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Kymma, Kisses are my only sugar - Journal

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  • #91
    Yeah, gonna be fun!

    I do not like to eat in the morning, drinking I can do, so my morning shake is...
    1C unsweetened Almond Milk
    1C unsweetened Coconut Milk
    2 large eggs
    1T flaxseed meal
    1T unsweetened cocoa powder
    1T Great Lakes Kosher gelatin (for my joints-I have arthritis)
    1T chia seeds
    2T SF Raspberry syrup
    1/2 a dropper of liquid stevia

    I also have a cup of hot Green Matcha tea with 4T of 1/2 & 1/2 (I would use heavy cream, but I shop at Trader Joes and they only have small container of it) and stevia

    The stats for that come in at...440 calories, 16g carb, 31g of fat, 21g of protein, and 9g of fiber (so 7g Net Carb). I think for now I am going to keep doing Net Carbs, and just slowly work my way into counting straight carbs as I get further into it.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
    Unknown

    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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    • #92
      Sounds yummy! I think I am going to just do cheesy crustless quiches with spinach for now. Most mornings I haven't been able to force myself to eat.
      My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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      • #93
        I think I am also going to start adding in a T of MCT oil (as per what Pebbles and I just talked about in her journal), which will increase the calories to 540 and the fat to 45, which will help get me pretty much where I want to be as far as the macro stats are concerned.

        I could do the quiches for lunch, no way I could stuff any down for breakfast. I just cannot stomach food in the morning. Some version of a smoothie is what I have been doing for years.
        Chris
        "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
        Unknown

        My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

        My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

        Comment


        • #94
          Getting these macros in is going to be a bit of a challenge. But I had less nausea today just from cutting back protein yesterday.

          The play rehearsals are really fun, but they are definitely at a rough time of year. Traffic to get there is horrible. I am also not really prepared, I don't have dinners planned out, so last night was fried eggs and salami. I need to plan better to get my food in, and also so I am not up all night. I need to learn to cook some casseroles or something. But then again, eggs are good!
          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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          • #95
            eggs are always my go-to meal when I haven't planned ahead - quick, easy and always good!
            1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
            2. Eat to heal
            3. Move to live
            4. Embrace today
            5. Live with intention
            6. Respect my body
            7. Cultivate joy
            8. Find my passion
            9. Meditate on peace in my soul

            Comment


            • #96
              I am managing my stress this morning from a situation that happened when the hubs got home last night. When he got home from his restaurant server job, he was enraged about some things that happened there. I did a decent job at just letting him vent, not arguing, offering very little advice. He was in management until he went back to school and just took a server job. He works fro a crappy manager and it is hard on him. I know this, but there is history too.

              Background is a string of about 7 jobs over our 7 years, several quit without notice or having a new job, with the added bonus of a layoff and 2 years of unemployment thrown in the mix. So when he gets enraged, says things like he is approaching the end of his rope with his job, it puts me on edge big style. I hope he was just blowing off steam and won't do anything rash. My anger at the situation, and at him for continuing to put me in this situation, is rising. I am already running conversations and scenarios in my mind and I want to stop that. That is pure worry. But I also know there will need to be relationship consequences if he does this again. It has almost led to divorce several times, maybe he just wasn't aware how imminent that was on occasion. I love him like gangbusters, but the working issue is a deal breaker for me. I am trying to get preggo and this is just not positive. It has me praying for TOM this morning.

              I don't think that men realize how a woman worries about not being with a provider. I know he is not THE Provider, I am the stable one, I am the one that makes sure everything is taken care of by paying extra and not putting the burden on him so he can go to school and get a better job. I was also the primary provider while I went to school too. I am hopeful that in 2013 he will get a job he can feel proud of, graduate school, and this uncertainty in his job situation will ease. I think 7 years of this shit is enough for any good wife. I deserve better and I know he knows it even though I don't say it. If he leaves his job I will be so much more than angry.

              I have to stay in the moment. I could sit and cry over this. Oh well.
              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

              Comment


              • #97
                Wow, can I relate to that or what. Boyfriend and I are young yet, at 24 years old, but I've worried about similar things with him. It was different when we started dating, when I was in school still and his income was disposable. Now we live in an apartment, I have been working full-time for most of our relationship (3 years on Friday w00t), and he has been in school for the most part, getting living expenses paid by the Army. Due to injury, medical debt, and dissatisfaction from school, he was depressed for a year or longer. He only just came out of it within the last couple of months, I think. He's taking a year off school now to work because he missed course registration deadlines and I think that has helped him get some distance from the bad stuff he was carrying around with him.

                Anytime he misses work or school, I worry. When he quit the first job he got after the Spring semester, after only a month there, I worried. I worry because there were a couple of semesters where he missed classes and failed labs because of low attendance. He was really depressed then, and isn't now, but it was a long time and it became a kind of knee-jerk response for me. We've talked about it and I think he's begun to understand why I respond the way I do, sometimes, when he gets hurt or sick. It really requires both of us to be in the right frame of mind, however.
                Depression Lies

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                • #98
                  It's hard, because you want to be supportive of your mate. On the other hand, it puts such a strain on so many people. There is a lot more to the story, and I have spent countless hours of therapy dealing with dealing with him. It is his turn on several fronts and my patience and understanding is spent. Get a job with a steady paycheck and go to organization meetings where you can meet people who might hire or recommend you for positions you are interested in. Hell, I've already sent a contact an inquiry on his behalf this morning. I look for jobs for him at least once a week.

