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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • Just got a call from a headhunter, wanting me to move to Dallas. After being rather vehement on not being willing to move, she changed tacks and said she might have other openings. Apparently, the truth won't fly, in regards to Firm. I would need to go into detail regarding office politics. I have no clue how to spin that so it works for me. QB fired me because I wouldn't play her manipulative games? Makes me sound whiny. QB had me fired because I refused to gossip with her? Makes no sense from their perspective, even if it's true. I was fired for too high a level of attention to detail and too much customer service, to the point of cutting the profit margin? While that may be true, no one will buy that.
    Just spoke with a buddy I had at Firm. I wasn't do my work correctly. I can understand that, especially given the CBT stuff. I guess, in terms of lessons learned, I learned that my fear of imperfection led to procrastination, in turn leading to not having enough time to get it done correctly or going past deadline. I have learned that imperfection, while to be minimized, cannot be completely avoided, and can be best avoid by starting the job without procrastination.
    I still think switching careers may be the way to go, but now I have a way forward with engineering, even if that career is effectively shot, thanks in large part to childhood issues.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • Thank you for all the compliments, folks! I forgot that my last photo is buried somewhere in my old journal.
      Geo, I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this. I'm trying not to and trying to stay positive. It's almost working. I think it really is time to split off for a new career. I'll still keep all my options open, including engineering, because that's the best way forward. I've thought about volunteering, just as a way to keep me occupied.
      I know something is coming. The cards keep indicating change, but that it's a dangerous tightrope and nothing changes if I don't change. It also keeps indicating that a change in path is definitely in the offing.
      I also keep getting this niggling itch to check in at a certain interior design place. I'll probably scratch that itch later today.
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
      My Latest Journal

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      • I look at my job as career change. While it is still customer service to an extent, I'm not tied to a damn phone all day. I'm learning and doing so much more that it's a nice change of pace. You'll find your place in the world. In some cases it takes time.
        Georgette

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        • You are sounding a lot better now, at least. I am glad for that!
          Depression Lies

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          • Originally posted by geostump View Post
            Here's something that I have thought of. What about volunteering? Meals on Wheels, local food pantry, schools. It would be something to keep you busy and could look good on a résumé.
            This is a GREAT idea!!
            Primal since March 5, 2012
            SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)



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            • Went to HEB and the watermill. Got roughly 175 lb (21 gal + 2 packages of bottled) of water, as well as Geek stuff and fruit.
              I caught myself being irritated at Geek for not having outside clothes on and helping me get the water in the house. Part of the irritation was that I was already warm (worsens any mood for me), part of it was "he knows I have trouble getting the water back into the house and he knew I went to go get water." I acknowledged it, acknowledged that he had been working, and acknowledged that I hadn't asked him to help me get the water in the house. I found the correct reaction, and used that. He was helping put stuff away as I brought it in, so that irritation melted away.
              I stopped at the interior design place. It was more of a Kirlands-esque place. Not where I want to work.
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • W00T!!! I have an interview tomorrow. I'm hesitant to say what for, out of fear of the dream breaking, but suffice it to say it's literally around the corner, not even a block away, and I'd love doing it.
                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                My Latest Journal

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                • Woo hoo!! I'm keeping everything crossed that it goes well for you & will send out positive vibes to the angels...the universe...oh hell to any one out there who will listen!!!!!
                  Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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                  • I have mixed emotions on the interview. I think they liked me, but I know not having experience or a TEA license were strikes against me. The interview was extremely short, not even 15 minutes. Not sure how to read that either. They're supposed to make a decision next week to get the new teachers in before the next grading period.
                    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                    My Latest Journal

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                    • Well maybe you just dazzled them & they have to give the others at least a listen. Thinking positive here!! 😉
                      Goal: Don't worry be happy!

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                      • Well, there's also a pool of 6-8 applicants, based on the stack of resumes, and they need 6 teachers. I'd say the odds are on my side.
                        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                        My Latest Journal

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                        • Back to some of the soul searching and deep conversations with myself.
                          "You must love yourself before you can truly love others."
                          I find that untrue. I can love others easily enough, once they're close enough. Loving myself and allowing myself to be loved without embarrassment or fear is... difficult. It leads to the self sabotage and relationship sabotage I've experienced before. I've managed to learn to not sabotage relationships (mostly.) Not sabotaging myself is nearly impossible. I think mostly because I have trouble putting myself first. I surround myself with strong people who know how to put themselves first to make sure I take care of myself, because I don't hafta take care of them.
                          I'm finding all of these character flaws and I try not to get down on myself. I keep hearing Mentor, "You're carry rocks that aren't yours. You were handed them as a child and you haven't put them down yet." I think I can put them down, once I've examined them.
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                          My Latest Journal

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                          • I think you can love others before yourself, but loving yourself helps lead to more fulfilling and trusting relationships. Or it can, anyway.

                            That's a good metaphor with the rocks. Learning how to let go is not easy. I find that examination helps too. Find the root of things and prune the tree, transplant it, or dig it up and let it die.
                            Depression Lies

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                            • Took care of the yard and tutored the kid. Tonight is potluck Game Night, with spag and whatever folks bring. I have a feeling all I'll be eating is zuke and sauce, oh well. We're lucky enough they agreed to going potluck on Saturdays, I'm not going to try and explain what all I can and can't eat unless asked.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • I forgot to mention I've been checking my weight fairly often, both before and after being canned. I think I confirmed a suspicion I've had for quite some time. It is partially CICO for me to lose weight, but mostly my allergy prohibits me from losing weight. I eat right and I can steadily either maintain at roughly 5-7 lb lower than my previous usual setpoint or steadily lose if I eat less than I expend. I eat something that interacts with the allergy and my weight goes up by 7-10 lb.
                                I'm slowly working out what I can and can't eat. No dairy (butter seems ok), no store bought wheat products, no extreme amount of garlic/ onion (above and beyond our usual 1/4 head/day/ person), no vinegar or wine, and nothing canned or most dried fruit, no molasses, no sundried tomatoes. Rice seems to cause no issues. Corn shouldn't, but processed corn products will, including cornmeal, masa, cornstarch, and corn syrup. No potatoes unless I can see the potato sack or potatoes. Most sauces are verboten, unless homemade. Some seafood is ok, Krab is evil and must be purged with flames.
                                Sounds difficult, but for the most part I can make it work. Going out to eat presents challenges, but I can do it.
                                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                                My Latest Journal

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