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Kymma, Kisses are my only sugar - Journal

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  • Originally posted by naiadknight View Post
    Speaking from (kinda) the other side of the fence: I have held 6 jobs in the past not quite 5 years. Two, I did walk away from (but not before having something else lined up.) Three of them, I was fired or laid off, and ended up on unemployment each time. It's hard knowing you should pull your weight, but can't. You get snippy and grumpy. After long enough on unemployment, you get reclusive, because F- it, no one wants you so why bother. (I kept trying because unemployment was a nonoption for me.) When you're working a dead end job to make ends meet because it's the only option, it's almost as bad. On really bad days, you WANT them to fire you, if for no other reason than you won't hafta work in hell anymore.
    I'm not trying to defend him. Not in the least, because he sounds like he's given up. All I'm trying to do is give an idea of where his head might be to help you talk to him so he'll hear.
    Thank you for reminding me of this insight. I feel his frustration. I really do. I have been applying for jobs with a good job and a good resume and work history and not getting anywhere. I think my issue is that no matter what I suggest in the way of just getting a stable, more steady job while looking for a career path role, he poo poos.

    I am planning to speak to him about my feelings this weekend. I want him to know that I am experiencing fear. I also plan to say that when he discusses leaving his job without having a new one after all we have gone through together in the financial department, that I am gobsmacked. That the thought that his anger towards his boss and a coworker is more important than the pain and hardship such a decision would make on our life and me, his loving and supportive wife, cuts me to the core.

    I cannot be his therapist because this issue in particular triggers a lot of emotions that I have spent YEARS of our marriage in therapy for myself. It is time for him to find a therapist, a resume writer, and a recruiter. I have played all of these roles and it has depleted my energy.

    I am calmer today. I can only discuss my feelings, make a few recommendations and be supportive. He must develop his personal path himself.

    Saw 228 this morning,k would love for it to stick since I have been yo-yoing 229-233. Just have to keep on the course.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

    Comment


    • I am glad you are feeling calmer. You seem it. What you described talking to your husband about is how I approached my fear of Boyfriend quitting the job he had over the summer. We came to an understanding of each other's views and he has made more of an effort to include me in this thinking about job-related ventures. I hope your husband will be receptive and willing to help come up with some kind of game plan so you can work through this together.
      Depression Lies

      Comment


      • It's so important to set boundaries, but equally important to be loving and supportive. The hard part is finding the balance between the two. You sound like you are in a good place - wanting to love and support and encourage - but not wanting to enable and take over. Good for you, Kymma!
        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
        2. Eat to heal
        3. Move to live
        4. Embrace today
        5. Live with intention
        6. Respect my body
        7. Cultivate joy
        8. Find my passion
        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

        Comment


        • The catch up with the hubs is he saw I was upset all over my face. He asked me, I told him I was scared he would quit his job, he said that it wasn't going to happen, that he was venting, I told him to mention the venting part next time. Rolls eyes, men piss me off. I still hold that the best marriage would involve 2 houses next door to each other or a duplex.

          So anywho, I had 24 hours of debauchery yesterday. I llet all rules go for one day. I just ate crap. And you know what? I don[t feel guilty and I don't wish to continue. I just want to eat yummy food and it was ok, but not great. I feel ok about it. Let's see how re-engaging goes over the next few days and hopefully, this will be a win.
          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

          Comment


          • Before I got married I always thought it would be great to be married to a pilot, or someone who was out of town a lot. I still think that could work. Plan B is to have a place in the house that is your do not disturb zone. It can be a room or even a corner with a super comfy chair. If the weather is nice I have a hammock under our wood deck, no one ever thinks of it because you can't see it from inside the house, well even from outside unless you walk around the garage. If the weather is bad I have a corner of the basement that is my "studio" again you have to be deliberate to find me there, a bonus is that all my art and craft stuff is there.

            My 2BFF's and I always talk about buying a plot of land at the beach and build us each a small cottage. Then in the center have 2 little cottages. One as a common area, and one for a care giver (nurse). This way we could escape the hubbies by going to one of the other houses. this is for retirement by the way.
            Chris
            "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
            Unknown

            My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

            My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by demuralist View Post
              Before I got married I always thought it would be great to be married to a pilot, or someone who was out of town a lot. I still think that could work. Plan B is to have a place in the house that is your do not disturb zone. It can be a room or even a corner with a super comfy chair. If the weather is nice I have a hammock under our wood deck, no one ever thinks of it because you can't see it from inside the house, well even from outside unless you walk around the garage. If the weather is bad I have a corner of the basement that is my "studio" again you have to be deliberate to find me there, a bonus is that all my art and craft stuff is there.

              My 2BFF's and I always talk about buying a plot of land at the beach and build us each a small cottage. Then in the center have 2 little cottages. One as a common area, and one for a care giver (nurse). This way we could escape the hubbies by going to one of the other houses. this is for retirement by the way.
              I love thinking about these little cottages. What a great idea!
              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

              Comment


              • So here is the long and short of it. I went off the reservation during my vacation, by reducing online connection, resting, resting, resting, and enjoying some valuable down time.

                I also became lax on the eating guidelines from 12/24 until yesterday. I didn't do terribly, and tbh, I have no regrets or guilt. I think after having been 98% VLC, no sugar, no grains from Nov. 1 - Dec. 24, that one week of less restrictions is ok.

