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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • Yikes!
    I just talked to what I believe was the secretary at the place I interviewed a couple weeks ago. They haven't notified prospective employees yet. It's back on the list of ones I'm hoping for. Supposedly, she'll have them call me tomorrow and let me know where they are in the process.
    The headhunter firm wants me to draft (heh) up a draftsman oriented resume and send it in. It's already written, I just need to find that business card she handed me. She seems to think she can get me a drafting position that pays as much as some of my engineering positions.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • Another Al- Anon post, based on my conversation with Mentor. Definite trigger warning.
      Step 1, part 2
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
      My Latest Journal

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      • Just wanted to let you know I've been reading & I'm really amazed at how you are tackling this. It's very inspiring.
        Depression Lies

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        • ^ what she said!
          Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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          • I'm not reading- it is too intense for me- but I salute you for working through all this stuff.

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            • Awww... Thanks you guys! I think the hardest thing is opening myself up to actually feel the emotions without worrying what the "proper" response is.
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • Another Al- Anon post. Mentor gave me the Al- Anon workbook.
                Today was primal. Went for groceries. Had grilled chicken salads for dinner and discovered I don't care for Annie's Green Garlic dressing. I can taste the bad oil they use, and it had an aftertaste I didn't care for. Also, it triggered an asthma attack.
                Went and tutored Kid, came to an agreement on payment with the parents.
                Applied for a job I don't expect to get with the Texas Railroad Commission. Shot in the dark, but still a shot. It's also an application for any state job.
                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                My Latest Journal

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                • I have been reading your al-anon posts. That is some hard work. I know from personal experience.
                  Primal since 9/24/2010
                  "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                  MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                  • Thanks, Paula. I want to get through this; I want to get that monkey off my back. Mentor's telling me it'll probably take close to 3-4 months, and I'm having trouble trying not to rush it and give the "correct", but wrong, answers.
                    I think I might be getting sick. That, or cedar pollen is in the air. (Google fu reveals that weed pollen counts are off the charts. No wonder I'm having problems.) I woke up with so much snot in my system that I felt like I was gonna yark. A couple of dry heaves, a ginormous belch, and a giant glob of gunk later, and the feeling passed. One cold tile floor later, and I was fine to go back to bed.
                    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                    My Latest Journal

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                    • I finally declared a meeting time for my first Al- Anon meeting this time around: Friday at 10 PM. It's a candlelight one, which should make it easier, since I won't be able to look people in the eye.
                      I'm writing my next Al- Anon post, and stalling/ procrastinating with the next question.
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                      My Latest Journal

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                      • Sounds...sobering, for lack of a better term.
                        Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

                        If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

                        Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

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                        • Twibble, I chose that one specifically because it seemed the most serious and ritualized one, hoping it would invoke that sense of calm I used to get out of an Episcopal service all those year ago.
                          My latest Al- Anon workbook post.
                          There were many times in that one when a memory would come flooding through, a memory involving parts in my life that I had locked away and emotions associated with them. I can even put a name to some of the emotions: shame, fear, humiliation, terror, and overwhelmed. Mind you, when I first started trying to heal, I could identify the 3 major emotions (mad, sad, glad) in myself maybe half the time. Beyond that, I reverted back to one of the major 3.
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                          My Latest Journal

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                          • I just measured myself and weighed in: 120 lb, 12.25 in neck, 26.5 in waist, 36 in hip, 23.5% body fat.
                            Last edited by naiadknight; 10-23-2013, 08:54 PM.
                            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                            My Latest Journal

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                            • Officially below 120 as of today: 119.8 lb. That's my lowest primal weight, my lowest married weight and 6 lb shy of my lowest weight out of college.
                              Went to an open AA meeting, just to hear it from the other side of the trenches. Definitely an eye opener. It helped me realize that we all have the same demon by different names. Hearing it from the other side, in some of my same words,was relieving, in a way. It also helped reinforce the idea that it's not the affected against the addict, it's the addict and the affected against the demon.
                              Today's anniversary confirms I married the right man: dinner is steak, shrimp and salad at home and a MST3K: Night of the Living Dead one night showing at the local movie theater.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • May I ask, how do you feel about this low weight? I know you had some concerns about getting too low or getting in a weird headspace about it. It seems like it's not unhealthy (especially at your height), but I recall you mentioning calories and it seems like you're not eating all that much. I don't know how much size really affects caloric needs, however. I have always been able to eat a lot, it's just the types of foods that seems to matter.

                                I wonder if I might benefit from some of this AA stuff, at least in terms of thinking about my history with self-injury. I feel mostly at peace with it, but I'm sure there could always be improvement.

                                Happy anniversary Dinner sounds great!
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