                  Rant to help me release:

                  How do you tell a man that he is up to bat and you don't care about any excuses, he better get up and at least make it to fucking 2nd base? I swear, I feel like one of the great basketball players who scores 30-50 points in a game and still his team loses bc no one else is scoring!

                  I can't do this alone unless I am alone. I can't carry the weight of 2, bc I just am not at that point in my career. I have tried, I have achieved designations, I network, I apply, I really have tried to get a higher salary job and it just isn't happening. It depresses the shit out of me. How am I supposed to dig us out of the debt dug by his employment issues, and save money, and have a baby, and pay for daycare, and pay for my 40k education, and probably pay for his 40k education? When I talk about it, he says encouraging shit like, we are probably going to have financial problems for many more years.

                  REALLY? That is encouraging for a 38 yo woman at the end of her fertility span, and who is ready to have a baby as well as some debt resolution and stability. And who has worked so hard to get to that space while pulling him along. It just drags me to such a negative place in my marriage when I think about it. I know marriage is a partnership and full of ups and downs. But as you watch for years as your friends and coworkers buy cars, houses, have renovations, have babies, have vacations, and you are still worrying about how to pay down your debt and if you get pregnant how you buy food and daycare, it just angers me that 7 years later we are still here. I don't want to keep up with the Joneses. I shop on the clearance rack at the discount stores. I feel bad when I buy makeup, or new shoes, or anything. I am being supportive, but I am so tired of managing my feelings and my fears while he seems to repeat the same patterns.

                  Our relationship and compatibility is good. But this shit with his job/career/income is awful, has always been awful, and needs to be resolved. He needs to get in a job he can feel proud of, get therapy so he can deal with his insecurities and anger, and start to move forward. I can't do this for him, but it completely effects my life too.

                  Fingers crossed that this time he surprises me.
                  My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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                  • #99
                    It's good to get it out.

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                    • I hope for your sake, hubby figures out what he needs to do.
                      Depression Lies

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                      • Kymma, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with this. I can hear the desperation coming through - frustration, anger, disappointment. Does he know how you're feeling? are you scared to tell him cuz you are afraid it will make things worse?

                        I'm sure you're counselor tells you this - but remember to make "I" statements, not "you" statements. And make sure to tell him what you need in order to feel secure financially. And if you are truly thinking another failed job is going to force you to think strongly about divorce, then you owe it to him to share those feelings. He needs to know what is at stake and what consequences will come from his choices.

                        Breathe through it..............
                        1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
                        2. Eat to heal
                        3. Move to live
                        4. Embrace today
                        5. Live with intention
                        6. Respect my body
                        7. Cultivate joy
                        8. Find my passion
                        9. Meditate on peace in my soul

                        Comment


                        • It is sort of recurring. I do plan to talk to him about how it makes me feel AGAIN. We have hashed it all out before. I am hoping he was venting and cooled off today. It isn't about some rude 20something hostess, it is really about his frustration with his life choices and success. He has been applying for jobs for 4 years and hasn't had any interviews. That is bc 80% of jobs come from someone you know unless you have an amazing resume and he doesn't. He hasn't wanted to invest any time into networking and creating professional contacts, he is Mr. I don't have the time. No, you don't make it a priority. I am a super networker, overachiever with a great resume and professional network and I never make it past the interview. I know how hard it is to find a job. I have compassion. I just am tired is all. I know he is, but hell, I am too.
                          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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                          • I have read that financial instability is the #1 stressor for women.
                            I am living it too, because my husband has mostly worked part time all our marriage. I am often steaming with anger at him because we are in debt and can't pay for our kids to go to college. It is a constant weight on me. My father was a serial job loser/leaver. I have lived too long like this. I Feel your pain. {{{Hugs}}}.
                            Primal since 9/24/2010
                            "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                            MFP username: MDAPebbles67

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                            • Hugs Pebbles! We will get through it!

                              When I spoke to him earlier, I said, walk away if you start to get angry, and he said, I'll try my best. I said, I know you will because you know what this would do to us, and he said yes, he did know. So if he goes and does it and I'm angry, well, fuck, I told him clearly and with compassion. I'll be honest, he better not, bc I will be moving into the spare room until it is resolved with a new job and a lot of understanding that this is serious. He has tomorrow off, of course, I'll have play practice until 9:30pm. I think he is off Friday night too. We are just going to have to have a very real talk. It is time for him to grow the fuck up. I have had it with this shit.
                              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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                              • Speaking from (kinda) the other side of the fence: I have held 6 jobs in the past not quite 5 years. Two, I did walk away from (but not before having something else lined up.) Three of them, I was fired or laid off, and ended up on unemployment each time. It's hard knowing you should pull your weight, but can't. You get snippy and grumpy. After long enough on unemployment, you get reclusive, because F- it, no one wants you so why bother. (I kept trying because unemployment was a nonoption for me.) When you're working a dead end job to make ends meet because it's the only option, it's almost as bad. On really bad days, you WANT them to fire you, if for no other reason than you won't hafta work in hell anymore.
                                I'm not trying to defend him. Not in the least, because he sounds like he's given up. All I'm trying to do is give an idea of where his head might be to help you talk to him so he'll hear.
                                Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                                My Latest Journal

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