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Kymma, Kisses are my only sugar - Journal

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  • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
    I know. I was just messing with you. It really is nuts. I do not mind long hours, but I can't stand varied hours. Let me know when I am going home in advance none of this "Uh, today it is 16 hours" bullshit.

    I totally understand where you are coming from.
    I knew you were!

    The whole situation is utterly ridiculous. Hubs has school tonight and I am taking my ass to my soul sister's house to have dinner and play with the baby and he is on his own for dinner. I am going to be doing a lot more me from here on out. I am working on surrendering control and action.

    Is this my issue and what takes the least energy are my 2 new mantras.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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    • I wish you the best of luck.

      Note to self...find a soul sister....

      Comment


      • Thinking of you Kymma. Yes, You must put yourself first. It does not make you selfish; it makes you sane.
        Primal since 9/24/2010
        "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
        MFP username: MDAPebbles67

        Comment


        • 223.6

          I guess not eating lunch made up for the 2 large and 1 small dark chocolate bar I ate last night.

          Today I am angry and depressed. I really don't know how to move within this situation. I don't want to be around him, I don't know what I want. I am fighting my flight reaction. I am a runner. I feel deeply like finding a job teaching English and high tailing it out of the country. That isn't rational. I have debt, a home, a car, all this shit to take care of, there is no jumping.

          I'm coughing my head off but can't stay home because he is there. These are the same tears, this is the same old feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, and embarrassment. How will I know when it is over? Will it ever be over if I stay? Or will I just hurt and hurt and be held back in this life forever? Will the love not be completely dead soon? I do love him. His actions and behaviors are beating the hell out of that love. I feel like a beaten child huddled in a corner today, and the next minute I feel like a beaten dog who is about to turn vicious.
          My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

          Comment




          • big internet hugs Kymma.

            Comment


            • So sorry. Hugs from me too.
              Primal since 9/24/2010
              "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

              Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
              MFP username: MDAPebbles67

              Comment


              • 220

                Today I realize I am not surrendering, not letting go. I am not in the moment, I am living in the past and future and letting it twist me into a pretzel of negative emotion and thoughts.

                ‎"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." ~Lao Tzu

                I am not following the goals given to me by my guide and agreed upon. So today I am reading about letting go. Let Go of Control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender | Tiny Buddha

                I am a control freak, controlling, pressuring, sometimes mean as hell. And not trusting. I must trust my love, the universe, and my partner. For my sake. Control is leading to anxiety and depression. It always has, it always will.

                My work is to let go, trust and stay in the moment. Today everything is fine. Today is here and now and all. Suffering is caused by my resistance to all of these things.

                Wish me luck!
                My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                Comment


                • That quote is incredibly accurate!

                  Good luck!
                  Depression Lies

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                  • Sending hugs and love too.
                    Georgette

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                    • Darling Kymma - firstly huge Gwamma hugs from way over yonder...........
                      and secondly - what ever decision you make - sleep on it. Often things take on a whole new meaning following a good nights sleep.
                      Take very good care
                      G x
                      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                      ...small steps....

                      Comment


                      • 227

                        Weekend binge on candy and cookies, yes, dreaded gluten. I was in punishment mode with food. It was going to happen, I knew it was. Some sort of mercury retrograde is over and maybe this week will be less churning and upheaval.

                        I go to a work weekend with some cool people who normally inspire me in the middle of nowhere bum fuck Louisiana. I am thinking a long walk down a dirt road. It should be nice, and I am driving down, so I will bring a cooler with food. Maybe some actual distance between me and my problems will help me. I know getting on the stage and inspiring people to see their lives and possibilities differently will help me.

                        I am only logging exercise on MFP this week, and maybe weight. I need to get back in my body and FEEL better. I am not allowing that, I am all mind.
                        My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                        Comment


                        • Been There, Done That. I feel for you. Sometimes food comforting/punishment is inevitable. Soon you will be back on like it never happened.
                          Primal since 9/24/2010
                          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

                          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
                          MFP username: MDAPebbles67

                          Comment


                          • I think we've all had days where using food as comfort/punishment is inevitable and helpful. Mine was real pizza. I'm thinking of making a couple of the cream cheese deep dish crusts and freezing them for when this happens with me.
                            Georgette

                            Comment


                            • OMG, cream cheese deep dish crusts? That sounds great.

                              I regret the wheat today, it does hurt the ole belly. Oh well, it's a new day and I'm feeling pretty decent.
                              My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

                              Comment


                              • Sushi for lunch actually soothed my belly a bit, thank you ginger.

                                Back to the grocery tonight, healthy food, easy to make, and all of that jazz.
                                My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread70684.html

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