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Still on the Warpath: Naiadknight's Battle Tome

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  • Don't forget, there are different levels of staying at home. There's just staying at home, there's staying at home & blogging, staying at home & freelancing, staying at home & working PT, staying at home & making art, and staying at home & eating bonbons.
    Most people don't realize how much energy it takes for me to pretend to be normal.

    If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I'd fart.

    Twibble's Twibbly Wibbly

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    • Originally posted by Twibble View Post
      staying at home & eating bonbons.
      or living the dream as I call it.

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      • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
        or living the dream as I call it.
        Yeah, she's got a pup too, so that's a pretty full dream.
        Depression Lies

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        • I've thought about going back to blogging or writing. I don't seem to have the right skills for freelancing in the area. Sitting around and eating bonbons is anathema to me; I'm not a Peggy Bundy or (my mother) a slacker. Wow, I think I just found another deep taproot from my childhood again, one I was quite happy to leave untouched. Anyways, I'm sorely uncomfortable not pulling my own weight monetarily. Anything less than equal terms and I feel like a sponge and a slacker. Geek paying all the bills makes me nervous, really nervous. We chose this house and lifestyle in case of something like this, but I still don't like not paying my own way. If something goes wrong again, we're up shit creek.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
          My Latest Journal

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          • Just keep letting it all out. Hugs.

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            • I found a nonengineering job that seems right up my alley that I'm applying for. Graduation advisor at the local community college.
              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
              My Latest Journal

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              • Good luck. Also, I know you are no Peggy Bundy. A life of sitting at home and eating crap sounds good to me right now though so I am projecting

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                • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
                  I found a nonengineering job that seems right up my alley that I'm applying for. Graduation advisor at the local community college.
                  I did a similar job years ago, for Air Force folks. I loved it! I'll send good karma vibes your way!

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                  • I think you may be giving up on engineering too soon. What about working on the issues you identified with your mentor before any major career change, which will have its own stressors?

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                    • I am working on those, Sabine. The issue is that my resume is a shit stain at the moment from having too many jobs in such a short span. My last firm officially firing me was effectively the nail in the coffin. I'm still applying for engineering jobs, but I'm not expecting anything to come of it. 5 jobs in as many years, 6 if you count the CAD job, is not something employers want to see in a boom.
                      I could go CAD, but there's not much mental stimulation there. "Here's this part. Draw it." I need something to keep me engaged or I'll get canned from this one too.
                      TXDOT- Odessa district isn't hiring. There went that avenue, as I'm not willing to drive to Big Spring every day.
                      Slept well last night. Not long enough, because my old boss from TXDOT called back in response to my query, but well enough.
                      Friday, Saturday and Sunday had their share of 20%: deep fried onion bits, egg rolls, and cake for MIL's birthday.
                      I guess now it's time to start updating Monster, LinkedIn and such.
                      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                      My Latest Journal

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                      • Since we're now inadvertently doing the SNAP challenge, here's what we got for 2 people for 5 day for $21.27, including Geek's tea and my water.
                        Leftover heart, peppers, rice, and onions from Saturday
                        Chicken tarmartar curry (chicken thighs- $1/ lb ($4.28), tomatos- $0.74/ lb (2.19), onion- already had, garlic- already had, ginger- already had, and spices, plus yogurt- $2.38/ quart and flour in pantry for naan and rice)
                        Chile verde (pork butt- $1.09/ lb, poblano peppers- $1.78/ lb ($0.84), jalapenos- $0.88/ lb ($1.28), tomatillos- $0.98/ lb (1.01), onion, garlic, spices)
                        Leftovers
                        Leftovers (Both recipes make a huge batch.)
                        If we run out of leftovers, I go buy more cheap chicken and some lettuce for grilled chicken salads.
                        This leaves me with another $32.73 for Saturday with the guys (now changed to potluck saturday, we provide main course.) With the sales going on right now, it's fairly viable, if you don't mind repetitive food. even if you throw in cost for what I already had, sans spices, we'd still have ~$30 left.
                        Last edited by naiadknight; 10-07-2013, 02:13 PM.
                        Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                        My Latest Journal

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                        • I can't do this. I'm fucked up enough as it is, I don't need the added weight of being unemployed. What the hell is wrong with me? Obviously, there's some lesson I'm not learning. Some lesson in regards to the working world or interacting with other humans. Hell, it may be some lesson I learned as a kid that I now need to unlearn. Who knows, maybe I really am as stupid, lazy, and imperfect as that little nagging voice claims I am. Hey, there's the suicide voice, go away now.
                          You know how they say if you keep butting your head against the same wall, it still won't open? That's how I'm feeling. What was once an open doorway is now a brick wall. You get enough concussions and you have no desire for another. I think Local Firm was my last concussion.
                          I feel awake. More so than I have in years. Not physically awake, but emotionally, spiritually. There's a storm out there with my name on it, but I choose which boat to build. Obviously, the engineering boat I've made has been battered beyond repair. Time to build a new one. But which one, which way to build it?
                          I also wonder if maybe this is a lesson I've been shown time and again, one I've ignored every time I could. Teamwork. Equal doesn't mean the same. I don't like and distrust very deeply placing a portion of my fate in someone's hands. I'm afraid they'll fuck it up and I'll be fucked through no action of my own. I'm afraid to trust someone else, as those I should be able to trust the most were the first ones in my life to break my trust. Geek has shown no reason for me to mistrust him. He's shown every reason I should be able to trust him. I can trust him with everything else, but trusting him to always be there... even though he's shown he would and always will, I can't. Too many time has my trust in others been ripped away.
                          I think that's my lesson. Trust. Belief that something will always be there. I honestly think it would be easier to grow a second head than to trust anyone again, completely, even Geek. How do you make that leap? How do you jump into someone's arms without worrying they'll drop you when load gets too heavy? How do you go from defensively self reliant to trusting someone not to let you fall? How do you just... let go?
                          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                          My Latest Journal

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                          • You don't. You scrabble at the edges & get cut & bruised and you cut & bruise someone else. And they brush it off because they love you, you help each other apply the bandages, and you keep going until you're both on the same boat. You trust that you can build trust.

                            Or you find an epiphany.

                            (I hope this is not too harsh. I see myself in what you are saying and I can see in my mind the # of times I have written the same thing in countless journals. Trust is hard, but it's the only way.)
                            Last edited by namelesswonder; 10-07-2013, 05:28 PM.
                            Depression Lies

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                            • I need to print that first paragraph out, Tasha. Print it out and post it everywhere and carry it in my wallet. That was what I needed to hear.
                              Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                              My Latest Journal

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                              • For future reference, something that explains why my past fucks with my future so bad.
                                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                                My Latest Journal

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