did last year, but I only get 6.5 months of benefits at that rate. It's ok. Between that and my savings and tutoring money, we should be able to make it 10- 11 months, plus the joint slush fund I don't want to touch. I'm still nervous and worried about the unemployment not lasting long enough. I'm still ashamed of having to take it. I know my emotions are running high because I didn't sleep well or enough. I have another sad- but- not- quite emotion that I can't name. Maybe despair, insecurity, or feeling alone.
                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                My Latest Journal

                Comment


                • I'm glad it worked out with Geek & Halloween. Remember that you can feel all of those things at once! I am reassured for you that you have the relative security of unemployment benefits at least for a little while.
                  Depression Lies

                  Comment


                  • I can, and I know I do. I just need to be able to identify them to properly handle them. Most of my life, I've been able to name the 3 main emotions: sad, mad, glad. I had no healthy way of expressing them and handling them. It was dangerous. The shrink in college helped me see more emotions than just those 3. Being able to name and allowing myself to feel, not bottle, those emotions is part of my healing. The ones related to sad are the hardest ones to pick out and identify.
                    Geek seems more supportive of the Al- Anon thing than I would have given him credit for. I think he's happy that I've found a way to deal with my past and move forward. He also seemed relieved when I said a belief in God isn't necessary for it to work and that I'm working with Mentor and not someone new that might make me anxious or withdraw into myself. He was worried about how I would handle him going out of town while I am unemployed and it seemed to calm him down when I mentioned that there are always meetings I can go to if I feel lonely or need people.
                    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                    My Latest Journal

                    Comment


                    • A new post, and the last of Step One.
                      I'm looking at a job as a CPS investigator, and I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle it. I think it would be rewarding, but, given that I've seen the other side of it, I don't know that I could handle it day in and day out.
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                      My Latest Journal

                      Comment


                      • Narrowly avoided bad food this evening. I want pizza, but we ended up getting burgers from Five Guys (the only place in the area where I can eat fries.)
                        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                        My Latest Journal

                        Comment


                        • So glad geek will be home and that you have a little breathing room with the benefits.

                          I understand the new unidentifiable emotion problem. Because I have been clean of my drug (sugar & carbs) for a while, all the emotions that I usually stuff down are coming up. Not fun, but necessary for healing.
                          Primal since 9/24/2010
                          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                          Comment


                          • CPS work is incredibly stressful. You might not want to take that on at this point.

                            Comment


                            • Sabine, I thought hard about it and decided that's not my path right now. Maybe eventually, but right now I need to heal me before I can help others.
                              Paula, thanks for the encouragement. Yesterday I had a memory surface from when I was very small. So small, in fact, that I'm not sure anything but the emotions and general idea of the scene are true. I was finally able to feel and pinpoint those emotions (confusion, fear, shame.) Hurt like hell, especially since it doesn't seem like the start, just where my memory picks up.
                              I woke up with a sense of serenity and a smile. One where it seems like your day will be good regardless of how bad it goes. Those are rare, but becoming less so.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

                              Comment


                              • A couple new posts, one on the memory I mentioned above, one on Step 2.
                                I'm down to 118.6 lb, 5 lb away from my post college low.
                                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                                My Latest Journal

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X