                Lessons learned: I like fat better than sweets, sushi, or any other "treat". Many of these things also give me a tummy ache, and that sucks. I do not have guilt and WANT to eat healthy. When I let go of guilt, I am less likely to get caught in the trap of poor eating.

                So back to it, I did 54 days the first time. I am shooting for 76 days until my bday, when I will buy an expensive chocolate and maybe a bottle of champagne.

                The hubs and I are doing great. We are getting along, working together, and in a good space. He is having his resume rewritten professionally and seems to be really motivated to try different things to find a good job.

                The play is going great. I forgot how much I like acting and that I am pretty good at it. We go up on Jan. 19, so the next few weeks are going to be amazing. This is the part of the work that gets good. My character is awesome and I am enjoying getting to know her.

                I'll be revisiting journals over the next few days, but hope you all had a lovely holiday.
                My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                Comment


                • Kymma -- all good things in your world! So glad to hear about the hubs and the new found motivation! Yeah! I'm sure with your last commitment to eating healthy you won't have any trouble staying on track this time

                  Good luck with the play - sounds like you are really enjoying the whole experience - may be this will lead to a more stead hobby for you?
                  1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                  2. Eat to heal
                  3. Move to live
                  4. Embrace today
                  5. Live with intention
                  6. Respect my body
                  7. Cultivate joy
                  8. Find my passion
                  9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Kymma View Post
                    Lessons learned: I like fat better than sweets, sushi, or any other "treat". Many of these things also give me a tummy ache, and that sucks. I do not have guilt and WANT to eat healthy. When I let go of guilt, I am less likely to get caught in the trap of poor eating.

                    The hubs and I are doing great. We are getting along, working together, and in a good space. He is having his resume rewritten professionally and seems to be really motivated to try different things to find a good job.

                    I'll be revisiting journals over the next few days, but hope you all had a lovely holiday.
                    All good stuff! This past Holiday season had a similar effect for me in releasing guilt. I have no idea how it happened, but I am very pleased!
                    Depression Lies

                    Comment


                    • I like to think of refocusing as the cycle of the moon, you can't go from full moon (eat whatever you want) to new moon (eat what you want for health) over night, it is a process. So last week was a moving towards that and led to getting prepared to go full throttle this week. I made a quiche for my breakfasts, some oopsie rolls for breading (and added fat) for my boars head hot dogs for lunches, vanilla and chocolate stevia mousses, cooked bacon, and a meal plan for a few days.

                      I am also full throttle on the play, we open in 12 days!!!! Having food prepped is going to be a huge help. I may have to tell the hubs he is on his own and cook up some bison burgers and put in the freezer for next week. I'll make it work one way or another!

                      Tomi - I do think this is leading to something new and significant in my life. I have some ideas for directing and writing that came from this, so we'll see how it pans out.

                      My burst dvd comes today, so I'll post a review later this week. I have read lots of claims that you can lose 20lbs in 30 days. Wouldn't that be awesome! Event though I gained back 5 lbs over the holidays, I still plan to get to onederland by my bday, so 33.8 lbs which may be a huge goal, but I'm shooting for the stars and hoping I at least hit the moon!

                      Day 1 of total HFLC re commitment stats:
                      Mood: Great and hopeful!
                      Weight: 233.8

                      Daily macro goals:
                      Protein: 65-79g
                      Carbs: 36.25g max
                      Fat: 145g fat
                      Calories: 1700-1750 calories a day
                      My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                      Comment


                      • sounds fun and exciting! New things on the horizon!

                        You're steadfastness is commendable! thanks for being an encouragement and a good example.
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • So apparently me and the hubs had something that didn't agree with our bellies, we've been a little under the weather digestively, lol. I thought it was the magnesium I took! LOL, I can be so clueless about my own body, but that is because I live in my head. So I guess I got a slight detox, but it did make sleep poor last night because of a tummy ache< like being a little kid!

                          I feel pretty good, if tired today. Didn't hit my macros yesterday, really.

                          Protein: 84g (65-79g)
                          Carbs: 44/25net (36.25g max)
                          Fat: 87g (145g fat)
                          Calories: 1285 (1700-1750)

                          I just have to keep moving towards it. Maybe I will get some time to plan some menus that are perfectly balanced, but until then, I'll just keep doing my best.
                          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                          Comment


                          • Food: I have been having tummy issues and ate very little the last couple of days. I hope this is the end of it. It's been a nice purge and I've almost lost all of my holiday weight, which may come back when I begin to eat. I am trying to rehydrate and eat today. I am ready to get back on plan.

                            New stuff: I attended my first birth last night with my soul sister. It was an amazing experience. It also reaffirmed what is important to me.
                            My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                            Comment


                            • Cool!!!
                              1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                              2. Eat to heal
                              3. Move to live
                              4. Embrace today
                              5. Live with intention
                              6. Respect my body
                              7. Cultivate joy
                              8. Find my passion
                              9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                              Comment


                              • Still working on getting macros right, I'll get it worked out. I think I'm buying a scale to help with meat measurements. Part of the issue is time because of the play. I eat so late and while exhausted, so planning and executing is less of a science and more of get it done thing at the moment.

                                Calories 1,883/1750
                                Fat 148/145
                                Carbs 54/36.5
                                Protein 98/79
                                Net Carbs 31/36.5

                                Stomach seems to be somewhat better this morning. Going to try out that Burst DVD this morning around 11am. If I could actually take off 20 lbs in 30 days that would rock, but no matter, I just need to reintroduce movement and exercise into my life. Did I mention that the doc that did the video is hot? lol
                                My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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